


What it means to be a friend

by comfortwriter28



Series: 13 reasons series [2]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Child Abuse, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2019-09-28 09:06:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 55
Words: 129,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17180054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comfortwriter28/pseuds/comfortwriter28
Summary: Justin meets Zach for the first time during basketball tryouts. Somehow they become better friends than either of them understand and that friendship grows and changes as they do. Chapters will range from light and fluffy, to funny, serious, and also dark.  I'll try to keep a balance of them all.





	1. A Fateful Meeting (J)

Justin meets him at tryouts. The tall Asian boy seems perfectly at ease with everything going on, no, not just at ease, in control somehow. Justin knows he’s a freshman too because they have a class together but if it weren’t for that he’d think the other boy was an upperclassman already on the team.

It doesn’t surprise him that when the tryouts start for real this boy is amazing with a basketball. It does surprise him that he’s friendly; he calls out encouragement to the people he’s playing with even though they are technically in competition for spots on the team. Justin’s aware of this but he’s equally aware from Willem that Coach Patrick is big on team play and trying to show off his individual skills is less important than trying to show he can play as a member of the team. To Justin that’s obvious, even if some of the people on his tryout team are outright bad, he’s smart enough to know that they’re against the upperclassmen who are all at least used to playing with each other and if they want any chance at winning they need to try working together.

Unfortunately, his team is an absolute mess, three, himself, the tall boy, and another kid can play; the other three can’t. Justin tries to make plays with those three but each time it’s a disaster. He tries to pass to the other boy, but he clearly doesn’t have the heads up like Justin and plays like he’s the only person on the team, he’s good, but trying to go alone against the school’s team, even of a few of them were secondaries last year, is a bad idea. That leaves Justin and the tall boy, who by about ten minutes in, he has pinned all his hopes on. Bryce is counting on him making this team and four of the people who he’s supposed to be replying on to help him with this are only hurting his chances.

The tall boy isn’t. He’s calm even though they are currently getting destroyed and congratulates all of them on any success they make, even minor ones. Justin hates it; the compliments are pointless and annoying, and yet, anytime he can, he passes the tall boy the ball. The first half ends, they are embarrassingly behind and Justin starts getting the idea that they aren’t supposed to win. It makes sense, if they can beat the team regulars and secondaries there’s an obvious problem but giving up without trying isn’t something he’s ready to do.

Apparently the other boy is on the same page because in the next half the pair like click. Justin doesn’t know how else to describe it but honestly, it’s kind of amazing. They are so totally in sync that Justin reaches the point he assumes the other boy is where he needs him and he’s only let down a few times. The other four become distant pains in his ass that Justin occasionally humors or is forced to use but something about the second half and playing with this other boy _feels_ so incredibly right that Justin can’t help a whoop of joy when the other boy sinks the ball and he’s suddenly calling out encouragement to him too, congratulations when he succeeds, consolations when he fails, and by the end of the mock game Justin is riding on a high he hasn’t felt since his first game.

They lose, but twelve points behind isn’t bad and he fist bumps the Asian boy like they’ve been playing together all their lives. The other boy’s enthusiasm matches his own so easily, Justin almost forgets he doesn't know the guy’s name.

“I’m Zach Dempsey.”

Justin laughs, this is almost too perfect that even after the game they’re this in sync. 

“Justin Foley. Man you were great, that three pointer in the beginning of the fourth was nuts, how did you even make it?”

“I have no idea but on that topic, what were you thinking passing to me while I had double coverage on me?”

“I was thinking that you’d come through somehow and you did!”

The other people around them are clearing out, this game was the practice, tomorrow they’ll find out of they made the team or not but Justin isn’t worried. He can’t see how he won’t make it, he also can’t see how Dempsey won’t. The Asian boy towers above most of the other people here and has fucking amazing reaction time. They walk into the locker room together, shower and head out, talking the entire time like best friends. Justin is surrounded by the thrill of the lose, something he’s never felt before, and it’s like a win as far as he’s concerned anyway. The new partnership is also fucking amazing. He may have just met Zach Dempsey, but the other boy is so in tune with him; he doubts he’ll ever meet someone he feels so right with.

All of his exhilaration turns to ice when he sees Bryce waiting in the parking lot with another member of the basketball team. Suddenly he feels dirty, like he’s betrayed the boy who has given him everything. Bryce sees him and waves; he responds in kind but even then it feels wrong. Zach cheerfully says goodbye, claps him on the shoulder, and hurries off in the opposite direction to join a tall, handsome Asian man with a warm face. He pats Zach on the back and he looks like he’s praising Zach for something. Justin turns his attention back to Bryce who’s walking over with his confident swagger.

“Did Justy make a new friend?” He’s smiling and an hour ago, Justin would have been happy to have Bryce smile at him, even the teasing one he’s wearing now, but suddenly it doesn’t feel as right and he isn’t sure but he thinks he sees something darker there. He doubts it though and replies easily.

“We played the most fucking amazing game of basketball on the planet, I think we might be like twins or something.” He punctuates it with a million dollar smile.

“Pretty impressive, hope you realize though, even if you get on the team with this guy, you’re still _my_ best friend.” His tone is light and easy. He could be joking, Justin tells himself Bryce is; he can almost believe it to, except he has the sort of sick feeling maybe he isn’t.

He shakes the feeling off and says back, “Aww don’t worry Bryce, I know you’d get lonely without me. Even when I become an NBA star and I have all the women and friends I want you’ll still be my number one.”

He wonders if Bryce even knows this is the same reassurance he desperately wants to hear from the other boy. He tries to shake that thought off. It’s pathetic anyway.

He gets a chuckle and Justin relaxes until he hears Bryce’s reply, “As long as you know where we stand. Come on, we’re keeping Martinez waiting; he’s giving us a ride back to my place to celebrate.” He turns and leaves, expecting Justin to follow and not questioning that he might not.

Justin does of course, but somehow he feels like he should be running the other way. He expects it to feel right when Bryce and Martinez grill and congratulate him on his game and the prospects of making the team and Justin tries his hardest to push the other boy from his mind and not wonder why it’s been so long since Bryce, his best friend, has made him feel the same way as Zach Dempsey.


	2. Bruised Boy: Part 1 (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin's mom gets a new boyfriend and that means hard times for Justin. He's determined not to let anyone else know though because of the potential consequences. Of course he can only hide the injuries for so long and someone is bound to find out eventually.

Justin had been right in his assumption that both he and Zach would make the team and the next week and a half were nothing short of amazing. It’s like a high without an end and better than any one he’d ever gotten from drugs. Being on the team is part of it but his relationship with Zach might be the bigger contributor. Maybe it’s more like the combination. With the team he wouldn’t have Zach and without Zach he might not have the team but with the two of them he feels like unstoppable or something.

He does his best to ignore anything other than this high, namely the difference he noticed between time with Zach and time with Bryce. Day’s followed much the same pattern; School is a drag, basketball and Zach are amazing, Bryce’s house after is somehow disappointing. Bryce seemed to be aware of this because more veiled half threats followed and Justin has smile them all away pretending not to understand them because he doesn’t know what else to do.

He thinks he’s heard a saying that all good things end and he believes it; it’s how his life always works. So when he comes home Friday and finds a man he doesn’t recognize sitting on the couch kissing his mother, he knows the good times are over. Harry looks as hollow as his mother; it doesn’t mean anything and he knows it. Some of the meanest men his mother has ever brought in are also the most empty. Justin thinks maybe they hate that other people can feel and they can’t but one thing is for sure, he has no more faith that Harry will be alright than he’s had in any man his mom has brought home in years.

Harry proves him right the next night when he mistakes Justin for someone else while on a bad trip. As far as beatings go it’s pretty mediocre. The man isn’t as strong as some of the other men his mom has dated and Harry passes out mid-punch. It might actually amuse Justin except that the man did get a couple good hits and Justin feels a little sick. He drags the man into his mom’s bedroom and leaves him on the floor so he doesn’t have to look at him and then goes back to watching TV. He doesn’t really think too much about it or the angry yelling between his mom and Harry which leads to more violence Sunday.

At least he doesn’t think much about it until practice Monday. He goes to pull his shirt off only to realize his chest has some bruises that haven’t healed yet. He panics for a moment trying to decide what to do until he remembers his back is clear. He changes shirts quickly but he remembers that all day he’s slower and clumsier; he thinks he should get a break because he’s still playing even though nothing feels exactly right. Of course no one else knows this and he can’t really explain it to any of them, so he does his best to shrug off the questions and claim he’s alright and just stiff for some reason. They’re only running drills which has the benefit of not being as exerting as an actual game and the downside of bringing none of the rush. By the time practice ends he actually wants to cry a little from the pain but thankfully holds it in.

Keeping his secret on the way out is easier than on the way in. The shower stalls aren’t communal and he stays until he hears the last person leave before making his way to his locker to change before leaving himself.

The rest of the week follows pretty much the same since the old bruise heal by Wednesday but Tuesday Harry is in a bad mood and Justin pisses him off. Zach gets increasing concerned and makes it known, privately at least; on Thursday Coach expresses disappointment in what he sees, thinking Justin is trying to skate by on minimal effort. He gets high before Friday practice and its smooth sailing since he doesn't feel as much pain and being high doesn’t interfere with his coordination. Zach expresses his displeasure at Justin’s unprofessionalism in the locker room after practice but doesn’t rat him out to Coach.

He spends the weekend at Bryce’s and casually asks for advice on how to play through pain. Bryce and Monty give him a simple answer, don’t be a pussy. It isn’t what he’s hoping for but he’s all healed Monday and he and Zach, plus someone extra, whup a trio of juniors in three v threes at practice. He goes home that night and Harry apparently missed him all weekend, he lets Justin know with his fists.

This continues for almost four weeks during which Justin prides himself in several things. The first is still playing, if he’s honest with himself his body has built up a new pain tolerance for playing while it’s in recovery. The next is keep his secret from everyone, namely Coach who Justin decides by the second week he really likes. The man talks with a slow southern drawl that sounds silly and to compensate, he’s painfully blunt; his sense of humor is somewhere between non-existent and extremely sarcastic, where one ends and the other begins Justin doesn’t know.

In addition, the man goes though surprising lengths to help his players, offers tutoring in history in English on his own time and has arranged with two of the other coaches to cover science and math. Despite not putting up with any of their nonsense, and being teenagers they could get into a lot of that, he only stepped in when he felt it was hindering the team. He’s also an excellent basketball instructor. He teaches Justin a lot, how to vary his dribbling to make it less predictable, ways to pass without telegraphing where and who he’s passing too, and all sorts of other things. He turns out to really love the game and the team regularly tries to sidetrack him be discussing old basketball games. Justin hasn’t really watched professional games, he got into the game on the off season, so he listens with rapt attention as Coach theatrically walks them through some of the most famous and exciting games.

Maybe the thing that makes Justin like him the most, and the thing that makes him feel the guiltiest, are the short, once a week meetings in private. They discuss basketball of course and the team, areas Coach has seen improvement which always wins quiet but heartfelt praise, areas that need improvement which never comes with shaming for not being good enough in them, and the last minute or so Coach always asks after their personal lives.

Justin thought he was being nosey at first. He asked about how he is adjusting to being in high school, the classes he’s in, if he’s finding it easy to make friends, all asked and either answered or dropped as Justin wants. Coach doesn’t push and after a while Justin decides the questions stem from a genuine care and not out of noisiness.

With all of the individual attention, hiding the bruises and cuts from the man is a feat to be proud of, and also a little guilty about. But as a school faculty member, Coach is a mandatory reporter and if he finds out about what happens at home, he’ll have to report it to social services and Bryce has made very sure Justin knows all the horror stories about foster care and group homes. He wants more than anything to avoid that. He could live with this, he has Bryce to watch out for him (take care of him seemed too intensely personal and too painfully close to what Justin wants) and Zach, the team, and even Coach himself are quickly becoming reasons to stick it out with his mom and her parade of boyfriends.

Finally he’s proud, and ashamed, of keeping it from Zach. The other boy gets his own position on the list because in the short month that they’ve known each other, Zach has unassumingly, politely, and cheerfully worked his way into Justin’s life as a bright patch in back skies. So much so that Justin almost slips into the easy conversations he has with Bryce and almost tells his own damn secret more times than he’d like to admit. It isn’t Zach’s fault either and a few times Justin looks at his friend and wants to tell him, knows he’s keeping a secret and it makes him feel dirty. He doesn’t though, tells himself there are too many things that might happen (Zach might treat him differently and that thought alone makes him feel cold).

However, things change in mid October. Harry’s out and a few boyfriends later Mason is in, an enormous monster of a man who despite his immense stature, handles his liquor worse than any of the teens Justin has seen drinking. He’s also loud, rude, and pisses Justin off more than most of his mom’s men.

Honestly, Justin shouldn’t have provoked him, his mom told him as much too. However after the third comment about how much of dump the place is Justin yells at him that if he doesn’t like it he can get out because he isn’t paying rent or anything. Mason yells back and Justin knows then it was a mistake to start this fight. He remembers very little until several hours later at Bryce’s place with his head still aching and his everything else burning despite the ice packs. Of course he has Sunday night to recover but Monday he wakes up stiff as hell.

The day is miserable, his face is a mess but everyone buys that he got into a fight. He gets to practice late, changes in the empty locker room and easily slips into the drills. Despite his newfound tolerance for this sort of thing, Harry had been a sissy with smacking him around and Mason isn’t. Everything hurt. He still pushes through but by the end he’s flagging and while no-one calls him on it, Zach knows. The other boy doesn’t say as much, doesn’t even give a look or anything but he’s always close by, especially when Justin thinks he might blackout from the pain. After practice, he gets into the showers and is the last to leave like he always. Once finished, he walks over to his locker with a towel wrapped around his waist to change.

There’s only one problem which he learns after pulling his jeans on. He isn’t the last person; a shocked gasp alerts him to his company and he turns around quickly to find Zach looking at him in horror. Mason got his front worse than his back too but Justin doesn’t have time to think about how he’ll be showing more by doing this. He realizes his mistake when Zach’s mouth actually drops open.

He’s a little surprised when a second later the taller boy is standing directly in front of him looking him up and down and also looking over his shoulder at his back. Justin can’t meet his eyes, he’s terrified of what he’ll find. He never really considered that Zach might actually be disgusted, he always imagined the boy would pity him, but now faced with his secret being sort of found out, it suddenly strikes him as a real possibility.

“You-you played through this?” Zach’s voice is thick and Justin just nods, not sure how else to respond.

“How?”

He shrugs. His choices are playing through the pain or get off the team and one is far more painful than the other. Suddenly he’s being sat down on one of the benches and Zach disappears. A moment later he comes back with a jar of something and two pills. He makes Justin take them, they’re painkillers, a luxury he’s always associated exclusively with Bryce, they’re expensive and his mom would use them thinking they’re something else. Then he has Zach kneeling in front of him, between his legs, and opening the jar. Out comes the heavy smell of something chemical, Zach dips his hand into the tub and it comes out covered in a thick cream which he smears on Justin’s chest. He lets out a startled yelp as the contact is made.

“Sorry, I know it’s cold. This is vitamin K cream, Mom says it makes swelling go down, I have it mostly for football but it should work here.”

Justin’s tongue feels heavy and clumsy. He wants to tell Zach to stop, or ask why he’s doing this, or thank him, but he can’t make his mouth work. He isn’t entirely sure he wants to either. Zach’s hands are big and warm and gentle and Justin hates himself for wanting it to never end. It does though and he almost panics when Zach stands up. He’s avoided his eyes the entire time, he’s terrified that after Zach finishes, he’ll tell Justin to get lost or-or something even worse. A strong hand on his shoulder stills him and he realizes he’s been shaking.

“I’m going to do you back Justin.” His voice is soothing and a few seconds later the hands are at work on his back. They stop a moment later and Zach is back in front of him wiping his hands one a towel and still trying to catch his eye. He seems to realize that Justin isn’t going to let him so he says carefully, “I heard you got into a fight.”

Justin nods and then adds, “Yeah.” His voice cracks so he clears his throat and repeats more confidently, “Yeah.”

Zach’s frown deepens and he asks tentatively, “So what, you played through this, you went through the day like this?”

He nods again, “Yep, it’s not a big deal Zach. I got into a fight but I’m not going to bring my problems onto the court.”

“Yeah-yeah right but-?”

“But what Dempsey?” It comes out meaner than he wants; he doesn’t want to be mean to Zach, the guy who without trying, without knowing, as gotten him through some dark days just by smiling and being goofy and fun and easy to talk to.

“Didn’t it hurt? You were really stiff today. Wait-” Justin can see Zach thinking and he has a sick feeling he knows where it’s going. “You’ve played like this before haven’t you.”

It’s a question that isn’t really, Zach already knows the answer but Justin figures he’ll try anyway. “Zach c’mon. I got into a fight but this is the first time.”

Not the right thing to say because Zach narrows his eyes and replies, “So sometimes you’re the best player on the team and other times you’re stiff and clumsy like you were today and I’m supposed to believe this is the first time?”

Justin flinches and Zach reaches out to trace one of the bruises on his face. “Justin listen...just tell me the next time this happens. I can help, with the team and Coach and anything.”

He doesn’t really have the energy to fight, between the pain and Zach’s earnestness, anything he might have had left over to fight with is gone. He nods mutely.

A silence ensues, a brief one though because Zach then asks, “Who did it?” His eyes are full of concern and sadness; Justin sort of hates it, or maybe being the cause of it but sticks to his story.

“I told you I got into a fight.”

“You said you were with Bryce all weekend.” It isn’t exactly an accusation but it also isn't far off. Justin gets angry. Bryce isn’t the one who did this, actually Bryce is the only one who’s ever cared. But somehow the fact that Zach is the person on the other side of this statement makes it worse because lately Zach has been, or at least seemed, far more concerned about Justin than Bryce and it hurts to even think that.

“It wasn’t him.” It comes out mean and he isn’t exactly sorry until Zach raises his hands in surrender and all of the fight leaves him.

“I’m just making sure. Hey, look, I’m not much for fighting but if you ever find yourself in one again and need help, call me.” He looks a little unsure of his own offer and adds on, “But please Justin, take care of yourself. I don't like seeing you hurt. Promise me you’ll try to avoid fights?”

Justin nods again and mutters a shaky yes which Zach seems pleased by. They sit there for a few moments and Justin almost leans out and hugs Zach. He wants the physical comfort of a person and he hasn’t felt brave enough to even think about trying with Bryce in a long time. Just when he works up the nerve to do it, Zach’s phone goes off. The other boy’s eyes go wide and he pulls it out of his pocket. “Sorry I’ve got to go. Really Justin tell me the next time you need something.” He answers his phone open and all Justin catches is that his mom is apparently on the other end.

He’s gone the next moment and Justin feels confused. He almost yells after Zach to come back but all of the courage it took to think about the hug is gone. At least the pain is too and a pleasant numbness settles over his previously aching body but that only makes up makes up for the chaos in his head. In about ten minutes, Zach has shown more attention, more care, about his well being than Bryce has in months, maybe even a year. Justin’s comfortable around him and sometimes when he tries to imagine what it would feel like to get smacked around but have someone to go to and be told that everything would get better, it’s Zach and not Bryce doing the comforting. Yet like Bryce, Zach didn’t ask anymore than Justin offered. It isn’t like he really wants to tell him but...it might have been nice to get interrogated by someone who cares about him instead of someone who was going to beat him black and blue no matter his answer.

He stands up realizing he needs to be gone when Coach comes to lock up or face a round of questions he can’t answer. His confusion doesn’t really go away on his walk home until he finally decides he’s being a fucking girl about this and should be happy Zach took the time to do what he did. The voice telling him this sounds suspiciously like Bryce and that ruins it a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the title suggests this chapter is the first part of a mini-series contained in the drabbles. They'll deal specifically with Justin's home life and what Zach knows about it. This chapter was a little darker than the first one but don't worry, if this one wasn't your speed, the next chapter will be lighter!


	3. Meeting the Family: Part 1 (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach talks about his family a lot, particularly his sister May so when he asks Justin to come over and help him watch her, Justin can't turn down the chance to meet her.

“So I’m finally going to meet the famous May Dempsey?” He knows he shouldn’t be this excited but Zach talks about May, like all the time, like conversations where she doesn’t come up in passing are rare. Still, getting invited by your friend to hang out but also babysit their sister with them should not have him feeling this excited. 

“She’s not famous.” Justin gives him a look and he replies defensively, “I do not talk about her all the time!”

It’s a familiar conversation because he does and Justin has mentioned it before, a lot, and Zach always gets defensive, he does now but rather than argue he huffs and closes his locker before saying, “Just be there after school.”

\---------

Several hours later he’s seated comfortably on the floor of the Dempsey house and being judged by the small spitfire that somehow came from the same people who produced Zach.

“Well if you aren’t good in math, science, reading, or history, and you can’t speak Mandarin or dance or play the piano, and if you aren’t studying to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer than what _are _you doing?”__

__  
_ _

He laughs even though Zach looks horrified and finally provides an answer after he catches his breath, “I’m going to play for the NBA, and then I’ll make a lot of money and not have to be good at school.”

She looks totally unimpressed and then looks at Zach and then back at him before getting a smirk on her face. “I bet I’m smarter than you.”

He laughs despite Zach’s protests and says back, “I bet you are.”

“Well if I’m smarter than that makes me older too.”

“Sure kid whatever you want.”

“Then I’m going to order you around and call you annoying names like Zach does to me.” She crosses her arms and dares him to protest.

He might but this too much fun. “Whatever you say Princess.”

“Alright JuJu, for my first command, I’m thirsty. I want a glass of water from the kitchen.”

“JuJu? Wow Princess that’s just lame.”

She smirks, “It is not. It bothers you, otherwise you wouldn’t comment on it.”

He opens his mouth and then realises she might be right and he turns to look at Zach who is trying to hide his laughter and smile behind his hand. He goes to the kitchen and gets the water for her. Apparently that counts as surrender because following that she commands him to play boardgames with her and Zach and proceeds to demolish both of them at Clue, Sorry, and a trivia game Justin’s never heard of before. He beats her and Zach at jenga though and that makes him feel pretty good.

Zach reheats dinner in the microwave and they eat at the table. May finds it hilarious that he can’t use chopsticks. She and Zach try to teach him but with no success; it eventually turns into him purposely inventing new ways to fail at using them to while the siblings egg him on with “suggestions”. In the end he eats his meal by using one stick as a spear and getting both siblings to laugh.

They watch a movie later, the siblings on the couch and Justin sitting on the floor between them. May keeps giggling and Justin can’t figure out why because the movie is some chick flick that May insisted they watch; she claimed it as her prize for winning the most before dinner. He figure out why when May gives her next command.

“JuhohoJU! StHAhAhpHiheheM!”

He turns around trying to figure out what the hell is going on when he sees Zach holding both of her hands above her head and wiggling his fingers across her stomach and May, fighting valiantly to get free and not succeeding at all. Honestly it’s pretty amusing and he doesn’t think he’ll step in at all.

“I don’t know May, Zach’s a lot stronger than me. What’s my incentive?”

“IhehI’lltehehellyouhohowheheresheHE’sheTiheHEhCKlHEHEish!”

Well damn, this might actually be fun. Apparently Zach sees something on his face he doesn’t like because he lets go of May to hold his hands up in surrender to Justin. 

“Hey Justin, you wouldn’t take her side over your partner would you?”

Justin doesn’t get to reply since May throws herself on her brother and drives her fingers into his armpits and sides. Justin doesn't know who laughs louder, Zach or him as he watches the tall boy turn to putty at the tiny fingers of his little sister.

“Get his feet!” May yells, or maybe commands from her position.

“Eww.” He feels he’s totally reasonable in making that statement but apparently May doesn't see it that way because she heaves a heavy sigh.

“He showered when he got home.” She says it like it’s obvious.

He strugs, good enough for him. He manages to twist around and make grabs at the flailing, socked feet. JUAHHASTINDhoHOn’TYoUDAhahRE!” That does more to convince him than anything else and he catches one of the feet and scratches his nails over the sock covered skin. He almost gets kicked in the face as a result and bursts out laughing.

“Damn Dempsey, I didn’t realize you were so ticklish! Maybe I’ll have to start calling you Twinkle Toes!” The probably less than friendly response is swallowed up by laughter.

He and May continue their tag team for a while longer with May explaining how ticklish each spot on her brother is but it turns out Justin started at the highlight on Zach’s feet, though she does tell him that tickling his toes will produce a sound, “not quite human and not quite animal bit completely Zach”.

Eventually though, May gets tired of ganging up on her brother and then Justin realizes he’s in deep shit. Zach has a light in his eye and Justin doesn't know if he’s ticklish but he suddenly isn’t sure he wants to find out. Too bad the taller boy has him pinned before he can even stand up.

“Wanna help May?”

Turns out they’re both sadists. Justin doesn't remember ever laughing so hard but neither sibling listens much when he begs them to stop. Not until a throat is cleared over his laughter which he thinks is probably pretty impressive. Zach and May move and exchange sheepish looks with each other. A man is standing in the living room, he has Zach’s looks, or maybe Zach has his. He has short, dark hair and black eyes, shining with mischief like May’s and warmth, like Zach’s. Broad shoulders are covered in a dark suit at the moment and he’s incredibly tall, like Zach. He takes a few steps forward and gives Zach an amused but scolding look, “Zachary really? You told me you were having a friend over to help you watch May, not to torture the poor boy.”

Zach’s still smiling, a little embarrassed and also completely shamelessly, “He started it.” Totally unapologetic.

“I did not!” He realizes he says the words before thinking about them and he suddenly wonders if that’s a bad idea. This man clearly isn’t someone Zach or May fear, in fact she’s walking over and hugging him. But just because they have nothing to fear doesn’t mean the same is true for him. The man chuckles though, a warm sound that eases most of his fear and he finds himself matching Zach’s expression.

“It’s May’s fault, she started it.” Zach deflects to his father and Justin’s amusement but not to May’s.

“Did not! He tickled me first! JuJu came to rescue Dad, he was so heroic.”

“Hey!” Zach protests the same time Justin opens his mouth to say anything because so much in that statement could backfire. Instead of his voice coming out a deep, booming laughter comes and Justin actually needs a moment to realise Mr. Dempsey is laughing so hard he’s bent over and tears glitter in the corners of his eyes. He composes himself a moment later.

“If he rescued you from the terror that is your brother why did I walk in to see the two of you ganging up on him?”

Justin rolls the dice and appeals to the supreme power in the house, “Sir it was awful, we were watching a movie and these two just attacked me. I swear I have no idea where it came from.”

“Hey!” Both siblings look indignant now but their father is laughing again and it’s so infectious that they all are after a moment. The man walks over to him and extends a hand which Justin shakes.

“We’ve never met, I’m George Dempsey.”

“Justin Foley.” He grins back at the man, charming and maybe a little sheepish still, but genuine, he likes this man and that doesn’t happen often.

“ _No_.” The man’s eyes light up. “You’re Justin? Thee Justin, the one on the team with Zach? He talks about you all the time, it’s wonderful to finally meet you.”

Both boys blush at the comment and Zach whines an indignant “Daaad!” but somehow Justin is pleased to hear, flattered even.

“Only good stuff, right? If not it’s all lies.”

The man laughs again and confirms, “All good things.” He looks like he’s going to go on but May yawns. He looks at the clock and announces,”It’s past your bedtime May, say goodnight to your brother and Justin.”

“Goodnight JuJu, night Zach.” She skips off to the stairs.

“It’s late Justin, I’m sure your parents are looking for you, do you need a ride home?”

His mother probably hasn’t noticed he’s gone but of course he doesn’t say that, instead he shakes his head and replies, “No thank you, I’m good. I don’t have a long walk.” A lie, he has to walk across town but the more time away the better.

The man accepts his words at face value and says, “Zachary, walk our guest to the door. I’m going up to tuck May in. Goodnight Justin, I hope to see you again.”

“Goodnight sir, I hope to as well.”

He gathers his sneakers, and socks (thanks May for giving Zach that idea) and he sits on the bench on the porch to put them on.

“You started it, by the way.” He says cheekily to Zach who laughs.

“Watch it Foley, I know your weakness.”

“Watch yourself Dempsey, I know yours.”

They enter a mock stare down but neither is able to keep up the seriousness under the ridiculous circumstances and Zach claps him on the back. “Just be happy it was Dad; Mom wouldn’t have been so amused.”

Justin thinks maybe he had a funny look on his face because Zach adds hastily, “She wouldn’t have been mad or anything, just disappointed at ‘a chronic lapse in manners’ demonstrated by wrestling on the floor.”

“Oh, sounds kind of like she’s a wet blanket.”

“A little I guess, she means well though. She just is kind of...I donno distant I guess.” He chuckles but the sounds hurts Justin to hear, a laugh shouldn’t sound that unhappy. “Listen to me complaining. I love my mom and she loves me. That’s more than a lot of people can claim.”

Something shifts uncomfortably in Justin’s stomach. “Yeah I guess so.”

“Well I’ll see you tomorrow, thanks for coming over!” Zach gives him a goofy smile and Justin can’t feel too bad looking at it.

“Thanks for having me, if May get to be too much trouble for you alone again, let me know!”

They fist bump and the Zach heads back inside and he starts his long walk home. Seeing May and Zach together made him think about how he and Bryce used to be. It hurt a little. Bryce had been calling him “brother” for years but after seeing the Dempseys together he wonders if they are what all siblings are like, or only what they’re supposed to be. In either case it doesn’t speak well of his relationship with Bryce, past or present. Maybe being blood siblings is different from what he and Bryce have. He tries to convince himself of this but it leaves him asking why that is and feeling selfish for wanting the easy comradely and love shared between Zach and his sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like the last chapter this one is going to be a mini-series, the name explains all you need to know. I wrote this chapter to be light and fluffy and it was a lot of fun. We don't know a lot about May other than that Zach adores her so I had a lot freedom to do what I wanted with her and I always imagined her as traditionally smart, like good in school, and involved in a lot of extracurriculars courtesy of her mother. I also sort of wanted to try writing Mr. Dempsey who we also know extremely little about. I imagined him to be a stern man if he needed to be but since his kids are usually pretty good, he doesn't often need to and instead is more relaxed, balancing with their prim and proper mother.
> 
> As for the interactions, I'll admit some of the inspiration was drawn from BitterBlue33's story. The wrestling comes from the first scene you see between the pair in S1:E1 and the tickling seemed like a funny twist. If you all like it, it may come back later and if you don't, there will definitely be more roughhousing. Stay tuned for the next chapter and I hope you all leave me comments and let me know what you liked or didn't like about this one!


	4. Meeting the Family: Part 2 (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach and May have a habit of talking about how great the Chinese food their parents make is and are always shocked when he doesn’t know what they’re talking about. To fix the problem, Zach invites him over one night when his dad is making niú ròu miàn, one of their favorites. Of course Justin still hasn’t met Zach’s mom but Zach has a plan for that.

When he picks them up after basketball practice, Mr. Dempsey is the same as Justin remembers him. Funny, kind, and friendly. It isn’t surprising except that it is a little somehow, adults in his life tend to be the opposite of all of those things. It’s a Thursday and Zach had asked his dad to have Justin over for dinner to try Mr. Dempsey’s niú ròu miàn which Zach and May had bragged was the best in the world. Justin doubted them but it sounded good. Beef and noodles should be hard to mess up.

During the drive back to the Dempsey’s house, he asks them about practice. What they think their chances are of winning the next game, and general topics like that. He also asks Justin how he likes the team, what he thinks of Coach, and more generally what he thinks of Liberty. Justin can’t remember a time when a man was so easy to talk to and inviting, it’s nice, maybe more than nice if he’s honest with himself. Mr. Dempsey listens equally to Justin and his own son as if both of them are equal in his eyes.

When they enter, the house is strangely empty and Justin asks about it. Zach replies that May is still at dance practice.

“What about your mom?” It’s an innocent enough question but it earns a shared look between Zach and his dad that makes Justin a little uncomfortable.

“My wife is staying late tonight at her office to get work done, she probably won’t be back until close to midnight.” Justin is pretty good at reading between the lines of the rich talking to white trash...he’s spend considerable time with the Walkers after all, so he hears the rest of the sentence, ‘you’ll have left by then’.

It doesn’t bother him too much, Mrs. Dempsey seems too much like the Walkers, the bad kind of rich. It does sting a little, Zach had insisted on today, apparently to avoid his mother. He doesn’t mind that Zach is ashamed of him and hiding him from his mom. It’s pretty normal actually; Bryce has done it a lot, and maybe that thought does make it sting a little, but that doesn’t make it less true. What he does mind is that Zach apparently planned to do so and didn’t let him know. He pushes the thought aside and he and Zach sit around the table to do homework.

Eventually, Mr. Dempsey leaves to get May and any lingering resentment fizzles out when she comes in. Zach now has a smirk on his face and Justin doesn’t exactly know why until a moment later the door opens and a squeal of delight echoes around the room.

“JuJu? I didn’t know you were coming!” May throws her arms around his middle and he laughs while patting her head.

“Hey Princess, how have you been? Keeping Zach in line here?”

She nods and gives him a smile that promises a long gossip session about Zach, probably over some terrible movie but May will more than make up for it.

“Oh yeah, he knows who’s boss around here.”

Over her head he can see Zach rolling his eyes and giving Justin an unamused look. He hates when Justin eggs May on.

“Good, remember what I said, when your singing to annoy him and he starts ignoring you, change the pitch. He can’t handle it.” May giggles and Justin smiles at her. Who would ever have thought that May Dempsey would be one of the biggest draws to the Dempsey household, maybe second only to her brother and firmly above the comfortable seats, clean environment, and plentiful food, all the main draws of Bryce’s place lately (and the hope of Bryce looking at him and talking to him like he did years ago).

The conversation dies after an indignant yell from Zach and Mr. Dempsey stepping in to ‘prevent his daughter and son’s best friend from bullying his son’. Justin spends the next twenty minutes smirking occasionally at Zach to get under his skin. It’s fun and Zach responds by clicking his pen. It feels right, playful and easy.

He helps Zach set the table for dinner and when they sit down...it’s nice. The food is actually amazing, even better than he imagined, and when it comes to food, his imagination is fucking great. He let’s Mr. Dempsey know the man looks very pleased with the compliment. Dinner in the Dempsey house is a long affair, Zach once mentioned that it took about an hour on average from sitting down to being excused (they even asked permission to leave the table, Justin’s never even thought of doing that). So even though they only get through half of the meal in peace, it’s still a decent amount of time to be eating.

After that though they hear the door open. The best way Justin can think to describe the woman who enters is as an ice sculpture, he’s seen them at some of the Walkers’ fanciest events. Beautiful but cold, shaped like people but not. That fits this woman alarmingly well. Her face, hair, clothes, jewellery, everything is perfect in the way Mrs. Walker looks only for parties. Justin wonders if she always looks this perfect because if there was ever a time to lose composure, he assumes it would be after a few hours of overtime.

Her eyes are stone cold and Justin represses a shiver when she turns them on him. They’re dark like the rest of her families’ but so different. Mr. Dempsey’s are warm and engaging, full of humor and in the few conversations that they’ve had, he’s given Justin the impression that his every word is entertaining, important even. May’s are softer, mischief and joy dominate them and Justin loves being apart of her schemes against Zach. Leaving eggshells in his sneakers or switching the salt and sugar when it’s only the three of them are testaments to her playful nature. Zach’s are kind and calm, like him. They’re full of concern when he treats Justin’s bruises after a really bad beating, they burn too, with anger at these times, and frustration. They burn on the court too but Justin notices this less, they have more important things to do spend time looking at each other. Sometimes the look sad too, Justin hates it when he’s the reason they’re sad. Her eyes have none none of her husband’s happiness, daughter’s humor, or son’s warmth.

Still, he tries to ignore all of this and puts on his best smile, and he thinks it’s pretty damn good, and introduces himself, “ Hello Mrs. Dempsey, I’m Justin Foley. Zach talks about you all the time, it’s nice to finally meet you. ” He holds a hand out as he talks and walks towards her. 

He catches Zach’s look of horror when he passes him and Mr. Dempsey looks calm but somehow a little tense. She looks at his hand and then at him. Dark eyes bore into him and he has the impression she’s looking into his soul. He thinks he squirms a little under the gaze, he isn’t sure. One thing is for sure though, she isn’t impressed by him and turns to her family, ignoring him. 

“I was unaware we were having company tonight. Zachary?” Her voice is level and serene, and cold. Just like her actually.

“Mom, this is Justin. We’re on the team together.”

“Baseball?” She sounds interested for a moment, not much but a little.

“Basketball.” Zach’s voice has a note of something Justin doesn’t know.. He does know any interest is gone as soon as the words are uttered.

She looks back at Justin as he’s suddenly very aware of everything wrong with his appearance. His shirt is a little to baggy, a hand-me-down from Bryce, his hair isn’t styled, he hadn’t bothered after his shower following practice, and he may still have a hickey on his collar bone from Lucy who he likes enough to get a hickey from but not enough to have sex with...yet. More than that, he suddenly thinks about things he’s never thought of before, his teeth aren’t perfectly straight, braces are expensive and he’s honestly never had a problem with them...but now they don’t seem perfect enough. The shirt isn’t just baggy, it’s also a little too well worn, his hair probably looks greasy because he didn’t take the time to wash all of the product out of it...dozens of little things. Usually he wouldn’t think twice about any of them but in front of this woman they all scream imperfection and she knows it...even if Zach and the rest of his family don’t.

“I see. May, would you set a place for me? I need to put my bag away.” She leaves and May scampers to do it.

When Mrs. Dempsey returns she takes a seat and Mr. Dempsey has already filled her bowl. She stirs it slowly and begins speaking, “Well Justin it’s a pleasure to have you here. Do you live nearby? I’ve never seen your face around here.” Her voice is still calm and Justin might be able to believe she’s asking honestly except he knows better.

He smiles but he knows it won’t work. She’s already judged him. She knows the answer to her own question, but that isn’t the point. Suddenly he can remember the only dinner he had privately with Bryce and his parents. The point isn’t the question, it’s getting him to answer them and the subtext is to Zach (he isn’t one of us; he isn’t good enough for you).

“No Ma’am, I live uptown on 61 Street.” It’s true but he doesn’t mention he lives closer to the boulevard and not Avenue B that would only make this worse.

She nods. He’s proved her point and suddenly he’s ashamed of everything he is. His face feels like it’s burning but he smiles anyway.

“That must be nice. I hear the property taxes are very low down there.” Actually a lot of it is Section 8 but his mom isn’t eligible, she makes just a little too much for two people...too bad it supports three people and a lot of drugs and beer.

“Yeah, historically low or something like that.” He read it in a newspaper headline a while ago.

“Yes, a shame too, it used to be a much nicer part of town. But then the housing bubble burst and then it became a nest for all kinds of unsavory people. Tell me Justin, what do your parents do, I’m sure there are a lot of employment opportunities uptown with so much construction.” Her voice contains no hint of emotion but she might as well be accusing him of theft. She knows the construction is for more Section 8 housing, he can tell that much, she probably thinks he’s living in it. The worst part is that it would be better than where he is so correcting her would make it worse.

“Yeah my mom works as a waitress for the diner down there, says all the construction works bring good business.” Actually she complains bitterly about the construction workers because they don’t always tip well enough for her but he’s not going to say that. He hopes she’ll leave it at that and not ask about his dad.

“Hmm, must be hard to raise a child on that sort of pay, at least your father helps though?”

Of course not, she has a point to prove. The easiest thing to do would be to lie and say yes, he has the terrible feeling she would see right through it.

“He died when I was young. It’s just me and my mom.” It tastes stale coming out of his mouth and Zach might know it’s a lie, or maybe suspect it. Justin told him he never knew his dad and if his dad died when he was a baby, it would be true. It is less painful than admitting he didn’t want Justin and left.

“That’s so sad. I’m very sorry to hear it. Still it must be hard-”

“Karen.That’s enough. Dinner is a time for happy conversation.”

She didn’t sound sorry at all but Mr. Dempsey sounds slightly upset but still calm as he continues, “How was your day, we weren’t expecting you back so soon. Did everything go well?”

She replies but Justin wonders if his ears aren’t working because it doesn’t sound like English. He realizes that’s because it isn’t. She’s speaking Chinese and whatever she says causes May and Zach to flinch.

He looks back down at his bowl which a moment ago had been delightfully close to being empty with the promise of seconds and thirds. Now it seemed like an impossible task to finish the last few mouthfuls and leave. He doesn’t want to, like leave , but staying will only make more problems.

He manages to choke it down; it doesn't taste nearly as good as it did a few minutes ago. He stands and almost forgets but turns to Mrs. Dempsey, “Can I be excused?”

She isn’t impressed, maybe she knows he almost forgot but she nods her head. He leaves his dishes in the sink.

“You aren’t leaving are you?” May looks sad and Justin wants desperately to assure he isn’t. He almost does.

“Sorry Princess, it’s getting late and Mom will miss me.” His mom absolutely doesn't know he isn’t home but like, whatever.

He thanks Mr. Dempsey for dinner, Zach for inviting him over, and repeats how nice it was to meet Mrs. Dempsey, she remains unimpressed. He grabs his bag from the floor and is about to leave when Mr. Dempsey speaks.

“It’s a long walk home, would you like a ride?”

He smiles charmingly and Zach’s father falls for it like his mother never will. “Naw, I’m going to see Bryce.” It’s a lie, he hopes Zach knows that. He doesn’t want to see Bryce but he doesn’t want to go home and can’t exactly say that to these people.

“I’ll walk you to the door then.” He tries to contain his disappointment, he’d wanted it to be Zach so he could clear with him that he wasn’t going to see Bryce.

Instead he keeps his smile and thanks the man. At the door Mr. Dempsey clears his throat and passes him something. “I’m sorry this happened. I hope you enjoyed the niú ròu miàn anyway. Take care Justin Foley, and come again sometime.”

He shakes the man’s hand and thanks him again. He thinks he will, but he doubts he’ll do it soon.

He goes to the park and texts Lucy; he asks to meet up at her place. While he’s waiting he opens the slip of paper Mr. Dempsey gave him at the door, it’s the recipe for niú ròu miàn. He doesn’t exactly know what to do with it so he folds it back up and slips it into his pocket. Lucy answers soon after and agrees easily so he starts the walk over trying to not think about how terrible he feels. She lets him in through the window and they make out for a while. He still feels empty even as she is clearly into it and she wants more, he can tell. He doesn’t really but in the end he gives in. Sex is one of his favorite activities, maybe it’ll make him feel better.

Except he doesn’t feel anything besides maybe regret later when he’s lying next to her after they finish. It isn’t fair to her...she only wanted his attention and he wanted her to have a great first time but he all he can see are Samantha’s bored eyes and he hates himself because he thinks he just did that to Lucy. She doesn’t say anything though and just cuddles close to him. He stays until she’s asleep, tucks her in, and disappears out the window. He feels like a coward for running but he can’t stay and keep looking at her.

He still doesn’t go home even then, just sort of wanders around the city until almost dawn, he cries a little too, in the private darkness of the empty streets. He finally realizes why everything hurts so much. He had wanted Zach to step in (like Bryce had that one time) or Mr. Dempsey to do it sooner. He feels a little...betrayed? They had left him to deal with her alone. It’s unfair though, they don’t owe him anything. If anything he owes them. Mr. Dempsey for not being like every other wealthy person he’s ever met, and for being so different from most of the other adults he’s ever met... and Zach. He doesn’t think he can quantify how much he owes Zach, less than Bryce (but somehow so much more) and yet he’ll never be able to repay him any of it. 

When he finally does get home, his inbox is flooded by messages from Zach apologizing for everything, like it’s his fault his mom is kind of a bitch, he doesn’t apologize for not saying anything. Almost a dozen of them and all from the previous night. He doesn’t answer them, doesn’t think there’s anything that needs to be said. There’s a lot he could say but most of it would be cruel and none of it would be able to really say what he wants, after all how is he like, supposed to say, ‘I love you but you chose your mom over me and it hurts and I cried about it’? That’s pussy shit as Bryce would say; thinking about him leaves a bad taste in Justin's mouth but he thinks he deserves it. Just one more thing he did wrong: meeting Zach’s mom, Lucy, and now thinking about what Bryce would think about something.

He manages to get himself to some sort of ready to face the day by the time his ride comes to get him. He sees Zach in school but the other boy doesn't bring up what happened so he doesn’t either. He really wants to though; instead he settles for sitting maybe a little too close during lunch. It’s a poor substitute but it’s the best he can do. He goes to Bryce’s house for the weekend and smokes a lot to try to get rid of the feeling. It works well enough and he loses himself in the stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...this chapter when through several drafts and was actually part of monster story arc that was supposed to stretch three chapters but I couldn't bring it to an end that I liked. This was supposed to be the second part of it but now it's on it's own. I tried to capture Mrs. Dempsey as well as I could. Of everyone in Zach's family, we know the most about her but only how she acts with her son and daughter. I tried to capture her emotional distance from the people she cares about as well her views on what is best for her children and wrap it up in a cold but not mean package. 
> 
> As for what she said that made Zach and May flinch, I imagine it was something to the effect of "My day was fine and I did not expect to come home to a stranger in my home and certainly not one you felt you needed to hide from me. Did you know he was an inappropriate guest and that's why you did this?" Of course by speaking in Mandarin, a language Justin can't understand but the family can, she further demonstrates how much he doesn't fit in.
> 
> Let me know if you think I got her right or not. Next chapter is going to be interesting, a light and funny story with a dark subtext. Sorry to bombard with all the heavy stuff but I felt meeting Mrs. Dempsey was bound to happen sooner or later and the subject of the next one makes sense coming sooner rather than later.


	5. Would you still love me if I was a coward? (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach tries to be a good friend, he really does, but sometimes he doesn’t always know how and sometimes he falls terrible short. Justin forgives him though, even if he doesn’t say it out loud; somehow his friend forgives just about everything.

Zach stares at the ceiling in Bryce’s house, willing it to burst into flames. He’s angry and has never been good at dealing with anger, or any emotion actually, but especially not anger. He wants to go home and forget tonight and wonders if he’s overreacting but then again, Bryce did get the entire team to laugh at him and Zach would be lying if he didn’t admit it hurt, and hurt more that Justin didn’t say anything. The more he thinks about it, the angrier he get too because Justin isn’t even on the baseball team. And that shouldn’t mean anything except that it means everything, Justin is supposed to be on his side and it’s a dumb thought because what sport they play shouldn’t have anything to do with that but he can’t help but feel let down anyway. Bryce had started in about how Zach was still a virgin and when Zach said he was waiting to find a girl he liked, Bryce and Monty had mocked him ruthlessly. Justin had tried to get them to stop once but Bryce gave Justin a look and his friend had shut up immediately.

The whole thing pisses him off but also makes him wonder. Is he wrong? Should he just find a girl and do it? Why does he think there may be something more to a highschool romance? He’s seen Bryce, Monty, the team, Justin….none of them seem to go beyond the physical (Jeff and Leah whisper that his wish isn’t as dumb as he’s wondering). Does he even have any right be angry with Justin for not defending him like some damsel in distress? Is something wrong with him for not wanting sex for the sake of sex?

His thoughts are interrupted when Justin slips into the room.

“What do you want.” Zach glares as with him. The other boy looks at him sadly with those big blue eyes and takes a seat across from him on the bed. He licks his lips, a sure sign he’s nervous, especially since one is busted and swollen badly, _serves him right for getting into another fight_ , he thinks bitterly, but Justin doesn’t seem to care.

“Zach-you know Bryce and Monty are wrong right? You’re-just cause you’re not active like we are doesn’t mean something’s like, wrong with you. And I know we give you shit for it but-but we’re wrong. I’ve always thought it’s cool. That you-you know you could have almost any girl you want right? Not many would turn down the great Zach Dempsey, nicest guy in the school, star of the baseball _and_ basketball teams, handsome, charming, funny. But you’re not about that and-and I’m jealous.”

Wow. Zach has known Justin for a few months, it feels like a few years and most of the time that’s a good thing, yet never in all that time has he ever outright said Bryce is wrong about anything. Wait…,“Why are you jealous?” His voice carries all the disbelief he feels, the famous Justin Foley, jealous of him?

Justin just grins, splitting his lip, and replies easily, “Because when you have sex for the first time, it’ll be with a great girl. Someone who like, you choose and who also chooses you. And it’ll be amazing cause sex always is, but it’ll be better for you cause you’ll love her.”

“Wait-what does that- you mean-”

Justin laughs, a sad sound that makes Zach stomach tighten and those big eyes looks remorseful, reminiscing on a memory best left forgotten. Zach still wants to be angry at Justin but the other boy walked in and made him feel amazing, vindicated his feelings and actions, and then looks at him with those eyes that always melt his heart. He decides Justin cheats with those eyes, makes Zach forgive him too easily.

“Zach, sex is great, like amazing great, but my first time was a waste. I didn’t even know the girl, and it was still great, but if I could, I’d wait. Bryce doesn’t get that; he doesn’t care about an emotional attachment, only the physical pleasure.” Another painful smile punctuates this sentence. “He’s wrong, the sex is better when you like the person but everything else is better too. I’ve dated a few girls, a few I really liked. But I-I couldn’t stay with them. Still those few weeks I was with someone I loved were amazing; nothing was too bad I couldn’t deal with it. And someday you’ll find a girl you love who makes you feel amazing all the time. So wait. You’ll find your girl someday and it’ll be worth it, like completely worth it.” He finishes and the smile has changed to a goofy and cheesy one, not the suave, lady-killer Foley smile he’s never really liked, but one that’s so infectious, Zach smiles back feeling a little better until he starts thinking and then talking and ruins it.

“You make it sound so easy. What if-what if I never find the right girl? What if I expect too much, or not enough or I think she’s right and she isn’t and I regret it later or-?”

“Hey, cool it. Listen and trust me. The right girl is out there and you’ll find her, like how Jeff found Leah. You’ll know her when you do find her and when happens, you’ll be in mint condition. And I’ll be around in case you need any advice or a shove.” His voice is so sure that Zach can feel all of the rising doubt slowly recede.

“You think?”

“Sure, you’re a great guy so it has to happen. You’ll find her someday Zach. I know you will.”

“And if not Foley will take you, he’s heading in that direction already.”

The pair look up startled and see Monty leaning against the doorframe. He walks into the room, clapping slowly and continues, “That was beautiful Foley. Bryce is right, at heart you really are a girl. All this shit about ‘finding’- listen Dempsey, sex is sex. It’s all physical and as long as you’ve got the parts, it’ll be great. Of course, you are Asian, maybe what they say is true about them being small?” He finishes with a lewd smile that makes Zach shiver a little.

Zach feels his face heat up but Justin is already standing and talking, angrily but not yet yelling, “Fuck you Monty, you just can’t stand that like no-one will ever love you like someone will Zach someday because he’s a better guy than all of us and you’re just an asshole with a big mouth.”

Monty steps forward threateningly but Justin stands his ground and Zach can only see half his face but the half he can is furious. Zach hates he it. He wanted Justin to say something not do something. He hates fighting, can never understand how Justin gets into so many. He doesn't want to see them fight now, especially over this.

“What would you know about love? Did your whore mommy teach you about it? Is that why you try to get as many girls as you can, to catch up with all the men that slut brings home to you? Or maybe you pretend love exists to ignore that your dad-”

Justin roars, an almost inhuman sound and throws himself at Monty. The two crash to the floor and Justin is punching Monty over and over and Monty is laughing maniacally like the sick guy he is.

Shock paralysis Zach for a moment but then he’s trying to pull Justin off Monty. Dimly he becomes aware that Bryce and some of the others are helping him and a few minutes later Bryce kicks Justin and Monty out of the party. He phrases it like he isn’t, suggests they go home and cool off but his meaning is clear, they aren’t welcomed anymore. Zach can see the flash of fear in Justin’s eyes when Bryce suggest he go home and see his mom (She probably misses you Justy) and he says something similar to Monty. The pair leave the house but only after a few quiet pleas that Byce stalwartly resists.

Zach freezes. He wants to go after Justin but...but what? Justin is his friend and just beat a guy for him so he owes Justin right? But he didn’t ask for that...so he doesn’t owe him right? 

“You good Zachy?” Bryce leans on the doorframe next to him.

He feels his disgust rising, everyone loves Bryce, everyone. Is wrong not too? Is it just jealousy? No, something about Bryce and the hold he has over people makes Zach sick. He isn’t sure what inspires these thoughts, he’s always had them but thinks the reason they bubble to the surface now is because he’s seeing all the fear in Justin’s eyes when he realized Bryce was serious about making him leave. Zach doesn’t get it, he doesn’t think he could ever be the cause of pain to Justin like that but Bryce has no problem, and Justin still forgives him, still loves him. Zach doesn’t like that.

“Yeah. Why’d you makeJustin leave, Monty was being an ass, Justin didn’t do anything.” 

Bryce laughs and pats him on the back, he feels the need to wipe it off. “Listen, Justin and Monty are like dogs, you take care of them but you also need to remind them every once in a while who holds the leash. I can’t have them fighting in my house so I sent them home. C’mon let’s go back and join the party, they need some time to cool off.”

He hesitates, his best friend was just compared to a dog, by his own best friend no less _he holds no illusions, if he asked Justin who his best friend was he would say Bryce_ and he’s angry but Bryce looks him over and smirks, his blood runs cold, “Zachy, just cause Justin’s being a sissy doesn’t mean you need to be too. Now let’s go, we have half a keg to work through.”

He follows Bryce back to the party and hates himself for it. Somehow Bryce has a hold on him too. The thought makes him sick.

Justin isn’t in on Monday and when he’s back on Tuesday he looks worse for the wear, sporting a nasty black eye and moving stiff. He smiles Zach off when he asks if he’s okay. Zach asks when he got the black eye and Justin replies Monty must have punched him during the fight. Zach doesn’t remember that happening but it’s not like that matters. He feels guilty, like he’s a coward...well he is but it seems so much more obvious now. Justin doesn’t seem to hold it against him though, and for once he’s happy with his friends astounding capacity to forgive some people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this isn't the chapter I had planned but I realized I needed a few more before that one. This one came to based off of something I already had written. Originally it had a happier ending too but I felt it wasn't in character so it became this...witch was painful to write but I think keeps more with the characters. Bryce and Monty feature prominently in this chapter as people you love to hate and lead Zach to some introspection. I figure Zach's observations about Justin forgiving people only really extend to him and Bryce for now. 
> 
> As always I love comments and hearing your feed back so if you like the chapter or just want to talk about the series leave a comment and I'll get back to you!


	6. Golden Days (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it’s good to be alive. Justin doesn’t always think so but one of the last warm Saturdays of the year turns out to be the perfect opportunity for Zach to remind him.

It’s Saturday morning and Justin isn’t sure what he wants, except that it doesn’t involve staying at home. He could text Bryce and see about going over for a party, he’s sure Bryce is hosting one. But he’s not sure if he really wants to, not sure he feels like drinking and smoking today. Instead he texts Zach, Willim, and a few others on the team but so far no-one had responded. He doesn’t let that bother him, just tells them where to meet him and leaves. It’s warm out, perfect weather for basketball and he’s itching for a game. It won’t be as good without Zach or the rest but he can make due.

The courts where he lives aren’t great so he heads uptown to his favorite, that it’s near Zach and Bryce’s house is a coincidence. It takes him almost forty minutes but it’s worth it when he gets there and finds a few games already going. He gets into one of them losing himself in the familiar movements. It’s pretty good too, better than sitting at home for sure but still missing something. That something turns up and announces himself in the most annoying, and wonderful, way.

“Looking a little tired Justin; Coach would be disappointed.”

“Nah Zach, just warming up. Don’t worry though, I’ll try not to wipe the court too bad with your ass.” The taunt slips out easy and Zach laughs, a happy, free sound that Justin can sympathize with. He feels it too, a lightness about everything.

“Bold words Justin, let’s see you put them into action!”

Zach ends up joining the other team and Justin isn’t disappointed. Playing with Zach is great, but playing against him is equally so. It’s technically three v three on half court but as far as Justin is concerned the other four people faded into the background. Maybe it’s sort of mean to take over like this but honestly these guys aren’t really on his and Zach’s level anyway. They seem to realize this but he can tell it bothers them. All well, they just need to get good. He and Zach play a few games, only until noon. He wins three of the five and reminds Zach...loudly.

“Yeah - yeah, keep bragging. Just keep up; I’m hungry. And you only won cause the people on my team were worse!”

“Nah Dempsey, I won cause I’m better. Besides did you see the one guy I had on my team? He couldn’t actually get the ball in the basket if his life depended on it.”

“Yeah but you didn’t need him too. Neither of the people on my team could keep the ball in and their passing was a disaster each time!”

“Sure but besides rebounds you didn’t need them to pass. I had to deal with the other guy passing to your team whenever he got the ball and he always got the rebounds!”

“Yeah but he got them cause he was good at that, at least he was good at something!” 

They continued like this all the way to the hotdog stand in the park. Justin reaches for his wallet only to remember he spent the last of his money the other day. He’s hungry too, the last time he ate was the sandwich he bought yesterday and that was before he realized there wasn’t any food in the house...again. He would have saved half if he had know. He lets Zach go ahead of him and finds a bench for them.

Zach joins him a moment later and passes him the most beautiful looking hotdog he’s ever seen. Plump, greasy and covered in mustard and ketchup. He gawks at Zach who shugs. 

“I figured loser should buy winner lunch.”

He says it like he didn’t just figure out Justin didn’t have any money and wouldn’t be able to eat. He doesn’t say any of it and Justin accepts the food without commenting on Zach’s kindness, it seems tacky since the other boy gave him an out from admitting he’s dirt poor.

While they eat, Zach casually mentions he’s home alone for the afternoon and into the evening. Justin assumes it’s an invitation and accepts. When they finish he walks back with Zach. They take turns in the shower and once clean, stretch out on the floor of Zach’s room playing video games and trash talking. It’s nice, the house being empty. He like May and Mr. Dempsey, but just spending time with Zach without anyone else, family, the team, faceless mobs of other students, is a rare treat.

“Wow Zach, no wonder you lost basketball earlier, you seem to be losing everything today.” His taunt is a lie and he knows it, Zach has actually beaten him the last three times but that isn’t the point.

“Shut up Justin, I’m just letting you win. Building your ego to tear you down later!”

He laughs, “Prove it Dempsey! I bet you can’t.”

“Want to put your money where your mouth it?”

“Hell yeah- no wait have you ever played truth or dare?”

“Yeah, hasn’t everyone?”

“I don’t know, probably, how about every match the loser has to do a round of truth or dare?”

Zach leans back and considers it. “Who chooses if it’s a truth or dare?”

He frowns for a moment and then replies, “Eh- loser? That makes more sense.”

Zach’s eyes light up with the fire they burn with when he’s serious. Justin would be worried except that this promises to be fun win or lose...though he plans to win more. “Your on, prepare to be destroyed!”

“In your dreams! I’m already in your mind, I’ve beaten you all today and I’m going to keep it up!” Might as well trash talk too. Keep up the mood and all that.

They play and Justin loses.

“Truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Well...he has to assert dominance somehow.

“Alright...I dare you to chug the rest of your gatorade.”

He glances down at his bottle, it’s mostly full but still. “Dude that’s so lame.” He grabs it and downs it in under seven seconds and then slams the bottle down for effect. “I’d say pick a better one next time but there won’t be a next time.”

They play again and he wins this time.

“Well?”

“Truth?”

“Pansy, all well. Did you have an imaginary friend when you were a kid?”

“Yes.” The answer comes so immediately that Justin is actually surprised, it must show because Zach continues. “His name was Loopsey and he was a golden rhino who would chase me across the lava floors and I would have to jump on the furniture to get away.”

Justin laughs and Zach just shrugs looking a little embarrassed but not unsurprised.

“Come on giggles, lets see who wins next.”

Justin does again.

“Truth”

He rolls his eyes but doesn’t actually care, he just wants to give Zach a hard time, “Do you pee in the shower?”

“Gross no-wait-do you!?” He sounds horrified, Justin has showered several times at his place.

“Beat me and I’ll tell you.”

Zach actually does.

“Nope.” He makes sure he punctuates it with the most infuriating smile he can and makes the ‘p’ pop for added effect. Zach gives him a dirty look.

“You tricked me!”

“Yep! And you fell for it!” He’s doubled over with laughter at both the look on Zach’s face and the thrill of how well he got his friend with this one.

His triumph doesn't last for long; Zach beats him with a bit more force than necessary next time.

“Dare.”

“Alright...I want you to take a shot of pickle juice.”

“Aright, lead the way.”

Zach does and gets a jar of pickles and then a shot glass from above the sink. He pours it out and hands it to Justin. He sucks it down without flinching.

“Gross.”

“Not bad actually, not as salty as I thought it would be.”

“Eww you actually liked it didn’t you?” Honestly? Yeah he did but he just laughs and leaves it up to Zach to decide, maybe he’ll have to drink it again later.

After returning upstairs they play again and Justin wins.

“Truth.”

“If we formed a boy band what would you name us?”

“The Zachson 5.”

Justin’s jaw drops at how bad it is. He must be in like shock or something because Zach wins this time.

“Truth.”

“Branching out I see.” Zach teases lightly and Justin rolls his eyes..

“Well I’m hoping if I do you will eventually.”

“If you had to watch a kid’s movie a hundred times, what would it be?”

“Umm...does _The Tigger Movie_ count?”

“Yeah.”

“Than that. What they’re cute.” Zach laughs and so does Justin. He would though and he’d do it gladly too.

Another game and this time Justin wins.

“Dare.”

“Halleluia, he chooses a dare! I want you to spin around ten times and then walk from one end of the room to the other.”

Zach gives him a dirty look, “If I die doing this I’m haunting you.”

“Afraid? Could it be that the great Zach Dempsey is not as graceful off the court as on?”

“Screw you!” He spins and Justin counts off ten, by six, Zach has to stick his arms out to keep his balance. When he tries walking he up falling on Justin.

Zach looks up at him with a dopey smile, “Hello handsome, come here often?”

“You fell on purpose!”

“Prove it.” He could at least try to sound apologetic.

Justin shoves him off (but gently, if Zach stayed he wouldn’t really be upset) and Zach laughs, a happy sound that makes Justin smile even though he’s trying to pretend to be annoyed. “Just pick up your controller.”

Zach does but stays lying on Justin’s lap. He loses again and complains about the angle being wrong.

“Truth.”

Justin looks at him in mock disappointment. “We were making such good progress, what happened?”

“I still feel sick after the last one! You don’t play nice.” He’s still smiling and Justin knows he isn’t actually upset so it’s all good.

“Alright, if you had to reincarnate as something not human, what would it be?” 

“Dude are you high right now?” It’s a fair question, Justin sort of feels high, the lightness and carefreeness that comes with smoking even though he hasn’t.

“Nope, now answer.”

“Ummm, a mouse?”

Justin does a double take to make sure he heard right. Zach blushes a little but doesn’t explain further, he does get up though. Justin shrugs and they play another round. Zach wins.

“Truth.”

“Hmm, do you sleep with stuffed animals?”

Not anymore.” Zach looks surprised and Justin keeps talking; he doesn’t really know why but he feels like sharing… a little. “When I was a kid I had this stuffed dog, probably about the ugliest thing you could imagine. One ear was missing, so was an eye, it was gray, well except for a brown stain but I think it used to be white. I think I like loved it or something.”

“What happened to it?” Zach’s looking at him with big eyes like this is some sort of great, interesting, story.

Nathan happened actually. Justin remembers the man always hated the poor toy and was never nice to anything. He was also a meaner drunk than he was sober man and didn’t like Justin much more than his toy. Justin had been crying and the man wanted him to be quiet so he ripped toy from child in a fit of anger, and tripped toy in the process. A miserable smackdown followed made worse by the back that his mom had cried more for the lost toy more than him, it had been hers from childhood. The only benefit had been his mom kicking the man out but she never let him have another. They were too expensive and he didn’t take good enough care of them, according to her.

“He was old Zach, didn’t last too long. Kids are rough on their stuff.”

His friend is looking at him with big, sad eyes and Justin forces himself to roll his. He doesn’t want this to be a sad time. “I was like seven Zach, I’m over it now.” He tosses the controller to his friend. “Now let go another round.”

Zach wins, and Justin asks for a dare again.

“I want you to go outside and the next car you see, flag down and tell the driver that their wheels are turning.”

Justin laughs, “That’s it? Easy.”

Zach clearly doesn’t believe him as they walk downstairs and out the door. Justin walks into the street and waits for a car to come by. When he sees one he moves out and waves his arms back and forth over his head. His eyes look somewhere between worried and in wonder and Zach’s lip twitches, clearly trying to hold in a laugh. The car stops and Justin walks over to the driver side window were he can see a woman sitting inside.

“Ma’am, ma’am, listen, the most amazing thing has happened!”

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you stupid in the head or something! What the hell do you want?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry it’s I just had to stop you, it’s like the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen, your wheels are turning! Like actually turning!”

Zach can only see Justin’s face which is still full of awe like he’s seen the greatest thing ever. The window however rolls back up and the woman drives away A string of expletives about drug rotted youth and the dismal future of America follow in her wake. Justin rejoins him on the sidewalk where they dissolve into laughter.

The rest of the day follows much the same. Of course at some point they end up rolling around on the guise of wrestling. It’s fun, he’s happy, truly and totally happy, even if only for one day. Zach even feeds him dinner and when he sneaks out later to avoid Zach’s mom, he leaves thinking of himself as the luckiest guy in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's the light and happy. I attempted comedy in this, I figure if it gets even a few chuckles it will be worth it. I laughed writing it so I guess personally it was worth it. I have an idea of what I want the next chapter to be so hopefully I'll have it up sooner rather than later.
> 
> As always I love comments and I always reply to them. If you just want to talk about the show I'm happy to do that too!


	7. Away Game (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A storm on the way back from an away game forces the basketball team to stay overnight in a motel. Due to a shortage of beds, two of the team members have to share. Justin and Zach end up being forced into it due to being freshmen but Zach thinks Justin is taking it well.

“Well the good news is that they have rooms for us, the bad news is they’re short a bed.” Coach Patrick stands in front of the small bus and addresses his players. The away game is a mess from the moment they arrive, what should be a Saturday trip to a neighboring school for a game turns into a story for the ages. The other team tried to claim cheating for everything and played rough, he has a few bruises to prove it. Worse, Zach thinks they could have won too except that Justin had missed a foul shot that would have won them the game. He can’t be too upset with his friend, Justin had gotten slammed around all game, it had been brutal to watch, and Zach is pretty sure he was already hurting before the game.

Well...maybe he can be a little upset with him, he had hoped that once the regular season started Justin would be more careful about getting into fights and it isn’t like it got worse exactly. Justin seemed to go through cycles, a few weeks where he must have pick a fight with, and lose to, everything that breathes followed by periods where he didn’t. It’s baffling to Zach, more so because while Justin is more argumentative during his fighting times, he also seems more...fragile? He isn’t really sure how to describe it but Justin always seems to be closer to him and Bryce when these periods come around. Not just that he always spends more time with them, which happens sometimes, but rather during the time he does spend with them, he seems loathed to move too far away. Bryce mocks him for it, _”Justy there’s a whole couch; I know I’m amazing but move the fuck over”_ , but if Justin wants to sit with knees touching when it isn’t necessary, Zach won’t say anything.

Still it hadn’t been a major loss, just one they could have won, and the team took it as well as any team takes losing, until a surprise storm on the way home followed by traffic, the kind that doesn’t move. Needless to say, hours stuck stewing on a cramped bus had done little to improve mood and Justin had taken most of the backlash from the unfortunate situation. Finally, Coach reached the point where he decided the best thing to do was find a place to sleep since they were still hours away without traffic and the roads were in bad condition. Unfortunately finding rooms on the fly for a group of their size came with its own problems, namely none of the motels they passed not having space for all of them.

That brought them here and now, now being 1:30 in the morning and here being some sketchy motel Zach didn’t see the name of. Frankley he doesn’t care, he just wants to sleep and this is the fifth or sixth one they’ve tried so to finally have beds is fine with him. Justin offered to sleep in the bus for the last two but Coach explained lightly he could get in trouble for it. Everyone had promised not to tell but Coach and smiled tiredly at all of them after the first and then particularly at Justin after the second. They had left both of them.

About the only benefit is that the promise of an adventure improves moods considerably. Actually, it’s almost a complete 180 in atmosphere, the team is now more awake than before and joking and annoying each other in a friendly way. It makes the trip more bearable but Zach doesn’t think Coach feels the same way, and Justin doesn’t seem to either. His friend wears a sort of dazed and tired expression. He’s sitting in the back row, as far from everyone else as he can and Zach, sitting in the row in front of him, is the only person kind of close.

Zach tunes back in to what Coach is saying; he must be more tired than he thought if he’s missing talking like this.

“- sharing, I’ll leave it to you to decide amongst yourselves. I’m going to pay and pick up keys from the front desk. I expect y’all to be there in five minutes with this sorted out.” His voice leaves no room for debate and then he’s gone.

Zach assumes that they’ll want to start their adventure quickly and make whatever this decision is easy but he’s wrong. Still, he’s too tired to pay attention and doesn’t even know what it is so he tunes the team out while they debate among themselves. Or he tries, the debate grows increasingly vicious until they start raising their voices. He finally hears the problem; there aren’t not enough beds and two people are going to have to share. He gets it, not only will it be weird but the gay jokes will take weeks to exhaust themselves. He decides to just keep his head down and see what happens. The upperclassmen seem to have forgotten about him and Justin anyway.

He’s forgotten about Justin too actually and when he looks to his friend, he notices a stiffness outlining him. He isn’t sure why exactly but his hand ends up subtly resting on Justin’s arm anyway. Some of the tension leaves and Justin gives him a small smile which he only sees out of the corner of his eye as he stares out the window. He’s still maybe a little annoyed with his friend.

Then the team start standing up and getting in each other’s faces and pointing fingers and Zach can hear Justin’s breathing gets faster and shallower. Zach still doesn’t know why and then Justin gets up abruptly. All eyes are on Justin now, and not exactly friendly either. Zach’s impressed by how quickly he seems to compose himself and pull his smile, that gives the team pause.

When he talks a moment later his voice is easy and light, “Boys c’mon. All this yelling isn’t needed. We’re all straight here but tonight, two of us are going to have to get a little closer than we want to. Think of Coach. He’s an old man whose been driving for hours now and if we’re tired, so is he. Let’s give him a break for putting up with us for so long. I’ll share a bed and I’m sure one of you can do the same, for Coach.”

Zach has to hand it to him, the speech is short, concise, and tugs the heartstrings. No-one says anything for a moment but they all look a little sheepish until Johnson, the captain, speaks up. “Foley’s right for once; for Coach’s sake let’s figure this out. We have one volunteer, do we have another?”

No-one jumps to agree and Zach might be a little surprised until he remembers he can volunteer himself but hasn’t. Another minute passes, Zach’s about to say he’ll do it when Johnson rolls his eyes and says, “Fine, freshies share. Foley, I hope you like Dempsey. Looks like the two of you are getting comfortable tonight.”

A throat clears from the front and Coach is standing there looking distinctly unamused with his team. “Gentlemen, five minutes does not mean ten and there does not mean here.”

The mood shifts to chastised, maybe a little sheepish too, and the team grab their bags and deboard. Zach and Justin get stuck with Manuel as the third occupant and upon entering the room, the junior immediately claims the shower to neither his nor Justin’s surprise. It does mean they claim the larger bed, which isn’t much bigger but any extra space is welcomed.

Justin flops down on the bed and Zach paces for a few moments before joining him. It seems to take too long for Manuel to finish and Zach knocks twice to hurry him up. When the junior finally does come out, he levels a dirty look at both of them, well mostly Zach since Justin is already dosing, and then complains about the smaller bed. Zach isn’t in the mood and apparently it isn’t a big issue because he moves to the empty bed and promptly falls asleep on top of the covers.

Zach heads into the shower, and once he finishes shakes Justin. “Hey, you need to get your ass in the bathroom, Justin. I’m not sharing a bed with you smelling like this.” He doesn’t actually stink, they showered after the game but if Justin is feeling sore, the shower will help.

Justin grumbles but eventually hauls himself up and proceeds to the bathroom. He stays in for a while so Zach assumes it’s helping. He flips the TV on and mutes it. He doesn’t really care what’s on, just that there’s something for him to watch.

Eventually the water turns off and Justin staggers out...he might look terrible but Zach tries to ignore it. If he remembered the vitamin K cream he’d let Justin use it but he didn’t so it’s a moot point. He does have tylenol and he passes Justin the bottle. The look of sheer relief he gets makes him feel a little guilty for his resentment but honestly, he’s just tired and cranky and wants to sleep. Tomorrow he’ll have forgiven his friend; he just has to get there.

When Justin finally joins him, Zach asks, “Should we make a barrier?” He assumes yes, might as well get a jump on killing the gay jokes but Justin rolls his eyes.

“With what?” He sounds as tired as Zach feels.

“Pillows?”

“Dude there are only three, one barely counts as a barrier.”

Zach nods but then wanders around the small room opening a few drawers. He finds two more stowed away. He holds them up and something comes over Justin face but Zach goes about pulling the blankets back and setting the pillows down the middle of the bed. After a moment Justin moves to help but Zach thinks maybe there’s a bit of reluctance. They get in and Zach turns the light out; moments later he’s sound asleep.

It doesn’t last. He wakes up at some point to a pain in his side. He resolves to ignore it until it happens again and this time he knows why, Justin kicked him. He kicks back but then hears a quiet whimper from next to him. He props himself up on his elbow and glances next to him. He sees Justin with a look of fear on his face twisting and turning about. He’s kicked the blanket off and mangled the pillow barrier. Somehow he looks tired even though he’s asleep. Zach reaches over and shakes him.

Nothing.

Again and once more no change and now Zach feels a little rising worry. It only increases when he goes for a third time and Justin grabs his hand. Zach pauses for a second, surprised to say the least and not sure what happens next but Justin seems calmer now. Looking him over Zach can see a dark purple spot on his stomach where his shirt’s ridden up. It looks painful and he’s sure it isn’t the only one. His face looks younger though, now that he’s calmer. Zach would believe he’s still in middle school if someone told him...May’s only a year away from that. He lays back down, if his hand helps Justin sleep better than he’ll put up with it.

It works, he doesn’t wake up again until the next morning but when he does it’s to a rude sight, Manuel, and the rest of the team, looming over them giggling. Zach blinks at them once and then twice and then realizes the warm lump against his side is Justin. He pulls away and almost falls out of the bed trying to create space between the two of them.

“So...either it was short or you guys were quiet cause you didn’t wake me up at all! I invited company, you two look so cute together.” Manuel is giving them a nasty look and it makes Zach feel sick. He looks to get help from Justin but to his amazement, Justin is actually still sleeping, his head little more than a tuft of hair sticking out from under the blankets.

“Aw Dempsey, why’d you move? You looked so comfortable!” Johnson looks more amused than anything.

“I hope you don’t mind but we thought this should saved for posterity, I’ll send you the pictures later.” Manuel looks like he’d enjoy it more if they did mind and Zach kind of wants to punch him. Coach appears at the door and encourages them from the open doorway to hurry up and be ready to be on the bus in five minutes.

That gets most of the still laughing team out of the room and leaving Zach with Manuel and the still sleeping Justin. Manuel gives them another lewd look and says, “Going to wake your boyfriend up?”

Zach rolls his eyes, annoyed and also very embarrassed, and nudges Justin. All he succeeds in is getting the other boy to snuggle back against him. He gets out of the bed and another series of nudges and shakes only get him to roll over. Manuel watches with increasing smugness until he approaches the bed and rolls Justin out. The other boy lands in a heap with a surprised yelp which turns to pain. Zach winces and reaches to haul him up but that results in another cry of pain Manel thinks it all is hilarious. Justin looks groggy and somehow still tired as he looks at Zach, eyes pleading for answers as to why he’s up and why it hurts so much.

“Damn Foley, either that game was worse on you than the rest of us or Dempsey’s tool is real big!” He’s laughing and Justin turns around to peer at him still not understanding which only makes him laugh harder. Zach can’t bring himself to say anything and leaves the room with his bag. The bus is open and he claims a spot early, the rest of the team file in within ten minutes and Coach comments dryly he’s happy he’s taught at least one of his players how to tell time.

The ride home is painfully awkward and Justin must agree, he says nothing. They don’t talk about it, though the team keeps sending them meaningful glances, except Willim who looks a little sympathetic. Zach hates it, he feels dirty even though nothing happened. He’s a little angry too, holding his hand wasn’t an invitation for Justin to cuddle with him! Still...Justin had slept the rest of the night through and that’s good, he must have needed it.

Getting back to the school and having his mother politely inform Coach that unexpected motel trips are unacceptable is almost a relief. Listening to Coach pretend to care about the complaint but obviously not has him trying to hide a smile but it isn’t as funny as it would be another time. Sunday passes with a heavy feeling of dread over him and on Monday he’s greeted by a barrage of wolf whistles and questions about how his first time was. Justin shows up and mercifully they start in on him. He just smiles at them, a full on Foley smile and says, “Sometime ya just gotta cuddle with your bros, it isn’t gay if you say no homo.” Zach has to admit he’s shocked by how well the response works in putting the matter to bed. The ease and sincerity with which Justin makes the statement shuts most of the people up.

It’s awkward between them for a while though and Zach thinks it’s probably stupid that it is but he can’t really find a way to express that he doesn’t want things between them to be weird so he just waits it out. Justin backs off too, sits farther from everyone, especially Zach and tries not to catch Zach’s eye, to roll his, the way he usually does when Monty is saying something particularly stupid or Bryce is bragging about his latest conquest. He’s even the first out of the locker room after practice everyday even though Zach knows playing is extremely painful for him. Zach tries not to think about how during those two weeks, he feels the clawing loneliness worse than ever before. When Justin sits next to him the Monday two weeks since the game he acts normal, forces himself too. If he makes a big deal so will everyone else and that will restart this whole process.

It is a big deal though. Justin seems to know it too because when he stays after practice he lets Zach dote on him more than usual. He traces every sickeningly colored bruise as he applies the K cream liberally and Justin stops just short of leaning against him. At the end he rests his head on the top of Justin’s head and the other boy does lean against him. It’s not okay, Zach still thinks things between them are weird and they never talk about the night in the motel even though there really isn’t anything to talk about. But it’s better and the days he feels the loneliness are fewer and Justin is once again the cure. He can be content with that, maybe not happy, but content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we go, another chapter. Coach is back for all of you who like him, so are a lot of the basketball team who won't be major characters but may appear from time to time. This is another Zach told story but it was originally written as a Justin chapter. It was also the original idea for this story but just now getting posted, funny how that works. I figure Justin like arguing and explore it more from his point of view in my other story if you're interested but that's why he acts like he does on the bus. The whole slightly homophobic nature of the chapter is something I apologize for but not something I feel is out of the culture of any all boy organization like a sports team.
> 
> Next chapter will be part 3 of meeting the family with a person less likable than Mrs. Dempsey, you can leave a guess in the comments as to who our mystery guest is if you feel so inclined ; ) after that I plan to post part 2 of Bruised Boy which will have Zach finding out more of what Justin lives with so stay tuned for that!
> 
> As always if you read and liked it, leave a comment! I love reading what you all have to say!


	8. Meeting the Family: Part 3 (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin’s hurt during practice and Zach stays with Coach after waiting for Mrs. Foley to come. He can’t say he’s impressed by the woman who finally comes.

It’s inevitable that it happens, basketball comes with a high risk for injuries on the court. Still when it happens Zach can’t say he’s surprised it’s Justin, his friend seems to be trouble magnet. It sucks too the game looked promising until it happened, he and Justin had just started against Manuel and Jackson until Manuel trips Justin up. In the boy’s defense it probably wasn’t intentional but it being Manuel leaves a sour taste in Zach’s mouth anyway. All he remembers is Justin going up for a rebound and Manuel following him and both crashing to the floor. Justin lays there for a moment and Zach and Jackson rush over to see what’s wrong Coach comes over not far behind them and takes charge. Zach’s thankful, he knows the man would take good care of any of them, and he thinks Justin is Coach’s favorite so he’ll take really good care of Justin.

At the man’s instruction, Zach helps him over to the bench in the gym Coach usually sits on during practice, honestly he’s happy to have something to do. Justin’s sort of dazed but insists he’s fine and ready to get back to playing. He looks terrible disappointed when Coach says, not unkindly, he’s done for the day. Coach then directs the rest of them back to practice which has basically just started but Zach keeps an eye on the sidelines anyway. It feels important that he keep an eye on his friend even though a qualified adult is. Coach seems to be talking to Justin and the conversation must be friendly since Coach laughs several times, a deep belly laugh Justin seems to be able to coax out of him easier than anyone else. The man leaves several times though, phone in hand.

When practice ends, Justin is still there, even after they come out after showering. He takes a seat next to Justin, sandwiching him between him and Coach. Justin seems more subdued than before, tired. His head droops every once in a while and then he startles himself back awake. He does make an effort to keep up with the conversation but he’s struggling

“You don’t have to stay here Mr. Dempsey, Justin is in good hands.” Coach’s tone exudes calm but that isn’t the issue, Zach wants to be here, not cause he doesn’t trust Coach but rather because Justin is his best friend and honestly he’s a little worried. Someone should have come by now to pick him right?

“If it’s all the same Coach, I’ll stay.” The man nods and they fall into conversation while the rest of the team file out. Jackson and Willim both come over to say goodbye and check on Justin and Manuel apologizes and does the same. Justin smiles easily at all of them, tells them he’s fine and tells Manuel not to worry about it since it was an accident. Not long after they’re the only ones in the gym. Coach keeps up conversation with both of them and at Justin’s insistence regales them with stories about basketball games he witnessed first hand. Zach’s always happy to listen to them, Coach has a way of talking about the game that’s better than any TV announcer. The man keeps checking his phone, something he never does, and excuses himself a few times to make calls. During one of these Zach texts his Dad to say he’ll be late, says he’s hanging out with friends but Justin is now lying across the bench, head pressed against Zach thigh and he doesn't think this counts as ‘hanging out’.

They’re there for almost an hour when Coach leaps to his feet and rushes out to the hall on the phone; he looks angry and doesn’t come back immediately. After about five minutes Zach starts to wonder. He gets up and heads towards the hall pausing outside the door. He can see Coach who’s back to the door and can hear half the conversation pretty well.

“Mrs. Foley you are not listening. I cannot release Justin to anyone else.-No he should go to the hospital he has a mild concussion and it would be best checked out.-Well I wouldn’t have left a dozen voicemail if you had answered your phone.-I work to but when I heard voicemails that one of my children needed to be picked up I didn’t call back to complain about them being a burden. -Well-” He sounds agitated when Zach started listening and by the end is almost yelling.

Zach leaves feeling a little sick. Maybe he heard wrong. Justin’s mom couldn’t be so resistant to coming to get him. That must be it; he definitely heard wrong, maybe she’s at her job and can’t leave to get him. He takes a seat back on the bench with Justin who’s still sleeping, he’s shivering now though, Zach can sympathise it feels cold in the big room without anyone there and Justin is still in shorts and a tank top. He reaches for his bag and grabs his jacket. He finds Justin’s bag but can’t find anything warm, he knows Justin doesn’t own a varsity jacket but he thought he’d have something. Another moment of watching Justin shake and Zach unzips his jacket and tosses it over Justin. It already comes down to his knees and then the other boy curls up tighter so only his feet poke out at the bottom.

Coach comes back a few minutes later and Zach is impressed. No matter how his voice sounded on the phone his expression now is calm. He stops in front of Zach and says, “I’m just letting you know Zach that this may be a while yet. If you need to go you’re welcome to whenever, I’ll tell Justin you stayed.”

He blushes a little at the offer, he isn’t sure he wants Justin to know he waited or maybe anyone at all. The man seems to get that and doesn’t press the issue just shakes Justin awake gently.

“Son, I need you to answer a few questions for me okay?” He says it softly and kindly and he waits patiently for Justin to open his eyes and then nod for the man to begin.

“What’s your name?”

“Jus’in.” His voice is tired and small and mildly slurred; Zach’s heart hurts a little.

“Full name.” The rebuke is gentle.

“Jus’in Foley.”

“Good,” He praises Justin like it’s the answer to the hardest question in the world and Justin smiles at him, obviously proud of himself. “What day is it?”

“Monday.”

“Very good and who is the young man with us?”

Justin looks up and him and smiles. “Zach, he’s my friend.” He sounds proud of it too, like it’s a great accomplishment and looks at Zach with the same unrestrained adoration that is usually reserved for Bryce. It almost feels like a punch in the gut, he loves when Justin looks at him like this but now it seems mean because Justin is really out of it but thinks Zach is great even though he isn’t really.

Coach doesn’t say anything about it though and just pats Justin’s head and says, “Smart boy, how about you close your eyes again?” Zach tries to ignore the way Justin leans into the hand because it makes him feel sick and he doesn’t know why and isn’t sure he wants to think about it more.

Justin’s suddenly looks confused and he asks Coach, “When’s mom comin’? You said she’d be ‘ere soon.” His eyes shift to Zach looking for the answer too; his voice doesn’t sound angry or accusatory just curious and tired.

Zach feels his heart sink after having overheard what he did but Coach only says camly, “She’ll be here soon, now just close your eyes and she’ll be here when you wake up, okay?”

“Okay.” Justin’s eyes are closed again and he’s asleep not much later. Zach takes the opportunity to take a good look at Coach who looks resigned now, not angry like he sounded in the hall nor the kind man who just spoke to Justin. Actually he looks old and maybe a little heartbroken and Zach doesn’t really understand why but it seems wrong to comment so he doesn’t. The man takes a seat back on the bench by Justin’s feet.

“Zachary? What do you know about Mrs. Foley?” He starts, a little surprised by the question and the tone, it’s weary like the man looks.

“I-” What does he know about her? Justin talks about her rarily but never meanly, sometimes with more than a little annoyance but so what, all kids talk about their parents that way sometimes. She’s a single parent, Justin mentioned that he never knew his dad, he said during that terrible dinner with his mom that he was dead but Zach was never sure if that was a lie or not. He thinks Justin said she worked as a waitress too a few times but other than that not much. “I don’t really know. I’ve never met her.”

Should he know about his best friends mom? He’s never even seen the lady but Justin has met his whole family.

Coach hums, a non judgemental sound and they lapse back into silence. Zach watches Justin, stares at him trying to figure out if he missed something and what it might be and terrified by anything he might come up with. Minutes slip away and then another hour. It’s late and Zach really should be getting home soon, Coach stepped out to call his wife earlier.

A lady sort of appears in front of them at some point. He isn’t sure when she got there or how but she’s here now giving Coach the dirtiest look Zach thinks he’s ever seen.

“Mrs. Foley.” He greets her politely but cooly.

“Don’t leave voicemails like that on my phone again.” Her voice is...empty? Zach thinks it’s supposed to sound threatening or _something_ but that would require any amount of force behind her voice and it just isn't there.

“No Ma’am but I suggest if you being free is going to be a problem you update his emergency contact information so we can avoid this in the future.”

“Don’t let him get hurt, that’s what they pay you for right? Why should I be inconvenienced because you can’t do your job?” She says it like it’s simple but if that’s the case why does she let him get into all the fights he does? Besides she has no idea how much care Coach shows his players.

“You should never call your son an inconvenience.” The voice is quiet and calm, how Coach usually speaks, but there is absolute iron in it. The woman takes a step back and Zach looks at the man in surprise too. He’s never heard Coach say anything in that tone and she didn’t exactly say that right?.

She sniffs and replies replies indignantly, “Don’t tell me how to talk about my boy.”

“Don’t give me a reason to.” Cool again, Coach must not like her, and it’s not hard to see why.

She gives him a nasty look. “Don’t waste time pretending you care about him.”

“I do.” His voice challenges her to disagree.

“Well don’t, just give up on him; everyone else does.”

“Not you I trust?”

Her silence speaks volumes and instead of answering, she turns to Justin and shakes him awake roughly. “Baby c’mon Albert is waiting for us and he has to be somewhere, we shouldn’t keep him waiting.” She seems to notice Zach for the first time and blinks several times like she expects him to disappear. When he doesn’t she doesn’t seem to know what to do so he takes the initiative.

“Hello Mrs. Foley, I’m Zach, Justin’s friend.” He stands to shake her hand but she looks at it and him and he wonders if Justin felt this awkward when his mom did it to him. He looks over her head and see Coach closing his eyes and mumbling a prayer if he’s reading the man’s lips right.

Suddenly her eyes light up and she shakes enthusiastically, “Oh you’re the rich boy my Justin stays with. It’s nice to finally meet you, he’s been talking about you for years.”

He stops shaking but she doesn’t realize, to busy making the motion on her own. She thinks he’s Bryce and that’s sickening.

When she does stop it’s to address Justin, whose eyes are open and he’s looking at her in confusion. “Up Justin, we need to go. Albert is waiting.” Her voice isn’t exactly dead but not warm either.

Something passes over Justin’s face and he stands, maybe too fast because his face suddenly pales. Coach reaches out and steadies him but Mrs Foley objects.

“Hands off my boy. He can at least walk on his own.” It’s the same dead sound voice she used earlier and it leaves Zach with the same uncomfortable feeling. “Let’s go baby, grab your bag.” At least her tone is gentler now but still not right. Coach picks up the bag as Justin reaches for it.

“I’ll see you out to your car.” Mrs. Foley starts talking again but Zach watches Justin.

He bends down to pick up Zach’s jacket which fell when he stood up. He looks at it and Zach can see his sluggish brain trying to work through the process of giving it back...he can see the reluctance. He takes it gently from Justin weak grip and draps it around his friends shoulders. 

“You can give it back to me tomorrow.”

Justin gives him a smile and then a weak hug but before Zach can return it his mother is pulling him along, pushing his bag into his hands. Justin stumbles along behind her and looks over his shoulder at Zach and Coach, his expression is sad reluctance but he snuggles down deeper into the coat.

Next to him he hears a sniff. He realizes Coach’s eyes are moist.

“Coach?” He sounds concerned and he realizes it’s because he is. Coach is a lot of things and tough as nails is definitely one of them.

“Zachary...have you ever thought about teaching?” His voice has an odd quality to it that Zach isn’t sure he likes but he knows whatever the man says next is going to be a truth about the world, and a painful one.

“No, I can’t say I have.”

“Good, don’t. The job will only hurt you.”

“Why?” He’s afraid of the answer, terrified actually but he has to ask.

A sigh that contains so much emotion, pain, sadness, regret, and maybe more than a fair share for each one lifetime of each. “When you start, you believe every boy and girl is equal, God made them that way so they must be. But even though God made them that way, he didn’t make all parents equal and the worst ones often have some of the best kids, and can never deserve them...Come on, I’ll give you a ride home.”

It’s a quiet ride Coach has the radio playing hits from the eighties but Zach thinks it’s just for noise. He knows Coach isn’t shy about singing along, after a few bus trips with the man, Zach recognizes a few songs and can sing a few himself. But the man is subdued tonight, not singing or joking or talking basketball.

When he pulls up in front of Zach’s house he puts the car in park and then says to him, “Give that sister of yours a big hug tonight, father too, and mind you mother.”

The subtext is that he’s lucky to have them, after what he’s seen today, he regrets every single time he’s ever thought different. He says goodnight to Coach and goes inside and does as the man asked. Hugs May like he usually does when he comes home and holds her a moment longer than usual, practically cradles her against him, she squeals in delight and hugs him fiercely. He hugs his dad too who smiles at him warmly but a little sadly and hugs him back, a gentle embrace that smells like the man’s cologne and safety as he whispers to him quietly in Mandarin, a soothing babble, one arm wrapped tightly around his back and the other playing with his hair. He empties the dishwasher, brings the laundry upstairs, and takes the garbage out before his mother even asks him to, she smiles approvingly at him and pats his hand, she even kisses him on the head when she goes to bed.

As his father tucks him that night, something he does rarely but always when Zach needs it, he wonders if Justin gets the same treatment at home, if his mother kisses his head or holds him and tells him everything will be okay, or even acts like seeing him is the best part of her day, if she ever pulls the covers up to his chin and presses her lips against his forehead and doesn’t care that he’s too old for it but still needs it anyway. He doesn’t think so; he remembers the wispy, hollow woman with dead eyes and can’t believe she does, maybe even can’t.

Mrs. Foley doesn’t impress him in the slightest, clearly she doesn't know her Justin is one of the greatest things that’s ever happened to him, he should be the greatest thing that’s ever happened to her too. But she doesn’t appreciate him enough to come right way when he’s hurt; then again she does let him get into all the fights that leave him in worse shape than this. Her confusing him for Bryce rubs him the wrong way even more.

He doesn’t see Justin on Tuesday or Wednesday and asks Bryce if he’s heard from him. Bryce shrugs, seemingly unconcerned and says Justin will be back whenever. It makes Zach angry but Bryce is right, Justin is back Thursday and catches him outside. He looks tired but when Zach asks he insists he’s okay...Zach thinks if Justin got hit by a bus he’d say he’s okay. Still, besides tired he seems fine, his balance is better and he’s a little slow in responding but nothing like Monday. They’re about to head in when Justin suddenly speaks.

“Oh hey, I ended up with this. It’s yours right?” He’s slung his backpack off his shoulders and reaches in to pull out Zach’s jacket, folded neatly and surprisingly wrinkle free. His friend blushes and doesn’t make eye contact as he continues, “I couldn’t wash it but thanks for letting me borrow it, I’m sorry I can’t give it back clean.”

Zach looks him over, it’s not warm out anymore and getting colder but right now Justin is wearing a T-shirt and jeans. He looks cold, repressing a shiver ever couple of minutes and Zach wonders if he’s aware he’s doing it. “Why don’t you hold onto it, until you can wash it.” 

Justin’s blush deepens and he looks ashamed as he mumbles, “It may be a while.”

Zach claps him on the back, _it’s a poor substitute for a hug_ , and says with a smile, “Hold onto it, it’s pretty warm but a bit small on me, should be closer to your size.” He’s half a head taller than Justin and considerably broader in the shoulders so he knows for a fact it’ll be big on his friend but he hopes Justin understands his meaning...and doesn’t think it’s charity either because it isn’t. Zach saw how happy the jacket made him the other day and yeah maybe he wasn’t quite himself but still…

Justin smiles, a sort of shy, ruthful, half smile and says, “I can’t pay you back Zach...I don’t have anything-”

“How about you help me watch May next week? Mom and Dad have a date night and you know how much of a pain she is. I’ll need help keeping sane!”

Justin looks like he’s been gifted the sun, moon, and stars and Zach can see how he’s quivering with excitement and happiness, Zach’s pretty sure the only reason he doesn’t put it on then is because they’re heading inside. He feels somehow like he should be giving Justin more than a jacket because something like that shouldn’t make him so happy. He pretends he doesn’t notice Justin wear it all day but at least wearing it, it doesn’t come down as far. Monty makes a nasty remark about charity cases and Bryce wonders where he got the money for a new jacket. Jeff claps him on the back and tells him he looks good, Justin beams at him and comments how it’s a good jacket.

Zach may be a little bias but he has to agree with Jeff, Justin wears the jacket proudly, so much so Zach feels guilty his initials are on the tag in permanent marker. It’s like the jacket will never fully be Justin’s, always somehow be Zach’s. He tries not to think about it and buys himself a replacement before his parents notice, he almost writes _**JF**_ on the tag and give it to Justin but doesn’t. He thinks maybe it sort of pleases him to know that the jacket Justin takes such good care of is his old one, _and maybe likes the idea that something of his is always with Justin_. It makes him feel like a better friend somehow and that may be selfish but all well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this should be the last installment of Meeting the Family for some time. The mystery guest is obviously Amber Foley. I had to write and rewrite her part several times before I was finally satisfied enough to post this. I'm still not sure I like it but I tried to capture her weak character, in the first draft she came bursting through the door angrily but that doesn't seem in her character at all, too forceful. I wanted Zach to see her as I think she really is, a passive person. I also tried to show her version of love for Justin, who I think she loves as much as she can but it just isn't right. 
> 
> Coach is back. I really like writing him so if the occasion calls for it he'll be back. The reason he could drive Zach home but didn't do it for Justin is because he can't assume the roll of a parent or guardian and bring him to a hospital, he also probably shouldn't have done it with Zach but I don't feel it's unreasonable for him to do so for one of his players. 
> 
> The original draft of the story ended with Zach the night of his meeting but when I went back and revised I realized that I never revisited to jacket which I didn't strictly need to but then I thought I could so something more with it. They're freshmen now so I assume both of them will grow a little before they're as we see them in the show when the jacket actually fits Justin. 
> 
> As always I love comments and chatting so if the urge strikes you, leave a comment and I'll reply!


	9. Bruised Boy: Part 2 (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another late night in the gym after everyone has left and Zach is more than a little frustrated. Justin gets it, he's been pretty bad lately however Zach demanding more than lame excuses poses a problem to Justin, the truth or more lies? Either way there are consequences to deal with.

“Dude this is like the third time this week.” Justin tries not to flinch. Zach doesn’t exactly sound angry, more frustrated than anything. He understands why; Zach still thinks that Justin gets into fights and losses, he must think Justin’s a moron for all the fighting. It isn’t a lie but it also isn't the truth, whatever it is though, he feels sickeningly guilty because of it. For a while now all of these ‘fights’ have been putting a strain on their relationship, an invisible tension that never seems to go away and one he knows he’s responsible for.

He gets it too, he’s been looking and acting worse and worse. Harry and Mason were one thing but his mom is seeing a new guy, Albert, who might break a record for like shortest temper, worst mood swings, and worst highs too. He’s violent and he hates Justin. Granted the teen makes it pretty easy. His mom has been going out with the guy for a two months. Justin didn’t think he’d two few weeks before he got tired of his mom’s shit. By the start of the fifth week Justin decided he needed to help their breakup along. Part of him feels guilty for it; trying to break people up is fucked up right? But Albert is an ass, worse than the ones his mom usually dates. Mean to both of them, physically and verbally with Justin, just verbally with his mom but still; and like a leech or something, even worse than Justin is with his rich friends, and high maintenance like _no one_ else Justin’s ever seen. The man requires almost constant attention from his mom to be kept happy, or Justin around to use as a punching bag otherwise he starts breaking things.

It’s not preseason anymore either and between the games and the beatings, Justin thinks he might be wearing down. He hasn’t not felt tired and at least sore in weeks, most days its a dull, throbbing pain that doesn’t leave... some are worse than that. So he’s spending more time with Bryce trying to heal and more time with Zach trying forget he’s miserable. In the beginning it works too. Justin can deal with Albert two or three nights out of the week when he goes home to check on his mom and raise hell for the man and then have the other four or five to recover at Bryce’s. However the longer they stay together, the more Justin has to be home to keep an eye on Albert and agitate him to hopefully speed up the break up. The man seriously needed anger management classes and they don’t have the money to replace everything he breaks or fix the holes in the walls, or in Justin but that’s a secondary concern to having to shell out money they don’t have to replace the refrigerator or get a repairman for the furnace.

Of course all of this has put a strain on his relationships with both Bryce and Zach. He thinks Bryce is tired of seeing him _the thought hurts more than anything Albert can put him through_ and Zach is moodier than usual, or maybe his new usual is moody. Either way Justin can’t help but feel it’s his fault, he can’t tell is Zach’s attitude is from the night in the motel or because he’s sick of Justin’s shit. He would understand either, wouldn’t really blame Zach either _he’s already much better to him than Justin could ever deserve_. His only saving grace is that despite everything, it hasn’t started affecting his playing yet. Between the painkillers Zach offers him before almost every practice and game and sheer will power _if he loses basketball he doesn’t want to think about what his life will be like_ he’s keeping it all hidden from the team and Coach.

Right now though he barely feels good about even that. It’s after practice and the locker room is finally deserted. Zach and Justin have gotten out of the showers and the taller boy is now applying the cream that’s supposed to help heal the bruises faster except that its been weeks since the cream seems to have done anything. Justin tells himself it’s just his imagination and he’s getting the bruises faster then they can heal so it only looks that way; he definitely doesn’t mention it to Zach who is applying it gently but Justin can see the tension in his frame. It doesn’t suit Zach, who should be his happy, cheerful, goofy self _he hasn’t quite been that since the motel_ , and Justin’s the cause. It leaves a pit in his stomach.

“What was it this time? Did you walk into another opening door or get into another fight?” Not even Justin can pretend not to hear the frustration in his voice, he’s taken to telling Zach they’re from accidents instead of fights but it only worked the first few times.

“Umm, both?”, he knows he’s living on the edge giving Zach sass but then again his teammate is the most patient person he knows. He isn’t sure if that says more about him or Zach but whatever.

“Justin I’m serious. This is a huge problem. I haven’t seen you clean of bruises in like, weeks and sooner or later this is going to catch up with you worse than it is right now. Just tell me how I can help. Please.” His voice is so painfully soft at the end, like the hand he has resting on the back Justin’s neck sort of cradling his head.

He thinks, actually thinks, and has thought, a lot, about the merits of telling Zach verses letting the lies continue. He doesn’t want to risk so many things, Zach reporting him, Zach pitying him, Zach being disgusted with him, Zach treating him differently. But there’s also the chance to make things right; the stupid motel made a mess of everything and the guilt has been killing him, it’s his fault. He doesn’t remember how or why but somehow he ended up cuddling with Zach _a hazy memory, a big hand in his and gradually getting closer to the body the hand belongs too, convinces him it all happened because of him_. He’s seen the picture, several times. Zach asleep in the bed on his side and Justin pressed against his chest and mostly hidden under the covers. He was able to play it off easy enough and only Monty wanted to hold onto it but the picture changed things between him and Zach all the same and he wants to change it back. There are a few other benefits, more help in hiding from the team and Coach, another place to stay, and...and what? What he wants from Bryce? The love and comfort, physical support, and someone who won’t judge him? Does he even have a right to expect that from anyone? Neither of these people are his family, though in his experience that’s only a good thing, so why should he want them to mean everything he means when he casually, at least to them, calls them “bro”.

“Justin.” Zach prompts, apparently he’s taking too long.

“You really want to know Dempsey?” If he’s going to do this, he’s going to do it as unemotionally as he can, he doesn’t want to cry or something, doesn’t need another reason for Zach to judge him, the last time he cried Bryce told him to grow a pair and Monty threatened to give him a real reason to cry.

“Yes.” The conviction hurts to hear. Zach has no idea what he’s in for.

“My mom has a boyfriend. His name is Albert and he’s an asshole.” Suddenly it’s harder than he thought. He realizes he’s ever said any of this before. He never said it to Bryce, the other boy just eventually guessed enough for Justin to be able to casually mention an asshole boyfriend and Bryce figure out the rest. “Before Albert came Mason, Richard, Gus, Julio, Bruce and Harry. None of them were as bad as Albert but...”

He tries to continue but he can’t get the words out. Zach has no such problem. “Did he-they do this to you?” His voice makes Justin flinch. It’s cold and angry and Justin glances up at him and he can see it in Zach’s eyes, the fury in them is outright terrifying.

A nod, much else is beyond him. He feels drained and suddenly scared.

“And what, he’s been doing it for weeks and your mom is still with him?” He can hear the disgust and feels the need to defend her.

“It’s more complicated, she might get hurt if I’m not around. He’s violent but he’ll get tired of her, or me, eventually and leave.”

Zach looks like he wants to say more about that but instead settles on, “So your plan is wait it out?”

“No, my plan is to drive him the fuck out. I go back and I make the place as bad for him as I can.”

“And then he beats you.”

Hearing Zach say it like that makes him feel sick and dirty...and weak. Still he manages to sound more confident that he feels, “And eventually he leaves.”

“Justin that-that’s crazy what if he takes it too far and, and I don’t know kills you?”

“I don’t really have any other choices.”

“Call the police. Let me call the police. Social serves, talk to Coach or anyone. Please Justin.” His voice is agony to hear, especially the ‘please’ which is painfully soft and reflected in his black eyes. He almost wants to say yes to him.

“I-I can’t. If I say anything they’ll take me away and I don’t want that.” Zach doesn’t look like he understands and Justin gets that, he doesn’t think he can really say how he feels, none of the words he knows are enough to really say what he means but he’ll try. “I don’t want to end up forgotten in some group home, I don’t want to leave this place, you or Bryce, I don’t want to leave Liberty or the team and-and judge me all you want for it but I know what happens in those group homes and I don’t want that to be me. So-so please- don’t say anything, I don’t want to lose you.” He thinks maybe it might be unfair to say the last part but it’s true and might also convince his friend to stay quiet.

Zach looks like he wants to fight it but Justin puts on his most convincing, and pleading, look and Zach drops it. For a moment at least. He comes back with, “Well you’re staying with me tonight. He can’t hurt you if you aren’t home right?”

He must look as confused as he feels because Zach snorts, “Dude, don’t look at me like that. I’m being serious. What you don’t like the idea?”

“Nonono it isn’t that. It’s just I’m supposed to be at Bryce’s tonight.” And Bryce is weird about Justin staying with other guys...well Zach. He doesn’t really stay with any other guys, plenty of girls but no guys.

Zach shrugs, “Tell him you’re with me.” It sounds so simple, maybe it is too. Bryce has been more...distant? Lately at least, it’s like a new low. Justin has spent so much time with him that Bryce barely acknowledges him unless the boys are over too. Maybe he’ll be happy to be rid of Justin for the night.

“Yeah, yeah alright. Your parents won’t mind?” Or maybe this was going to be one of those under the table arrangements.

“They’ll live with it. Dad’s picking me up soon so I’ll ask him then. Come on.” Of course, Zach is a lot of things but not a rule breaker.

Justin isn’t sure any of this is all as simple as Zach thinks it is but what the hell. A night with Zach and May, she tends to be part of the package, sounds better than one with Bryce ignoring him.

It is too, Mr. Dempsey agrees and Mrs. Dempsey does too, begrudgingly. They hide out in Zach’s room for most of the night watching movies and playing video games. He texts Bryce to let him know about the change of plans. He gets a text from Bryce shortly before dinner. 

_If you’re staying at dempsey’s I guess you don’t need me anymore, good luck in the big bad world justy_

It’s sort of ominous but Justin texts back that no one could ever replace Bryce...he wonders after he sends it if it’s a good idea. He still loves Bryce, fiercely and painfully, _if he closes his eyes he can still see that smile and hear those words_ , but things between them have been weird lately and he doesn’t want that. This text seems like it will only make it worse and Bryce doesn’t respond so he assumes it does. Justin debates sending another text but decides against it...he worries though.

Dinner is awkward but Justin doesn’t talk much and neither does Mrs. Dempsey, it seems to work for both of them. After dinner they indulge May in some princess movie about Hawaii, but like not Hawaii? The singing is good though so it isn’t too bad. Justin doesn’t really pay much attention anyway, he and May sit on the Zach’s bed while Zach takes the floor. Of course they have popcorn while watching and that leads to Justin and May throwing popcorn at Zach, trying to get it into his hood. They have to be careful, it’s kind of like a redlight greenlight game where they need to get the popcorn in the hood but have to be careful about not getting caught. Zach almost catches them a few times but Justin is able to play it off as tossing the popcorn up to try to catch it in his mouth or trying to throw it in May’s mouth. He could get a lot more in the hood but lets May win. Unfortunately Zach decides he’s cold part way through the game and pulls his hood over his head...only for all the popcorn to spill out on him.

Zach whirls around to look at them while May and Justin dissolve into laughter and that leads to a round of the boys rolling around on the floor with May laughing above them. Zach is careful and as gentle as one can be when rolling around on the floor. Justin still finds himself tiring out quickly.

The second half of the movie is quieter and now all three sit on the bed, May cross legged at the foot while Justin and Zach lean against the headboard. He’s spacing out when Freakishly Muscular Man and Comically Smaller Girl have a falling out over Magic Green Rock and when Comically Undersized Girl is helped by Freakishly Muscular Man to get past Fire Demon Man, he’s struggling to stay awake. He’s only watching through one eye when Fire Demon Man turns out to Green Not-Demon Lady. He’s just listens when Zach sends May off to bed and moments later when the bed shifts and Zach maneuvers him gently to pull the covers back, and then pulls them over him up to his chin. He feels a large hand rest on his head, tousling his hair a little and a quiet, painfully loving, “Good night Justin, sleep with the angels” being whispered above him. It may be one of the best night's sleep he’s ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Part 2 of Bruised Boy! Not a happy chapter but an important one. Zach learns more about Justin's home life and tries to be a good friend. Also a heavy chapter but not to worry the next is another attempt at comedy. Unfortunately after that is another really dark chapter...sorry. 
> 
> In any case posts may be slowing from now on or at least not always be around the time I've been posting them. My semester starts tomorrow so I won't have time to write all day anymore. I've finished a number of chapters already and will try to post them in a timely manner. 
> 
> As always I love comments and talking so if you liked the chapter, please leave one!


	10. Concealer and Concealed (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Necessity leads Justin into an embarrassing situation which he convinces Zach to follow him into. It could have gone better but a bored store employee makes sure it's an embarrassing even for both of them. Zach doesn't help much either.

“How do I know what I need?” Justin asks finally, his face probably as red as his voice suggests but he’s avoiding looking the mirror above him. He and Zach have been standing in front of a display of concealer for almost seven minutes and are no closer to figuring out what the hell they need. Or more specifically what Justin needs. Right now he has a hoodie on and is trying to cover his very black eye. Albert is an asshole but an asshole who knows how to punch.

He realizes that he needs something more than lame excuses to get through this relationship and begs Zach to come on this adventure with him. The thought of buying make-up alone is too painful but thankfully he’s able to beg, plead, bribe, and annoy Zach into agreeing. So here they are...Walplex at almost closing time on a Friday night.

“Why would I know that?” He sounds both embarrassed and annoyed at being asked the question.

“I dunno, you have a mom and a sister?” Seemed like it's worth it to try, he’s holding some bottle of something but even after reading it like three times he isn’t any closer to knowing if it’s what he needs.

“You have a mom too and May is too young for this sort of thing.”

“Mom doesn’t do stuff like this.” Actually, she used to have concealer back when she pretended she cared more about her job, now she just went in with bags under her eyes looking like a junkie.

Zach opens his mouth to reply when a woman approaches them. She’s wearing a uniform and looks somewhere between bored and annoyed. Her voice reflects it, “What do you two need? You’ve been standing here for a while and it’s closing time. I want to go so I want you to leave.”

Zach moves subtly to stand behind Justin who shoots him a dirty look, he pretends the nail polish is suddenly very interesting. Justin clears his throat and says, “I need to cover something up but I don’t know my like, shade?” He keeps his head tilted down and firmly on the display as he speaks.

“Listen kid, everyone gets pimples; deal with it and get lost.”

Woman is a ray of sunshine but Justin can sort of sympathise, if it was time for him to leave a job he probably hated, he wouldn’t want some annoying kids keeping him longer. Still, he needs this.

“It’s a little more than that.” He can hear the discomfort in his own voice but tries to ignore it.

“I doubt that.” It really shouldn’t be possible to combine boredom with complete disinterest while still having the very dirty look she’s giving them.

He hesitates for a moment and Zach watches him curiously before he decides to go all in, he turns to face her and pulls his hood off. She doesn’t even flinch but he’s fine with that. 

“Nice shiner, what happened.” Her voice is still bored and exasperated despite her lengthening the conversation by asking.

It only takes him a moment to come up with something, he smiles ruthfully at her, his best embarrassed half smile, “Have you ever scene the Spongebob episode where he slips on a toothpaste cap and gives himself a black eye with a wrench?” She nods and he continues looking equal parts embarrassed, ashamed, and amused, the acting comes easily, “It was worse than that.”

The barest trace of a smile comes over her face,not much more than a twitch of her lip and she reaches past him to something on the display and hands him a tub of cream. “You want this and these.” She reaches for a two brushes, one that looks more like a paintbrush and the other has a fluffier ending.

He looks at the tub and then back at her, “This is too light for me isn’t it?”

“Nope, you want two shades lighter.”

“Oh, thanks! Umm, how do I do it exactly?”

“Look it up kid, now pay and get lost.”

“Yeah, sure.”

They follow her to register and Zach adds a tiny bottle of green nail polish. Justin gives him an annoyed look to which he shrugs, “May’s favorite color.” Justin shrugs back, fair enough. The lady gives them another dirty look and Justin can read loud and clear that they’re taking too long. She rings them up and he pays and then they get the hell out of there.

“Spongebob? Really? How did you even know that would work?” The disbelief in his voice is hilarious.

He laughs and says, “C’mon Dempsey, everyone loves Spongebob. Easiest way to deal with anyone around our age and a lot of older people too.”

“Really?” Now he sounds curious and Justin stops walking to look at him. Does Zach actually not know? But then that would mean…

“Haven’t you seen it?”

Zach looks away and that’s answer enough. Justin practically runs the rest of the way to the Dempsey house dragging Zach. He’s supposed to be hiding to avoid Mrs. Dempsey after their last encounter, and Zach must be shocked as Justin pulls, prods, and pokes him up into his own room, not as carefully as he really should.

Once inside Zach closes the door and Justin flips the TV on and passes Zach his laptop. When he receives a questioning look and Justin tells him exasperatedly, “You’re going to watch Spongebob while I figure out how to like, put this stuff on right.”

Luckily, Zach has a lot of Spongebob to work though because it takes Justin a lot of time to figure make-up out. Several Youtube videos later he feel confident enough to try and it goes hilariously poorly. When he asks if he looks alright, Zach takes one look at him and laughs. He can’t get it too blend enough to not make it obvious. 

It’s nothing short of a miracle they don’t get caught but around the start of season two he thinks he’s got it down. The concealer covers what it needs to and between the two brushes, he blends enough with his skin to make it unnoticeable. He’s ready to call it a night on the beauty supplies when Zach gives him a mischievous look and holds up the little thing of nail polish.

“May will want to know how to put it on nice.”

Justin shrugs, why the fuck not. He and Zach open the bottle and take turns painting one nail at a time and then switching.

“Not bad Dempsey but mine’s better.”

“Oh shut up Foley, you didn’t even get the whole nail.”

“Yeah but I didn’t get my fingers either.”

“I’ll just wash it off.”

He goes to do it while Justin paints his next nail, he’s more careful this time, getting more of the nail and only a little gets on his skin. He’s finishing when Zach reappears. 

“You’re done Dempsey, this is like, nail salon perfect...Dempsey?”

He looks up and Zach is freaking out holding up a rag stained green but Justin can see that the polish is still on his skin...actually it looks worse now, like Zach stuck his finger in the bottle.

“I didn’t know you were Irish.”

“It doesn’t come off, soap doesn’t work.”

“Oh shit...did you try using a brush or something to scrub it off?”

“No I’m afraid it won’t work and I’ll ruin what I use.”

Justin reaches over and grabs the laptop. He googles how remove nail polish and then announces, “We need something called ace-tone to get it off. Does your mom wear this stuff, maybe she has some?”

“Yeah but she would have it in the master bathroom attached to her’s and Dad’s room. I can’t sneak in there.”

“Why is she like a light sleeper or something?”

“Super but only for noise in her room, like the creaky top stair won’t wake her up but anything in her room will.”

“No problem don’t make any noise.”

“The door hinges creek.”

“Oh.” He goes back to painting his next nail.

“‘Oh?’ This is serious Justin we need to get this stuff off. Why are you putting more on?”

“We’ll go early tomorrow; sneak out and get the stuff and then come back and remove it, no worries.”

“No worries? If we get caught I’m dead...you’re not even supposed to be here.”

“Don’t get caught; if we’re quiet the plans it’s foolproof. Your mom is going in to work tomorrow for the whole day and you’re dad won’t interrogate us. I’ll sneak out your window after she leaves and ring the bell, you’ll say we have plans, we’ll get what we need, sneak back in, remove the stuff and no-one will have to know.”

Zach gives him a dirty look and then says, “You’re not being very helpful.”

“I’m plenty helpful, I came up with the plan!”

Zach rolls his eyes. “Fine but if we get caught this was all your fault.”

Justin laughs, “It’s my fault anyway now c’mon, you’ve got seven more nails to paint.”

Zach looks horrified at the suggestion and Justin only replies, “What? You might as well match. It’ll look weirder if you don’t.”

He watches Zach open and close his mouth a few times trying to find a way out but ends up shrugging and taking the bottle. They finish and Justin thinks his look better, Zach disagrees but what does he know anyway, both of his thumbs are green now. They go to bed not long after, Justin on an air mattress on the floor and Zach in his bed.

The plan the next morning goes off extremely well. Justin sneaks out, rings the bell, and is greeted by Zach shoving a pair of gloves at him. It’s a good idea so he puts them on. In fact the plan seems it’ll go perfect until they get to the Walplex register. Justin puts down the bottle of acetone and reaches for his wallet when he hears the bored drawl he thought he was done with.

“Nice gloves, I assume you figured out the nail polish?”

He looks up and feels the blood drain from his face. Standing behind the register is the still somewhat annoyed but now very amused looking woman from the night before...the one person who would know why they’re wearing gloves.

He smiles at her anyway, “Mornin’ I didn’t expect to see you here.” Maybe if he plays it cool he can salvage his dignity.

“I did.” Cool and totally unapologetic, so much for that. 

He’s about to reply when another employee calls over, “Jamie? Why are you working I thought you had night shift again.”

She smirks, eyes fixed on Justin and Zach but she calls back, “I wanted to switch, there was something this morning I had to see.”

Zach pushed past Justin, shoves the money at her and drags him and the bag from the building quickly. He’s a shade of red Justin doesn’t think he’s ever seen before. It works out in the end and May loves the nail polish when Zach gives it to her. They’re lucky she doesn’t notice that the bottle isn’t full. They agree never to speak about it again but Justin knows he’ll be using against Zach forever, it’s too funny not to!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well after the heaviness of the last chapter I figured a lighter one might be appreciated. This one's been finished for a while and it was fun to write. I had to do some research about concealer too in order to write this since I, like Justin and Zach, knew nothing about it. The story is meant to be light but it does have a darker undertone and one I feel the show makes necessary. We see Justin in a lot of flashbacks but he never seems too beat up which leads me to believe he must have had a way of covering it up. That belief created the inspiration for this chapter which I planned to be darker. I abandoned that tone quickly, two teenage boys in a make-up aisle at a store? It had too much potential to be funny so that's what ti became...I hope. I'm still working on writing funny things so hopefully this give a few of you a chuckle here an there.
> 
> Next chapter is going to be the darkest yet and after that one is my Christmas episode...I know really late but considering I started posting this the day after Christmas, I think I deserve some slack, lol.
> 
> As always I love comments and hearing what you guys think so please leave them and I'll get back to you!


	11. A Real Hero (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin has been spending a lot of time with Zach, relying on him in ways he’s only ever relied on Bryce and it feels good, as good as relying on anyone feels. Zach is...well Zach is more open than Bryce is. He still feels dirty though, like he’s betraying his brother. Bryce thinks so too and let’s Justin know. ***DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE and INTENSE EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION FOLLOW**

“Stop walking around like you own the fucking place! You don’t pay rent, you eat like you buy the groceries, and your a fucking gross ass person who leaves your shit everywhere! At least I’m better than you!” He’s up in Albert’s face though to be fair, the man got in his first, accusing _him_ of being a waste of space, _he worries the man might be right_. Justin is not a patient person, it’s a flaw and he knows it, but he can’t take that one sitting down. The evil smile that appears on Albert’s face makes him think maybe he should have but he’s in too deep now.

“You don’t own this place either, your mom does. I bet if we asked Amber to pick between us she’d choose me over you. After all I give sex and your mother is just a common whore.”

Justin swings at him and pretty soon he and Albert are actually fighting but angry or not Justin is not nearly as strong as a fully grown man and despite a few good punches, Albert gets one good hit on Justin’s head and it leaves him reeling; it’s all over from there. He eventually drags Justin to the door and throws him out. Justin’s world is pain, totally and completely, so he just sort of lays there on the sidewalk trying to collect his thoughts and make a plan. Eventually he texts Bryce and asks to come over. He can’t stay here, it’s about the only coherent thought he’s had since being thrown out. All he gets is _Busy ask zach_. His heart sinks, Bryce has never, not once, not allowed him to come over and he knows how bad Albert is too.

He does text Zach and asks but his other friend says it isn’t a good time, it’s family movie night and his parents are strict about no guests. To be fair Justin didn’t say why he wanted to come over but he doesn’t want to cause problems for the Dempseys, for Zach. He contemplates asking Wanita if she wants to get together but they’ve been fighting recently and he doubts the question will get him anywhere. He ends up wandering around, his head is throbbing and he really wants to go to sleep but he can’t. It’s cold too, he really misses Zach’s-his jacket but he’s also sort of happy he doesn’t have it, he wouldn’t want to get blood on it. Still...it smells like Zach and that usually calms him down, he does the same with Bryce’s clothes but the jacket is special, it’s the only one he has from Zach.

He’s low on money and given Bryce’s last reaction to one of his requests, he isn’t sure when he’ll get more. He spends some of the time loitering in various shops but a bloodied, bruised kid tends to draw attention so he can’t stay long...they all closed around midnight anyway. He tries to convince himself he isn’t hungry while he’s in them seeing and smelling the food. It starts to rain too and Justin feels like he’s in some bad movie where everything goes wrong for the hero. The thought makes him laugh bitterly, he’d never be the hero of anything. Heroes are supposed to be strong and brave and good...he doesn’t think he’s ever been any of those. Actually he’s always been weak, scared, and bad.

Sometime around three in the morning he makes his move. His plan now is to slip into his room unnoticed. He can lock the door and he’ll be fine, Albert might not even know he’s back.

By the time he reaches home he’s soaked to the bone, cold, and tired. His saving grace is that as he lets himself in, he sees Albert asleep on the couch. He slips into his room and closes the door quietly. He wants to take a hot shower to warm himself up but he doesn’t want to wake Albert and doubts they have hot water, Albert purposely takes very long showers and he caught the man running the hot water and just to waste it. He smirked nastily at Justin knowing what he was doing and knowing the only point of it was making Justin’s life more miserable, _Justin tried to stop him once; it ended very badly_ , he’s been making liberal use of the locker room shower to compensate. Instead, he changes and towels himself as dry as possible and crawls into bed feeling cold and miserable.

When Justin wakes up he wishes he was dead. Maybe he is and that’s why he feels so bad. His throat hurts, swallowing just isn’t worth it. His head is pounding, and the light making it’s way past the thin curtains is agony for him. His body aches too. It feels like Coach had them run suicides for hours and then made them lift in the gym. He’s cold too, because something else needed to be wrong. He wonders if he should get out of bed and try to find another blanket, hopefully a thicker one, but then he hears Albert talking loudly outside. Nope, he doesn’t want Albert to know he’s back or see him like this. Actually he doesn’t want anyone to see him like. Well maybe Zach...his friend would be nice to him.

He reaches for his phone, plans to send another plea to Bryce but it doesn’t work. It’s plugged in too which means it isn’t dead but when he turns it on, it displays a message and doesn’t do anything. Looking at the screen is too painful and he doesn’t think he can concentrate long enough to read anything so he sets it aside, burrows back under the blanket and tries to fall back asleep. He drifts between sleep and wake for a while and it sucks. Like, it shouldn’t be possible to feel this miserable; it isn’t fair.

He doesn’t know when but everything takes a turn for the worse when his stomach starts churning. It feels like his bed is a rollercoaster, or what he assumes one would feel like. He tries his best to ignore it. Closes his eyes and desperately tries to think of anything else. He’s able to hold off for what he thinks might be ten minutes but for all he knows it could only be two. After that though the need to throw-up is too intense and he tries to get to the bathroom.

It means leaving his room and giving up any hope that Albert doesn’t know he’s there. He wishes the man would be gone but Justin doesn’t think he’s ever worked a day in his life. He pays for his weed and booze out of his mom’s paycheck so he’s always here and the paycheck rarely lasts until the next one, especially when rent and bills are due. Unfortunately his other choice is soiling his bedding and he doesn’t have another set. He tries to slip out unseen and make it to the bathroom. It’s goes well too. He makes it there without even seeing Albert and throws the door open aiming vaguely for the toilet only to be horrified when he finds Albert in there. The man is brushing his teeth and looks as surprised as Justin to see the other person.

Justin doesn’t have the luxury of maintaining that surprise though, he flips the seat up and is about to throw up when he’s turned around roughly. Albert is yelling but the words are too loud for him to make out. His head is throbbing and he tries to turn back to the toilet but it’s too late. He makes a sound and then it all comes up...on Albert. They both stand in silence for a moment Justin frantically hoping this is a fever dream...literally, and Albert just standing and looking at him in surprise.

He feels a heavy punch connect with his stomach and staggers back against the toilet. He can see Albert yelling but he doesn’t really understand, only “fuckup”, “mistake”, and “sorry” make it to him. He tries apologizing but it doesn’t come out sounding right. Albert doesn’t go for it either and the fists continue to come down. Usually Justin makes some effort to defend himself, tries to avoid the fists or get away or anything but that isn't possible in the tiny bathroom. It’s too small and Albert is too big for him to get around and even when he does get his arms up, they feel like lead...if lead could feel pain. He’s too weak to put up any real resistance, kind of appropriate he thinks, since he was thinking about being a hero the night before. No hero would be getting beat up but some worthless asshole druggie like Albert. He just tries to make himself as small as possible, hide between the toilet and the wall and hope for it to end soon, that seems about right, cowardly and pathetic.

Albert does eventually get tired and disappears, he’s happy the man doesn’t drag him out like last night, and he knows he should leave but he can’t bring himself too. After a few minutes and a lot of noise, drawers opening and slamming and Albert walking around cursing everything from Justin to his mother and even God, he recognizes the front door slam shut; a few minutes later and silence still reigns in the house. He lies there still, cramped in the corner and, he realizes, in a pool of his own vomit. Moving still seems like too much trouble even then.

When he finally does almost thirty minutes later it’s at the sweet spot between the shock wearing off and the numbness setting in. He needs it today and ironically it’s the first time nothing hurts since he woke up. He makes it back to his room to grab clothes, takes a cold shower, unsurprisingly there isn’t any hot water left, and then staggers back to his room. The entire process takes too long and by the time he’s done, the nausea has returned full force, accompanied by dizziness. He hopes its the fever and not a concussion. He doesn’t remember hitting his head but that’s even scarier. He reaches for his phone...he needs Bryce.

This time though he reads the screen and the messages simply says no service. It’s wrong though, he always gets service in his room and this message is different from when he can’t connect in like, the basement of the school. He tosses it aside and lies down. The pain is slowly creeping up but he doesn’t have to worry about the nausea, it’s still there but he doesn’t have anything to throw up. He manages to slip into a fitful sleep.

He doesn’t remember most of the next few days. At some point he goes to the corner store for gatorade and crackers and spends the last of him money getting them. He locks himself in his room after with two pots and hopes neither fill up too fast. Gross but it works.

He feels like attempting school again on Friday. He sneaks out early before his mom or Albert are up and wanders around the city until school starts; he’s stopped by Bryce before he even gets through the door.

“Justy.”

He thinks there may be a word for what he’s feeling but he doesn’t know it, he’s not very smart anyway, _another non-heroic trait he can check off_ , but its a mixture of sadness, fear, unhappiness, and desperate, desperate longing, _he wants Bryce to hold him to make the lingering pain go away and maybe even promise him nothing like this will happen again_.

“Hey Bryce, how are you?” He gives his winning smile but Bryce’s face doesn’t break into one like it usually does.

“Not too good, I’ve got a bit of a problem, maybe you can help me?”

He doesn’t like the tone in the older boy’s voice but still, he’d do almost anything for Bryce, “Sure what do you need?”

“Well I have this friend, a brother of mine actually. I’ve always supported him through everything, loved him, taken care of him, given him everything he’s ever needed. Phones, even put him on my family’s plan, clothes, money, everything. But he’s got this new friend, a pretty good guy, someone I know, who must be giving him something he wants but doesn’t need. He seems to think this friend can replace me-”

“Bryce I never-”

“Quiet Justy and listen.” The coolness in the voice makes him sick to his stomach, Bryce rarely uses that tone with him, only when he’s really fucked something up. “Anyway, he thinks he can replace me with this new friend, he’s staying at his house, getting clothes from him, spending lots of time with him. I’ve been patient with him for years but I had to teach him a little lesson, cut him off from the outside world and keep him out of my house. It really hurt me to do but he needs to know that I’m the only person he can really depend on; his other friend doesn’t have the same open door policy, doesn’t have parents who won’t ask questions, and doesn’t know how to look after his best interests like I do. Now I need to know if he’s learned this lesson and is ready to make it up to me so I can reconnect him to everything.”

Justin gulps and Bryce is looking at him with an expression that freezes his heart, “I think he has Bryce. I’m sure this friend of yours really like, understands that he needs you and wants you to knows you could never be replaced by anyone, no matter who they are. I bet if he were here right now he’d tell you that he loves you a lot and needs you and wants you and his new friend means a lot to him too but isn’t you...no one could be you.”

He loves Zach but he also loves Bryce and Zach could never replace Bryce _Bryce could never replace Zach either but he can’t say that now_... and Zach can’t pay for his everything like Bryce, give him a phone, school supplies, clothes, food, help with bills, and he doesn’t have a pool house where Justin can sleep whenever or parents who care so little they’d never wonder why their son’s friend stays almost as many nights as he doesn’t. He also can’t replace eight years of memories or Bryce’s love. He needs Bryce, is basically dependent on him. He thinks darkly that heroes don’t have to rely on anyone but he thinks if he tries to count all of his unheroic qualities and is able to get rid of them, there’d be nothing left of him. It’s a sobering realization, to know nothing about him is worth keeping at all.

Bryce nods slowly, eyes still fixed on Justin and says, “Good as long as this brother remembers what’s mine is his but what’s his is mine.”

Justin feels his heart drop, he doesn’t have anything Bryce could want. “I’m not sure this brother has anything but he’ll-”

“This friend has the eye of a certain girl, Amy, Kat’s friend not Amy Vonzer. I bet you could find a way to send her my way.”

Justin kind of feels sick but Bryce has had his eyes on Amy for a while and he doesn’t mind helping a friend, brother, out. Beside’s Amy’s a nice girl, and cute, she deserves the best and Bryce is definitely better than him. All Justin can offer is sex and a pretty face, Bryce can do that and a lot more so it really is just better for her.

“Yeah, sure I’ll-he’ll see what he can do.”

Bryce claps him on the shoulder and Justin leans into slightly, Bryce lets him for a moment and then pulls his hand away. Justin can still feel the left over warmth and wants the source of it back desperately.

They head in together.

He tries not to feel guilty when he sees Zach later. He has no reason to be right? It’s not like he’s actually betrayed him or something. He smiles off all the question about his missed days. Tells them, him especially, he was sick and that’s true, he was. He gets high that night, and stays so the whole weekend and is able to forget all about the experience, _while high he wonders if Superman ever needs drugs to escape his problems...somehow he doubts it_. Bryce treats him normally at the party and gives him a smile that makes him feel like gold after Justin nudges Amy his way.

He thinks he sort of gets it, Bryce is just jealous of him spending time with Zach. That means Bryce really does love him, right? The thought fills him with warmth and it lingers through the weekend but grows colder with each passing day. After the party it’s just him and Bryce and the other boy spends time with him, give him attention, full attention for the most part. He isn’t Zach though, he doesn’t let Justin hold his hand, or tuck him in at night, or even roll around on the floor with him just so Justin can have an excuse for socially acceptable physical contact that doesn’t hurt him. When Justin says goodnight and on impulse adds, “sleep with the angels” Bryce gives him a weird look. He tries to concentrate on Bryce being there and spending time with him and he’s angry with himself for being greedy and wanting more.

He sees Zach on the following Monday and all of the guilt comes rushing back, so much so that none of the weed he smokes between periods gets rid of it. Zach catches him after practice.

“Are you good bro? You’ve seemed off since Friday.”

His heart clenches when Zach calls him bro, even if it’s as casual as when he or Bryce use the word. He lives for the days Zach calls him that; today it makes him feel dirtier.

“Yeah I’m fine, I guess I’m just…”

“In need of some help?” It’s a gentle suggestion and one he could easily refuse. Zach wouldn’t hold it against him, he doesn’t hold grudges.

Justin should refuse...but Bryce doesn’t know about this. Justin’s never mentioned it and Bryce didn’t say anything about it so maybe it’s okay? Besides...Zach is always so gentle and maybe Justin’s a bitch but he wants that now. He nods and Zach retreats into his bag while Justin shucks his shirt off.

Zach’s expression turns dark for a moment and he starts mumbling angrily in Chinese but when Justin flinches, and he swears he didn’t mean to, a hand rests on the top of his head and Justin can’t help it as he leans against that hand, trying to absorb all of the comfort and kindness it can give. Zach moves it away too soon but Justin can’t really blame him as he goes about smearing the cold healing cream on liberally and Justin is able to relax for the first time in about a week. Really relax...he thought he had at Bryce’s house but side by side with now they don’t compare.

Zach talks, light and easy conversation; school, May’s upcoming piano recital and how nervous she is, something he saw on TV. Justin wonders if Zach is actually a superhero. He remembers dimly a Superman comic when the hero rescued a cat from a tree. He never understood it then, Superman had more important things to do but this little girl got her cat stuck in a tree and Superman cared enough to get it down for her. Not for the cat, it would have been fine but for the little girl who was crying and her pain was important to him, rather, fixing her pain was important to him. So much so that he made it better not because it was a challenge only he could do but because he was there and it was like, the right thing to do.

Zach may not save the world all the time but he has a lot better things to do than deal with Justin’s sorry ass and yet he’s here. More than here, _Bryce is ‘here’ when Justin needs him...usually_ , Zach cares that Justin is in pain, and he doesn’t know the half of it. Maybe Zach actually is Superman, a man so kind that he cares about other people’s tiny problems just because it’s a big deal to them. The thought makes him laugh and Zach eyed him curiously.

“Something funny?”

“Nah, hey Dempsey how do you look in blue?”

“Umm, you know? I wear blue literally every time we play remember?” His voice is really confused now.

“Oh- oh yeah.” He still has a giddy, silly feeling in him over knowing Superman and it lasts until Zach invites him over.

He has plans with Bryce that afternoon and after the past week...well it’s fine. He loves Bryce and can have fun with him. He turns Zach down and the other boy only looks a little disappointed. They leave the locker room together and Justin watches him get in his dad’s car and drive off. Justin wonders if he’s going to some other miserable bastard to make them feel like they’re not a mistake, like they’re actually a person who deserves to be alive and not just wasting everything they use. The thought makes him feel a tiny bit jealous but also convinces him that Zach Dempsey is probably the best person he’s ever met and that fills him with pride in his friend and a warm feeling at knowing Zach cares about him of all people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...sorry you all had to read that but it was necessary. From the show we know how much Justin has to rely on Bryce and I've been undermining that relationship so this chapter kind of had to come about. I'm actually really proud of how it came out actually which makes me feel a little sick but I think I did Bryce pretty well and that makes me feel a little uncomfortable. In any case the next chapter is going to be much fluffier so hopefully after this you'll still hang around to read that one.
> 
> On another note, I'm going to change my posting times to Tuesdays, Thursdays, and either Saturdays or Sundays, I haven't decided which or if I'll switch them, it just works better for my schedule.
> 
> On another another note, if you have ideas for chapters feel free to leave them either in the comments or by pm if AO3 has them (I don't think this site does but I may be wrong about that). I can't promise I'll write them but if I think I can do it justice I might.
> 
> As always, happy reading and I love comments so please leave them if you want to!


	12. Superman and Tigger (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas brings a surprising new problem for Zach, namely what, if anything to get for Justin. Well actually getting isn't the problem, giving is but eventually he works up the courage to hand the gift over, it just takes longer than it should.

Zach isn’t exactly on the fence about the idea...he’s made up his mind about it, ordered the gift and put it in a shopping bag with a Christmas tree on it and then carefully set baby blue tissue paper, the same color as Justin’s eyes, around it. Too bad giving the gift is the hard part, far more so than getting it ready.

He wonders if he should have gone for something safer, a pair of sneakers Justin was admiring or something food related since the way to Justin’s heart is definitely through his stomach. Or he could have done something really lame like take Justin to the movies, there are a couple he really wants to see. Instead on impulse, he goes with his first idea and orders it. He’s happy it’s well hidden in the box it’s delivered in since his mom finding it would be mortifying. He uses her supplies to wrap it nice, and also well hidden...anyone seeing it would be awkward.

Then it sits on the floor of his closet for days as he works up the nerve to actually give it to Justin. It really shouldn’t be this hard except that if he gives it to Justin and he doesn’t like it, or thinks it’s dumb or kiddish and makes fun of him, it’ll hurt more than he thinks he can deal with. Thinking about that alone nearly convinces him to call off the whole thing; bury the gift deep in his closet and pretend it isn’t there.

The last day of school before the break he knows it’s do or don’t and he slides the present into his bag and resolves to find Justin before school. He doesn’t, but the other boy finds him and he seems like he wants something but the whole time Zach is hyper aware of the bag he’s carrying that he needs to give the other boy. Justin asks him if something’s wrong, wide eyes curious and head tilted slightly to the side. He lies and says that nothing is. He’s happy Justin drops it but the mood seems wrong to give a gift and anyway, homeroom starts. He sees Justin again during lunch and again during Ms. Varnes’s class but both times he’s too tense and worried and he feels sort of sick to. Besides Bryce and Monty are not the audience he wants to have, they could ruin anything. His bag seems to weigh a ton even though it’s actually lighter than it’s been all week.

Between classes he passes the Jensen boy in the hallway forcing something colorfully wrapped into Jeff’s hands. Jeff laughs warmly and grabs the back of Jensen’s (Clay’s?) collar to keep him from getting away so he can pulls him into a one armed hug. He doesn’t even seem to care about the present in his hand, only that someone thought enough of him to get him a present in the first place.

The scene makes him think and he remembers sitting on the floor of his house years ago with a baby May on his lap in front of the TV on Christmas Eve, his parents sitting behind them on the couch watching the _Grinch_. He remembers the Grinch puzzling about how Christmas still happens without any presents at all. Jeff didn’t even unwrap the gift but still reacted with happiness just to get anything from the other boy. Justin will be the same right?

It gives him the courage he needs and he gets out of his last class early and waits leaning against Justin’s locker, not sure how his legs can support him with how bad they’re shaking. He keeps his eyes closed and rests his head against the cold metal trying to relax.

“Hey.” A grinning Justin greets him when he opens his eyes.

“Hey.” He grins back, nothing like Justin’s smile but he’s happy to see his friend even if he wonders if inmates feel this way on their way to death row.

“We made it, a whole week we don’t have to come here.” Justin moves forward and Zach gets off his locker.

“Yeah today was awful but it’s over.” His reply sounds lame even to his own ears.

“Agreed.” Justin’s reply is easy, but not, actually it sounds a little forced.

His mind is screaming at him to just give Justin the bag and he bends down reaches into his bag and pulls out the bag while Justin slings his backpack off and pulls out a white box topped with one of the plastic red bows from a dollar store. Their eyes lock as they stand back up and Zach could almost laugh because Justin’s looks as uncomfortable as he feels.

“I got you this.” Justin passes the box over and he accepts it and passes the bag back with one condition.

“Open first mine first.”

It might be a little cowardly because Justin has obviously been having a hard time with this too but whatever the other boy has gotten for him will be great so they might as well end on a high note in case his gift is lame. Besides, Justin should expect the cowardice by now, _he never would though, that’s the worst part_.

He watches anxiously as Justin reaches into the bag. His hand pushes past the tissue paper and he frowns. Zach’s heart sinks, he’s messed up but Justin pulls out the content anyway, a soft, stuffed toy, Tigger. A painfully sad smile crosses Justin’s face and Zach watches him as he traces the face and back and down the tail. He looks up at Zach and his eyes are filled with wonder and shock and are a little wet; he looks back down quickly.

He manages a quiet “thank you,” and Zach wonders how so much emotion can be in two little words. He lets out a sigh and feels the tension leaves his body before feeling an arm sling around him.

“Open mine now.” Justin’s voice cracks a little and Zach is all too happy to do so.

He grins and pulls the lid off the box with one hand while resting it on his other arm. Whatever is inside is covered with newspaper and the novelty of it makes him smile a little. He carefully pushes the newspaper out of the way and then feels his jaw drop. Inside is what he assumes is a T-shirt, whatever it is, the iconic Superman “S” is emblazoned on it. He lifts the cloth out and an intentionally faded blue T-shirt unfolds itself, logo displayed proudly in the chest.

“Justin-why?” His voice cracks at the end. He’s just confused and doesn’t understand but he remembers the conversation a few weeks ago when Justin asked if he looked good in blue. He knows whatever this gift means, Justin put a lot of thought into it and Zach will never be deserving of it, thought or gift.

Justin starts stumbling through an explanation, “Cause you’re like my hero. I’m always getting into fights and you always make me feel better or like just being around you makes me feel like maybe I’m not going nowhere or sometimes you call me-never mind it’s stupid I’m sorry.”

Justin’s face is bright red and he stares at the floor looking embarrassed and sad and hurt and Zach curses himself. He’s right, he doesn’t deserve this but he’s made feel Justin feel terrible and needs to fix it, or at least try.

He reaches out and wraps his arms around the other boy, not squeezing just holding him gently; pulls the smaller boy against his chest so Justin is half leaning on him and rests his chin of Justin’s head. He rocks them a little and whispers quietly in Mandarin, _“If I was really Superman I’d be able to protect you from everything, all the pain, sadness, hurt. You’d be safe and happy and know your loved and wanted and people would know you’re as special and wonderful as I do.”_ His voice cracks but he doesn't really care. He just wishes he could say it in English because that’s what Justin deserves, not Zach being a coward and saying all of this to him but not so he understands.

A throat clearing interrupts them and he stiffens then let’s Justin go. Over the other boy’s head he sees Scott. The other boy doesn’t look judgmental or anything just maybe a little confused.

“Careful you two, the rumor mill is a nasty thing and your out in the open here. I’m not gonna tell anyone, but I’m not sure you want Monty seeing this. Oh and walking out holding a kid’s toy is probably a bad idea Foley. Anyway, Merry Christmas you two.” He starts walking as both call the same thing back at him.

He turns back to Justin after they slide their respective gifts back into their backpacks.

“Merry Christmas, Justin.” He means it rather than just as something hollow he says to people and smiles at Justin, a small one but real.

Merry Christmas Zach!” Justin’s smile is big and bright and full of wonder and exactly how Zach would be able to keep it if he was Superman.

His phone buzzes before he can say anything more and he says, “Hey, my dad’s waiting but don’t be a stranger. Come over sometime this week!”

Justin agrees and he heads out. Dad asks how his day was. Zach assumes all of the emotion he’s feeling; the happiness, guilt, joy, the crushing realization that he’ll never be what Justin wants but the other boy has so few people looking out for him that he doesn't even realizes Zach is just a coward, is written all over his face. He just says it's a good day. The shirt in his bag is both like a conviction of every bit of his cowardice in not helping his best friend more and the most amazing gift he’s ever gotten. It really is both.

When he gets back he tries the shirt on and it’s loose and baggy and comfortable, perfect. He sleeps in it that night and keeps it as a night shirt, if he brings it out and wears it during the day, it’ll get stained by all of the times he’s unworthy of it, convict him of them. Justin stays over one night and he beams when he sees Zach in it. That smile is enough. He thinks he’ll remember it forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas lol. This chapter was written a while ago but I needed to get ready for it which means I needed Golden Days and A Real Hero. I really enjoyed writing this one even if it's just tooth rotting fluff. After last chapter this is probably a much needed break anyway.
> 
> The next chapter starts something I probably should have done earlier but the idea didn't come to me soon enough, it's Zach's counter part to Justin's Bruised Boy chapters and he'll get his part Tuesday.
> 
> As always happy reading and leave comments, I love reading them and if you think you have an idea for a good chapter leave that too!


	13. Lonely Boy: Part 1 (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach sometimes thinks in a room full of people he could still feel totally alone. He can actually, it’s happened before and not May, nor his parents, nor any of his friends can make it better. Well almost none of his friends, Justin can, in his disarming, simple way.

Zach hates these parties. He thought when he first started coming to them in the beginning of the year it would be different, that being around so many people would take away the crushing loneliness that sometimes seems to surround him. It should right? Normal people can’t possibly feel this disconnected in a sea of people like this. Bryce’s house is literally full, boys, girls, all together into some kind of mess that satisfies them. So why doesn’t it satisfy him? What do they have that he wants but isn’t getting? It isn’t the booze, he’s had quite a bit to drink, can’t be the music, he’s heard all these songs, or the food, he’s eaten.

He sees Sherri sitting on the lap of a handsome boy whose name he doesn’t remember and wonders if it’s the closeness. He thinks it might be but he also doesn’t like any of the girls here, not like that. Sherri, Kat, Wanita, Leah, Amanda, all girls he enjoys the company of. Sherri is kind and warm, Kat is firey and fun, Wanita can dance like no-one else, Leah is funny and cheerful, and Amanda loves sports as much as he does. He doesn’t like any of the boys like that either so he doesn’t think he’s gay or anything. About the closest he’s ever come is Justin and the other boy is more like what he thinks a brother would be like rather than a lover.

Still...thinking of Justin changes everything because even if he isn’t in love with Justin, he loves the other boy all the same. Justin seems to have drawn the shortest straw in the universe between his mom, thinking about the woman still leaves a bad taste in his mouth, her boyfriends, he hates them all, and Bryce who’s more complicated than all of them; but Justin is still so much better than all of those things. He doesn’t think the other boy knows but even when he is alone in a room full of people, he can count on Justin to make him feel seen.

He wonders if that’s it, if somehow he feels like no matter how many people are present they don’t see Zach Dempsey the way he is. The see the star athlete, or the nice guy, or the jock, or something else but always somehow miss he’s all of those and more...like they forget he’s more than just a stereotype, more than just one thing at a time. Justin doesn’t. Justin always seems to be aware he’s a lot of things at once and sometimes he doesn’t get the one Zach wants him to get but the other boy understands he’s human and Zach loves him for it.

He wants Justin now, selfishly wants him...like to himself away from all of this noise. He knows he won’t get it though. Since the week Justin was sick, he’s been different. He sticks closer to Bryce and that doesn’t exactly affect the time he spends with Zach it just means he spends more time with Bryce. It makes Zach bitter because Bryce doesn’t appreciate Justin like Zach does, like Justin deserves.

“Smile, it’s a party,”

Speak of the devil.

“Hey Bryce.” He forces a smile that, to him, feels incredibly fake and he can’t see how anyone would believe it. But Bryce either does or doesn’t care it isn't real because he doesn’t comment. “Sorry I was thinking about something.”

The other boy claps him on the back, “Don’t think too hard bro, tonight’s a night to enjoy yourself. Here have one.” He passes a solo cup into Zach’s hand and then takes a gulp of his own. Zach follows suit, it’s pretty good, a smooth whiskey that has a hint of sweetness to it. He manages another smile after and Bryce looks at him approvingly.

“You should smile more Dempsey, the ladies love it. Speaking of which Amy’ll be looking for me, I’ll see you later Zachy.”

He realizes that he _hates_ being called Zachy. Well maybe he just hates Bryce and the boy is the only one who calls him that. It always takes everything he has to not curl his lip or voice his disgust but he knows if he does it’ll be a bigger problem and he’ll probably end up with more people calling him by the hated nickname. Actually he also hates when Bryce calls him bro or brother too. He doesn’t mind it coming from Jeff or Scott or Willim or anyone else, _actually coming from Justin it feels like a loving nickname instead of a substitute for ‘dude’ or ‘man’_ , but when Bryce says it, it ruins the word. Actually he also hates when Bryce calls Justin ‘Justy’, it makes him angry like Bryce is trying to own his best friend through cheap words. It seems to work too, Justin will always get that look in his eyes, however short it lasts, of absolute adoration whenever Bryce calls him by the name.

“Hey, yo. Zach are you alive in there?” Speak of the other devil, a tipsy Justin is standing in front of him, all smiles and energy.

He blinks a couple times and smiles back, “Yeah, what’s it to you?” The smile only feels half as forced as it did last time.

“Well they’re having a dance contest and I need a partner.” A crushing feeling of disappointment almost overwhelms him. His friend just wants a dance partner, not to spend time with him and Justin’s eyes are also shining with mischief. Between his terrible mood and the look in those eyes, Zach knows for the sake of his dignity he should refuse whatever the other boy wants. That’s the opposite of his own hope of having some time with his friend...still.

“Umm shouldn’t you find a girl?” Rumor mill and all that.

“Nah, none of the ones I would want to dance with have any rhythm, besides there won’t be any slow songs; it’s not like prom or something. C’mon it’ll be fun!”

Zach doubts it; he’s a terrible dancer and slow song or not it sounds a little risky. Still, it'll be time with Justin, however shallow, so that might make it worth it, as long as his friend doesn’t mind losing...who’s he kidding, Justin is at least as competitive as him.

“Dude I can’t dance.” Might as well let him know ahead of time.

“Nah Dempsey, you’ll be great. You don’t _like _to but you can. Trust me I’ve seen you and I’ve seen people who can’t dance and you’re not one of them.”__

__  
_ _

He feels his face heat up at that comment, “You’ve seen me dance?” The last time he remembers dancing was a stupid middle school dance and remembers feeling so stiff he might as well have been plastic.

“Yeah, you did it once when you were drunk, off to the side like you didn’t want anyone to see you but man you’ve got some moves and I’m to use those to win!”

“But-”

“Listen I know you can and you will but if you really feel like you can’t, just copy me.” He makes it sound so easy, and Zach can almost believe it will be.

The other boy is pulling him outside where the music is blasting loudly and people are clearing room to dance on the patio. It makes him feel better that several of the obvious partners are both girls but it looks like they’re the only two dudes dancing with each other. He doesn’t have time to contemplate as Marcus Cole stands up on a table not at all meant for a person’s weight and says, “Alright ladies and gentlemen I hope you’re ready to begin! Three songs are going to play and you and your partner are going to dance the best you can to each of them. Now the point is to have fun but the winners, judged by me, Bryce, and the lovely Kat, get a special surprise so I hope that pushes you to try harder! I think we’ve got about twelve teams so we’re going to begin as soon as the music starts!”

Zach only feels himself growing more uncomfortable but Justin is looking at him with more excitement than is really necessary and he feels it catching a little. The music comes on and it takes him a moment to recognize the song “Watch Me” he feels his face heat up. He’s always thought this song was ridiculous but the other people competing start dancing and he just follows Justin’s movements. The other boy is surprisingly graceful. He always knew Justin was on the court but even now his movements flow easily and somehow he doesn't look stupid...Zach can’t say the same about himself.

As if sensing the doubt Justin says over the music, “Dude, you’re doing great!” He’s beaming at him and that’s enough for him to try a little harder, loosen up a bit and get more into it. He still feels like a moron but looking around everyone looks pretty much the same and suddenly he doesn’t feel as stupid. All the same, he’s not really upset when the song ends.

A Spanish song plays next and he can recognize Salsa music when he hears it. Once again Justin starts in and Zach follows along. It’s even easier to get into this one since it doesn’t feel as ridiculous as the previous dance and the pair kind of just move with each other, it actually feels very natural. He sort of gets it and Justin is a great partner, he doesn’t criticize or make fun of him despite Zach definitely holding him back. In a way it’s almost like playing basketball, they just sort of click and he’s laughing along with Justin as the other boy grabs his hands for a few moves. He thinks maybe they should be more careful but he tries not to stiffen up and lets it happen.

It’s actually fun too and he didn’t expect it to be but for the first time ever, he’s dancing and doesn’t feel painfully exposed. Maybe because Justin is the one watching him and the other boy’s eyes are bright and happy and full of life. The song changes again and something he doesn’t recognize comes on but that doesn’t mean anything, he just follows Justin’s lead and by the end of this song, he wishes the competition would last longer, he doubts there’ll be another opportunity for him to do this again anytime soon.

They stand now and watch the judges whisper among each other. Kat moves to the front and announces, “Due to the unexpectedly strong performance of several teams, we’ve decided to announce the winners as well as the runners up. Of course we only have awards for the winners but I bet we can cook something up for the second place! In any case our victors are Jeff and Leah, let’s hear a round of applause for not only the best dancers here but also the cutest couple in the school! Come up here and receive your Dancing King and Queen crowns!”

The winning pair look surprised first and then Jeff’s face breaks into a huge smile while Leah grins but looks slightly embarrassed. Zach’s happy for them, he wasn’t watching anyone but Justin during the dance but he’s sure they deserve the win. They walk up to receive two paper crowns that look suspiciously like Burger King crowns.

He claps and looks at Justin, the other boy gives him a ruthful shrug. He claps too, and yells out “You go Atkins! Give your girl a kiss for carrying your sorry ass!”

A collective laugher rises up and Jeff leans down to do that to increasing applause.

After it dies down Kat speaks again. “Our second place, the best in show, are Justin and Zach. Congratulations on being our runners up and putting the most effort in!”

Justin laughs and Zach joins him. A moment later freezing water is being dumped on both of them courtesy of a few of the jocks.

Marcus takes over, “Since we don’t have a proper prize to offer the two of you we figured this would be appropriate to cool the two of you down after that fiery performance!”

A round of laugher renews and Zach imagines his face is pretty funny if Justin’s is anything to go by. The other boy then breaks into a wicked smile and yells, “Very funny Marcus, c’mon here, let me thank you!”

He ends up chasing a Marcus and some of the jocks around trying to get them in a wet hug to the amusement of everyone not being chased. He finally returns to Zach and announces, “The rest of you suck but at least I have Zach.” Then before Zach can catch on to the meaning he’s suddenly being squeezed by a very soggy and cold Justin. It devolves into an impromptu wrestling match in the middle of the patio to the applause and laughter of the spectators but Zach isn’t paying attention to any of them. Justin’s eyes are locked with his and like before, they’re bright and happy and Zach swears they’re seeing all of him. His lingering discomfort with the situation, his joy and exhilaration, his contentment even at being forced into the role of dumb jock during their little game because it’s with Justin. For him too, not the rest of these people watching them.

He’s realized it’s true, he’s content. Right now, and actually since Justin dragged him into this mess, the all consuming loneliness isn’t there. During the dancing he’s been able to focus on that and his excitement over it and now he’s finally gotten Justin’s full attention and he intends to soak it up.

Until Justin sneezes, several times and then Zach remembers it’s cold and they’re wet and Justin is in a ratty T-shirt and jeans that have seen better days. Luckily Kat is waiting with towels for them looking amused and maybe a little starry eyed at Justin. His friend though isn’t paying much attention to her in favor of complaining, not seriously, that the competition was rigged and the pair of them should have won.

It isn’t much, all of this. Dancing and rolling around on a dirty patio while soaking wet in the middle of winter shouldn’t be the basis of a great time but this party is by far the best he’s ever been to. He may be able to feel totally alone in a room full of people, but as long as Justin is around, well maybe that loneliness doesn’t have to last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are, new chapter. This is going to be Zach's counter part to Justin's Bruised Boy chapters that deal with his own internal struggles with loneliness. I probably should have started this sooner but the idea didn't strike me until much later. I really would have liked to do one of these early and cover Zach realizing that Justin actually helps with his problem but all well. 
> 
> In any case I hope you all enjoy this one. It was pretty hard to write since I don't dance so I had to look up the songs for all of this and I probably didn't do a great job writing the dancing but all well, it's the same for the basketball scenes. 
> 
> I have a question for all of you reading. I've been thinking of doing a few chapters, another mini-series inside this one that would deal with other characters observing the boys' relationships and their take on it. I'd be keeping to the characters you guys already know, Coach, Clay, Jeff, Jess and Alex eventually. I'm not sure if its something you guys would be interested in though so let me know. 
> 
> Happy reading and please leave me comments! Also if you have ideas for possible chapters you'd like please let me know.


	14. Sick Day (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach’s home sick from school and bored to death, at least he is until he hears a noise downstairs. May went to school and both his parents are at work. He grabs his baseball and gets ready for some _Home Alone_ shit, turns out it isn’t necessary...but he doesn’t regret the balloon filled with baby oil.

Zach stares up at his ceiling. He isn’t sure if he’s more miserable or bored. Two days home sick is alright but the third day is brutal and of course out of everyone in his family he would be the only one to get sick. His throat is sore, head feels full of cotton, and his body aches. He wants the TV remote to be closer but reaching out from under the covers is a terrible thought, he’s freezing despite knowing that under three blankets he has no right to be. He needs to get something to drink too but if uncovering his arm seems more trouble than it’s worth, getting up is even more so.

He starts nodding off but then he hears something downstairs, a soft thud he thinks but that doesn’t make sense. Dad took May to school on his way to work and Mom left a few minutes later to go into the office. He pulls the blankets up farther over his head and tries to convince himself it’s just his imagination, either a fever induced hallucination, _can you hallucinate noise?_ , or an outgrowth of intense boredom. Then he hears more noise, footsteps on tile and the sounds of someone in the kitchen, cupboards opening and closing and the faucet running.

His body stiffens and he reaches out to grab his phone. He remembers belatedly its not with him _Zachary if I leave your phone with you, you will be on it all day and not rest_ well now he’s going to die in a home invasion because he couldn’t call 911, thanks Mom. Then he remembers watching Home Alone with May. He doesn’t have the time or creativity for most of that but even sick he figures he can hit pretty hard and he has a plan to help with that a little.

He slides out of bed; it’s as cold and unpleasant as he expects, but finds his bat under the bed. His hand also finds the bag of balloons left over from May’s birthday party and it’s all he needs for the nasty idea forming. He grabs a handful and gets into the bathroom across the hall, hoping he hasn’t made too much noise himself and grabs the bottle of baby oil emptying it into the balloon.

He figures this stuff will be gross to get all over the person and if it gets in their eyes that’s even better. It’ll hopefully be enough of a distraction for him to get a good hit in with his bat. He wishes he had time to fill more balloons but he hears the stairs creak as the intruder comes up. Zach crouches behind his door and waits, when he hears the top stair squeak really loudly, he gets out from behind and flings the balloon before closing the distance to swing. 

Something crashes to the floor the same time someone yells, “What the fuck Zach!”

He stops mid step and blinks at the figure standing at the top of the stairs surrounded by a broken glass, a box of crackers, and toast, who looks familiar. He’s also dripping with baby oil which is all over his face and hair. Hands reach up and swipe the dripping liquid off and uncovers Justin’s annoyed face. He looks Zach up and down and then breaks into an amused smile.

“Justin?”

“Yeah dumbass it’s me. What the fuck is this stuff?”

“Baby oil.”

“Sure, why the fuck not, and the bat?”

“To hit you.”

“Of course, here I am, cutting school to be a good friend and come and entertain you. I make you toast, bring crackers and water and get ambushed by a balloon full of baby oil and a bat.”

“You came for me?” Suddenly being sick seems to catch up with him and just trying to keep up with Justin’s wild leaps in conversation is hard.

“Duh, now go to bed, I’m going to clean up and join you. Do you need anything now?”

His brain sluggishly tries to remember what he wanted before all of this and he finally manages, “Water?”

Justin nods and tells him to go to bed again. He does, feeling maybe a little bad he attacked his friend...maybe. It was kind of funny. He returns to his room, gets back in bed and is just starting to settle in when Justin returns, looking very shiny, and holding a cup of water. He puts it on the nightstand and says he’ll be back after he’s cleaned up. He gives Zach a stern look and tells him that when he comes back the water had better be gone. Zach blinks at his retreating form not totally understanding but also thinking he doesn’t want to find out what Justin will do if he isn’t finished.

He does, and is dozing when Justin returns, showered and having cleaned the mess in the hallway. Justin brings more water and sets it down. He talks for a while about nothing much and Zach lets the familiar voice wash over him and eventually is asleep.

When he wakes up and his brain still feels fuzzy and everything still hurts but maybe a little less. Justin is sitting at the foot of his bed watching TV; he takes the time to study his friend, or the back of his friend at any rate. Justin is sitting on his knees, leaning back sort of on his arms. He can’t see his face but Justin seems to be doing okay. He shifts a little and realizes he’s holding something. He pulls the covers up, he’s kicked two of them off and feels very hot instead of very cold now, and finds Tigger clenched firmly in his arms.

“I figured you’d like appreciate something to hold...I do when I’m sick.”

He looks up and sees Justin has turned around to face him. He feels warmer and it isn’t all because of the fever. Here he is cuddling with the present he gave Justin and something feels wrong about that to him.

“Relax bro, I’m going to get you more water and if you’re up to it we can watch something when I get back.” Justin gets up and does what he says, returning to pass the water to Zach. When he takes the cup he feels a hand rest against his forehead and it’s cool and pleasant, _and Justin's_ , so he leans against it. Everything feels awful and he kind of just doesn't want the other boy to leave.

“Hmm, did your parents leave anything for you to take? You feel hot, I guess that’s the fever right?”

He sort of shrugs and and tries to remember. He thinks they probably did but he can’t really remember. Justin moves off the bed and says he’ll look. Zach’s disappointed, he’d rather Justin over the medicine but his friend doesn’t take too long and comes back with some pills. Zach downs them with some water and Justin makes him drink more water before he slips back into sleep, Justin’s hand returns though and that makes it better.

He’s cold and everything is dark. He doesn’t think it should be, thinks it should be warmer and brighter. Then he feels it, the feeling, the one that comes when he’s hopelessly alone and painfully aware of it. The terrible clawing, crushing, suffocating feeling that consumes everything he is and leaves him with the desperate desire for someone who understands him, unlike his classmates, who doesn’t have almost unreachable expectations of him, unlike his parents, and who he can be vulnerable around, unlike May. The feeling that leaves him wanting this person but also too painfully afraid to ever let himself be that vulnerable around another person. Letting someone in like that is terrifying and has too high a risk for pain.

He wants that right now though, needs that person because this feeling is stronger than it’s ever been and he’s suddenly terrified. He could go his whole life and never have what he wants, he could die cold and alone without ever having known the person, or maybe even people, he was meant to know. Or worse, he could meet this person and mess it up so horribly and never be able to have their peace or love and still die cold and alone but this time with the knowledge that he did this to himself.

_“You’re good Zach, shh, I’ve got you.”_

The voice breaks through his fear. It’s soothing and familiar and comforting. Something cool touches his head, a hand. Pleasant and sort of rough but gentle as the thumb brushes over the skin.

_“Just relax I’m not going anywhere and neither is Tigger, we’re with you.”_

The hand leaves and he feels the panic start to creep back until he feels a blast of cold air, _he was already really cold_ , followed by a source of warmth. He moves towards it. The hand returns, now brushing through his hair and the terrible feeling recedes. He leans against the warmth and lets out a sigh.

The next time he wakes up he feels a little better. Warm, not hot or cold, and everything still aches but it’s duller, manageable. He opens his eyes slowly and things start to come back into focus. He’s in bed, the TV is playing low and the pressure against his side is Justin, his hand still on Zach’s head. Tigger is now between them though Zach is still holding the toy. He wonders if being sick is actually all that bad. Sure he feels terrible but even then the feeling is gone for now.

“Morning sunshine, sleep well?” Justin’s voice cuts into his thoughts, his friend sounds amused.

He nods and then, “Is it still morning?” That can’t be right can it? It has to be later, he doesn’t want it to be but surely he’s been asleep for a few hours by now.

“Hmm, like 1ish? Just a little after. Why, hungry?”

He rolls his eyes a little, of course Justin would be thinking about food. His friend might as well be a stomach with legs, Justin may be smaller than him but he can eat more than Zach any day...actually he can eat more than anyone Zach knows pretty easily. He never seems to get any bigger either.

His stomach growls...well maybe the walking stomach has a good point. He nods and Justin slides out from under the covers and disappears out the door. He can’t be gone long but Zach regrets not stopping him as soon as he’s gone. The coldness seeps back in almost immediately but worse than that, he suddenly realizes he’s completely alone. The feeling leaves him feeling worse than he has all day and even though Justin isn’t gone more than a few minutes, it seems like an eternity. He only gets through it because the door is open and he can hear his friend down in the kitchen. The sounds anchor him and give him hope for the other boy’s return.

When it comes, it comes with toast and more water which Justin passes to Zach before climbing back onto the bed...Zach’s disappointed when he only stretches out on top of the covers next to him but Justin does casually loop an arm around him and that sort of makes up for it. He nibbles at the edge of the toast but he suddenly isn’t very hungry.

“Want the TV on or something?” Not really, he’d rather just sit and listen to Justin talk but even though he’s sick he knows that would sound really weird. Luckily he doesn’t have to think of an answer yet because Justin shifts and moves to sit facing him.

“Hey, why’d you throw a balloon of baby oil at me? I mean like, I know you thought I was like breaking in of something but why that?”

“A movie. This kid gets left home alone, that’s the name of it, and these two people come to rob the house and he beats them up with a bunch of traps...May and I watched it, it’s pretty funny.”

Justin tilts his head as he thinks about and then, “Sounds like, fucking grea;t want to watch it now?” His eyes are shining with enthusiasm and well, it may be funny to see Justin's reactions so he agrees, besides the movie isn’t hard to follow at all.

It’s found pretty quickly and they settle in to watch; Justin’s still pretty close and that makes him happy. They lean against each other slightly as it starts and Zach chuckles at Justin’s colorful commentary about what an asshole the main character is, _“Justin he’s like 9.” “Doesn’t mean he isn’t still an ass.”_ and how bad the family is, _“They made him sleep in the attic? That’s fucked up!”_. When they forget about him Justin’s eyes get very distant and Zach has to grab his hand to bring him back, Justin smiles brightly at him after and pretends nothing happened. He laughs at the after shave scene and it seems funnier to him than it should be but who’s Zach to judge.

Things get really interesting when the traps start getting set up, _“Kid should be in like a psych ward; this shit is messed up!”_ , or _“Damn I think that would kill someone in real life.”_ , or _“Evil and a genius who the hell would think of that!?_ When the traps start going off he almost dies of laughter and it’s catchy even though it hurts like hell to laugh, of course laughter is just a part of life when Justin is around so he should be used to it by now.

Hearing the car pull in is probably the most disappointing moment of his life. The movie is almost over but they both know he can’t stay. He pulls his sneakers on quickly and makes for the window when the front door opens. Zach wonders what it says about his best friend that coming in through the window seems as natural to him as the front door. Wait…

“You forgot Tigger.”

Justin smiles back through the open window and replies, “I didn’t, you need him more than me tonight. Just return him when you’re back in school. Oh and don’t think about stealing him, I know where you live Dempsey!”

He’s gone moments later, window closed and besides the soft toy he’s holding against his chest, there isn’t any evidence he was ever there. The thought crushes him but he doesn’t have time to think about it, his door opens and his mom walks in.

“Zachary, you’re supposed to be resting your eyes not watching television.” She turns it off and Zach knows he’s lost TV privileges for the rest of this sickness...he hopes it isn’t long. She takes his temperature and he can’t help but feel that Justin may not have been as professional about it but he had a far gentler touch. She approves of the amount of water he’s drunk all day and seems pleased when he says he’s eaten something. After saying she’ll be back in an hour to check on him, she leaves and closes the door behind her.

Somehow that one action seems to seal his fate, the door closing leaves him in a totally empty room, but this time no sounds come in to help fight the loneliness. He can still feel the warm spot Justin left only a few minutes before and slides into it. He quickly decides it’s a poor substitute. At least he has Tigger still who is clenched against his chest safely under the covers and out of sight.

When May and his dad return later they come up to see him too. He hates himself for comparing them to Justin and wishing they were Justin instead of themselves. When he goes back to school the following day it’s more a relief than anything. He leaves Tigger in Justin’s locker with a thank you attached. The other boy tactfully pretends nothing happened when Bryce and the others are around but when they’re alone after practice he makes sure Zach is really feeling better and asks if Tigger helped. He says yes to both, they’re true and even just the younger boy asking makes him feel warm inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 15! I didn't think I would get this far so thank you to everyone who have left kudos or comments, you encouragement means a lot to me!
> 
> This is the obligatory hurt and comforty sick chapter but I tried to spice it up. I loved watching Home Alone and would have liked to do more but hopefully it gets a chuckle here or there. In any case, for the first time since I started posting chapters, I don't have the next one written. Luckily I have till Saturday or Sunday but this weekend will be busy for me so I may not post again until Tuesday. It's a messed up chapter so that'll be fun.
> 
> Also thank you to the people who voiced an opinion of the mini-series I proposed, I have one of those in the works so when it goes up you'll have to let me know what you think of it and if I should continue.
> 
> As always, happy reading and let me know what you think in the comments section!


	15. Lonely Boy Part 2 (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach and Justin are hanging out at Zach’s house. Of course they’re being them and having fun, too bad Mrs. Dempsey catches them and is not happy. Justin tells her exactly what he thinks of her opinion.

Sometimes Zach wonders if he’s destined to be lonely forever. Before high school, he assumed he was because nothing ever seemed to help the feeling. Now he thinks maybe he isn’t because Justin is around and the other boy can usually pull him back...but not always. It’s terrible that his best friend can try so hard to bring Zach to life and just fail because something in him is broken and that isn’t at all Justin’s fault. It’s not like Justin knows exactly...about the feeling, Zach has never been able to tell anyone, even his best friend. Still Justin seems to be very aware of Zach’s moods most of the time and the smaller boy is usually able to deal with them but today seems like one of those days when it just isn't working.

They're at his house, alone for once and that makes it worse because he so rarely gets to have Justin to himself and he feels like he’s wasting it today but he can’t help it. They played a little basketball earlier and that sort of helped but Justin’s leg is kind of a mess and when tears started forming in his eyes, Zach had to call a stop. Justin would have kept playing because it was helping but Zach couldn’t do that to him. Justin didn’t say anything but he limped most of the way back and that was enough for him to confirm he made the right decision.

They went to Zach’s house after and started watching a movie but that didn’t seem to be working and Justin turned it off halfway through only to set up a game system. That’s what they’re doing now but it also isn't working, even though Justin is right next to him, knees touching on the couch but that little bit of contact isn’t enough.

The worst part is that he doesn't especially know what would help this. It’s not like he knows what’ll break the mood and Justin just isn’t doing it, he actually has no clue why the feeling won’t go away and that terrifies him. Usually something as simple as this would be enough to at least calm it but not today and that has him worried that maybe eventually Justin will stop affecting the feeling at all and Zach will be all alone again. Maybe he’ll start slowly noticing that Justin’s presence is less and less effective in dealing with it and once again be forced to deal with this without anything to help it and he’ll go back to feeling like he’s destined to die totally alone. He wishes that Justin was able to lift his mood up because that would end these fears but maybe that’s unfair to expect the other boy to do.

Suddenly he’s being tackled to the floor and Justin is smirking down at him with all the willful cockiness the younger boy usually directs elsewhere. “Come on Zach, don’t invite me over and then leave me to like, die of boredom.”

Despite his face and words Zach thinks he sees a bit of worry mixed in like maybe Justin’s concerned. For some reason that pisses him off a little and now he wishes the other boy would just ask him if he’s alright. Would it be too hard really? It frustrates him because that’s all he wants to hear even though he knows he’ll say ‘yes’ when the answer is really ‘no’.

Justin has enough of his own problems without Zach dumping his petty ones on him. Honestly maybe it’s wrong of him to feel this way at all, he fears dying alone because he can’t seem to deal with some all consuming inability to connect with literally anyone he should except his best friend; that best friend has to fear dying tonight when he goes home, or tomorrow when he wakes up. Still...would it kill his friend to just ask?

Maybe, since the week he was home sick he’s backed off emotional talk, almost like he’s afraid of what Zach might say. And Zach hates it, sure he still does all of the little things like leave candy in Zach’s locker and takes almost every opportunity to brush up against him or touch him when most people wouldn’t but he still misses the conversations, the real talk, the bro talk.

The frustration fuels him and he flips hard to the side. Justin slides off, he’s honestly too light for this and usually that worries Zach a little but not today. Getting onto his knees he meets Justin in battle, it isn’t remotely that glorious but all well, and pins him quickly, knees on arms and his hands on Justin’s shoulders, too bad Justin isn’t smart enough to recognize when to give up.

“That took way to long Zach, you must be off you’re game.” His smile might be the most infuriating thing Zach’s ever seen, bright, happy, and teasing but not mocking at all even though Justin always mouths off when they do this. He’s still annoyed, Justin’s talking but it isn’t what he wants to hear.

He’s about to say something, he doesn't know what yet, when Justin slips out from under him. “Come on Zach, that all you got?” Taunting, he’s just asking for it.

Suddenly he has a weight on his back and feels Justin trying to push him over. He ducks and Justin falls over him, landing on his back by Zach’s knees. He groans and Zach feels a flash of fear that his friends hurt himself.

“I’mgoodI’mgood.” He doesn’t exactly sound it so Zach stands and pushes the coffee table out of the way...Justin was far too close to hitting his head on it and that would have been bad. When he returns Justin is back to smirking and throws himself at Zach again. It doesn’t take too much rolling around for him to pin the smaller boy again who can usually hold his own a little better but Zach thinks maybe his bruises and leg are really bothering him.

Too bad Zach isn’t done...well actually neither is Justin, that aggravating smirk is still leveled at him. “Dude, a grandma could do better than you.”

That’s it. He already has the other boy pinned and Justin might be a little too fragile to get any rougher with but fortunately he has a way to punish the little shit without hurting him. He wiggles his fingers against Justin’s sides where he knows there aren’t any bruises. The other boy breaks out in laughter and curses while squirming under him. He keeps it up until Justin slips away.

Well that’s never good…

It’s almost an hour later and Zach hasn’t laughed so hard in a long time and maybe...just maybe, he feels a lot better. He wonders if Justin’s plan all along was to make him laugh, pain in the ass he is that could totally be it. He’s currently pinned after going back and forth several times. His foot is in Justin’s hand who’s scribbling on it and teasing him like a pest while he howls in laughter. He isn’t really trying to get away anymore, he’ll flip Justin in a minute or so and get him back and win their little game. For the moment he’s going to enjoy that the feeling isn’t suffocating him anymore.

“Zachary Dempsey what are you doing.”

Uh oh.

His foot is released and he flips onto his back to see his mom glaring at him and Justin. In her defense...the room is a mess, furniture is moved, socks are strewn around, and Zach’s shirt is lying on his mom’s favorite chair where Justin threw it a while ago. That means he’s shirtless, both are barefoot and his mom hates messes and improperness and Justin…

“It was my fault Ma’am. Zach was looking a little sad so I thought that li-that some laughter would be good for him.”

He winces as his mother’s eyes turn to his friend. “You thought you knew what was best for my Zachary?”

Justin meets her eyes even though Zach can’t and nods.

“And you thought this _childishness_ was appropriate? Well I don’t know what they teach in _your_ uptown but we have no use for this kind of display, we can behave like adults here.”

“I’m sure you all can Ma’am but Zach is a kid, and not for too much longer either. He has the rest of his life to be a perfect adult but only four more years to be a kid. What’s the harm in letting him be a one while he is one?”

Zach’s eyes widen and he’s dumbstruck; no one, not even his father, has ever talked to Mom like that before. His mom clearly isn’t as tongue tied as he is. “The harm is that childish behavior is for children. In my family we are able to communicate how we feel like proper adults because we are proper adults. And you will not speak to me in my house like that again because you will not be in my house again. Clean up after your _game_ and leave.”

Zach’s heart sinks but Justin isn’t done, “Zach and May can act like adults real well but they’re still kids and if they’re so good at expressing themselves than how do you always miss that they want to be kids once in a while? It’s like you don’t even know that they have feelings to express but can’t because of you and that isn’t how a parent should make their kid feel.” His voice, though as polite as it’s been throughout the entire conversation, this time has absolute iron in it as he challenges her.

And for the first time in his life his mother doesn’t seem to have an immediate reply. She blinks a few times and then collects herself and replies calmly, “How dare you suggest I don’t know my own children because I do and for this reason I know that all of those needs come from you. Before you came, my children were perfectly fine, they were normal. Any defects in them came right from you and I assume because you know how a parent ‘should make their child feel’.” Her voice shifts here from the cold detachedness of the rest of the conversation to something with a meaner edge and Zach knows it’s an insult even if he doesn’t fully understand it. Her voice returns to normal, frigid like Seattle the time they visited, and more depressing, as she continues, “I was patient when my husband tolerated you but that is done. You have corrupted them, making them think they need things they don’t. Now, fix this room and leave.”

Justin looks like he has more to say but Zach moves up and puts a hand on his shoulder, he can see disapproval in his mom’s eyes but all well, it’ll get worse if Justin continues. His friend looks back at him with fire in his eyes and he wants to continue but after a moment of looking at Zach he gives up thankfully. He grabs his socks and tosses Zach his shirt. His mom watches coolly until all the furniture is back in place. As he moves to walk Justin to the door, a look from his mom stops him dead. He feels terrible as he watches Justin head to the door with his mom.

He feels even worse when he realizes that the feeling is back and stronger. His little game with Justin worked, somehow all the laughing made it go away for a while. But now Justin’s gone and his mom thinks he’s defective and even worse, blames Justin for it even though Justin is the only person that’s ever helped.

He considered a few times talking to his parents, briefly, but he always assumed they wouldn’t understand, this just proves it. He pulls his socks back on and hopes his mom isn’t being too cruel to Justin...he knows she is though. She’ll drive Justin away and drive him into the loneliness. He feels sick and desperate and wonders if Justin is right about parents not making their children feel this way. His dad never has but he always assumed the man was the strange parent. He displays his affection openly when he wants to and often to the chastisement of Mom. He wonders now if more parents are closer to Dad who never makes him feel as...broken, wrong, or weak as his mom.

He hears the door close and his mom reenters the room, “Zachary, I do not want that boy to come around anymore and I don’t want you to talk to him at school. He puts ideas in your head and makes you think things. Listen to me; he has nothing for you and you don’t want anything he can give you, you do not like these games or acting out like this.”

He opens his mouth because Justin offers him a lot more than she does. While she gives him coolness and high expectations, Justin gives comfort and security.

“Tell me you understand.”

“I-” He knows this eventually ends in him agreeing. If he was braver, like Justin, he’d fight her and make her work for it. He could say what he’s thinking, he could tell her she’s wrong and say that Justin makes him happy and that even more, Justin makes him feel like a person, someone he can be around and not have to put on an act for, someone who sees him like he wants to be seen, not how they want to see him or at least tries to. He could; it wouldn’t be that hard to form the words. It’s the truth, and not even all of it, how could he tell her Justin gives him everything she never has, and brings an end to the horrible unending isolation that part of him wonders if she’s the root of it.

“Yes Mom, I understand.” Too bad he isn’t brave. He slips away to his room as quickly as he can, unable to bear the look she is giving him. He feels dirty and cowardly, like he’s failed Justin again which he supposes he has. He doesn’t answer the other boy’s messages because even over text he doesn’t think he can face him. It feeds into the cycle though because the more he ignores the other boy, the worse he feels and after listening to his phone vibrate over a dozen times he mutes it and decides to tell Justin tomorrow his mom took his phone so he couldn’t text him back. Even thinking of telling that lie makes his stomach churn but not as much as talking to Justin now.

He wonders if it makes him a bad person that Justin is probably just as upset as he is if not more but as soon as he tells the lie tomorrow, the other boy will forgive him and probably hug him, bro hug if there are people around or a real one if there aren’t. It probably does, taking advantage of Justin’s forgiveness like that and being a coward and not telling him the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are, for those of you tired of Zach chapters, don't worry Justin is up next. 
> 
> I have to admit I'm not totally satisfied with this one, I feel I missed making it clear in a previous chapter that Justin doesn't really care for how Mrs. Dempsey treats her kids and I almost went back this morning and tried to add a chapter leading up to this one but it wouldn't have been ready.
> 
> If any of you thinking I made Mrs. Dempsey too mean hear me out. I think she's a very strict woman and we see in the show she doesn't handle the idea that Zach isn't perfectly fine very well. I don't think Justin is the start of this feeling in her (the need for her family to be perfect) exactly since it would be unrealistic for her to blame him for everything but I wouldn't put it past her to blame him for starting these feelings in Zach, at least from her perspective. She already doesn't like him and then comes home to find the furniture in her living room messed up (from what we see of the house she keeps it almost clinically clean) and then sees the boy she doesn't like sitting on her son, tickling him. I imagine that would make her pretty upset and then to have Justin talk back to her I think would set her over the edge and maybe even cause her to imply something nasty about Justin's mom. Don't worry though, she's slated to get a part in the mini-series and she won't be totally reprehensible in it since I don't think she's evil, just not aware of her children's needs. 
> 
> In any case, happy reading and let me know what you think in the comments!


	16. Where Did I Come From? (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting rid of Albert should be a wonderful moment, to bad his mom has other plans.

When he comes home from school and doesn’t find Albert in the house he should be happy but isn't. Actually he has a bad feeling about it but tries to shrug it off. It doesn’t work though because he continually notices that all of the crap Albert leaves laying around is missing. Neither his shoes nor boots are on the floor where Justin will trip on them, his dirty clothes aren’t laying in a God-forsaken heap on the bathroom floor, most telling the fridge isn’t over flowing with beers and hard liquors. He has an idea of what’s coming but desperately hopes he’s wrong, knowing he isn’t.

At ten after six the door opens and Mom walks in. She looks high and Justin would be impressed with her nerve if the novelty of her being high at work hadn’t worn off seven years ago. Right now he knows it isn’t good for him; his mom’s moods follow a pattern, her highs are bad but not as bad as her withdrawals. She makes a happy drunk but only when she has company for drinking and if she’s high and drunk at the same time...well he’s better off leaving because she tends to be at her meanest.

Now she wanders over to the fridge and opens it. He can’t see her face but he knows she isn't happy to find the lack of beer. He thinks he’s proved right when she leaves the house without a word. He waits; not daring to hope this might all be nothing. Five minutes then ten pass before he hears the door open again.

She comes in loaded down with bags from the cheap liquor store up the street. A beer can is already open in her hand and judging from the sound when she puts it down, only about half full now. He wants to get up and leave but doesn’t dare even breath too loud since she doesn't seem to notice he’s there. Almost twenty painfully slow minutes of silence go by as he watches his mom down an entire six pack.

“He left me you know. Albert. He couldn’t take you anymore, said so this morning.”

Justin closes his eyes and tries to prepare himself for what comes next.

“He said that you were unbearable, the worst attitude he’s ever seen on probably the biggest punk he’s ever met.”

She says it emotionlessly while sipping her beer casually. He feels his heart sink; there are a lot of ways this conversation can go and none of them are good, some are just not as bad as others.

“He said if I got rid of you, turned you out on the street where you belonged, he’d stay. I thought about it, you always get rid of the men who love me. The longer they stay the worse you are. It’s like I’ve always said, having you is the punishment that keeps on punishing. Finding love at my age is hard enough without having a son who gets in the way after all I’ve done for him.”

Every word is like a knife in his heart. “Mom I-”

“Shh Baby, its okay I haven’t done much for you, only given you a place to sleep that you love to run away from, food to eat that’s never good enough for you since you always get fancy stuff with those _other_ boys, given you clothes you never wear. I loved you too Baby, still do. That’s why I don’t mind everytime you fuck my life up even more. After all I could have gotten rid of you, maybe even should have since you were a mistake, but I kept you, my baby boy.”

He feels sick; she usually doesn’t start by reminding him he’s a mistake and that she could have aborted him. She usually doesn't start in this soft, gentle voice either. Both of those things are usually saved for the end because they always mess him up the worst. They make him feel like he’s done something wrong...no deeper, like _he_ is wrong. He always wonders if his mom would have been better off without him when she says this stuff...who is he kidding, like everyone else in his life; she would be. It’s always a painful conclusion to come to, that he’s so utterly terrible that without him, his own mother would be happier.

“I guess it’s a mother’s burden to love her child even if he really is good for nothing.” She reaches her hand out and lays on one of his. “I’m not angry Baby, just wondering when you’ll finally let me be happy after putting up with you for so long. Can you tell me? When do I get to be happy?”

He opens his mouth but only the beginnings of a sob come out and he swallows it back down.

“Well, maybe when you start thinking of others instead of only yourself. I wish you had inherited that from me. I always think about you and what’s best for you in any decision I make. Too bad you got not doing the same for me from your father, he was a selfish man like you.”

He can’t take it anymore. He stands up abruptly, sending his chair skidding across the floor. He grabs his jacket from the back of the chair and makes for the door.

“He also ran like you’re about to. Once he knew I was pregnant, he ran. Lucky him, he never had to deal with you.”

He doesn't think he’s ever run so fast in his life. Or so far, he doesn’t stop until he’s at Eisenhower Park. He realizes in his rush to leave he left his keys and wallet but at least he has his phone. He wants to scrub himself, try to get rid of the dirty feeling of ruining his mother’s life but his only option for that is Bryce’s and he hates seeing Bryce when he’s like this. He worries the other boy will tell him his mom is right, that Justin does ruin everything he touches and he doesn't think he can handle that, now or ever. Instead he texts Zach who is far too polite to ever say something like that no matter how true it is, _he isn’t sure how he’s ruined Zach’s life yet but he’s sure he has, after all he isn’t good for anything else_.

His request is simple, he wants to get wasted in the fields by the old middle school. He asks Zach to bring whatever he can get his hands on and promises to pay him back later and to meet him there.

He feels a little better when Zach replies pretty quickly and agrees and heads over to the meeting place where he ends up sitting on the mostly rusted bleachers. They aren’t comfortable but that doesn’t matter, he doubts he’ll feel anything but crushing sorrow and the booze until tomorrow.

Zach sort of appears next to him at some point with a bag. Justin can make out two bottles of something which Zach slides them out to reveal cheap vodka. He apologizes, “Sorry Bryce probably could have gotten something better but-”

“I called you not Bryce.” He doesn't mean to cut Zach off and sound so mean about it and he hopes his friend hears the rest of what he isn’t says. Zach may not understand any of this and Justin may not even tell him but Zach is also the only person Justin could ever think of telling this too. Bryce would tell him to grow a pair, _or tell him his mom is right_ , and he doesn't have any other friends he could even consider talking about this to. He opens one of the bottles and drinks straight from it. It burns all the way down and tastes foul, he takes another swig of it and then passes it to Zach. The other boy takes a gulp and almost chokes. It is really bad.

They’re like that for a little bit, passing the bottle back and forth and not talking but Justin’s happy enough with the companionship. After about half of the bottle Zach breaks the silence.

“You good Justin? You seem…” He trails off and Justin gets it, he seems like a mess, looks like a mess, is a mess really.

He doesn’t know how to answer Zach’s question either. Is he good? He doubts it, being ‘good’ only happens with Zach, basketball, or Bryce...sometimes with a girl, depending on who she is. His mom has never been on that list...not in years. But this break up is a good thing, fucked up but true, so why can’t he even feel a little happiness? No ‘happy’ is too much but satisfaction that his plan worked and he made the man leave, but even that is too much for him. Albert was awful and now Justin’s done with him but he doesn’t feel good about it. Of course there’s more to it than that.

“If-if you want to talk...about anything I’m here.” He can hear this discomfort in Zach’s voice and wonders if the way he ruins Zach’s life is by making him unhappy and abusing his kindness. If he had asked any of his other friends to meet him this they wouldn’t have...but Zach does almost anything Justin asks and he abuses that. He also abuses Zach’s offers to talk like he’s about to now.

“My mom mentioned my dad.” He doesn’t really want to say anything about the rest of the stuff she said; Zach would never agree with her out loud but...well Zach doesn’t always hide his emotions very well and Justin’s just as afraid of him silently confirming her statement as he is of it happening out loud.

“Really, what did she say?” Zach’s voice is hesitant and he gets it, he doesn’t really talk about his dad a lot. There hasn’t ever been much to say, his mom only brings the man up when she wants a weapon and he’s is one of her best. Justin has never said it out loud, or he doesn’t remember ever saying it, but somehow she seemed to know he desperately wanted to know about the man. Of course with this knowledge, she only ever mentioned how he was wrong for her and all of the other terrible things about him. Never any of his good points only the bad ones, and she always related them back to Justin.

And it kills him. Not knowing. It’s such a little thing, such a little meaningless thing, knowing the man who made half of him. But it’s such a big thing too, tied to other big things and worse is that his mother rarely mentions the man without saying how lucky he was to be able to run away from Justin. And that might be it.

Did he run away? Did he know that his kid was going to be an awful mess and ran before ever meeting him? Or did he have some other reason to leave? Maybe he wanted to stay but couldn’t? Like he owed money to someone, or maybe his mom was lying about everything and the man was dead in some terrible, tragic accident before his birth? The worst though and the one thing that he always thinks about when his mom starts talking about the man...is his dad everyone eventually? Will they all leave, his mom, Bryce, Zach, Jeff, Coach, Waneta, Liz? All of the people he’s friends with, all of the people he cares about to any degree who would all be better off than him. Will they all realize someday and leave? It leaves him sick, weak kneed, and absolutely, blood chillingly terrified.

“She said I was like him.” He feels dirty, that he’s like a bad person, _he is one already so what does it matter if he feels like it? _, and it hurts worse than smacking he’s ever gotten. “She said he was lucky because he got to run away from me.” It comes out as bitter and broken and sad as he feels. “She said I was a coward like him for running too, and selfish for only thinking about myself.” He tries to pretend he isn’t sobbing a little at the end.__

__  
_ _

Warm, strong arms are suddenly around him pressing his head against a chest. “She’s wrong.” The intensity of the voice startles him. “He was too, he left the best son he could ever have hoped for. And what does she know. You think of me, Bryce, Coach, Waneta, the team, all of us. You do a lot of things to make our lives easier, better, happier. And you’re brave too, no-one’s ever talked to my mom like that, or given Monty a beat down for me. And you’re so much more than all of those things too Justin, funny and kind, and understanding. If you mom can’t see that it’s on her and if your dad didn’t want to, well you’re better than both of them will ever be!”

He feels...too much. Happy, shocked, guilty, embarrassed, loved, all at the same time and no-one has ever said that to him. It’s all a bunch of lies, but Zach sounds so sure of it that if Justin closes his eyes, he can almost believe it, that for once he’s the one with the heroic traits.

He does that, closes his eyes and tries to believe it all while Zach holds him until he pulls away, the guilt of enjoying the comfort based on lies is too great. Zach lets him and he almost wishes the other boy wouldn’t but that isn’t fair to Zach.

They drink the rest of the vodka, throwing the bottles at the field goal posts they’re empty. They stay out even after that, lying on their back watching the stars. It’s warmer than it’s been in months and pleasant. They talk about nothing and everything; girls, sports, friends, gossip, the present, the future. They laugh and maybe cry a little and shout and scream and in those hours Justin wonders if this is what it’s like to be alive. His mom, dad, everything fades into nothing and it’s probably the booze talking but that’s fine. Right now he has Zach and he hasn’t said everything, but he’s said enough. He knows when he goes home later he’ll have to face the fact that he’s a monster who destroys everything but that’s later and now he wants to soak up every second of this.

They stay out until six, dozing at some points, talking at others. Zach told his parents he was sleeping over Bryce’s and Justin’s mom has never been bothered when he didn’t come home but now they both need to go to school. It’ll be rough, both are running on very little sleep and more vodka than they really should be but it’s fine, at least, Justin is sure it will be. He’ll have Zach and Bryce and the guys and that’ll be enough. Going home after school may be awful but that’s hours away. Right now he and Zach are just going to go and pretend everything is alright and that they didn’t spend all night in a field drinking because he’s fucked up because right now maybe he isn’t. Maybe right now he’s better than he’s ever been since Albert and this night has given him something to ground him and remind him that there’s more to him than his mom sees. That even if he is fucked up, he isn’t totally broken beyond repair and Zach is like, the best mechanic ever and repairing him bit by bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are, back to a Justin chapter. I'm sure some of you have been waiting for this and it was about time for me too. Here we see the end of Albert in Justin's life and more of Amber. I'm happy with how she came out in this one, manipulative and kind of awful. I know people have mixed thoughts on her and I don't think she's totally evil but I wouldn't put it past her to mess with Justin if she can because she's angry.
> 
> Next chapter will be the first part of the new mini-series Looking In. The character I choose probably won't surprise any of you. After that chapter we get back to Justin and Zach as told by Justin.
> 
> In any case, happy reading and as always please leave comments because I love them!


	17. Looking In Part 1: Coach Patrick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desmond Patrick has seen a lot of students and players come and go but something is special about Justin Foley and Zach Dempsey. He isn’t sure what it is but on the way home from a game, he has some time to muse on the strange pair.

When he was a young man, Desmond Patrick dreamed of playing professionally. He practiced hard, harder than anyone on his team, and eventually got into a college on a basketball scholarship. Those four years did their job and more, they taught him more about the world and life than he ever wanted to learn but would never trade for another life. It started with meeting the love of his life and eventual wife then continued with an injury that killed all his dreams of playing in the NBA. What followed was a long fight with depression and hopelessness that ended with him learning about the undying love of his family, his girlfriend’s family. More importantly, he learned how deep his girlfriend’s love for him went, even if he was broken and would never be rich and famous like he promised her. He proposed to her the day after graduation and the summer between finishing senior year and starting the teaching certificate. He majored in history and there wasn’t a whole lot else open to him with that.

He remembers the course for the certificate and hating every second of it. Not only still resenting the death of his dreams, to the point he wouldn’t go near a basketball for another decade more, and the thought that this was going to be his life. He would never play the sport he loved for thousands to watch, instead he would teach something he liked for hundreds of brats.

The monotony of the program, all of the classes on how to plan, prepare, and deliver a lesson seemed painfully bleak compared to running plays on a wooden floor in front of fans. Pointless exercises in endless streams, walking though lesson plans, giving demonstrations, public speaking, all seemed so woefully anticlimactic to what he thought his life would be. And then came all the legal stuff. He understood that part in theory the least, but why would any teacher ever hug a student eluded him. He wasn’t going to care about these kids and they weren’t going to care about him, that’s how it had worked when he was in high school. Besides, he was going to be teaching history, his classroom would be an endless war scene of him trying to keep bored students awake and maybe getting one or two students a year who actually cared but that was hardly the basis for a hug. When he finally got the scrap of paper that said he could do what he had always known he could do but never wanted to, he resolved to just do the job to collect a paycheck and hope for an early retirement with the misiz.

If only he had been right. Now, twenty seven years later, he wonders how he could have ever thought all of those callous things and the guilt magnifies as he turns the van’s engine off. In the back seat are his boys, all six of them. He and his wife had three children, his baby girls but he had always wanted a son but she never conceived one. Instead, after taking up coaching, he gained dozens of them over the years. Sure he had some strong bonds with students but the boys on his basketball team are special to him and he wonders how he ever thought that this job would only be a way to get money to live on. How he ever thought he could teach, much less coach, and not give his heart and soul to his boys is beyond him.

He should wake them and get them to bed for a real night’s sleep but as always the teenagers with him are astounding. They’re all asleep in the back of the van in positions he can’t fathom being comfortable. Still...a minute won’t hurt, to just watch them still for once, at peace. He’s watched them come so far and tomorrow they play for the regional championship.

He’s proud of them, these boys have gone farther than any team he’s ever had, worked hard, played themselves out, and overcome everything that’s come their way. During his musings, his eyes inevitably come to rest on his freshmen, Zach Dempsey and Justin Foley. He took on a lot of freshmen at the beginning of the year but only these two made the regular team and so he’s especially proud of them.

This pair is without a doubt a large reason for the success of the team this year. Zach’s boundless encouragements and energy has inspired them through games that in his wildest dreams they didn’t win and Justin’s raw talent and knack for understanding his teammates and the players on the other team has allowed him to make things happen that Desmond wouldn’t have believed if he hadn’t been there in person. He knows they’ll never accept losing but even if they do, there is nothing they could do to change that in his heart they’ve won, the whole team of course, but them especially.

In many ways they’re an unlikely pair. Zach’s parents are wealthy, Justin’s is dirt poor. Zach is bright and supportive and encourages the team on and off the court in ways that shock him while Justin is an amazing player with more raw talent than anyone he’s ever coached. Zach is kind and caring and sweet, Justin can be an asshole when he wants but has a certain charisma that draws people to him.

Yet here they are, in the back seat, Justin’s head against Zach’s shoulder, Zach’s head on Justin’s. He doesn’t need a photo to know he’ll remember them like this forever; to remember that these two boys found each other despite everything. And yet, that’s what makes him uncomfortable. There is a ‘despite everything’ for both of them.

Zach is encouraging to those around him, making them smile and laugh, but… he isn’t happy. Sure he laughs and smiles too and sometimes it honest but not always. Desmond often thinks that for every two real smiles or genuine laughs, there’s one faked or forced. He’s watched him stare into the distance and look a thousand miles away at absolutely nothing, other times he’ll have this heart breaking look, like he doesn’t belong in his own skin, doesn’t feel right there and in that moment he’s painfully aware of it.

He’s had enough run ins with Mrs. Dempsey to see why. She’s controlling and domineering and oppressive. He isn’t privy to every detail of his boys’ lives but when he meets with Zach and the boy is off, it’s usually a good bet that it has something to do with her and her expectations of him. They seem so high, unreachable even to him as an adult, perfect grades on top of him being the best in he plays three sports, expects him to graduate top of his class and earn scholarships to top schools and be a lawyer or doctor or scientist. Desmond thinks in that position he would crack under the pressure.

Actually he knows he would because it doesn’t take a genius to know two things: Zach’s grades are not the best, and it isn’t what he wants. Desmond waits until the end of sophomore year to start talking about after high school with his boys. He’ll broach it lightly, ask them if they’ve thought about it and most laugh and say no, they tell him they’ve got two year to work on it and they’ll figure it out. Zach won’t be one of those boys; he’ll say all the things his mother wants from him and none of what he wants from his own life. He doesn’t honestly know what Zach does want but it isn’t what his mother wants, because if it was, he wouldn’t look so pained when she says it.

He thinks it’s this pressure that makes Zach’s moods which go unnoticed by the team, by most people he thinks, but not by Justin. Zach seems to switch between being lost and being the center of attention. He’s lost when he thinks no one is looking and he’s safe to look something other than perfect. He’s only the center of attention when someone else makes him and never by choice, not in front of a huge crowd, maybe in front of a small group, three or under. When he isn’t this, he looks lost and the sad thing is that he never seems to be found, not unless it’s by Justin. So he’s happy that Zach has Justin, because in Justin he has something he doesn’t have anywhere else, the person who finds him. Justin can appear when Zach thinks it’s safe to be lost, or when he’s the center of everyone’s attention and lets Zach be Zach. It’s fascinating to watch, sad, but fascinating.

Necessary too, because he thinks Justin may be the reason Zach hasn’t cracked yet, the reason he can get through some of the days when he seems particularly lost and unable to collect himself. Justin finds Zach and that seems to mean letting Zach act how Zach wants to, not how someone else expects him to. He isn’t entirely sure he’s right about all of that but in either case Justin can draw out the best in the other boy, a sweet, goofy, charming, and kind boy who feels the need to hide part of him from the rest of the world because somewhere he learned that being himself isn’t good enough for people but Justin can always break those barriers down.

Justin...is his favorite. He doesn’t have any shame in admitting it because it’s true. All of the boys he coaches have a special place in his heart and in his prayers but Justin somehow captured a larger part than any of his teammates. He can’t really explain why either, maybe because the boy is so good at basketball and loves the sport, possibly more than anyone he’s ever coached but he doesn’t think so. Justin loving basketball is a good thing and it makes him happy but it doesn’t seem like the reason for his favoritism.

Justin’s funny. It’s just true, the boy may not be all that smart but he can put on a show for all ages. Desmond doesn't see all of it but he’s heard many of his stories, Justin could make yard work funny if he really wants to and Desmond appreciates not only the stories for their own merit but also for the levity they bring to the team. He can break up tension and pick the team up after a loss like no-one else. In those cases though, it’s often because he’s able to make himself the butt of the joke and Desmond can’t always say he approves of them, _sometimes he wonders if he should be concerned about the seemingly startling lack of self esteem in some of the jokes_ , but he can’t deny that they have a golden effect of boosting morale. Besides...they’re just jokes right?

It could be that the boy is so insecure it hurts. He goes through lengths to be an asshole, Desmond has seen him; he and Manuel don’t like each other and don’t try to hide it. He’s also friends with the Walker boy...most people are he supposes. He doesn’t keep up with all the drama of the school but he has eyes and sees that the boy is always surrounded by people. He worries because Justin...shouldn’t be friends with him. That boy is no good, everything about him screams too good so it can only mean the opposite. Besides he’s watched the two interact a few times, and it’s always stilted and painful. He wonders if the older boy is blind because he can see Justin look at him like he’s worth his weight in gold and Walker never seems to take notice. He’s also seen Justin participate in some of the bullying around the school. He pulls him aside when he does and lets him know it isn’t acceptable, it pleases him that Justin usually looks chasened after it.

Yet for as much as he tries to be mean, he just isn't, not really. Tonight, Justin was the one who tried the hardest to stay up with him while he drove. The boy sang along to every song that came on, all of the oldies, he talked through all of the breaks in music, asked about Desmond’s wife and girls, what he thought of this team or that that Desmond follows. Tells him about a thousand things that don’t matter, movies that are coming out that seem promising, the new car one of his friends got and a few entertaining stories, ordering a pizza, a trip to the supermarket gone wrong, things that could have been mostly lies but were supposed to be funny and where. Despite all of his efforts, about an hour and a half ago he started struggling to keep up with the conversation and not long after that was nodding off, now he snoring softly. He’s sort of glad because Justin needs his sleep and the sheer effort he put into staying up warms his heart enough to keep him up even without the boy.

He thinks the mostly likely reason is that Justin looks so much like many of his boyhood friends. Not physically exactly but the boys who came from homes with parents who never deserved them. He remembers the one time he met Amber Foley, when she came to pick him up after he got hurt. He tries not to hate people, it isn’t what the Lord wants and it isn’t what he wants either but that woman has a wonderful boy and can’t be bothered to notice. He heard from one of his colleagues who has Justin that she came to parent teacher conferences, something he didn’t expect to hear at all, but any happiness he felt at hearing it had turned to bitter hatred when he heard what she said. His colleague told Amber that Justin could do very well if he applied himself, she told her to give up on him like she had.

She isn’t coming to the game tomorrow either. He has to bring the boys separately, school policy, but the families are driving up tomorrow to watch the game, except Amber. He asked Justin if she was a week ago so he knew how many seats to reserve but the boy looked at him as if surprised he even asked the question and replied that she wasn’t interested and not coming as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He hopes he never meets her again because he may not be able to restrain himself from saying what he thinks of her if he does.

And yet, he’s happy because at least Justin has Zach. He thinks the taller boy looks out for Justin like maybe no one else ever has. He gets that impression at least, Justin sometimes looks at Zach like the other boy is the best, most important person in the world, the way he looks at the Walker boy but somehow more… or slightly different at least. He’s also happy because Zach’s taken a shot on Justin, by being friends with him, and he also thinks too many people have decided not to. He can’t deny the boy has problems, a temper and a knack for getting into fights, and that shouldn’t be a basis for writing him off but Zach seems to be one of the few people who understands this and that warms his heart.

Desmond remembers a time when he scoffed at the notion of teaching as anything other than a job. He remembers a time when he assumed he would hate this job and it would be a constant reminder of an injury that at the time he almost wished ended his life. He remembers almost laughing at the thought of coaching the sport he loved so much but that had caused him so much pain. He also remembers, with shame and grief and sadness, that he did laugh when the subject of hugging a student came up. He never imagined it would be a problem for him because he never imagined he would ever care enough about any of his students to even think of it.

Looking at his boys, and especially the two in the back seat, he knows that if they ever asked, he would. If he lost his job for it...he thinks he could live with himself and he thanks the Lord every night that they have each other to hug because he thinks that maybe but for each other, they’d be totally deprived of that basic interaction and that thought is painful to him but less because whatever else they have to deal with, they aren’t alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are, chapter eighteen and the start of the promised new mini-series, kicking it off with Coach. I honestly thought this chapter would be easier to write but it look like three tries since I got too bogged down in his back story the first tome, and the second didn't give him proper motivation. Eventually I was able to trial and error my way to this which I think balances both of the first two attempts. Next up is another Justin chapter but it's slow going so I'm not sure it'll appear on Tuesday. hopefully it will but I can't really promise.
> 
> I'm also in a but of trouble, I've reached an awkward point where I have ideas for the summers but not so much the school years. If you have any suggestions I'm open to them in the comments.
> 
> As always, happy reading and I'm always up for comments so if you have something to say, say it!


	18. Top of the World (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two days after the Tigers win regionals they’re all gathered at Bryce’s for the party of the century. Justin is pumped, this is going to be the greatest night of his life.

Justin sits on the couch between Jeff and Zach listening with as much attention as he can seven beers in.

“And then our little Justin here made the penalty shot and scored the game winning points in overtime!” Johnson yells over everyone as the story is recounted for about the tenth time that night. Everyone claps and shouts and congratulates them again; Jeff shakes his shoulders excitedly as if he’s hearing this for the first time. On his other side, Zach knocks his knee against Justin, and beams at him. From across the room, Bryce raises his cup looking at him with pride.

He shakes Jeff back and yells over the music that in a few months he’ll be congratulating him on a season well played and won. He smiles back at Zach too who played just as hard as him but didn’t score the winning point, just a lot to get them there. He’s happy to be here, here not being Bryce’s party exactly but more so being here as in now. 

Two days sounds like a long time but it honestly doesn’t feel so, that could be just the high he’s been riding. The moment Johnson repeated was their victory at regionals two nights ago and he still can’t explain how he feels. It’s like this energy; shock, thrill, happiness, and almost total satisfaction.

It sounds a little greedy but maybe that night was missing something despite how much they did, how great it was. Actually it definitely was missing something. They’re done for the season despite a nearly perfect record and winning regionals. The way it’s all set up is that they despite their win at regionals, they can’t move on to states because this is the first year Liberty has ever made it to regionals and they need to have done it twice before in the past ten years to qualify for states. The team is angry and so is he. It’s bullshit that just because they haven’t “proved” themselves enough times they can’t continue playing to prove themselves now! Coach isn’t happy either and Justin’s pissed for him too because the man worked just as hard as them, put in as many hours and time and is as emotionally invested in this as they all are and he has to be disappointed too.

The more he thinks about it the angrier he is because it’s so fucking stupid. They worked hard to get where they are and they didn’t do it just to be told they’ve gone as far as they could go. The qualifying requirements are supposed to ensure that states are interesting, that the teams that play there deserve to be there and didn’t get in on some freak accident and he sort of gets that except that it’s still dumb. A team that’s there despite having won twice could have done it by dumb luck and teams that should be there are kept out! He gets that maybe he thinks its so unfair because he’s on the receiving end of it but it still fucking sucks.

It’s made even worse because everyone doubted them. The school hasn’t had a basketball team make it to the postseason in years and all throughout the season, all the whispers up and down the hall were waiting for them to lose again ‘like they always do’. He tried to convince himself he didn’t care because part of that is true, he plays basketball because he loves it, not for the people who watch the game. Part of it wasn’t though, he only ever played basketball for the first time to keep Bryce and he always knew that Bryce wanted him on the baseball team even though he’s ass at baseball. When he announced he was trying out for basketball only, he got the feeling that if it didn't work...Bryce would be disappointed in him and he didn’t, and still doesn't know what that means, only that it terrifies him.

So yeah, in some ways it still got under his skin and now all those people assumed they were right that the team did still screw up and nothing he or anyone on the team says will convince them that the rules are fucked and the team is good, all they care about is that they didn’t go on to states. He hates losing anything but somehow this feels like a double loss and that’s so much worse, to lose by winning and not get a chance at states is bad, to have lost in the eyes of everyone at the school is just as bad. Beyond the school, every team they played doubted them too. This didn’t bother him as much because it worked to their advantage to not be seen as a real threat and taking some of the arrogant assholes down was pretty fun but it still bothered him.

He stands, his emotions needing to come out physically because they’re too much for him to contain any other way. His arm raises bringing his solo cup up to chest level. At this point it’s been filled seven times and is almost ready for an eighth. All eyes fall on him and he isn’t worried; he belongs here, _it’s kind of an exhilarating feeling to belong like he does to this group of people but he thinks that’s the booze talking and he didn’t stand to say something sappy_ , and starts speaking. “We made it boys, we took regionals and it’s been great, you’re all like, fucking amazing to play with, even you Manuel,” some laughs go up and the boy in question gives him a dirty look but tonight all things are forgiven immediately and it’s gone quickly, “but it isn’t good enough. We went as far they let us. Maybe they think that next year they can dodge us, that we’ll somehow lose our regular season and they won’t have to deal with us in states but what the fuck to they know?”

An applause goes up as several cups rise but he continues, ignoring them. “They won’t be able to stop us with some fucking bullshit rules for qualifying. Next year we’re going all the way, and we’re gunna fucking win too. We’ll do it for Coach and show him just how good he is too! And we’ll do it for Johnson and Robbie cause they were cheated this year and we’ll do it for ourselves cause we fucking earned this! It doesn’t matter what happens, we’ll keep playing and doing better than they think we should!”

He stops and raises his cup higher and so does everyone else with a roar of approval. He feels in it, what ‘it’ is doesn't matter cause it’s part of the high he’s been riding and that feels so good! So good to be here with all of these people and so good to know that they know the truth despite what gets whispered in the halls and won’t be the ones shaking their heads in disappointment as he passes. What’s shocking is how many people are here; of course the basketball team but also the other teams, football, baseball, and cheerleading, all came to support them and he’s so happy right now to think of them as family.

The word suddenly leaves a bitter taste in his mouth and he remembers the only low point in the high of the past two days. After the game they took pictures. Of course the first ones were the team with the trophy for the school but then came so many more pictures...family photos most of them.

Even then it left him feeling bitter because Manuel, Robbie, Johnson, Nathan, and Zach all had people to take photos with. He tried then to repress the thought and had actually, mostly successfully because he was still in too much shock to really think about it.

Now he isn’t though and now he thinks the thing that was missing from that night, from all of this...is his mom. And he hasn’t wanted anything from her in years but part of him had really wanted her to be at the game, to see him do something she could be proud of _she’s never proud of him but maybe this could change that_. He had even asked her to come, when he asked her to sign the permission slip, the ones he usually forged her name on since she could never be bothered to do it herself.

Still... he had hoped maybe she would want to come, so he didn’t forge her name and asked. Things between them had been chilly since the breakup with Albert and he knew she was angry with him because the night after he and Zach drank in the fields, she left the door locked and hid the spare key so he couldn’t get in and then took extra shifts at the diner. She had brought a fast moving parade of men in, James, Mitch, Ron, Sal, and the newest, Dan, to get back at him and some of them were better than others but none lasted too long because even they knew she was a little crazy. She had also been more passive aggressive which wasn’t new for her but still hurt.

He knew he shouldn’t have even asked, even before Albert he had carefully talked up basketball, hoping she might show any interest in it and _maybe_ come to a game. None of it worked though, he could tell because in the middle of telling her about one of the most exciting games she asked if there was a point to the story. Of course he had still tried after that and asked her to come to every game besides the ones he knew she was working for; she must have caught on because for the first time in five years, she picked different times to work.

Still he had thought for some reason the regional game would be different, that maybe she would want to come and see that her son was not a total fuck up. So he tried, asked her over breakfast, he’d made omelettes add bacon and cheese to hers how she liked it and wondered what it said about him that he felt the need to bribe her before asking something. He waited until she was halfway through with her breakfast and on her second cup of coffee before tentatively saying that the regional gme was next weekend. She kept on sipping her coffee and it didn’t seem like she heard him but he continued anyway, mentioning that families were invited and the game was in Oakland so she could take the bus if she wanted. He found the schedule and planned her route out, showed her too.

Then she started laughing in the middle and had asked if he was serious. She reminded him she was very busy and had extra shifts at the diner and didn’t care enough about basketball to want to go to the game and waste an entire day; she paused for a moment and then added that Albert had been a big basketball fan and he might have wanted to go if Justin hadn’t gotten rid of him. He tried not to let it hurt and was happy it was almost time for him to leave. On his way out she added blandly that her eggs were overcooked, they weren’t. Coach had asked him that day if he needed any seats reserved and he just repeated that his mom would be bored at a game. He tried to make it sound like he didn’t care and he thought Coach bought it.

Now though he realizes something important; she isn’t his only family! And sure he’s known this for like, a long time. He’s had Bryce for eight wonderful years and now has Zach too but he didn’t realize he had so many more people, all the guys on the different teams and especially the ones on his team...maybe not Manuel but the rest of them for sure.

It’s a shocking conclusion to come to, suddenly realizing that he’s got so many people around him and maybe he isn’t fine but maybe he doesn't need to be cause he’s got a lot of people who will help him get there eventually and-and maybe they won’t ever know all this because he can’t tell them...but they’ll help anyway. He tries not to think that if they really were family he’d be able to tell them and tells himself that he doesn't know that’s true cause he’s only ever sort of told Zach and the only two people who really know are Zach and Bryce. Anyway, in his experience family is best kept at arm's length and wait for them to approach you for something deeper, it hurts less than rejection...Bryce taught him that. And if they do come closer...it can be like fucking amazing, Zach taught him that.

“You good man? You look like out of it.”

Zach’s voice brings him back and he blinks a couple times to find Zach looking at him with some concern and some amusement.

“Yeah, I guess, maybe I’m happy.” He gives Zach a silly smile.

“Sure, just don’t make yourself sick, I don’t want to deal with you hungover.” Zach smiles back and this is easy, no stakes, nothing too big to deal with.

“Yeah right, I don’t get hungover Dempsey, you’d better watch yourself instead, I’d hate for you get sick.” He punctuates the taunt by giving Zach a soft shove.

It’s true though. He doesn’t really get hungover, sometimes if he really overdoes it he’ll get like a little headache but usually he’s good to drink a lot more than most people and not suffer for it in the morning. It’s one of the reasons Bryce taught him to cook. Well, make breakfast at least, he makes a mean hangover omelette and a few other things that are good for dealing with mornings.

“Sure dummy, just, be careful anyway alright?” Zach looks at him not exactly worried, he knows that that looks like, but more generally concerned and if all the beer in his belly wasn’t warming him, he knows this would.

“Sure, I’ll be careful as long as you are too.”

“I can do that.” Zach smiles and right now he thinks everything is going to be alright. In fact, he’s sure; he’s got a lot of people looking out for him and he’s got Zach, who looks out for him, and Bryce, who’s proud of him right now, and maybe life isn’t perfect but this night is and he’s going to make it last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this chapter is sort of a mess but Justin is drunk in it so I'm going to use that as my excuse. I felt it was important to cover this victory somehow in the story but it combines two of my greatest weaknesses in these stories...basketball which I know very little about, and parties which I also know very little about. Besides that the themes kind of bounce around a little too much for my taste but I feel like he's be more aware of what's missing at the moment he's at one of his highest. Hopefully its still fine though.
> 
> I'm working on the next chapter but I don't like it so far. I'm going to say that it won't be out Thursday; hopefully by Saturday or Sunday.
> 
> In any case, happy reading and I love comments so please leave them!


	19. Strength and Honor (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin and Zach get into a fight with Monty at school and end up in the principal's office, Mr. Dempsey gives them some advice when he comes to pick Zach up and Justin thinks it means something but he isn't sure what yet.

Justin nurses an ice pack against his cheek. It’s throbbing a little but honestly, not too bad compared to what he’s had in the past. He and Zach are sitting in front of the principal’s office; they’ve already talked to Bolan and they’re suspended for a day. He’s more than a little disgusted but hey, adults are good at messing things up, especially the arrogant ones like Bolan, thirty years of experience and the man thinks he’s like God. At least Monty isn’t around; Justin thinks Bolan wouldn’t be as fake kind if he ended up in the office again for punching the moron’s lights out twice in the same day. The man doesn’t really like him already and he’s being let off so easy cause Zach is with him and this is his friend’s first offense and cause they won regionals not long ago.

In anycase, right now he and Zach are supposed to be waiting for their parents to come pick them up and it probably wouldn’t be so bad if Zach wasn't giving him the silent treatment. In his friends defense, he may actually get into trouble for this and Justin didn’t really help the situation but Monty started it. The moron had run his mouth at lunch and started talking shit about Zach, something about the baseball team and how if Zach did his job better on the team, they could have won their last game instead of being done for the season. Zach had dealt with it surprisingly well for the first fifteen minutes even though Justin was ready to beat the moron’s head in and struggling not to. People like Monty shouldn’t be allowed to talk shit about people like Zach; it’s just wrong.

It had escalated when Monty said something about Asian people’s meekness and asked if that’s why his dad fucked his mom, something about a strong woman to dominate him turned him on. Justin had seen Zach stiffen and had known then shit was going to happen because of course Monty is too stupid to know when to stop and continued to ask if May would someday do that to a man, dominate one. Zach bit his tongue and tried to ignore them but then Monty asked if he was a bitch like his dad and couldn’t fight either. Zach decked him...right there. It might be one of the most beautiful sights Justin’s ever seen even though it wasn’t a very hard punch. Monty had looked shocked.

All the air had left the cafeteria after that and Justin only knew to be between them because Monty is a fuck who can’t take what he dishes out. That said, the punch to his face hurt like a bitch when it happened and he definitely didn’t help the situation because he punched Monty back and after that it really became a fight. In the resulting melee he took a few more hits keeping Monty away from Zach but those were all well worth it because he was able to keep Zach from getting smacked too much.

The door opens pulling him from his thoughts and Zach sits up a little straighter, gets even tenser than he already is. He’s right to do so, because his father is the person who walks in. Mr. Dempsey doesn’t seem angry exactly, but he certainly isn’t pleased and ignores Zach in favor of shaking hands with Bolan who’s walked out. They go into his office and close the door. He can see Zach shaking as they wait for the men to come out and he wants to say something to his friend, tell him it’ll be alright but he can’t because the words won’t come out. He knocks his knee against Zach’s instead, casually as if he isn’t doing it intentionally but they’ve done this before so Zach will know what he’s really saying...except he’s ignoredand the silent treatment goes on.

When the adults return several minutes later Mr. Dempsey comes to stand in front of them. He still looks unhappy but Justin’s glad he doesn’t look angry; he’s never thought Mr. Dempsey would ever do anything but...people can be different when they’re angry.

“Why’d you do it Zach?” His voice is heavy with disappointment and he sees Zach’s cheeks color but despite this he still sounds furious when he replies.

“He started it, saying stuff about us, you, Mom, May, and me and I couldn’t stand it! He started saying that you were weak and a coward and I was too.”

Justin doesn't think he’s ever seen Zach so angry and he sort of gets it cause none of the insults were true, unlike when Monty, or anyone actually, says shit about his mom or him...that’s usually all true. He wonders if maybe this is rare for Mr. Dempsey too because the man heaves a heavy sigh and couches down in front of Zach.

“Can I tell you something Son?” His voice is soft and calm and painfully sad; he suddenly turns to Justin and address him too, “You should listen as well Justin, this is good advice for anyone.”

Justin nods, shocked he’s being included in this, and Zach does too after a second, still looking pissed. Mr. Dempsey ignores this and begins a story.

“When I was a boy my parents wanted the best for me so they sent me to private boarding school. It was a Catholic one, the best in the state; the headmaster was a Father in the Church and most of the teachers were attached to the Church in one way or another. I was a problem child; angry, violent, cruel, I could be mean with the worst of them and the only reason I was able to be in the school was because I had great grades and my parents paid a lot for the privilege. The headmaster took a liking to me despite this, he was convinced I could be better than the angry, mean boy who visited him at least twice a week.”

“One day though I took it a step too far and beat a kid badly; he had to go to the hospital. Of course I was in the headmasters office after and he sat me down and asked me why I did it. I told him the other kid started it...it was sort of the truth, he talked first but I threw all the punches. The man shook his head and said that in this world there were two kinds of men, the ones with ‘vires et honestas’ and those without. He told me these words were the foundation of men themselves and those without them, without courage and honor, should be pitied.”

“He said that men without courage and strength had to make themselves feel better, to inflate their own self worth because they had nothing and the ones that understood as much hated anyone who did. Then he continued that this strength wasn’t enough because it could be used for the wrong things or fail. That’s because a man also needs honor because honor gives courage and strength direction. Together they make sure what a person does is right and that’s the ultimate goal, to do what right.”

“I scoffed when he told me. He didn’t look upset or angry, just asked me to think about them once in a while before I did something. I didn’t, not at first, but eventually I came to see the wisdom in them and I started trying to be brave and have honor in every situation. I didn’t always succeed but once I started trying, I came to realize what the headmaster said was right, acting without either was always wrong and acting on one without the other wasn’t much better but with the two of them together, I usually did what was right.”

“I don’t expect you boys to understand now because I didn’t when I first heard but someday I hope you will. And you’re already much better than I was when I first heard them. Both of you.” He turns to Zach and cups the side of his face, “You’re such a kind boy and I know you’re brave and have honor even if sometimes I wonder if you know. But you do, standing up for your family like you always do shows it but remember that this Montgomery boy doesn’t know any better and what he says doesn’t mean anything.” He turns his head to Justin, “And I heard you got in the middle of the fight to look out for my son, that’s bravery and there’s always honor in protecting a friend.”

Justin feels his face heat up and ducks his head. The sincerity in the man’s dark eyes is too much. He comes from a world where Zach is his son so of course he’d be able to see something good in anyone but Justin isn’t really either of those things. If he was braver he wouldn’t end up a human punching bag for druggies and scum and he’d be able to keep his mom on the straight and narrow when she tries to quit drugs instead of being scared into letting her go back to them everytime.

If he had any of this honor...well he knows that given the choice between what’s honorable and what will keep him alive, he’ll pick being alive every time, he already has. He doesn’t steal a lot but sometimes one his mom’s boyfriends as a lot of drugs and some they won’t miss and he’ll sell it for money when they needed rent or money for bills and he doesn’t think that’s wrong exactly but it can’t be right. It can’t be right that he let’s Bryce pay for most of what he can’t afford like a leach or something like that or that for the sake of his social status he says some awful things about people he doesn’t even know, knows it isn’t brave either to be more afraid of losing that status that he doesn't try to be nice to a lot of people.

He knows it isn’t right that he takes all he can from people, the girls he dates...Lucy, Waneta, Kay. He clung to them and eventually they realized what he was and got rid of him. He does the same to Bryce and Zach and everyone else really. They keep him alive, keep him feeling human and he takes all he can from them, besides just the money and a place to sleep; the love, kindness, and comfort they offer, _Tigger, carefully tucked under his covers where he won’t be found and the tie Bryce tied for him to wear to his family’s Christmas party last year in the back of his closet are like physical reminders of this_ , even though they’d be better off given to someone else.

“You don’t have to believe me, either of you, but someday I hope you will because I can see it and I want you to be able to see it in yourselves.”

Justin still can’t look up because this man should only be talking to Zach who’s both of these things in ways Justin can never be himself and because he’s Zach’s father...not Justin’s. The thought strikes him because he’s never really thought it about anyone before. Mr. Walker is a kind of cold man except to Bryce who he’s a little warmer too and Coach is great but he’s Coach and that isn’t ‘Dad” aside from them he hasn’t met too many dads (occasionally the angry one who finds Justin in a room with his daughter) but he’s never caught himself wanting his own father to be like someone else’s, _or to be that man_ , but he thinks if he ever meets that man...if…. and he isn’t like Mr. Dempsey, he’ll be disappointed.

“Mr. Dempsey I think you should take your son home now. Inspiring a speech as that was we do have rules to uphold here.”

Justin is actually happy Bolan speaks and he knows that won’t happen again, but at least now this conversation will end.

Mr. Dempsey stands up and Zach does the same. The pair is towards the door when Mr. Dempsey stops and turns back to address Bolan who’s almost back in his office.

“Principal Bolan? Would you like me to take Justin home as well?”

The man turns around looking as surprised as Justin feels. “Why would you want to do that? He’s not your son.” Justin can hear the ‘and be thankful for it’ in the man’s voice but Mr. Dempsey doesn’t seem to catch it.

“His mother usually works this time and I’m already here. Besides I’ve dropped him off before.” The man usually asked after practice if his mom was coming to pick him up so eventually Justin told him she worked from noon up till nine; it’s true and he doesn’t need to say she wouldn’t come anyway because _maybe_ she would. After that the man almost always offered him a ride on cold days.

“That’s very kind of you but the school isn’t authorized to release him to someone not on his emergency contact list.” It’s clear Bolan doesn’t understand why Mr. Dempsey is even offering in the first place. The other man accepts this though and doesn't push further, and the door closes behind him and Zach and moment later. Bolan returns to his office in the next seconds and everything seems to go back to normal. Justin tries his best to pass the time and ignore the dirty looks the secretary gives him. He did tell her his mom wasn’t coming to get him, not his fault they’re stuck looking at each other until dismissal.

Bolan comes out at two for something and looks at Justin like it’s fault he’s still here and Justin rolls his eyes. He hears afternoon announcements at some point and assumes it’s almost three. He wonders if he can sneak out with the crowd but a look from the secretary makes him decide against it. He could probably do it anyway...what’s another day of suspension? Then again, another day of suspension might mean more time with Ben and that would kind of suck cause Ben isn’t as bad as some of the other men his mom’s dated but he stinks and burps so loud Justin swears the cabinets shake. Yeah...he’ll wait this out.

Bolan comes out about a half hour later and does a double take. “You’re still here.” He sounds surprised.

“Yep.”

“Isn’t your mother coming to get you?”

“She isn’t off until nine.”

”You’re father?”

Justin doesn’t feel the need to reply to that and Bolan seems to get a second later that there’s a reason the man isn’t on his contact list that Bolan cited to Mr. Dempsey.

The man grumbles and looks annoyed and Justin finds it just a little annoying but whatever, he knows he’s white trash and people expect of him and his mom, especially after learning his dad isn’t around.

“Listen Foley, you messed up today but I doubt your mom cares any more than you do about it. Go home and come back Thursday.”

That’s all he needs to get up and leave; he leans down to grab his bag off the floor and thinks about just keeping the ice pack cause everyone expects him too and he’ll get a lot of use out of it eventually but...well maybe that isn’t the right thing to do and Mr. Dempsey went out of his way to let him think maybe he isn’t what he actually is. He contemplates taking it anyway as an act of rebellion but...he puts it on the secretaries desk, the nurse leaves at two so she isn’t there but this isn’t stealing so maybe, maybe, he can do what’s right like Mr. Dempsey said.

He’s almost out the door when Bolan’s voice stops him. “Foley, what George Dempsey said...don’t think about it too hard. Just come, play basketball and keep your head down and in a little more than three years you’ll be out of here.”

He turns around to say something back but the man is already back in his office. Shouldn’t the man be telling him to try to do something with his life? No, Bolan has been educating for thirty years, he can probably pick out the kids going nowhere. Maybe that is the best advice for him, not to hurt himself thinking about higher principles or stuff like that. He leaves with a pit in his stomach wondering if no matter what he does, he’s doomed to end up a failure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we go, another chapter posted. This one was a pain to write and was a different chapter when I started but it's this one now. I'm please with how it came out finally, I was having trouble connecting everything and bringing it all together but I managed to do it in a way that satisfied me, hopefully you all too.
> 
> Next chapter is back to Zach and it's one I'm outright not looking forward to writing but cannon demands I do it otherwise the story won't make sense...hopefully I can do it in a way that doesn't still have that problem but we'll see. It probably won't be ready for Tuesday either since I've only written a couple sentences...in the middle.
> 
> Anyway, happy reading to all of you and please leave comments if you have something to say, even it's just to talk about the show or characters!


	20. The Clubhouse (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach's learned something he never wanted to know about Bryce and the team. Now he has to decide what to do and he knows he should tell someone, but Bryce has given him a reason not to and it's a damn good reason not to.

Zach paces from one end of his room to the other and then back not noticing he’s repeatedly stepped on several things in his frenzy. He’s been doing it for almost an hour and it’s only gotten more urgent since he started. He doesn’t know what to do...doesn’t know what to think, doesn't know anything right now. His mind keeps going back to what he saw. That girl was drunk wasn’t she? She said she wanted to but did she actually? The thoughts make him squirm because he knew he shouldn’t have gone, knew that when Bryce told him to follow he should have run the other way and not looked back. But he didn’t and now he shivers thinking of that place, the Clubhouse.

Zach knows he’s a coward regardless of what his dad tells him and Justin so firmly believes, _he’s not sure he can wear the Superman T-shirt anymore now_ , because he lets all of the awful lies the teams spread stand. He isn’t brave enough to stand up to Bryce and Monty and the others to tell them that they’re wrong; Jeff is the only one who ever does. He isn’t even brave enough to tell off Justin who probably wouldn’t resent him for it because he can’t risk even the chance losing him and being trapped in isolation.

But he never expected this, never thought that Bryce could actually be worse than he thought he was and he always thought Bryce was bad, never really liked him even. The other boy is an ass, he’s arrogant, cruel and he’s has always _been_ cruel, not only in the lies about people he can’t possibly know but also in the strange power he exerts over people. Monty and Justin seem to be the biggest, he seems to be able to give them a look and make them do whatever he wants them to. He’s seen it the most on Justin; he wanted to sleep in after a party one time but Bryce gave him a look and he offered to get up and make breakfast, or he suggested maybe laying off teasing Scott for something or other and Bryce gave him another look and he let it happen.

He also just doesn’t appreciate Justin like he should. The younger boy looks at him like he’s his world, Zach hates it because Bryce rarely acknowledges that Justin cares about him so much and when he does, it’s to actively mock him for it, call him a girl and occasionally a bitch. And now he knows that Bryce is holding back, not saying what he actually thinks about Justin and it hurts him because Justin shouldn’t love Bryce because Bryce doesn’t care about him. And if Justin knew it would destroy him because even the petty insults get to him even though they’re just words but the younger boy always looks ashamed, seems to think he’s wrong for his feelings, not that Bryce is wrong for rejecting them. And Zach hates it because he doesn't think Justin loves people often and the people who should love him never seem to do it right.

But none of these things prepared him for Bryce being even more of a monster because after he entered that place with _the boys_ , and that word carries a whole new meaning in it now, they were joined by a cheerleader who’s name he didn’t remember. Bryce hurried them in and they passed around a huge bottle of whiskey. They were having fun, laughing and getting tipsy and then she was drunk talking about how she was madly in love with Bryce...and wanted him.

They had sex not to long after to the howls of laughter of those present, all except Zach who felt sick and couldn’t look.

Later Bryce had caught him on the way out. He thought he was in in the clear, escaped unnoticed, but that hadn’t been the case. The older boy clapping a hand on his shoulder and Zach stiffened and fought not to shrug it off. The other boy had smelled slightly like sweat and musk and he had nearly gagged from it.

“So what did you think? Pretty sweet deal right? Just think, if you play your card right, there may be something in this for you too.”

Zach didn’t know what cards he had and frankly he didn’t care; he told Bryce as much. He wasn’t interested...period. He didn’t say he was thinking about going to Coach Rick or Principal Bolan, or hell, even to the police.

Apparently he didn’t need to because Bryce replied, “I would be careful, Zachy, about who you go telling this too. Remember whatever you think you saw, two other people also saw and I wouldn’t want you to look like a fool by saying things that weren’t true.”

It was a threat and one that, for a moment, took him aback because for some reason he hadn’t expected it. Bryce hadn’t been done either.

“Anyway it’s not like anything happened except the three of you are pervs who watched me give a bitch what she wanted.”

He hated that Bryce was sort of right...she did say she wanted it several times and they did watch, well the other two at least.

“And if you still somehow think something illegal happened and wanted to report it, remember that you let it happen, stood by and watched it. You wouldn’t some kind of white knight, you’d be just as guilty as me. Of course, that all assumes something happened that we would need to feel guilty for. Of course we don’t, _she_ might, most bitches the next morning deny they wanted cock so bad they begged for it, doesn’t change the fact that they did.”

“Why?” He hated himself for asking it at the time and even more when he got the response.

“It’s not so much a why as a why not, I have no problem getting pussy but still, why turn away one so available, so eager. The desperation Zach, it’s disgusting but damn is it hot.”

Zach almost threw up then and there but Bryce _still_ wasn’t done.

“It’s sort of the same with Justin, the desperation, it’s gross how much he’ll cling to anyone who shows him anything resembling the attention he craves but hey, it’s kind of a turn on, almost empowering. That’s why you do it right? I get it really, just do me a favor, I’ve been Justin’s provider for years and I can appreciate you trying to get in on someone as needy as him since he’s a great attack dog but I need you to scout out your own trash to polish up; he’s mine.”

“Fuck you.” The words slipped from his mouth so easily because honestly, fuck Bryce. “If you-you don’t even deserve Justin, he cares about you and you just use him like he’s-like he’s nothing!”

“Carefully Zachy,” there had suddenly been a much colder edge to his voice but Zach still really wanted to punch him, “I’ve been paying for our little Justy since he was in the third grade, he probably wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for me, owes me for it actually. Can you claim that? No, he needed you earlier this year and you didn’t let him stay over and I didn’t let him in either so he was stuck in the hell hole he came from, the one _I_ protect him from.” Bryce looked at him in the most blood chilling way possible and continued, “We aren’t going to tell Justy any of this right? Afterall I hear his mom’s new boyfriend is a real piece of work and I’d hate for him to think that I was somehow the enemy and stay there anyway because you sure as hell can’t have the same open door policy as me.”

And Zach had clenched his fists and bit his tongue because he didn’t know what else to do. Bryce had chuckled, a dark sound, and patted his shoulder walking past him calling back, “Don’t worry Zach, as long as you behave I’ll keep my kennel open to you’re favorite mutt and hey, if you change your mind and decide to be a real man, I’m sure our clubhouse will be able to get you a girl to fuck.”

He’s still trying to figure out what to do now, which is why he’s pacing. The clubhouse shouldn’t exist and Bryce is actually a monster and he’s using girls and Justin and _enjoys_ it and apparently the team is in on it too, or some of them at least, and he feels sick because what had Bryce said, Justin had needed him and he hadn’t let the other boy stay over? But he had turned Justin down several times in the past few months, was it every time he turned him down that Justin had needed him or only one, some but not all? Any of those is agonizing possibilities.

His thoughts are interrupted by the doorbell ringing and he doesn’t want to answer it until he realizes that it’s Justin. They had plans to hang out today, his mom took May to a piano recital out of town and his dad is on a business trip and none of them will be back until tomorrow so it’s basically the perfect chance to have Justin over since his mom officially hates his best friend after their last interaction and doesn’t let him come over.

He heads downstairs and opens the door to find Justin, blue bag thrown over his shoulder and a bright smile on his face like this is somehow the best part of his day. He feels guilty because he shouldn’t be the best part of anyone’s day and the sick feeling intensifies but he forces a smile and steps aside. Justin is already talking about plans, greasy pizza for dinner, movies, video games and Zach lets him go on because his mind is still racing. He should tell Justin; Bryce is a monster and he-he could hurt Justin. The younger boy spends a lot if time with Bryce, more than with anyone else probably, including Zach. What had he said, something about Justin’s desperation being disgusting and also alsos a turn on? Even thinking about that makes him shudder because that bastard is just sick.

But Bryce is also right, not about Justin being desperate or an attack dog, he’s dead wrong there, but that he has an open door policy. Justin can go and sleep over whenever he wants and Zach can’t offer Justin that as much as he wants to, _he actually wants to keep Justin, make sure he never goes home or to Bryce’s again but he can’t do that_ , so isn’t it safer that he keeps Bryce? Zach doesn’t know if Bryce is actually dangerous to Justin but he knows Amber Foley can’t judge a person’s character to save her life...or rather to save Justin’s. Any time Justin is at home...Zach worries because he’s seen Justin go into that house and come back in pieces because of a boyfriend or worse, his own mother. There have been times she has leaves him so confused he seems to forget who he is and can only see himself through her eyes, _these times break Zach’s heart in painful, special ways because he knows what it’s like to miss getting to decide who you are because everyone else is busy doing that for you_ , and Zach wishes for some way he could keep Justin from ever going back.

And that’s the thing; he can’t do that and Bryce can’t either exactly but Bryce can give Justin a place to be any night of the week, any day of the year,that isn’t the house he lives in. He hates to admit it and he hates the older boy because he isn’t doing it because he loves Justin and wants him to be safe and loved and know he is both of those things. But he’s doing it and Justin needs this, somewhere he can escape, the time with Albert...Zach worried, and he was the worst of them but not the only one. Actually...Bryce mentioned something about her having a new boyfriend. He glances over at his friend dumping the contents of a bag out, tons of junk food, and he can see a dark smudge on his collar bone and his movements look painfully stiff.

“Zach?” he realizes he hasn’t replied once since he let Justin in.

“Sorry, just had something on my mind, what did you want?”

Justin moves to sit in front of him, head tilted very slightly to the side and eyes huge and full of concern. “You good? You seem like, out of it.” His friend is trying to sound casual but failing, Zach knows the difference between casual and fake. He loves him more for trying.

“Yeah-yeah I’m just-I have a lot to think about.”

“Hmm?”

He realizes Justin is letting him control the situation, giving him the option to reveal as much or as little as he wants. Too bad he’s no closer to knowing any of that himself. “How are you, you’re…” He trails off cause he’s never really sure how much or how little to say on this topic and knows Justin prefers keeping some of the information close. It hurts a little that his friend doesn’t tell him everything but most of the time he’s glad cause he doubts he’d be able to deal with it.

Justin gives a wide, bright, fake smile and replies, “I’m good.” Zach wishes he had any reason to believe that but he’s seen Justin blue and black across his entire back and torso and not be able to sit, stand, or lie down without pain but still claim the same thing. The other boy seems to read his mind because he says quieter, “My mom’s seeing this new guy, he’s...alright when he skips the tenth can of beer.”

Zach looks right at his collar, let’s Justin know he’s seen it.

The other boy looks away, pulls his collar up higher, and says, “It’s fine, I’m staying here tonight and tomorrow I’ll head home for a few nights and then I can stay over Bryce’s when he has his shitty friends over for poker night Tuesday.” Zach feels his heart stop for a moment because this man is having friends over? That doesn’t sound safe at all for Justin.

“Zach, I’m fourteen, I’ve been dealing with this since I was seven. I know how to handle it.” It sounds so painful when spoken out loud and Justin sounds tired while saying it, resigned to this being his fate. It seals the deal though, he can’t say anything. Bryce is a monster but he’s a monster who keeps Justin safer than he would be otherwise and Zach will always hate him but until Zach can do better for him, can give him what Bryce can or better, the older boy is an evil Zach can suffer...he thinks.

“Yeah, yeah of course you can.” He forces a smile and Justin seems to accept it.

“Cool now grab a controller, it’s been too long since I bodied you in one of your games!” Just like that, Justin’s back to his energetic and happy self.

Zach isn’t happy with himself or his choice but he thinks...well there isn’t a right one here but this is the one that’ll protect Justin the most he thinks and that’s what he cares about so he does what Justin asks and hopes he can eventually enjoy tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...I needed to do this chapter but that didn't make me want to. As much as a liked season two it made a lot of problems, particularly in dealing with this place and I felt it was necessary to try to deal with some of them, namely when Zach learned about the clubhouse and why he didn't tell anyone. I'm not sure I got Bryce right in this chapter, I feel he came off to aggressive and not subtle enough but I sort of like the dialogue I came up with so I guess it works. I may have implied an encounter between Justin and Bryce of the less than good kind with it though and it's an idea I've thought of but I'm not sure I want to use, if any of you have strong opinions one way or another let me know in the comments. If it happened it may be a different fic too since working it in here might be interesting and a little complicated.
> 
> I probably won't post again until Tuesday since my weekend will probably be busy but after that chapter, I have ideas ready unlike the past three or four where I've had to come up with them on the spot so that's nice for me at least. I also wrote a chapter that doesn't fit into this story that I may put out sometime in the future on it's own.
> 
> As always happy reading and I love comments so please let me know what you think if you have time!


	21. Ends and Beginnings (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last day of school always comes with mixed emotions for Justin. On one hand school sucks on the other it’s kind of useful. This year though he has more feelings to sort through. (NOT THE LAST CHAPTER IN THE FIC)

Justin looks back at the building and he could cry, laugh, and scream all at the same time. The last day of school is always strange for him, there are so many things about it he won’t miss, the work and getting up and the extra people are pretty high on that list. But there are things about school that he doesn’t mind, a place to go everyday to get out of the house is pretty good and he thinks he eats more during the school year. There are more people around to feed him so he can make the money Bryce gives him last longer and of course that’s a plus...running utilities all the time is pretty great too...and hot showers...heat and AC. There are actually a lot of things about school that aren’t too bad.

His last few summers have been rough ones too, not the kind of things that make him very eager for another. Last year he had high school hanging over his head. Bryce spent so much time trying to get him passable for the baseball team and those were incredibly stressful hours. He wasn’t any good at it, actually he was awful and those hours left him an uncomfortable mix of upset at Bryce’s obvious disappointment in him and worried he wouldn’t be able to make any teams...that he’d lose Bryce when he got to school. Even after Willem told him he was good at basketball, he was still worried that maybe the other boy wasn’t being truthful...that maybe he was bad and wouldn’t be able to make that team and wouldn’t be cool enough to hang out with Bryce.

The summer before that was spent trying to soak up every last second he could with Bryce before the older boy left him in grade school and went off to highschool. It was also a stressful summer between worrying about Bryce leaving and making friends he liked more than the scrawny poor kid he let shadow him since the third grade. He still doesn’t remember a time when he was so painfully aware of his white trash status in front of Bryce, not even the awful dinner he has with the Walkers comes close to the constant clawing feeling that haunted him that summer.

In both cases the fear had been the same, losing Bryce Which would have meant losing the guy who let him sleep over when he needed, no questions asked, who fed him, clothed him, _hand-me-downs from Bryce were a lot better than second hand from thrift stores, at least he knew Bryce_ , bought his school supplies, occasionally helped with rent and other bills, let him bath there and on a few occasions when they were really poor, do laundry. More than that, Bryce was the one person who had known him. Known about his mom and her boyfriends, the drugs and money problems. Bryce was the only person who made him feel safe and loved, even if it wasn’t as often as he wanted, and he needed those things maybe more than anything else. Bryce made him feel like a person and losing him at either of those points would have been crushing.

Besides having to worry about his relationship with Bryce, both of those summers his mom resolved to get sober. He had spent hours at her side, bringing water and food, cleaning up when she threw up and talking to her, and giving her whatever medicine they could afford. He had been sure both times that he was doing something wrong because doing something good like getting the shit out of her shouldn’t be that miserable. On both occasions he had also been sure that it was that time she would get sober. He had endured all of the mood swings and insults and smacks, tried not to take to heart every time she wished him dead or told him he was no good, all in the hopes that it would be the last time. He had felt it both times, dreamed of a life with her sober, let himself imagine that maybe without the drugs she might even love him, told himself the drugs made her say all the hateful things and without them they’d be better, even good.

On both occasions she somehow found another man to date and he pulled her back in, fought Justin tooth and nail in all of his attempts to keep her clean. He overlooked the weed and alcohol but the crack and meth he couldn’t. The men had won and within a few days of his mom starting the relationships she was back on the stuff...all of it. He thinks the first time he cried and begged her not to. She had laughed and the boyfriend of the week had put him out of the house. The second time he angrily told her that she could stay clean if she just stopped dating bums. He limped to Bryce’s house and didn’t come back for a week, be that time the bum was gone and it was still his fault somehow.

It isn’t just even that summers aren’t always good. He realizes that this year there are even things he’ll miss about school and at first it seems wrong but then not really. Basketball of course is the top of the list and he can still play it during the summer but not with the team, against other teams, or in front of people. He’ll also miss the people he likes, not so much Bryce he usually spends a lot of the summer with the older boy but other people, some of the team... not Manuel, some of the girls, some of the baseball team. It’s strange too, Bryce was his only friend in grade school, from third grade up to freshman year. Thinking there are other people to miss almost makes him feel he’s betraying Bryce in some way.

That’s especially true because Zach is the first person who comes to mind and for like the last month Zach’s been avoiding Bryce’s and Justin can’t figure out why but he hopes it doesn’t last. He’s worried he won’t see Zach much if it does because he’s still not really welcome at the Dempsey’s and if Zach stays away from Bryce’s seeing him might be hard. That thought makes him upset cause he might be really used to seeing Zach and being around the other boy and he thinks a summer without him will be sad. No, it would be awful. He doesn’t want a summer without Zach and he doesn’t want to choose between Bryce and Zach because-well he just doesn’t, that isn’t too much to ask right? He hopes they get over it soon so he doesn’t have to find out. He isn’t even sure Bryce has noticed cause his best friend as a complex...he sort of needs everyone to like him, or maybe love him is a better way of saying it. Justin sort of gets it, he wants people to like him too but Bryce can be a little extreme about it sometimes. People who don’t like him tend to get pushed out of the group and he doesn’t want that to happen to Zach.

Still he is looking forward to some things. He and Kat started going out last week and he’s looking forward to spending the summer with her, she’s acting a little weird about it though. Anyway she’s fun and hot, a great kisser, she doesn’t ask too many questions and her bedroom is on the first floor so sneaking in and out, even he’s beat up, should be easy. Honestly she could be the highlight of the summer. The only problem is her well known hatred of Bryce but well...Bryce is weird about the guys he spends time with not really the girls. Dating a girl who doesn't like Bryce is alright; being friends with someone who doesn’t like Bryce is...less welcomed.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts by a sudden jostling.

“C’mon Justin, summer’s just started aren’t we supposed to take a break from thinking for a while?”

Zach’s arm is thrown around him pulling him close enough to smell his friends body wash and deodorant and feel the fabric of his shirt against his skin and for a moment he can push all of the rotten thoughts away and focus on this.

He smiles and lets out a laugh. He doesn’t really feel it but he also isn’t exclusively forcing it. “Yeah, right. I’ve had enough of that for a while, time to take a few months off.”

He feels his heartbeat pick up a little because he should talk to Zach about seeing him over the summer, wants to start making plans now and get into the habit of it. He’s afraid if he doesn't they won’t see each other much and he can’t let that happen. To bad he’s limited in what he can do, basketball is fun but less so in ninety degrees and up , to most people he’d still play but Zach doesn’t like playing in the heat, and Justin can’t really invite the other boy to his place...that doesn’t end well. He basically has to rely on cool days to meet up with him and hope he wants this as much as Justin.

He feels the arm around him tighten a little.

“You good Justin?” Zach’s voice is slightly concerned and they’re at the front of the school where they normally go in seperate directions because Justin lives uptown and Zach downtown and suddenly that distinction means something because that distance seems incredibly far to make a friendship work without school to unite them five days a week. They pause here though and Zach seems a little reluctant to pull away. They do shift though to look at each other and he sort of regrets Zach’s arm leaving his back but he gets to look at his friend so it’s like a consolation prize or something.

“Yeah-yeah I’m good just…” His voice trails off and he can’t seem to find the right words for what he wants to say. All of the things he’s thinking and none of them will come out. 

“Thinking about summer?” Zach prompts gently and Justin nods.

“Got any big plans?”

“Naw, gunna see Kat a lot and Bryce and you?” He says the last part as a question, it’s the best he can manage but it’s enough.

“Of course, we’ll hang out as often as we can. Mom and Dad travel a lot more in summer for their jobs so I’ll be able to have you over. And May will join us but not always. We’ll swim, play basketball, video games, lots of stuff you’ll see.”

It’s like a huge weight off of him and he sighs in relief.

“Did you think we wouldn’t?” Zach sounds a little hurt and Justin scrambles to explain.

“It’s just I wasn’t sure cause I’m not allowed at your house and I’ll be spending time with Bryce and I know you and him aren’t really talking and I was worried maybe I wouldn’t see you too much and-”

“Justin,” Zach’s voice cuts him off and reminds him to breath, “if I want to see you I’m going to, Bryce and my mom aren’t going to stop me.”

He isn’t really sure how to respond because ‘yeah’ or ‘thanks’ don’t really sound like they respond right to Zach’s statement so he settles for a nod.

Zach nods back he looks serious for a moment longer and then a smile breaks out on his face and speaks again in a teasing voice. “So what _does_ the great Justin Foley do during his summer break?”

Justin smiles back, his mood revived a little and he responds with a chuckle and says, “Oh you know, a bit of ball, a little beach, and a lot of sex.” Basketball is a new thing as of last summer, he’s actually never seen the beach, and ‘a lot’ is purely a lie since his first time was only like one summer ago. Still they sound a lot better than ‘detoxing my mom and trying to keep her sober’ or ‘staying out as late as possible to avoid her boyfriend’. Besides, maybe this summer they can be normal, at least two of them. He doesn't plan to rush Kat but at the very least basketball won’t be too hard if Zach is serious.

“Well he’s going to have to make room to see his friend somewhere between all those things.” Zach grins at him goofily and he responds in kind. Maybe this summer will be better than others.

“I think he can do that pretty easy.”

“Good I-” Zach’s phone buzzes and he looks at it quickly before saying, “Shit I gotta go. Listen Justin I mean it don’t be a stranger!” He’s hurrying away as he says it but even so Justin doesn’t remember a summer he’s been so optimistic about.

Turning around he sets off for home with a spring in his step. He can do this. He can enjoy this summer, have Bryce and Zach both as his friends, have Kat as his girlfriend. If Mom wants to try to get sober again he’ll help and he’ll do so knowing that she’ll probably fail but if he got though it the past two times with only Bryce, then this time with Zach and Bryce, he’ll be fine. This summer will be different, good even, he’s sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well later than expected but here we go, the end of freshman year. The good news is that I have the summer basically planned out and I don't have a chapter for my thesis due next Monday so hopefully I'll be able to get ahead and avoid another long delay.
> 
> On the subject of long delays, I meant to post Tuesday but I pulled a Justin and threw up on myself during senior photos...and then spent the rest of the morning doing the same in my apartment. I'm hoping to avoid that again too for obvious reasons.
> 
> In any case the next chapter is in the works and it'll probably be a short one, another comedy chapter that so far is bordering on absurd but hopefully the funny kind you all will like. I currently have 6 chapters, maybe seven for the summer but they all seem pretty heavy so if any of you have any lighthearted ideas feel free to share them. On that note thank you to squanchy_56 who left me chapter ideas and actually inspired 3 chapters, unfortunately they have to come during the boy's next year of school so not for a while.
> 
> As always I love comments and talking about the series so if you have anything you want to say, about the story, the show or just in general just let me know in the comments.


	22. Drunk Texts (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Justin asked if he thought the reason there weren’t any unicorns left is because they all drowned like in the song, he knows he shouldn’t respond but he does anyway.

Zach is almost asleep when his phone vibrates. Usually he mutes it before going to bed and usually he wouldn’t bother answering it anyway but it’s summer and he’s restless anyway so he flicks his lamp on and grabs his phone. When it’s Justin’s name that pops up he’s curious, it isn’t uncommon for his friend to send late night texts and try to start a conversation and he’s asked for a late night get together before, the one time in the old middle school. What greets him isn’t either of those things.

_Dude do you reallythink the unicornsmdrowned like in tge song and thata why there aren’t sny left_

He’s absolutely stunned for a moment. Justin’s texts always make sense, he’d go so far as to say his best friends spelling is usually pretty good even and the content isn’t always serious but it’s never this...bizarre.

_What_

_?_

He waits a moment and then his phone lights up again. He hopes Justin will make any more sense this time.

_Univorms_

_Dp younthink they really al; drownrd_

No such luck it seems.

_Why are you asking me this?_

_Iys inporyant Zavj_

Is it really? Somehow he doubts it.

_Are u good bro?_

He might be a little concerned now, if this is a joke it isn’t very funny and he briefly runs through all of the things that could make Justin this incoherent. A concussion is the one that keeps coming up and it makes him really worried

_Sre real gppd_

He doubts that. Then it suddenly strikes him, Justin must be drunk. He’s never really seen his best friend drunk at a time when he was sober and he’s really mellow when he’s high but maybe the two don’t produce the same effect?

_R u drunk?_

The answer has to be yes...that’s about the only thing that makes sense. 

_prby_

_At willem’s rn_

_Dienstmmatter_

_Just had another question_

_Do u think the unicorns in the song are people?_

_I mean God saved Noag but he killed the othermpeop;e for being bad di you think the univorns arw the bad other people?_

_bu if they werembad peo[le wouldnt be aroynd anympre and they are so I guedd not_

_rght_

At least he’s with someone responsible who will look out for him...and isn’t alone with Bryce. The messages are coming too fast for him to really keep up with but eventually he manages to get a text out amid Justin’s endless stream of them.

_What song?_

Finally he gets some progress.

_The irish one unicrm sing_

It takes him a few tries to figure get ‘Unicorn Song’ out of it but eventually he’s able to find what Justin is probably talking about and listen to it. It’s weird but also strangely pleasing to listen to.

_That’s what the song says_

He wonders if it could be this easy.

_Yeag byt it coyld bw a conspiraxy_

Nope, it can’t be.

_How?_

He probably shouldn’t even ask but too late for that now.

_Govt doesn’t want people 2 know unicorns were hunted to horns_

_Sonf comws oyt and gives liea for peo[;e to beleive_

_govt gets away with unicrom murders_

Yeah he really shouldn’t have asked. All well might as well have some fun with this.

_What about the aliens?_

Maybe this is a little mean but it also might be hilarious.

_Aluwns?_

_Yeah what if they took the unicorns?_

_Y_

_They were keeping the aliens from entering earth_

_The aliens wanted to disguise themselves as humans but the unicorns saw through them and exposed the aliens so they took all the unicorns 1 by 1 to keep them from getting in the way_

_...youre a genuis howdoyou know_

_are youmone og them_

He feels a grin tug at his lips and texts back.

_One of who, unicorn or alien_

He can practically see Justin brow scrunch up as he tries to figure out the answer.

_Idk_

_Either_

_Well obviously I’m not an alien, if I was why would I tell you all this_

He has to wait for the next reply and wonders if Justin’s fallen asleep but a reply comes a few moments later.

_Makea sende_

_So yourma unicorn?_

He has a couple of different ways he could go about this but he settles on the one he thinks will have the best results.

_Nope_

_U R_

He can hardly contain himself waiting for the reply.

_I am?_

_Yep_

_Rlly_

Drunk Justin is almost adorably gullible, he’ll have to make use of this later if he can. It would be a shame not to!

_Really_

_Dude I never knew_

_Y didntmutell ne_

Zach might feel a little bad but this is still super funny so not that much.

_Had to protect u from aliens_

Yeah he definitely feels bad about this one.

_R they still here_

_Some r u have to be careful_

_trust no-one_

_Except me, trust me_

The thinks about that briefly and realizes it’s a bad idea to tell him to trust no-one...he also wonders briefly is Justin already basically does that and it seems a less funny after that.

_And Willem, he’s safe too._

He adds their teammate as an afterthought. He trusts Willem to look out for Justin if his best friend gets really wasted, well ‘gets’ makes it sound like he isn’t already. Actually he’s really happy Willem is there and not Bryce, and doesn’t want to make it harder on him to look after Justin by convincing Justin he’s an alien…even if it would be funny later.

_Howdo you knoq a;; this_

_Im a secret agent_

_Attached to an elite team dedicated to the identification and conservation of unicorns_

_Wow_

_Dude thats cool_

_Wht happens now_

_Nothing, but you have to keep this a secret_

_If not you’re in danger_

_Oops_

Zach laughs since the stakes actually aren’t that high and leave it to Justin to tell immediately. Still he can’t act like it’s nothing over text.

_Who did you tell_

_Willwm_

_ALight but no-one else_

_Its important you keep this between us_

_The school is full of aliens and all of them are dangerous_

A moment later Justin sends another message almost as an afterthought.

_And bryce_

Something sours in Zach when he reads that message. He thinks it makes him a bad person that the joke doesn’t seem as funny now that they're sharing it with Bryce. He tries to justify it by telling himself that Bryce will use it to bully Justin later and that only makes him more annoyed about Bryce knowing.

_No one else?_

He waits but doesn’t end up getting anything back. He thinks maybe it’s for the best and after ten minutes of waiting for a reply that doesn’t come, lies down and goes to sleep.

The next morning he wakes up to a list of notifications on his phone. Most are from Justin and he opens the chat back up.

_Dude I was fucked up last night_

_Oh_

_Lol you saw I see_

_So mr special agent how do I know I can trust you?_

_After seeing you eat a hamburger with mustard I think I’m right to think you’re an alien._

_And no, I told no-one else my secret_

He smiles and texts back something vague about Justin being weirder than he is because of pickle juice and looks at his other string of messages. Their from Willem and he might be worried if Justin wasn’t obviously sober enough to send him a string of coherent messages.

_I’m willing to be you have something to do with this_

Attached to that message is a video which he clicks on and watches Justin, standing on a couch in the basement of Willem’s house yelling about being a unicorn. Willem must be holding the phone and struggling to keep it steady while laughing. Part way through Justin’s phone buzzes and he looks at it, his eyes go wide and he looks up at the camera absolutely shocked and then frantically types something back. A moment later his phone lights up again and he whispers very loudly to Willem. “Shh it’s a secret, we can’t tell”, before collapsing onto the couch giggling. The video ends there.

Under it is another message.

_Don’t worry buddy secret’s safe here_

Maybe he’s still a bad person for hating that Bryce is the other person in on this joke but he’ll deal with that later, right now he has a lot of blackmail to plan for with all of this and he’s practically giddy at the thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is...another hopefully funny chapter. I've had this idea lying around for a while and when I came up with it I was really excited but writing it turned into a lot of work between typing it all and then going back to put it into text speech and adjust for Justin's inebriation as well as, well honestly I think I just picked a bad subject for it. As much as I love the song, I'm just not convinced it came out funny and I know it came out short. In any case, maybe you all will like it more than me. I might have scrapped it and started over but I kept telling myself I'd like the finished product and by the time I figured out I wouldn't it was too late.
> 
> The song by the way is literally called "Unicorn Song" by the Irish Rovers, my dad had a St. Patrick's Day playlist for when we hosted the party and this was one of the only songs I liked on it then.
> 
> Anyway, next chapter we get a lot of emotionally damaged Justin for all of you who love that and I haven't decided yet what comes after but I'm confident I have a lot planned for the summer so I shouldn't hit any road blocks with coming up with ideas...hopefully.
> 
> That said, if you have any suggestions for chapters I'm open to them so leave them down in the comments, I'd love to hear about them!
> 
> As always, happy reading and if you like the chapter let me know, if enough of you do, there may be a second Drunk texts is I can think of a plot for it!


	23. Bruised Boy Part 3 (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin wonders if maybe he is broken. Not his body, he thinks somethings in there are but he isn’t too worried cause it’s happened before. No, he wonders if something else is broken, something deeper, like his soul or something. If it isn’t now then is it only a matter of time until it is? Zach doesn’t think he is though and even if his friend is wrong he’s already done more for fixing Justin than anyone else has in a long time.

They’re just hanging out when Justin feels it starting and these ones are the worst, the ones that happen in a state of total peace like now. Actually this might qualify as downright bliss and that only makes it more frustrating. So far it’s been like, the perfect day. They started at the park but now they’re at Zach’s, his parents are gone for the weekend and May is with a friend. In the morning they played ball, and got lunch...well Zach got him lunch and good thing too because he hadn’t eaten in about a day and basketball on an empty stomach kind of sucks and then a continued empty stomach is even worse.

Anyway, then they went to Zach’s house and swam; the Dempseys’ pool isn’t as big as Bryce’s but that’s fine, it’s still water and he loves swimming. Someday he’d like to see the beach and swim in the ocean but anyway, the pool was more than enough for the afternoon. Turns out though, wrestling underwater is a slightly bad idea when you’re both laughing. It lead to a lot of coughing but chlorine is like soap right? If that’s the case, both of them have clean ass insides. They sat out for a while after that, Justin working on his tan, he wanted to look real good for Kat, and Zach stretched out under the shade of a canopy relaxing.

Dinner came after and Zach had fed him again; he tried not to celebrate two meals in one day and focused on savoring the greasy pizza. Since then they had been camped in front of the huge TV in the living room marathoning Nick Cage movies since Zach thought they were hilariously bad and honestly...he’s sort of right. They’re in the middle of National Treasure now and suddenly he can’t breath.

Even scarier, he can’t really seem to make himself move, it’s like his body is paralyzed and he isn’t sure why. He’s gotten like this before, normally he knows why and that doesn’t help because it’s usually a mom’s boyfriend related thing that he can’t get away from and this only adds to the misery but sometimes they happen in the dead of night too when he’s totally alone and nothing could have triggered it, _and nothing there to make it better besides Tigger and his jacket_.

He must make some kind of sound because suddenly Zach is asking him if he’s alright and he tries to nod because even though he isn’t, Bryce and Monty have both seen him during these and well, he knows doesn’t deserve sympathy or anything. If he was stronger he wouldn’t have them. Monty doesn’t get them and the other boy puts up with the same kind of shit as him but doesn’t suffer from these but he wasn’t very nice when he found out about Justin’s. Bryce just told him to stop being a bitch.

So yeah, he’s fine. Peachy, he just sort of can’t breath and his heart is beating a mile a minute but that isn’t Zach’s problem it’s his. He tries to slow his breathing down because not doing that only makes them worse but it isn’t easy when he can’t get enough air and he thinks he can hear Monty laughing in the background and can feel Bryce’s disappointed eyes on him and when did they get here? But they are here and now he feels so much worse and breathing is _even_ harder now and-

A pair of arms are around him suddenly rubbing his back soothingly and he can hear Zach talking to him but it sounds distant even though he has to be close. Actually a moment later Zach moves in front of his face so he knows the other boy isn’t too far away from him. He’s still talking too and Justin is trying desperately to listen but he can’t really seem too and he’s dizzy which isn’t helping but he’s still trying to slow his breathing and then he realizes Zach is taking very exaggerated breaths and he tries to copy. At one point he manages to calm down enough to understand what he’s saying.

“You’re doing great Justin, that’s right just keep doing what I’m doing and you’re going to be fine; I’ve got you and we aren’t going anywhere.”

Eventually he does manage to calm down but by then he feels drained, emotionally and even physically, sore, like he ran suicides for an hour. His breathing is still heavy and the thought of doing anything sounds terrible exhausting, impossible even.

He panics when Zach suddenly moves but the other boy hushes him gently and moves so he’s sitting on the couch too and pulls Justin onto his lap. He hates himself because almost on reflex his fist curls into Zach’s shirt and he leans against his friend’s chest heavily, letting Zach support all of his weight.

They stay like that for a while, movie still playing in the background but forgotten. He concentrates first on the sound of Zach’s heart and tries to count the beats and then on the quiet Chinese Zach is murmuring in his ear. He focuses on the feeling of Zach’s hand in his hair, combing through it and scratching his scalp gently and he closes his eyes and tries to will himself into a state of calm but well… it’s not like he has some hero level will power so he isn’t too surprised when he fails. He realizes he’s still shaking and even when he tries to stop he can’t. It makes him feel worse because he really is a bitch but at least Monty and Bryce are gone and not mocking him for it. There isn’t even anything to scare him into this state and everything to pull him out and he still can’t.

After a bit though he does get control of himself and leans away from Zach. He’s reluctant to leave it all, the soothing words he can’t understand, the playing with his hair, the warmth of the chest and the strength of the heartbeat inside. But he does, he has to. Zach has no reason to be doing this for him, he isn’t going to make him sit through it longer than necessary. Besides, he’s literally on Zach’s lap and his mother stopped letting him do that when he was like five so now he’s really too old. When he does he realizes with disgust he’s sweated through his clothes and that probably means he got Zach wet too and his friend really should have kicked him off sooner because that’s just gross.

“Are you alright now?”

Zach’s voice is full of worry and concern and Justin barely manages to get a smile out.

“Yeah, sorry.”

Zach doesn’t look convinced and dark eyes roam over him critically.

“No need to be sorry and...you don’t have to be okay if you aren’t Justin.”

He nods because he doesn’t trust himself to speak.

“Does that happen often?”

He knows it’s mean because Zach has just done so much for him but he wishes the other boy would just shut up because he’s better, really, and Zach is just making him feel worse. Still he manages to shake his head but that isn't exactly true. It isn’t untrue either though so he goes with it. They don’t really have a set schedule and sure, high stress can make them happen more but not alway, he only had one in the several months his mom dated Albert and sometimes they happen with no stress. Not even now when there was no immediate stressor but like when long term there isn’t anything to worry about.

Zach still looks unconvinced but then he says, “If I go upstairs for a minute will you be alright?”

He nods and feels a little frustrated because it’s not like he’s some helpless baby who needs to be taken care of, _there’s laughter in the back of his head after that thought and it sounds suspiciously like Monty and Bryce_ , and he doesn’t need Zach here to watch him. He nods and mutters a ‘yeah’.

Zach stands and walks past him, resting a hand in Justin’s hair as he passes and Justin hears him head up the stairs. He closes his eyes and tries not to think, tries to create a pleasant hum to tune out the world which isn’t really noisy at all but he still wants his own, internal noise to be all he hears. He does manage it and even stops thinking; it isn’t that hard since he isn’t smart anyway and doesn’t have much to think about...somehow that fact doesn’t really help him all that often though.

He’s disturbed by a shaking and realizes it’s Zach. The other boy is standing in front of him and talking.

“-running the tub for a bath. It might help, you know to relax you and at the very least it’ll get you clean.”

He blinks but lucky he didn’t miss too much and catches up pretty quickly.

“Oh- yeah-yeah thanks Zach.”

He isn’t too annoyed because he should be able to go back to his world of white noise naked sitting in a tub of water pretty quickly and he knows he’s gross and needs the bath. He stands to follow Zach up the stairs but something isn’t right.

He’s falling not walking and Zach’s arms are the only thing that stop him from colliding with the table. He feels his face heat up because he must really look pathetic now and he doesn’t dare make eye contact with Zach.

Apparently it isn’t needed and the other boy already has a plan for how to handle this because a moment later he’s leaving the ground again but this time not falling, being picked up by Zach and if he had any dignity, or energy, left in him he’d protest. Instead he lets Zach shift him so one arm is under Justin’s knees and the other is under his shoulders and neck and his head is sort of leaning on Zach’s chest. He feels like a child but Zach spares him the humiliation of talking and just carries him up the stairs. 

He deposits him on the toilet in the bathroom and to Justin’s relief he leaves without saying a word, he does brush Justin’s hair again though and that makes him sort of happy. He’s relieved Zach leaves and doesn’t plan to stay or make conversation or anything, Justin doesn’t really want him in here while he baths...he’d feel like a cripple or something if he did. Anyway it’s Zach so he’s just outside the door and Justin knows it, he’s honestly fine with that though.

He strips still seated and is thankful he manages to stand and then slide into the hot water without his legs giving out. He goes back to his quiet place and he knows falling asleep in the bathtub is a bad idea but he almost can’t help it. Eventually though he forces himself to shampoo his hair and then scrub his body down. He’s finishing up when there’s a gentle tap on the door.

“You alright in there bro?”

“Yeah-” His voice cracks a little and he hates it so he clears his throat and tries again, “Yeah, I’m almost done.”

He opens the drain in the tub and dries off. For a moment he worries he doesn’t have anything clean to put on but he spots his blue bag in the corner and he’s glad Zach thought of this problem cause he somehow didn’t.

He slides into some loose fitting clothes and makes a brief attempt to fix his hair in the mirror but standing for that is exhausting so he gives up pretty quickly and opens the door, Zach is waiting for him in the hall, he slides in past Justin and pretends he just wanted to brush his teeth but Zach always changes and then brushes and he’s still wearing the same clothes from earlier that day. He appreciated the gesture even though it makes him feel like a cripple.

He ends up in Zach’s room and the other boy joins him not too much later and changes into shorts and a T-shirt for sleeping. Justin smiles a bit when he sees the Superman shirt and thinks that tonight Zach really was Superman. Even more when he climbs into bed and pulls the covers up for Justin to join him.

He doesn’t want to exactly, wants to prove he can sleep on his own and he isn’t totally broken or a bitch but the air mattress isn’t set up for him and he’s still so tired and this is so much easier.

Zach doesn’t make a big deal about it either. After Justin slides in he just lets the covers fall over them and turns the light out. Justin does slide closer, Zach’s warm and it may be summer but for some reason he feels cold, no exactly like it’s winter cold but something deeper and Zach is really warm and it seems to make sense. He thinks he should probably feel more awkward about this but this isn’t the first time they’ve shared a bed...which should definitely make this worse but there was the night in the hotel and also when Zach was sick. Those don’t seem to count now, one was beyond their control and the other he’d do all over again because Zach needed him and it’s one of the first times he’s been able to pay his friend back.

Zach startles him out of his thoughts when his voice suddenly cuts through the silence, even though it’s only just above a whisper.

“Justin?”

He wonders if he should just not reply. He isn’t sure what Zach wants to say but he doesn’t want to talk any more about what happened and it isn’t fair to Zach cause he didn’t really tell Zach anything but he hates talking about it or even thinking about it. After a moment though he does reply, also very quietly and he hopes that maybe Zach has fallen asleep even though he doubts it.

“What?”

“I know you don’t want to talk about it right now but if you ever do...I’m here.” As if to prove his point he slides his arm under the pillows and cushions Justin’s head with it while his other arm drapes over him loosely.

He doesn’t shrug it off but he doesn't feel he deserves it. Actually he rarely feels he deserves all of the love he gets from Zach because he gives the boy so little in return and Zach doesn’t deserve all of his problems and issues. He’s broken, Bryce and Monty are right. He’s broken and a mess and how anyone could stand someone so pathetic is beyond him but Zach does, and so does Bryce, and as long as they let him, he’ll accept whatever they give him, even if it’s holding him while he cries like a bitch and letting him share a bed. He’s a mess but Zach might just find a way to glue and tape him back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, a new chapter and another installment of Bruised Boy. I think it's important to remember that even though Justin get's physical bruises he also has them inside as well and this is an attempt to capture that. Hopefully you all like it. Next up is probably a Zach chapter with lighter dialogue but also kind of a darkish overhang.
> 
> In any case, happy reading and let me know what you think in the comments because I love to hear from all of you!


	24. Diner Time (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach doesn’t think Justin always eats with just disregard to manners or...breathing. Then again, he’s pretty sure Justin’s ribs used to be less prominent right? He wonders if it’s just him or not but...well he can afford taking Justin out to dinner at least twice a week, he’ll even make sure the other boy eats his vegetables.

Zach watches Justin swallow bites of the hamburger basically whole as soon as he sits down and usually he tries to refrain from judging people for stuff like this but he’s pretty sure Justin usually looks less like a starving wolf when he eats. Apparently he isn’t the only one who’s noticed either because several people comment including Willem.

“I didn’t buy you lunch so you could try to kill yourself with it by not chewing.” 

For extra measure the older boy also shoves a napkin at Justin whose face is smeared with ketchup and whatever sauce is on the burger.

Monty of course also has something to say about it. “You know if you ever get tired of Kat you could always just invite her out to dinner. It’d save you the trouble of breaking up, she’d do it herself!”

Justin looks a little embarrassed but he smiles, big and bright the one the Kat and half the other girls in the school have fallen for. Zach absently wonders if the fact that ketchup is staining his teeth now would change their mind while Justin replies, with food still in his mouth, “Didn’t realize eating like this bothered you so much Monty; I’d have done it a lot sooner if I had.”

A collective groan of disgust goes up from the other ten or so jocks at the table with Bryce being the one who comments, “Really Justy, that’s just classless at least try to pretend you’re a civilized member of society and don’t talk with food in your mouth.”

It bothers Zach that Justin looks chastised by Bryce who has no right to talk about civilized society. He’s still avoiding the other boy most of the time, him and some of the other members of the baseball team but their social circles are basically the same so it’s hard. He’s still disgusted by everything that happened in the clubhouse but he knows he isn’t going to tell anyone for Justin’s sake. He hasn’t been over Bryce’s since then but there’s a party there this Friday and he thinks he’s obligated to show up so he probably will, hopefully he can seclude himself with Jeff or better yet Justin.

In any case Bryce, uncivilized as he is, causes Justin to duck his head and slow down eating a little. He still finishes his second burger before several guys finish their first and he must still be hungry too because he also steals fries off of Willem and Scott’s plates without mercy. Willem at least doesn’t seem to mind too much, only rolling his eyes and eventually passing Justin money for his third burger of the day. Justi, for his part, looks embarrassed when Willem mutters dryly that Justin is burning a hole in his wallet. When Justin doesn’t immediately take the money from him though, he ruffles the younger boy’s hair good naturedly and tells him to get more food so he can leave Willem’s alone. That seems to put Justin at ease and thankfully conversation elsewhere means that no one has noticed the interaction at their end of the table.

Somehow it all seems wrong to Zach. He knows Justin eats a lot, he always has. He’s seen him polish off a pie and a half of pizza and go back for thirds or fourths when he’s eaten with Zach, his dad and his sister. The night they won the championship Coach took them out to eat at a place renowned for large portions. It was one of those ‘eat all of our signature dish and get your face on the wall and dinner for free’ things. Justin had immediately decided on that despite the waitress and half the team telling him to get something smaller and Coach nearly had a heart attack when it came out. Justin ate it all while everyone else had struggled to finish their meals and Zach remembers Manuel turning green when Justin brought up desert and greener when he actually ordered and ate it all. Everyone else had complained about being full on the way back to the hotel room, Justin sat with a lazy sort of smugness on his face and just for kicks, mentioned getting ice cream when they got back to the hotel.

Still this right now seems excessive even for him, in all of those other cases he ate like a normal person. He even paced himself during the time after regionals. He usually got teased by Bryce when he was around, something about him being proud of Justin for using a knife and fork. In all of those cases he didn’t just shovel the food in his mouth as fast as possible and he always looked like he was breathing while he ate.

They’ve eaten out like this before too, at a fast food place or a diner or something like that where they’d take over several tables and be loud and annoying but never enough to warrant getting kicked out, just enough to push the boundaries and almost get asked to leave. When they do this it isn’t uncommon for him to steal food from other people’s plates, often from Zach himself, but never like this. Usually he took a few french fries over the course of a ten or twenty minutes, sometimes purposely to annoy the person, other times citing that they were taking too long, and sometimes solemnly saying the fry in question called to him.

He also remembers the awful dinner where his mom and Justin met and he knows that disastrous as that was, if Justin had eaten like this it would have been worse. That night he had used better manners than even Zach or May, he chewed with his mouth closed and didn’t guzzle his soda like May did. He could be polite when eating. So why is he acting like this now?

He tries not to watch Justin too obviously when he comes back and the other boy slows his eating pace a little but Zach’s pretty sure it’s to go unnoticed by everyone else and no other reason. He looks sort of pale...under the tan...did that make sense? Not really but somehow even though he’s been swimming and playing ball and tends to walk everywhere even when it’s really hot out he still looks unhealthy. Come to think of it...has that shirt always been so loose on him? It’s one of Bryce’s shirts so he thinks it’s probably always been a little loose but he’s also pretty sure he’s seen Justin wear it the past and fill it out more. It isn’t like when he wears Zach’s jacket and almost gets lost in it but still it looks off.

Actually, Justin loves his tank tops and he hasn’t worn any in a few weeks, not even when they play ball. Zach knows he has a couple he’s cut huge holes under the armpits for extra ventilation or something like that and they’re for basketball specifically but they’ve played ball at least three times a week since summer started and he doesn’t remember the last time he saw one. Zach’s always thought they looked stupid, the cut tank tops, and maybe even trashy but he’s never mentioned it before and it’s been over ninety consistently this whole week and not much cooler the week before so now would be the time to wear them right? It’s not like he’s been tracking what Justin wears but now that he thinks about it, he’s pretty sure he’s right.

He’s brought to when Bryce speaks over everyone. “Are we ready to leave or does Justin need a fourth meal?”

Everyone chuckles and Justin gives a silly grin, he doesn’t look too bother this time, and says he’s good but thanks Bryce for asking. They head out to wonder the town and eventually collect at Manuel’s, which isn’t as nice as Bryce’s but it’s better than most of them can do. They kind of just hang out for a few hours, play pool and video games and Zach is able to relax a little but something still bothers him. Manuel brings out snacks after a while and Justin helps himself to them more than most people but Zach only notices cause he’s watching.

At some point his mom calls and wants him home so he excuses himself but he spends the rest of the day thinking about Justin. They’re supposed to hang out tomorrow and play ball, Willem was also supposed to come too but he had to cancel last minute so it’ll just be them. He thinks he spends most of the night up thinking about it.

Morning can’t come fast enough and they’re supposed to meet at one but he texts Justin and asks if he’d rather meet at noon instead and grab lunch. To his surprise the other boy says he had a big breakfast and isn’t looking for lunch so they decided to keep the original meeting time.

When he does see his friend, Justin is already at the park and by the courts. He’s actually on the bench, leaning his head back and he looks tired but maybe Zach just wants to find problems, he does note a T-shirt once again instead of a tank top. Justin doesn’t say much either, just gives Zach a lazy wave and a grin when he sees him. They play for a few hours with some other people and Justin’s off. They’re still good enough to win most of the time but they aren’t winning as well as they could be. The strange thing isn’t even that, it’s that Justin’s movements aren’t the clumsy, stiff ones that come with him playing when he shouldn’t be, instead they’re normal just slow, like his reaction time is off.

During one of the breaks he hears Justin’s stomach rumbling but he doesn’t comment, Justin will tell him if something is wrong right?

After they decide to call quits he pops the question. “Hey Justin, I’m starving, wanna grab dinner?”

“Naw, I’m not all that-” His stomach cuts him off by very loudly groaning and his eyes get really wide. He opens his mouth and he looks like he’s trying to find something to say but Zach speaks up first.

“There’s a pretty cheap diner that has some of my favorite soup near the the movie theater but the waitress looks at me really weird when I eat there by myself. Could I maybe bribe you into going, my treat?” It’s a very...embellished version of the truth to say the least but Justin thinks he’s doing a favor for Zach he might be more willing to agree.

Justin looks like he wants to say something other than yes but can’t bring himself and it all bothers Zach but he gets the feeling if he pushes Justin on this the other boy won’t take it well. Eventually he nods though and replies, “Well I’d hate for this lady to judge you for being alone. So am I going as your devilishly handsome wingman to set you up with your judgemental waitress to be wife or as your bro looking to get this amazing soup?”

Zach chuckles because Justin says either of these things like they could be true. “Naw, you’re coming as my gay best friend with a critical culinary eye to tell me if I have shit taste or not.

They share a laugh about that and Justin tells him he’ll need to go through a costume change for this part and asks Zach how he feels about a striped button down, extra skinny jeans, and leather boots. They’re still laughing as set about taking the walk and it isn’t too far...just farther than he wants.

They enter the diner and claim a booth in the back under the air conditioning vents and look over the menu. A waitress with a sour expression comes over to take their drink orders and lends some level of believability to Zach’s story.

Justin wags his eyebrows from across the table after she leaves and comments, “Didn’t peg you for the milf type Zach, too bad she definitely isn’t a sugar mama with a job like this but she’s alright.”

Zach rolls his eyes.

“It’s fine Zach we all have our kinks and milfs isn’t that weird, some guys prefer experience and all that.” He’s grinning like a mad man and Zach reaches over to swat him lightly which makes Justin actually laugh.

Their drinks come and the sour lady asks if they’re ready to order. Zach is, the part about this place having a great soup isn’t a lie, and he also gets a sandwich for extra measure. Justin gets fried chicken.

“Soup or salad?”

“Umm-”

“He’ll get the salad.” Zach isn’t sure what makes him decide for his friend but neither the waitress nor Justin don’t look particularly amused.

“Soup.”

Justin doesn’t even look at the woman but Zach cuts in before she leaves and challenges Justin, “You need you’re greens to grow up big and strong, get the salad.” He’s pretty sure in terms of pure calories the soup is a better choice but well...he can’t make sure Justin goes home to a well stocked fridge but he can make sure that when he’s feeding his best friend, the boy gets a balanced diet of fats, greens and protein...hopefully not in that order but they tend to get a lot of fast food and Justin does need vegetables...if he was taller maybe he’d be better able to protect himself when he needed.

Justin sighs and looks back at the woman who now wears an expression that clearly means she doesn't think she gets paid enough for her job and changes his order to a salad.

They make light talk after and it’s good. He’s able to focus on Justin and not worry and just have fun with his best friend. Their food arrives and Justin doesn’t attack it this time. He eats it all and doesn’t complain about the large, leafy salad that Zach thinks might have been given, and made little passive aggressively. Justin thinks the same because he gives Zach an amused look over the mountain of lettuce.

“I love me some rabbit food.” It’s sarcasm but not really annoyed more a comment on their less than charming waitress than on Zach’s insistence at him getting this.

“Good cause I expect you to eat all of it.” His face breaks out into a grin as he says it.

Justin sticks his tongue out but picks up a large leaf, with his hands cause he’s Justin, and starts chewing on it noisily. Zach laughs and Justin does too, almost choking a little.

They end up taking their time, neither eager to go back out into the heat and it’s good, just the two of them and Zach thinks maybe everyone else is an annoying extra to interrupt him getting to spend time alone with his best friend. Right now none of them matter, Monty, Bryce, not even the people Zach usually like Scott or Jeff. It’s just him and Justin and that’s better than anything else he’s had all summer.

He ends up getting half his sandwich wrapped, finishing it would be easy but he pretends he’s full and makes Justin take it home under the pretext his mom hates diner food because it’s low class and would throw the food out. When he gets the check it’s not too bad. He tries to do some quick math and figure out how many times he can take Justin out to eat in a week but it’s only twice, maybe three times. He could cut back on buying him lunch after they play ball but that’s like two or three lunches for only one more dinner. He’ll have to think about it and try to come up with the best schedule. He also can try to instigate more hangouts cause Willem sometimes buys Justin lunch too. He’ll even try to make a special effort to get hangouts at Bryce’s house cause he usually buys food for everyone when they come. The idea isn’t as disgusting to him as usual and he thinks he might even be able to manage.

After he pays they leave and Zach has to go home and he can’t bring Justin but the other boy kind of grins when he tells him and says he’s heading over to Kat’s in a while anyway. On impulse he pulls Justin into a hug even though it’s too hot for this. Justin doesn't protest though and hugs back after he gets over his surprise. He breaks away first though and looks at Zach confused, sort of worried and definitely surprised.

“You good bro?”

“Yeah I just…” He just what? Needed to assure himself Justin wasn’t wasting away?

Justin saves him from answering though when he does. “You’re good Zach, we both are, this is going to be the best summer of our lives and it won’t ever end and we’ll be happy about it.” His voice has an odd sort of tone, like he’s trying to will it to happen like this but doesn’t exactly want to believe himself. It doesn’t quite match his smile which is all teeth and confident.

It’s enough though, the statement. He feels more confident now that they can get through this summer and love it. “Yeah you’re right it will and it’ll be great. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Justin grins and replies, “I’ll text you when I’m ready, I might be running a little late.”

Zach rolls his eyes and elbows him lightly. “Sure Justin I’ll be waiting.” It seems that easy too. He can do this and enjoy himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to another chapter! I've had the idea for this one for a while now, actually it was one of the first ones I thought I'd do for their first summer together. I didn't expect it to be as long as it turned out I'm pretty happy with it though, someday Zach will make a great dad, nagging about eating vegetables.
> 
> Anyway, I only have plans for like 3 or 4 more chapters for their summer so if you have an idea for one that you want (or if you have an idea in general) let me know. Their next summer won't be anywhere near as pleasant as this one either if that inspires you to submit an idea you're on the fence about. 
> 
> As always, hope you enjoy the chapter and if you feel the urge, leave a comment I love reading them!


	25. Family and Friends (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach gets into a fight with his parents and needs to blow of steam. Lucky Justin offers a distraction to take his mind off of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another chapter! This one was a spur of the moment idea, actually right after I posted the last chapter it came to me but it took a long time for me to find a suitable ending for it. I think I like the result finally but it took a while to get here. You may also get that Justin teaches May to dive chapter too depending on how ambitious I feel and if I think I can make it a decent chapter.
> 
> Next up is a Looking In chapter and I know at least one of you is really looking forward to it. Good news is that it's like 75-80% written, the bad news for me is that I have to go back and make it work with this newest chapter. Also as a side note, I've done a spin off chapter with Tony and Justin and I think this current plot line is going to require something similar to resolve it. Something that wouldn't necessarily fall into the theme of this story but hopefully helps this story, or the show, make more sense. For that reason I might be posting another story with those spin offs or other chapters that will probably focus on Justin and/or Zach and another member of the cast but not necessarily the relationship between the duo.
> 
> Anyway, happy reading and I love comments so if you have time and inclination, please leave them and let me know what you think, what you liked or even what you didn't like, constructive criticism is welcomed here!

Zach’s pissed as he leaves the house, slams the door behind him and doesn’t bother to lock it. He knows he’ll get in more trouble later but all well; he’ll deal with it when he has to. There no destination in mind as long as it isn’t home and somehow that leads him down by the lake. By the time he gets there he’s a little calmer, not much but enough to attempt thinking about what happened.

His parents are asses.

That’s just a fact at this point. His mom has been being herself in the worst way possible for the past week. Pestering him about starting to study for the upcoming year and getting ready for the football season and looking at colleges with good law programs or medical schools with A string sports teams and the like. July isn’t over yet...just painfully close to being so, but in any case he doesn’t want to think about school starting and even less about shopping for colleges when he still isn’t sure he even wants to go. Of course he can’t say that _to her_ because in her mind he’s already a college graduate looking for even higher education.

All week she’s been on his case about these things and yesterday he snapped at her that summer was _his_ time. He wanted to enjoy himself, to not worry about anything and to do what he wanted. She hadn’t taken that well of course and they had been in a sort of prewar state since then of not talking except to say nasty things to each other in passing. He knows she’ll get what she wants in the end and it pisses him off because screw her. She made him and now she thinks she owns him and she doesn’t even try to understand what he wants and probably wouldn’t care if she did.

Of course Dad made it worse. Actually he’s the reason Zach stormed out. He tried to do his apologizing thing and after he heard about what happened had hugged Zach and tried to make it better. Usually Zach soaked up the physical affection from his dad but today it just pisses him off because he isn’t helping. He isn’t even trying to fix the problem just make himself feel better about not!

He paces up and down the dock looking out on the water and trying to be less pissed off but failing. Eventually he pulls his phone out and sees over twenty messages from both of his parents. His mom demanding he come home and apologize and his dad apologizing to him. He ignores them. It’s cruel since his dad is leaving that night and won’t be back for a week but part of him likes that. He’s still angry at the man and he knows it’ll bother the man to leave with Zach still angry with him. Of course his mom will be livid and there really won’t be much to stop her but it’s not like his dad is doing that right now anyway.

Instead he finds Justin in his contacts and calls him.

“Yo.” His friends voice sounds distorted over the phone but it’s him and that all that matters at the moment.

“Hey want to hang out?” It’s a last second decision and he isn’t sure why he makes it. His plan had been to complain about his parents to Justin but suddenly the urge leaves him. He doesn’t know why exactly. In the past he used to refrain from doing these things because he didn’t have friends he felt comfortable enough around but that isn’t the case with Justin. He just...doesn’t want to anymore, maybe he never did and only thought he wanted to. He’d rather just see Justin and hang out, pretend when he goes back he isn’t going to be in trouble and he isn’t trying to hurt his dad for hurting him.

“Ah, sure when?” Justin knows none of this, his voice sounds normal and if he knew would he think less of Zach? Maybe not...but then again he might think Zach is an ass and maybe he is because as angry as he is with them right now he knows they’re trying to do what’s best for him even if they might be wrong...Justin doesn't have that luxury.

“I was hoping now, I’ll meet you at the docks?” He’s already there but Justin doesn't need to know that and they can just hang out, talk, maybe head down to the courts if the mood strikes them. He doesn’t have a lot of money in his wallet but he’s got enough maybe for the movies or something.

“The docks? Sure I can be down here in like forty five?” He’s relieved, if Justin wasn’t able to hang out he’d have been left to stew all night and that wouldn’t have been any fun.

“Cool see you then.”

“Yep, see you soon.”

Justin hangs up and Zach can see more messages from his parents, mostly his dad now, he only has a final ominous one from his mom threatening him. It renews his decision to stay out. She thinks she can just run his life and he puts up with it for ten months out of the year...can’t he be master of himself for the other two?

He tries not to stew in his anger, tries to think of other things but honestly it doesn’t work until Justin shows up. The other boy walks towards him grinning from ear to ear and adjusting the straps of the bag on his shoulder when he calls out a greeting. Zach replies and hopes he sounds normal. A slight frown comes over Justin’s face and he thinks maybe he doesn’t but then the smaller boy doesn’t say anything about it. He switches his phone to silent as Justin gets closer and decides he might as well go all in and not even be tempted to look at his phone for indications of the fate that awaits him at home.

They take a seat on one of the walls looking out on the water, the breeze is coming off the lake and it’s pleasant, cool but not cold, a welcomed change from the sweltering heat of the past week or so.

“How’s May?”

The question doesn’t even surprise him, Justin almost always asks about May and she usually does the same. He sort of wonders if they have some kind of plot against him since any time he leaves them alone together he comes back to them giggling, actually giggling he doesn’t think he hears Justin make that sound unless May is involved (and he likes it cause he likes Justin laughing but it’s just plain unnerving); sometimes they’re also point at him too. Any time he asks them why they just giggle harder. It’s concerning to say the least but he supposes if they’re happy...and as long as nothing happens to him because of it he can put of with it.

Actually it’s kind of endearing his best friend gets along with his sister so well and Justin somehow seems to enjoy watching all of the awful chick flicks she wants to see and he thinks Justin’s watched just about every princess movie, new and old, at their house with May and indulges her in fresh meat to destroy at any number of board games.

“She’s fine, misses you though. She want me to ‘bring JuJu over so he can teach me how to dive’. Insistent on it even though when I try to teach her she fights me on it.”

Justin’s face lights up, equal parts pure delight and mischief and Zach has the feeling he’s done something terrible to himself in the future by telling Justin this. “Well obviously she knows who the better teacher will be and you should make it happen Dempsey, I’d love to teach her!”

He rolls his eyes but let’s Justin get away with it. He’ll find a time to have him over again anyway and hopefully at least then it’ll put a stop to May pestering him about it.

“How’s Kat?”

“She’s good, hanging out with this new girl a lot, Hannah or something like that. It’s fine, not like it interrupts our plans but she’s weird about it. She says she wants us to meet and I keep telling her to pick a time and and place and I’ll be there but she won’t for some reason.”

“Girls are weird.” It’s weirder though cause Justin dates a lot of girls and Kat is hands down one of the better, or at least more normal ones. “Has she said why?”

“Not really, I kind of want to meet this girl too if for nothing else than to see if she’s worth the aggravation Kat’s putting me through but I guess I’ll see what happens. Speaking of romantic interests, how is your waitress doing?”

It takes a Zach a moment to recall their conversation from a week or so ago but once he does he rolls his eyes. “Sour and using lettuce to get revenge on me for imagined offenses. And I never said I was into her.”

Justin grins cheekily and replies, “You never said you weren’t either.”

Damn...that’s totally true in the most infuriating way possible cause he’ll never get Justin to admit he’s wrong. All well might as well play along. “How’d you know?”

Justin’s grin widens but he quickly manages to get it under control and adopt an expression so patronizing, Mrs. Rhen, the secretary at the front desk that hates Justin, might actually be proud of him.

“Zach, Zach, Zach,” somehow his voice is even more so that his face, “it was easy to tell. Your story didn’t make sense, you don’t fear the judgement of other people but if you were in love with them you might and then it all became clear.You have deep unrequited feelings for this woman and as your friend I want to encourage you but anyone who uses salad as a weapon is simply a bad person.”

Towards the end Justin breaks into a smile and tries to stifle his laughter and Zach is holding his side, hunched over in laughter because this so ridiculous and they both know it.

“But Justin, I love her.” He snorts a bit from laughing so hard which makes Justin laugh even harder and they keep feeding into each other.

Trying to take some kind of sage persona Justin struggles to say with a straight face, “Well the heart wants what the heart wants even if the brain should be telling it no...so what’s stopped this love sick man from making his way down to the diner of our fair waitress and proposing? Does she have a buff ass husband you’re intimidated by?”

“Worse.” Zach gives his best attempt a solemn but he’s aware his cheek keeps twitching into a smile despite his best efforts. Honestly he thinks he deserves points for controlling his laughter. “He’s a total wimp.”

Justin frowns and then asks, “How’s that worse? Sseems easier for you, no husband to get in the way of your affair.”

“See not physically but if he tries and I beat the shit out of him I look like the asshole for beating him up rather than him looking like the asshole for not appreciating the gem he has.”

He has to reach out and grab Justin’s shoulder to keep him from falling right off the wall and only barely keeps himself on because of how much they’re both shaking from laughter. Granted it’s only like three or four feet to the ground but still.

After his best friend recovers a litte from his laughter he manages to say, “That woman does not deserve to be called a gem. She is anything but one!”

They both dissolve into more laughter again. Maybe it isn’t really as funny as they’re making it out to be but this is what Zach needs, totally meaningless conversation. Justin delivers it too, for several hours they stay there talking about absolutely nothing and Justin keeps up a stream of stories and jokes and whatever else comes to mind until both of their sides are aching and Zach’s face hurts from the laughter. They stay out until sundown and then later and if Justin thinks it’s weird he out so late, he doesn’t comment. 

It’s not like he really needs a reminder of why he loves Justin so much but if he did this would do it. The other boy makes all of it seem natural and normal, the conversation flows with ease and so does the laughter and when it lapses a few times, the silence is a comfortable one between two friends.

It’s past two when he realizes he should get home and he knows hell will be waiting for him when he does but he’s okay with that now. It’ll suck but it was always going to from the moment he left. Justin offers to walk with him but his friend looks tired and they live in opposite directions and if Justin comes back with him his walk home is longer and as much as he would like the emotional support it isn’t like he can bring Justin in with him.

As he stands up to leave Justin suddenly reaches out and hugs him, fiercely and tightly and not quite painfully but maybe almost. He hugs back and actually leans back enough to pick Justin up a little and when they part, neither says anything because Zach has nothing to say and he guesses Justin doesn’t either or he knows not to ask. The other boy makes him promise to text tomorrow and doesn’t question when Zach says he might not be able to, only changes to make him promise to text if he can and Zach does and will.

They walk as far as the can together and Justin even goes a little past when he should have turned away before they stop and say a final goodbye. Zach watches over his shoulder as Justin's form retreats and his friend turns around for a moment and calls out, “Hey Zach!”

“What?”

“I think you’re great, don’t let anyone tell you you’re not!”

Maybe it isn’t exactly relevant to his current problem but he smiles anyway and tries to find a reply to call back but Justin’s already gone, rounded a corner and is out of sight. Still...the support gives him confidence. He can do this, he may be grounded for the rest of his life but he can get through it.


	26. Looking In 2: George Dempsey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George always checks on his children when he comes home from a business trip. He doesn’t need to but he wants to. Tonight though when he checks on his son he has a lot of extra emotions complicating it and gets a surprise on top of it and that only adds to all the things on his mind.

George opens his daughter’s door and steps into her room, making his way towards the bed. As always she wakes up as soon as he comes in despite having been sound asleep moments before and sits up and smiles at him in the soft light of her clock. It’s funny that she does this, after every trip he goes in to kiss her good night and she always wakes up, holds his hand for a few moments and kisses his cheek back and then goes right back to sleep with the cutest smile on her face. It never fails to make him feel amazing and it always makes coming home at night something to look forward to. She does all of this now and when she settles back down in bed, he fixes the covers over her again before leaving.

He moves across the hall, opening Zach’s door and knows his son won’t wake up like May and he’s happy. After the fight they had right before he left he’s confused and maybe a little hurt. He knows Zach is more distant than May, always has been. Well that isn’t true, Zach was a wild child, full of light and happiness, messy and rough and quick with a smile so wide and bright that he thought it could power the whole town, at least until May was born. The day she came home with May, Karen sat him down and explained to him that he had a duty to take care of his baby sibling and that she would depend on him too so he needed to be a proper roll model.

After that his son changed. He became calmer, serener almost...too much like his Karen who he loves to death but wouldn’t want that for his children, didn’t want her cold perfectionism in them. Regardless this change didn’t diminish his son’s light, Zach was still bright and happy, his smile was still easy to get and warm and kind, he was just less wild. George couldn’t exactly complain, he was essentially the perfect older brother patient, gentle, and fiercely loyal to May. She in turn became their wild child and ensured there was still laughter in the house, just not as often Zach’s.

And yet, he did grow distant at some point. Somewhere he drifted away from them, his light seemed to shrink and he became quieter, not as bright and his smile rarely showed itself except to May and even then sometimes George thought it was for her sake and not Zach really smiling because is wan’t the wide, happy smile from when he was smaller. May ate it up anyway and practically became attached to him. George worried, still does, about the change and its continued until now. The only thing that makes him feel better is that his son loves them, at least he used to think the boy did before the fight, then again sometimes he sees his boy looking off at nothing in the distance and it hurts him because he never knows why and can never find the words or the courage or the opportunity to ask.

And so he feels there’s a space between them, invisible but enormous and it’s far greater tonight than usual because of their fight and he’s confused as to why Zach became so angry. Sure in the past when he’s shown physical affection to Zach, he’s felt he’s wrong in doing so and it’s usually at least a little awkward but never explosive. Everytime he tucks him in or holds him or any of it, he wonders if it isn’t what Zach wants at all and his son is only putting up with it for his sake. He wonders if it makes him a bad father that he thinks that even if Zach did hate it, he’d still do these things once in a while for his own sake and that makes him wonder if he’s been wrong the whole time and Zach’s explosion was all of it coming to a head.

He could see it too, between Karen being relentless on him and him not helping atall he can understand Zach getting so angry. He remembers being like that with his parents when he felt they didn’t understand him and didn’t help him deal with the other. Still Zach ignored him, all of his texts that night and the days after and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t hurt because it did, more than anything. He didn’t want to hurt his son but obviously he did and hurt him badly.

Still even with all of these thoughts he enters his son’s room determined despite his own nerves. Something’s off though and that immediately takes precedence over everything else. The ‘off’ quality isn’t exactly wrong or bad, just different...maybe even better though and he can’t even decide what it is or why he feels this way but something just is and he wonders if it’s some kind of parental instinct telling him this.

As he approaches the bed he realizes what the difference is, namely there being more than one occupant. Two heads rest on the pillow, his own boy’s and Justin Foley’s. Zach’s arm is wrapped around Justin whose arm is pillowing both their heads. They’re pressed together and both look more at peace than he thinks he’s ever seen even though he knows from experience that cuddling like that isn’t always very comfortable.

He just gapes for a moment. Karen would never have approved Justin staying over much less this arrangement especially not since she and Zach are basically at war with each other and Justin is a sore spot between them on a good day. He thinks maybe he should be angry at his boy for having someone over without telling anyone but then…

He knows Justin is a troubled boy, Karen has voiced her displeasure about it so many times, made her opinion known over and over again. Even without her he’s seen the bruises, the scratches and cuts, heard the profanity, though never around May, and knows the boy has a huge risk to bring trouble to his son. He comes from a different place than his boy, could lead him into drugs or drinking, sex, crime so many things he never wants his boy to have to deal with yet knows are things he won’t be able to shield him from forever. Every bit of common sense in him says that he should be weary of this Justin Foley, the same boy now sleeping in his son’s bed, with his son.

He suddenly wonders if Zach might be gay and that’s why his son has always seemed so lonely. If he has some secret that he feels he can’t approach his family about it probably would cause him to feel alienated even from them. It hurts him because he isn’t sure he likes the idea but he would accept it, for his baby boy, even if Karen never would and it would be a permanent scar in their family.

Then he looks at the other occupant of the bed again. Justin looks...tired, even in sleep. His face looks wrong too in the light coming through the window. Too pale except for some dark bruises forming and too young even though he’s fourteen or fifteen like Zach who’s next to him, but despite this looks at peace somehow. Once again he remembers that this boy can bring so much trouble for his son. Sometimes he wonders why he allows Justin, Karen has asked before and he’s never been able to give her a proper answer. It’s like he’s playing with fire and his family and that isn’t safe.

And yet he thinks back to meeting this boy, the odd scene he walked in on with his two children pinning this stranger to the floor and tickling him silly. And they were laughing, all three of them, but it was deeper than that. Zach looked alive, his boy, who for years up until then had looked more and more distant, was warm and bright and happy and for once it reached his eyes and he had been loathed to break it up. He knew then that this stranger on his floor was special but just how much so became obvious as he saw more of the other boy and the more Zach spent time with him.

Justin didn’t come over often while he or his wife were around and even less so after that disaster dinner with Karen. Still, Justin brought Zach to life when he was around. The distant, somber boy disappeared and was replaced by a happy and boisterous boy, one who reminded him so much of the little boy he used to know. So for most of the year he was willing to put aside all of the danger Justin could bring.

Then there was that fight the last month of school. He never really has been sure what part Justin played in it, the principal implied it being Justin’s fault somehow, that he was a bad influence that incited all of it, but the guidance counselor over the phone had said the other boy defended his son and that’s why Zach only had a few minor bruises. When he had heard he had been angry with Zach mostly, but he had resented the other boy too, his son’s best friend, maybe just for being there which wasn’t fair at all but he couldn’t help the feeling creeping up.

That had been until he got a good look at Justin sitting next to his son, eye already darkening and lip split and damn that could have been his boy if Justin hadn’t been there. He had a sense that if he had taken a different route in that moment, the one Karen would have taken and berated Zach, Justin would have spoken up to defend Zach. That thought of that confrontation hadn’t deterred him exactly since he never was good at the yelling and rarely did it anyway but looking at this much smaller boy who had taken punches for his son, he thought of Father Joseph from his childhood. The man had changed his life, told him there was another path and he could take it. He doubted anyone ever told Justin as much and so he included the boy when he told Zach the story. He wasn’t sure if it was for one’s benefit more than the other but he meant everything he said in it.

Now, in the summer, after not even a year of knowing this boy, Zach cares about him, deeply. And this boy brings Zach to life like he can’t, like Karen can’t, like even May can’t. He doesn’t understand but he supposes maybe parents don’t always understand their children, maybe they aren’t supposed to.

He sighs and sits down on the edge of the bed and addresses the other sleeping boy. “I suppose I should be angry with Zach for having you over without checking with his mom first but I can’t be. I don’t know what it is but he sees something in you Justin and maybe I will too someday. He loves you more than he loves me, or his mom, and not more than May but maybe as much as her and as long as he wants you, you’re welcomed in this house.”

He wonders again if it isn’t his job to understand. He never thought his parents understood him growing up and he’s sure Zach feels the same if their fight is anything to go off of. He hopes May will never feel that way but has the suspicion that all teenagers do to some extent. Maybe he doesn’t need to understand why Zach cares about this boy, because it isn’t his place to try making sense of it.

He stands and moves to the other side of the bed and fixes the covers over Zach leaning down to kiss his forehead. “Forgive sentimental old man.” And he means that in so many ways because he desperately wants Zach to forgive him but he doesn’t think he can continue pushing him. He has a feeling if he does it’s only cause more problems and he resolves to wait for Zach, even if it takes far longer than he wants.

He moves back to Justin’s side and fixes the covers over him to. He wonders if he should even be doing this since this isn’t his kid sharing his son’s bed and probably has someone else who tucks him in or desperately wants to. He almost rests his hand on the boy’s head but doesn’t, it feels like overstepping some invisible boundary and anyway if he can’t display all of the affection he wants with his own son, why should he do even a fraction of it to his son’s best friend.

“Sleep with the angels boys.” He leaves the room, closing the door behind him and going to bed himself.

He usually sleeps very well the night after coming home from one of these trips but tonight he doesn’t. He lays awake staring at the ceiling and wonders about the two boys in the next room, the one who’s supposed to be there and the one who isn’t and why he feels he’s failed both even though one isn’t his to fail and he’s done everything he could think of to keep the other, his, safe and cared for.

It leaves him restless thinking about, not only that he might have failed his son but that he have also failed Justin, who means so much to Zach but he doesn’t even know why. He tosses and turns for what seems like forever as he goes over what he knows about the pair and specifically Justin. It’s frighteningly little. He goes to school with Zach and they play basketball together, Justin lives on the poor side of town and he’s never seen the boy’s mother and knows the father isn’t in the picture. He knows Justin loves basketball and that might actually be it. Well that and he and Zach obviously care about each other a lot.

Everytime he closes his eyes all he sees is how peaceful Zach looks, the stress lines that had been there for days before he left, and getting more prominent, are smoothed over and his muscles don’t seem to be holding any tension in them anymore. He had forgotten what his son looked like when he wasn’t worrying about something or other and he wonders if that says something about his parenting skills. He might also see Justin a little too, glowing slightly in the pale light and also looking relaxed.

He’s still uncomfortable with the whole situation but he thinks maybe he can accept it. If Justin is the price he has to pay for his son’s happiness...then as long as the other boy isn’t a danger to Zach he thinks he can tolerate it. Thinking of the way they are in the other room next door he isn’t sure he has to worry about Justin hurting his son intentionally either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the next chapter and as promised, here is the second edition of Looking In, this time featuring Zach's father. The last chapter set up George's worry about parenting his son which I wanted for more content. Also for those of you worried, not this isn't going to turn into a romance between them but I didn't see how I could write this chapter without that crossing George's mind. 
> 
> As mentioned in the last note, this story will be tied up in a story I intend to post separately, as a collection of episodes that tie into the plot of this fic but not close enough to main goal of exploring Zach and Justin's relationship to be a chapter here. That said I'm not sure what exactly comes next here. I have a couple of ideas but none of them started, I was bad today. I can't promise anything Thursday but I'll see. Also I won't be posting anything next week since I'll be on vacation and I'm not bringing my laptop. If I don't have anything out Thursday I will try for Friday though.
> 
> As always happy reading and please leave me comments, I love reading them!


	27. Lonely Boy Part 3 (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach gets the feeling in the middle of a hangout with the boys and starts to panic, Justin catches on...just not as quickly as Zach wants.

They’re just sort of hanging out at Bryce’s. Well, hanging out might be the wrong word because Zach has always thought that meant some kind of enjoyment and he’s about as far from enjoyment as possible. They’re in the pool house lounging in front of the TV taking turns on some shooter game he can’t remember the name of and doesn’t really care to ask. He’s alright at it but that isn’t exactly the point. It isn’t fun; he isn’t enjoying himself at all and the company absolutely has something to do with that.

Monty, Bryce, Scott, Andre, and Justin, of these people, he hates Bryce and Monty, for different reasons and maybe with different intensities but he hates them both. He doesn’t really know Andre that well. They’re on the football team together but he plays offense while Zach is on the defense team and they don’t really hang out in practice or out of it either, the guy is just sort of here now and Zach doesn’t know why exactly. It may be a mean to think but it’s also true the other guy isn’t really close with any of them so why Bryce invited him he doesn’t know. Scott is alright he supposes Zach likes him but really he’s just a teammate and in Bryce’s world that might equal brother but having seen what’s in that world, Zach doesn’t want his to be like Bryce’s. It’s nothing against the other boy and Zach considers him a friend but they aren’t close and Scott...well after he saw Justin and him exchanging gifts at Christmas he stayed true to his word and didn’t tell which Zah can appreciate but that isn’t really friendship. He doesn’t get Zach and they can enjoy each other’s company casually but that’s about it.

Of course Justin is here and he’s the only reason Zach even came. It’s not that he’s been lacking for seeing his best friend, his grounding got lifted and even before that Justin snuck in his window but he’s also pretty sure he won’t turn down a chance to see his best friend all that often even if it means putting up with Bryce and Monty and other people he doesn’t hate as much but would still rather not there.

The only problem is that he doesn’t feel much like being here. At least that’s how it started, a feeling like he should be somewhere else and he thought through everything he was supposed to do but he picked up milk from the store, and didn’t plan on doing most of the things Mom wanted him to do. May didn’t need to be baby sat either.

The longer he tries to figure it out the farther away he seems to get and eventually this feeling turned slowly into a different one and he starts to recognize. The feeling, complete with a continued growing sense of unease he becomes aware of the suffocating, clawing feeling in his chest. He suddenly feels caged and not in the physical sense, he can see the door and could probably leave without too much trouble, but in a different one. Like he’s trapped in the same cycle he can’t stand and not going anywhere and even if he was it’s not where he wants to go, only where his mom wants him to go and there isn’t any escape but at the same time even if there was it would be pointless because where is he going to escape to?

It’s maddening and true and painful and terrifying all at the same time. Suddenly it’s all he can think about, how he’s stuck and everything is...pointless. It’s a frightening thought, that everything he’s doing, not doing, has done, hasn’t done, will do and won’t do is all meaningless. No matter how far he gets he’ll still be left unfulfilled and he doesn’t know how to change it because he doesn’t know what he wants.

Except that he does, it’s the same thing he’s wanted for a long time. Not to be alone, or maybe closeness to other people, he craves it and yet he fears it at the same time. He wants people to see him for who he is not who they think he is but he’s terrified if they ever did they’d leave and then he’d be totally alone. It’s always there, he can always see himself somewhere in the future by all accounts a successful man but lacking that human connection he desperately wants but can never fully seem to grasp.

Part of the problem is hanging out with these people because he doesn’t like most of them. Is protecting his social status really that important that he wants to spend the next three years with these people he doesn’t really want to spend three more minute with? And in some ways it is, without them he would be alone in the physical sense as well as in the emotional sense. He knows it won’t work from years of trying but he always hopes that is he surrounds himself with people eventually he’ll feel less alone in the world and hanging out with these people is part of it. They don’t give him what he wants but they’re also the people who would threaten another group of people he might hang out with who could be the people who make him feel something. Then again he has no guarantee there is a group out there who can make him feel like he wants and if he leaves this one he can’t get back in and then he loses the physical sense of not being alone. Better to just suck it up and hope for a miracle than mess up what he’s got.

Of course even if he keeps them for the next three years, what about after? What if he loses touch with all of them and just ends up alone after high school in whatever college he gets shipped off to, _and when did he start assuming that’s how it will end, with him defeated and his mom winning_. It isn’t impossible to think about, seems likely even. He doesn’t talk to anyone from middle school anymore and he doesn’t miss most of them, there are a few he wishes he had the nerve to text or call but he always finds a reason not to and lately he’s told himself it’s been a year and they won’t remember him or it’ll be awkward...not like it wasn’t in the first place. Point is it’s happened before and he doesn’t want that again, he wants to really be friends with some people, maybe not everyone present in the room, but still he wants even just a few people he can like and like himself around and lose touch with them over the years.

Of course that depends on him making a strong connection with them for that to even be a problem. But that means actually doing it, actually forming these bonds and he’s never been good at that. Sure he can hang out with people, be funny, and nice, and charming, and get people to like him but that isn’t enough. He feels like whenever he succeeds there it isn’t really what he wants, they aren’t friends with him, just a part of him and he’s always performing for them. They like when he’s nice or funny or good at something but they would be terribly disappointed to know he isn’t always that one thing and he doesn’t want them to know that he isn’t always what they think he is because they could leave.

Well he sort of does want them to know, wants them to know he’s more than what they think he is but he doesn’t want to have to tell them, he wants them to realize for themselves because he can’t tell them. He wants to tell, as much as he doesn't want to, but he just can’t. He doesn’t know why either he just can never seem to find the words or the time or the nerve because honestly how messed up does he sound if he tells someone he wishes they didn’t see him as a stereotype because he isn’t but he’s never said it before because he’s afraid if he does they won’t like him and he’ll be alone? He would come off as a nut and maybe he is because he doubts most people have these worries or better know how to deal with them or what to do about them. Somehow he doubts it though. Most people are normal and aren’t seized by crippling feelings of doubt and fear for absolutely no reason because they aren’t broken like him.

Trying to pull himself away from all these thoughts, he looks across the room at Justin and realizes he’s the closest Zach’s ever had to what he wants and it’s true he’s always known this to some degree. Justin is the only person who sees him past the other things people box him into. It’s important because everyone else does it but Justin doesn’t, it’s almost like he’s the only person who sees Zach as a human; he isn’t a life long project, or a son, brother, star athlete, nice guy, funny man, or dumb jock. He doesn’t have to perform or keep up appearances as much, he can be funny if he wants to be funny, kind when he wants to be kind, talk about sports and doing well in them and not feel like he’s fueling an image, he gets to just be Zach, whoever he is at that moment and however he’s feeling.

Still it’s more than that. Justin is also somehow the one person he can see at every moment in his life. Justin is the one he can imagine going to college with or else the person he talks to the whole semester and the guy at the top of his list to visit when he gets home,the one he sees as his best man if he ever finds a girl who he wants to spend the rest of his life with. When he closes his eyes and really dreams, he can see him and Justin playing basketball in the minor leagues together and with a lot of extra imagination, in the NBA together. He’s also the person he sees himself meeting at a bar or a coffee shop years in the future once or twice a week, sometime every day when he feels greedy in his own mind, to talk and laugh and discuss work and family and life. And he’s the one he would want to share a nursing home room with, the person he fears forgetting when they’re old and gray, the person he hopes he never has to live without.

And yet all of this is because, at base, Justin is the person who calms him down from these feelings. Justin is the person who sometimes seems to understand these moods and can make them manageable. He isn’t right now though and Zach might resent him just a little for it because he needs Justin right now because this feeling is too big for him, and much too dark.

But right now Justin is hyper focused on the game in front of him and it’s a sad truth that he’s kind of bad at these. When they’re at Zach’s house playing fighting games Justin is good, great even, but he’s pretty useless at these. It’s a sore spot for him because he generally hates losing but he hates it even more when it’s to someone like Monty...who he’s currently playing and losing to...and Monty is being an ass about it like usual.

Zach tries to focus on the game too but it isn’t working, maybe because it suddenly seems like everything wrong with this hang out...well besides Bryce and Monty but still. It’s like this game is the reason they’re here, not each other and true an update for it just came out and that was the pretext for them coming but it also isn’t just a pretext in some ways. They aren’t here to see each other...well they are cause even without the game they’d still be here but at the same time it isn’t to really see each other. It’s like they’re hanging out either because they’re supposed to or because they’re going to start stroking each other’s egos...more likely Bryce stroking his own and getting it done for him because of sex, _knowing what he does those stories are much harder to sit through_ , or to turn it into a giant game of one upping each other in anything and everything with Bryce of course also winning in the end.

He doesn’t care about any of that. He’d rather talk to them about things without making it a stupid contest, without always feeling he’s going to have to make something up and lie because he’s still a virgin unlike them and doesn’t spend a lot of money or really do anything interesting like they do.

He’s pulled out of his thinking by talking.

“And you lose. Wow Justin I know your basically conditioned to lose a fist fight I didn’t realize that extended to everything you did.” Monty has a cruel smirk on his face and when Zach looks over he can see Justin’s angry but he doesn’t explode...this time. Instead he just hands the controller over to Scott and vacates the seat.

“It’s okay, maybe someday you’ll actually win something. Probably not, I mean I’ll always beat you here and you season last year-”

“Monty shut up and play the damn game.”

Zach doubts he’ll ever be so thankful for Bryce speaking again. He knows he isn’t doing it for Justin, probably only said it cause Monty is annoying and an ass but Monty isn’t talking anymore and that’s the important thing.

Justin plops down next to him and he still looks kind of pissed but he’s getting over it. He probably thinks Bryce said it for him and that makes Zach think darker thoughts for a moment. Justin looks over at him though a moment later and frowns. Zach wonders if everything is showing on his face right now because Justin stretches and uses it as an excuse to shift closer to him. It helps a little, more so when Justin’s hand rests on his arm discreetly for a few moments rubbing circles.

It isn’t enough, not by a long shot but gradually he can feel some of the tension leave him. He tries desperately to focus on the soothing motion and some of the negative feelings dissipate. It’s more manageable now and he needs that. He needs to be able to breath and Justin is letting him do that again finally. He kind of wants to leave with Justin but...he can’t make him and Justin doesn’t really look ready to leave. Besides he hasn’t been around much so Justin probably needs the pizza Bryce is going to be ordering later. He just resolves to stay there and wait it out. Justin is helping now and he doesn’t need to take his turn that’s coming up, he’s never been good at these anyway so it won’t be that surprising and it’ll buy him more time to calm himself.

He can do this. The suffocating feeling is going away and the future doesn’t look as dark anymore. He can deal with the problem of deeper connections later and right now just try to focus on pushing the feeling down. He can sit here with these people he doesn’t like and focus on the one he actually likes and convince himself that he’s dealing with this feeling and eventually he’ll fake enough to make it happen.

It isn’t ideal but it works for now. Maybe in the future he can bring some of this up to Justin, maybe he’ll feel brave enough to try. Maybe he won’t, and maybe he shouldn’t be relying on Justin so much for picking him up when he’s down but...it’s working, enough at least. He can deal with this and that’s all he needs right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another chapter. I actually made good progress on this one last night and here it is. The next installment of Lonely Boy and one of the darkest chapters I've written so far. I'm not exactly happy with the ending but I guess it isn't rally supposed to be satisfying on some level because Zach isn't really dealing with the problem himself. 
> 
> Once again this is the only chapter that's coming for a week as I will be gone from tomorrow until next Saturday. I'm not sure I'll have anything ready then. I'll try to finish something but I can't make any promises. I can say that I have the plan for the next one and I think there are about three more chapters until the end of summer.
> 
> Happy reading and please leave comments and let me know what you think of the chapter or fic or the show and if you have an idea let me know and I'll see if I can include it!


	28. Looking In 3: May Dempsey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May’s finally convinced Zach to get Justin to come over and teach her how to dive. She could learn from Zach, or her dad, or even her mom, who could have been on the Olympic dive team but turned the offer down, but none of them would be as fun, or as comforting, as Justin. While he’s over she contemplates the dynamic between her brother, her and the boy she wishes they could keep.

“All you have to do is jump into the water head first. Your hands should be in front of you and they’ll enter the water first. Oh, and keep your feet together behind you.”

May can admit she’s only half paying attention because the rest of her is staring at the water; it looks so far away standing above it like she is right now. She hates to admit it but she’s kind of scared which is silly too; she loves swimming and she’s good at it too but diving is another thing all together. Somehow the thought of entering the water head first seems unsafe, like the pool has a lot of those no diving images around it and it must be dangerous right?

It doesn’t look that way when Justin does it though. Actually it’s graceful and he seems to slide into the water without so much as a ripple...okay that’s an exaggeration but there’s barely a splash and then he swims under the water for about half the pool’s length and then resurfaces and swims back to her.

“Think you can do it?” He sounds encouraging and she can’t stand the thought of disappointing him so she nods but she doesn’t feel very confident.

“Alright, try for me.” Gentle but with something else there, like he knows she’s putting on an act. It doesn’t help that she can see Zach on the other side of the pool roll his eyes and resolves to splash him later when he’s trying to dry off.

She nods to Justin and gets into the position he showed her and tries to make her legs leave the ground but she thinks she might have suddenly turned into a tree because she feels rooted to it instead. He waits a minute then two and then Zach chimes in.

“Going to try any time soon or are you waiting for the water to come to you?”

Her cheeks heat up a little because of course Zach picks now to be a jerk but she can’t think of a witty reply at the moment. It’s unfair that Zach gets to tease her about this because she’s pretty if there was more time in the year Zach would be on the swim or dive team because he’s basically a fish and that makes his opinion invalid right now anyway.

Justin hauls himself out of the pool and joins her dripping on the patio.

“A lot of people are scared to dive for the first time. I was. The idea of going head first into the water seemed terrifying.”

She’s nodding her head because he knows exactly how she feels. “How did you get over it?”

He smiles and she smiles back because if he can then she’ll be alright. 

“The person who taught me how to dive told me if I was afraid of jumping in head first to get myself used to it. He showed me a way of crouching and sort of falling into the pool that was much less scary than actually diving.”

He proceeds to sort of crouch down at the side of the pool and then tip himself head first into the water and then comes up not far away.

She watches and...she can do that. In fact she does, crouching down the water doesn’t look as intimidating now that she’s closer to the surface and she kind of just tips in and feels the rush of air very briefly and then the cool water surround her and she just kind twists up and comes to the surface. Justin is near by congratulating her and Zach claps too. She’s beaming and talking and not even paying attention to what she’s saying because she feels so exhilarated at having done it and before she even knows it she’s up and doing it over again and she’s pretty sure she hears them encouraging her to do it again just as she gets into position and tips into the water again.

After a few more time and a lot of congratulations from both boys she tries really diving and it still seems sort of scary but she can do it. From up above the surface of the pool looks even farther after being so close to it but she’s sort of done it before so this is just the next step. Taking a deep breath she launches herself, arms out in front of her and feels a longer rush of air before her head enters the water and the rest of her moments after. When she comes up Zach is picking her up out of the pool and tossing her like he used to when she was really little while laughing and praising her and by the time he stops Justin is behind her shaking her shoulder and excitedly praising her.

The glow lasts well into the late afternoon as does her feeling of lightness. It sees her and Justin through their latest conspiracy against Zach and her payback for him teasing her earlier. He left the pool sooner than her and Justin to lounge in one of the chairs at the water’s edge and she nudged Justin to help her soak him with cannon balls. He just points at the umbrella Zach has taken to keeping next to him, the one he’ll put up if they start acting suspicious...they have drenched him a lot in the past and she supposes even Zach has to learn eventually. She pouts for a moment before Justin tugs her to the other end of the pool where they can have a private conference away from Zach and without drawing suspicion.

He wastes no time once they’re out of ear shot, “Does your family still keep that huge bucket in the garage in the back?”

She nods but doesn’t really see why he’s asking. Still, his smile promises mischief and she’s always ready for that, especially against Zach.

“Good, I’m going to need you to wait about five minutes after I leave the pool and then try to splash Zach with as much water as you can.”

“But he has the umbrella.”

“Yeah he does, that's what’s going to make this so good.” His smile is convincing and contagious and she nods, it’s Justin so this will work and be hilarious even if she doesn’t get it just yet.

He nods and hoists himself out of the pool not bothering to use the ladder and disappears out the side gate after getting his flip flops on. He could easily be using the cellar door to the basement bathroom which the family uses when wet but she has a feeling it’s more than that.

Dutifully she counts the requested five minutes and then exits the pool herself by Zach and with a loud yell, throws herself in the water. As expected when she resurfaces, Zach is looking at her unamused...well maybe a little amused, with a now dripping umbrella between them.

“That’s the best you’ve got? You didn’t even try to be subtle about it this time.” Over his shoulder she can see Justin, five gallon bucket in hand, approach the chair.

Oh...she likes this, she likes this a lot. Still she focuses on Zach and pouts. “You’re always so mean to me and now you don’t even let me get you back. You’re no fun Zach.”

He smirks, jerk. “Well if you were more creative-OH”

Justin dumps the entire bucket over him mid sentence and she wishes she had a camera not because she’s worried she’ll ever forget the wonderful look of shock on Zach’s face but because no one will ever believe her on how perfect it looks.

The water must be from the hose on the side of the house and she has little doubt it’s frigid, serves him right for being so mean. Actually she’s sure it is because of the yelp Zach makes and the way he immediately tenses up. His face is too funny, eyes bulging slightly in surprise and mouth opening and closing quickly like a goldfish and she and Justin are laughing so hard she can’t really breathe and his face is a bright red as he holds his side.

Zach’s shock doesn’t last too long though and with a roar he tackles Justin into the pool and they’re thrashing around play fighting in the water and splashing everywhere. If their mom was home she would remind them to keep the water in the pool...of course if she was home Justin and Zach would be a little more sullen anyway.

It’s weird, she had sort of assumed something happened and Justin wasn’t allowed over because he only came when Zach was babysitting and she knew to keep quiet about it without being told. That was before Zach had a big fight with their parents two or three weeks ago and Dad left on a trip. When he came back it was still tense for about a day and then things seemed to get better. Zach and Dad were speaking again and so were Mom and Zach even if that was strained but Justin also showed up a little more. Usually when Dad was home but even once or twice when Mom was home though they were incredible short, usually Justin coming in to wait for Zach to get ready for something or to cool off for a moment on a really hot day.

She’s happy. She loves her family and she loves her brother a lot and when they fight with each other it’s sad. She listens to some of her friends at school complain about their parents or siblings and talk about how they fight with them and she’s glad it isn’t her family because she doesn’t think she could stand living like that, two weeks are enough of that environment to last her for a long time.

It’s even better that Justin comes more often because she can’t even bother denying that of all Zach’s friends he’s the only one she really likes. Maybe it’s unfair because she doesn’t see the rest of them half as much but at best they seem okay and at worse they’re Manuel or Monty. She supposes Bryce and Jeff are nice enough and Jackson can be funny but they aren’t Justin. Actually, she’s heard Manuel say some outright mean things to both her brother and Justin and...well everyone who he’s ‘friends’ with. Monty is far worse and she’s made the mistake of looking up some of the things he’s called people. She won’t ever be able to unwatch one of those videos and she’ll never get back what she lost because of him.

Bryce or Justin or Scott will usually tell him to shut up and not always so nicely, _is there a nice way to tell someone to shut up?_ but rarely are they fast enough. It’s kind of mean but she’s happy they aren’t over very often as a group and when they are it’s usually to quickly pick up of her brother and then they’re gone.

Of course the maybe three or four times they stayed Zach had spent all his time with them and excluded her completely. The first time she might have been jealous of this because when he was home, Zach was hers and when he was out he was theirs and she shouldn’t have to share him. That ended after the first visit when she decided she didn’t like them and she still hates that they come over but she no longer wants to be included because they aren’t fun like Justin and her brother, actually they’re usually mean and gross.

The magic is gone too. Something about the three of them; her, Zach, and Justin feels right like nothing else ever does she feels so many things when the three of them are together and she can never find the words to describe it all but it’s better than _Mulan_ by a long shot and blows _Lion King_ out of the water. She hangs onto very laugh, remembers every smile, still recalls the jokes and moments and Justin's ridiculous performances. The first time she met him she didn’t think much of him. Actually she resented him a little because Zach babysitting was _their_ time, sacred between siblings and she thought Zach felt the same but apparently not. He invited someone over to defile their time, just another face, another of Zach’s friends, except in that moment she realized he had never really brought any other friends over. Occasionally maybe but she met most of his middle school friends at team gathers and stuff because they rarely visited and never for long so she tried to quell her resentment of him.

It hadn’t worked well because Zach’s attention was divided between her and this boy so she tried to figure out why Zach brought him over of all people and after a long series of questions she was completely underwhelmed. He was dumb, unambitious, not talented in anything that mattered, _she and Zach had a long running debate about whether his sports or her music and dancing was more important and they still haven’t concluded it but she likes to think she’s winning_ , and in any case being good at basketball didn’t matter when Zach was good at that and more. She had let him know too and she could tell from Zach’s face that he was horrified and she didn’t feel good about it cause it’s the face he reserved for Mom when she was really mean but she also hadn’t cared because Zach should choose friends befitting him.

And then came Princess.

It was a little thing but she can still remember the tone of his voice and sometimes she closes her eyes and tries to remember the exact scene of the dirty boy sitting on the floor of their living room. He was leaning against the coffee table and smiling up at her easily as she said terrible things to him knowing full well she sounded like the most spoilt child in the world. Then he called her ‘Princess’ and it didn’t sound quiet like the ‘kid’ he called her before, it was much deeper and it felt so right, like he was her friend too somehow. Something about it changed her mind so quickly she couldn’t have explained it if she wanted, _and she was used to having answers unlike Zach_ but it was true. She had called him JuJu right after to save face and it wasn’t as meaningful as when Zach called her MayMay or MeiMei but it felt right and she went with it. After that he had made her laugh harder than she had in a long time and she hasn’t looked back yet.

He’s one upped himself too, almost every visit since, played games and watched movies with her, taken her side over Zach’s more often than not and when he leaves it’s wrong because he feels so right in the house, their house, and yet he always goes and no matter what she tells herself, it hurts a little each time.

Suddenly she’s being picked up and tossed like she weighs nothing and splashes back into the water next to a giggling Justin who pulls her arms and tells her to ‘swim for her life’. She doesn’t need context to know Zach is out for both of them now after the prank and she squeals in delight and swims as fast as she can away from the fish she’s related to. She knows it won’t be fast enough but maybe he’ll go for Justin instead. The thoughts vanish from her mind as they engage in a war of water and wit that starts with him dunking her and Justin as often as he can ends with Zach spraying both of them with the frigid hose water.

It’s a lose but one she can’t say she minds at all. It’s definitely top three days of that summer, maybe even the best and she isn’t going to ruin it now by thinking about Justin leaving. They’ve got a few hours left before Mom or Dad come home and she intends to enjoy every second of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is late but welcome to another chapter. As I mentioned before I went away for all of last week and now I have a ton of homework due but I wanted to get this chapter out for everyone. I hadn't planned on May's chapter coming this early or so soon after her father but I wanted to write a light chapter and Justin teaching her how to dive fit the bill but I wasn't sure I could write it well enough from his prospective so I did it from May's instead. I'm pretty pleased with how it came out too especially because for a while I was afraid I wouldn't get it long enough.
> 
> Unfortunately this may be my only post for this week since I have the homework to do and I'll be away this weekend too but after that I should have time to do some serious writing and I have one chapter started and another planned out so hopefully they'll be easy to write.
> 
> Hope you enjoy reading and if you do leave me a comment and let me know what you think!


	29. Dog Days (and Nights) (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin and Zach meet up in the old middle school near the end of summer and end up talking. A lot of things come up, summer and the approaching year, Kat leaving, the new girl Hannah, and the stars.

They meet near midnight in the field. Zach’s told his parents he’s staying over Bryce’s place and he doubts Justin has mentioned to his mom he won’t be home nor does he doubt the woman will even notice her son is missing. He has two bottles of cheap tequila and Justin looks like he’s brought something too. They take their customary spot on the bleachers without saying much. This get together is only half planned and grew out of a need on both their parts to mark the end of summer in some way, how they decided on getting drunk in an abandoned football field he isn’t really sure but that’s a minor detail.

Justin pulls out his bottle first and it gin, he’s never had before but he’s game to try tonight. They drink the first gulps in silence, passing the bottle back and forth on autopilot. Zach doesn’t mind, Justin looks a little moody and he’s pretty sure he knows why. He’ll talk when he’s ready.

Eventually Justin does decide to speak. “This summer is one of the best I’ve had.”

It isn’t what Zach’s expecting but he raises the bottle and takes a gulp to it because he agrees, this summer is the best he’s had, maybe ever.

“I mean it.” Apparently Justin though he didn’t agree. “I’ve spent a lot of time with you, Bryce, the guys, we’ve played like, a lot of basketball, I got to teach May how to dive. It was good, better than that, it was fucking great.”

“It has been, this is the first summer I can honestly say I’ve never wanted to end. I wish we had a little longer.”

“We do.”

Justin’s reply comes so quickly and with such surety that Zach’s shocked. Sure they have another week and a half left but he starts football practice soon and they both technically have summer homework to do. He points this out.

“I know I know but we’ll still have the weekends and afternoons and evenings. The summer isn’t over yet.”

Justin might sound a little too insistent on it for Zach’s tastes, after all he won’t be the one playing football in hundred degree weather, but he lets it slide. Tonight they shouldn’t fight with each other, that’s not why they’re here. Besides, technically Justin is right, football practices are morning only and they do have basically the rest of the day besides that. That’s a lot of hours that they have to do as they please for another few days. It still seems too painful to think about it even like that, that the end is far too close.

“It won’t be that bad. The new year I mean. I know you’re not looking forward to football season but getting back won’t be too bad, they’ll be people to see, basketball practices, who knows, maybe we’ll even get Coach for history again.”

That’s true the upcoming year doesn’t have to be a bad one and yet…”What about Kat?” He knows he shouldn’t ask, knows Justin’s kind of messed up about it but if Justin doesn’t talk about this now, he might not at all. Maybe it’s none of Zach’s business if Justin doesn’t want to talk about her, it’s not like he tells Justin all of his inner thoughts and feelings...hell he keeps a lot of secrets from his best friend so what does it matter if Justin keeps a few from him but it’s too late he’s already spoken the words and he sees Justin stiffen a little.

“What about her, she’s moving and that’s it.” The words sound forced, ridged somehow, like his best friends posture. He nods along even though he can call bull.

“What do I care, she was a summer fling that’s it. She was lucky to have me and she’ll have a hell of a time replacing me in Washington or whatever.” He sounds a little bitter towards the end despite his attempts to sound casual. Zach almost reaches out when Justin continues.

“It’s not like I-she could have told me before some stupid party she threw for the new girl who’s like known for a lot longer that she’s leaving. Whatever, it’s not like I cared about her.”

This time he does reach out, tosses an arm over Justin’s shoulder because he knows he isn’t experience in the ways of love but he’s seen Justin with at least a dozen girls since they met last year and he does know Kat has meant a lot more to Justin than most of the others. He knows right now Justin is lying through his teeth about not caring at all because he does. He might not have loved Kat, or maybe he did, Zach isn’t sure he knows what ‘love’ really is, not like that. He knows he loves his parents, and May, and Justin, but he isn’t sure he knows what that kind of love is. Even if Justin didn’t love her though, he liked her, a lot and her suddenly be leaving hurts him. Well there’s another week until she leaves but after the party two nights ago, Zach doubts they’ll see each other. Justin’s hurt and Zach thinks Kat might be too. He thinks she expected Justin to take it better and when he didn’t she got angry to cover her own sadness at leaving. It sucks, he doesn’t want her to leave cause Kat is funny and smart and kind and she and Justin made each other happy but she really doesn’t want her to leave with them on bad terms because that somehow seems more unfair.

“You’ll find someone else.” It’s poor comfort, of course Justin will, his friend is almost always dating someone but the cynic in Zach says it’s to have another house to sleep in if he needs it. The other part, a romantic he thinks, believes Justin wants some kind of fairy tail boy and girl live happily ever after. He’s pretty sure when they watched _Aladdin_ with his sister Justin teared up a little at a poor boy marrying the princess and getting to live in the palace.

“Yeah.” Justin’s voice is thick for a moment but he doesn’t look and doesn’t comment. Justin clears his throat and continues, “There’s the new girl, Hannah. She seems interesting.”

‘Interesting’ is Justin’s word for he’s interested, not that the girl is interesting. Zach doesn’t get why he doesn’t just say it but it’s not like it really bothers him so he’s never commented. ‘Interesting’ can mean just about anything, nice, funny, hot, literally anything depending on the girl so that might have something to do with Justin never specifying. If he says she’s interesting than no matter the company he’s made his point and is safe from ridicule. Monty and Bryce and the rest of the guys accept it and know it means Justin’s looking but they don’t know what about the girl in question Justin’s interested in. It’s kind of gross how he has to disguise what he likes about the girls he dates to them but Zach’s pretty used to it by now.

“Yeah, she seems like she might be fun.” He should be more careful about his wording cause that usually means something sexual but when it’s just him and Justin he doesn’t need to be because Justin can look for more in a girl and knows what he means.

“Yeah, she’s pretty fuckin’ cute too.” He sounds a little cheered and takes another gulp from the bottle before handing it back to Zach.

He chuckles as he takes it and replies, “Yeah she is.”

“I kind of hope I have a class with her. That’d be great.” Justin looks a little starry eyed and that makes Zach chuckle again cause Justin doesn’t really get this way a lot, girls get like this about him all the time but not the reverse.

“I “I’m just hoinge to avoid Oldecouski this year.”

He can feel Justin make a face and he replies, “Same, chem will be hard enough without an accent to get through, he’s supposed to be a hard grader too, gave Bryce a lot of C’s.”

“Bryce probably deserved them but I heard he only gave Courtney Crimson an A- for her final grade and if that’s what she got, he’s lucky for those C’s.” Bryce was a flat B student as far as Zach knows and he could probably do better but didn’t care enough to; Courtney is on track for Valedictorian in two years and he doubts she’s ever gotten that low on an assignment much less for a marking period.

“Uugh, if that’s true I really don’t want him.”

“Me neither but I guess there are always tutors. Jeff got a B in the same class.” It was with a lot of work and a lot of complaining and stressing but he was proud of himself for it when he told Zach the first week of summer.

“I guess but I’d probably get fuckin’ Jensen with my luck and that’d be weird.”

He grunts cause yeah that would be, Clay doesn’t seem to like any of the jocks besides Jeff and Zach can’t exactly blame him after they called him a lot of terrible names last year.

“Still Oldecouski would be better than Thomson again for algebra two. That man’s an awful teacher and he’s also just weird.”

Zach laughs. “How many times did he ask about sneaker brands?”

Justin groans and takes two gulps as if to prepare himself. “Everytime someone in class had a new pair, he always claimed he was thinking to getting a new pair but he must have been thinking about it the whole damn year. I swear he had a foot fetish or something; I think I caught him staring at my feet a few times!”

Zach laughs cause he’s heard the stories before and they are pretty funny. “I thought he was a genius or something.”

Justin snorts. “Maybe but he’s still weird and a bad teacher.”

Zach goes for a drink and realizes it’s empty, kind of a shame the gin had a pretty good taste even it was cheap. As he’s getting the next bottle, Justin flops from the bench onto the ground and lies on his back.

“Dude, the star look like, real fuckin’ nice.”

Maybe he shouldn’t open this, he doesn’t think Justin’s had that much though. He drank at least half the bottle and his friend’s more of a heavy weight than him.

“I mean it look.”

He’s gotten the bottle open and takes a gulp before joining Justin.

“Wow.” It’s pathetic but it’s the best he’s got. When he looks up he’s shocked to see the sky so dark and also so broken up by clusters of bright twinkling dots. His breath catches for a moment because damn Justin’s right, he’s never seen so many at once.

“Wow.” Justin agrees and for a moment they lie there looking up.

“They have names you know, the stars.”

He grunts cause he knew that and then suddenly, “Do you know any of them?” He doesn’t, never really had a reason to know, never thought he’s ever see them like this so he never bothered.

“I think that’s that north star but I don’t know it’s name.” Justin’s hand suddenly appears in his line of vision and he traces it to a bright star in what he guesses is the north but isn’t really sure. “Do you know any?”

“Nah, wish I did though.” He does actually, right now he does, it seems wrong not to know their names, maybe not wrong but also sort of. They look so beautiful up there on their own but lonely too and how much lonelier can you get than when no-one remembers you name? He’s never had that problem but even the thought of it...

He feels a pang in his heart and points to one, a reddish looking one, at least he thinks. “That’s May.”

Justin follows his finger and agrees before pointing to another, a bright one that Zach doesn’t think is twinkling. It looks colder somehow, without the twinkling, somehow even more distant and less friendly but still stunningly beautiful. “Karen.”

He hums his agreement and finds another, big and bright and twinkling happily somewhere between ‘May’ and ‘Karen’. “George.” He moves his arm to another moving fast and flashing, he thinks it’s a plane and adds dryly, “Monty.”

Justin snorts and replies, “That’s an insult to whatever that is. He then points to a somewhat bright one that seems to be surrounded by a few others and says, “Jackson.” They take a moment of silence for the former captain and then Justin continues working his way around the cluster, “Willem, Manuel, Rosner, Cody.” He moves his hand a little to point at a really bright one that looks like it could be leading the other stars or could just be following along. “Coach.” 

Zach chuckles cause that makes sense, who’s leading who between Coach and the team is sometimes debateable, they did drag him to some pretty interesting tourist spots a few times when they had away games.

They go on like this for hours, sipping and naming and Zach doesn’t think they’ve made a dent in all of the stars but they seem closer now, less lonely in the black sky. Sometimes the names aren’t connected to anyone they know...at least he doesn’t know any ‘Susans’ or ‘Roberts’. Justin points at a very faint star at one point and deems it ‘Brandon’ with too much purpose for it to be random but it takes Zach almost three minutes to find it and even when he does it seems anticlimactic.

‘Amber’ never comes up.

And neither does ‘Kat’.

Almost everyone else does; Bryce, Jeff, Scott, Bill, the rest of the teams, Wanita, Lucy, Marcus, even Clay who then opens the way for a lot of other people Zach doesn’t think of often. Tyler, Cyrus, Mac, Justin names ever single Padilla as a cluster of bright stars that look almost angry, Courtney, Sherri, it seems to go on forever.

It’s almost dawn by the time Justin points out two stars. He’s been watching them too, every hour or so, he thinks but he doesn’t have his watch, looking back at them and noticing how they’ve moved around each other all night. “Zach and Justin.”

He hums his agreement and that seems to end it. They sky is lightening rapidly and pretty soon most of the stars are gone. It seems poetic to him almost, like real people, there and then gone too quickly. They stay a while longer and then Justin’s stomach rumbles really loudly. He could go for some food too. They drank a lot of the night and he’s pretty sure he isn’t drunk only because they spaced it out so much. He rises to his feet and then offers a hand to Justin who he pulls up.

They wander into town again and he gets them both breakfast. He doesn’t have plans for the rest of the day other than to go home at some point to shower. That’s fine, it’s truly summer to be able to do that and he intends to enjoy every bit of it as much as he can before this week is up. It fills him with a sort of energy and hope thinking like that and he eats breakfast with a stupid smile on his face. Justin comments and they laugh about it but it doesn’t dim the feeling that he can still make the most of this summer, the best he’s ever had and one he’s going to to make last as long as he can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to a new chapter and a milestone, thirty chapters is a lot and I didn't really think I'd get this far when I started but I'm happy I have! As for this chapter I knew when I started writing summer this would appear and originally it was going to be the last chapter but I've actually got one more lined up and mostly written for Thursday so stay tuned for it. 
> 
> The conversation about Kat is a low point for Justin and very indicative of the toxicity of the masculinity at Liberty High but try to forgive him a little since he is hurting. I don't think he loved Kat but I think he felt a lot for her and her sudden departure in this hurts him a lot. Of course it also hurts Kat and when she forgives him she realizes she wants him to be happy and that's why she encourages Hannah to go for her...at least that's what I like to think. 
> 
> The teacher discussion seemed like something normal for them to do, a coping mechanism for summer almost being over. Mr. Thomson is based on a teacher I had in high school and this is about how I felt about him freshman year...it's a good thing I ended up liking him more cause I had him junior and senior years as well but freshman year he was awful and weird.
> 
> The idea for them star watching came to me as I was writing and I very much enjoyed them naming the stars themselves. It seemed like a good way to end the chapter and I had fun writing and researching it. 'Karen' is supposed to be Jupiter the only planet that would be visible at this time, I'd hoped for Venus but it's only visible in the early summer and throughout winter and spring.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing and let me know what you think of the chapter or anything at all in the comments. As always happy reading!


	30. Overheated (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Death is something Justin’s thought about but usually only his own. He’s always assumed he’ll die young because even though there’s a song about that being for the ‘good’ he doesn't really think there’s many ways life can end for him besides early, poor, and miserable. He’s never thought of Zach dying though. His friend is invincible, he’s Superman, or he seems that way until a football practice in the last week of summer takes a bad turn.

Justin’s watching the football team practice because he’s supposed to be going back to Bryce’s to hang out with him and Zach and the others when they’re done. He almost wishes he was anywhere else though because it’s over a hundred degrees and he’s practically melting up in the bleachers. The breeze was cooling things down yesterday but now it’s shifted to a hot dry wind and he wonders how any of these people are not only practicing but doing so in all that equipment. He’s happy he plays basketball...getting sweaty and gross is part of the fun but heatstroke would ruin that. His picks out Bryce, then Scott, Monty, Jeff and finally Zach watching their movements closely hoping to give his mind something to do besides be bored or think about how hot he is. 

That’s when he notices it. Zach isn’t moving right. His friend is usually pretty limber despite his size and and gear plus he walks tall, shoulders squared and confident. Right now his steps are stumbling and slow, his back looks stiff and everything looks clumsy and wrong. He’s moving down the bleachers before Zach starts falling but seeing his friend go down speeds him up. 

Coach Rick sees the comotion and pulls his phone out, hopefully to call 911. That leaves the rest of the team to crowd around Zach like gawking morons. Justin elbows through them and is already talking as he does so.

“Jeff, Bryce I need you to being the water cooler over to the shade and bring the towels too, Scott help me move him over there.”

He kneels down to rip the helmet off; Zach’s face is sweaty and he can feel an extra wave of heat being released by pulling it off. He’s looping Zach’s arm around his shoulder when he realizes no one has moved. An annoyed sound makes its way out of his throat. 

“Do what I said!” It sounds mean but all well, it works. Scott gets down and loops Zach’s other arm around his shoulder and they manage to drag him out of the sun. 

“Strip him, down to his underwear.” He’s already working an arm out of the sleeve when he hears a wolf whistle.

“Wow Foley, desperate and a fag, didn’t know-”

“Monty if you aren’t going to be helpful shut the fuck up.” He doesn’t have for the moron right now.

Jeff and Bryce arrive just as the shirt comes off and they set it down next to Zach and prepare to dump it on him. He motions them out of the way and pops the top off the container and soaks one of the towels in the ice water, wiping Zach’s face and neck down. Some of the others have gotten Zach’s socks, sneakers, and shorts off. Justin’s washing his chest off while talking to Jeff who’s closest to him and Zach.

“Soak another rag and put it on his forehead, and do another around his neck.”

“The EMTs will be here soon, Steve go and get an ice bath ready in the locker room.”

Coach Rick is back now and trying to take control of the situation but Justin isn’t about to hand over control to the guy who let this happen in the first place, besides he doesn’t need any help.

“An ice bath won’t be ready by the time the ambulance gets here and they’ll have to find their way into the locker room. Bryce, can you open the gate so the ambulance can pull right in here?”

He’s pretty sure he’s getting a dirty look from the man but he can’t find it in himself to care. 

“Who are you again?”

That was just petty, too bad for him Justin could do petty and keep Zach alive at the same time, multitasking at its finest.

“Justin, I’m on the basketball team. Coach ran us though what to do if someone overheats during practice, guess you didn’t do that with your team.”

He’s moved on to wiping down Zach’s arms now and that’s occupying his attention but it’s sort of a shame because he can hear Coach Rick sputtering behind him like a dumbass. He always knew Coach was better at his job.

“Jeff, change the towels on his face and neck and put one under each arm.”

The ambulance arrives moments later and Zach is loaded on. Coach Rick rides along too while the team break off into their cars to follow. Justin grabs Zach’s bag from the sidelines where the boys left their things while practicing and fishes out Zach’s phone. He debates calling Mr. Dempsey but decides to wait on it and let Coach Rick do it...that way incase he can’t get Mr. Dempsey he doesn’t have to then call Mrs. Dempsey. He gets pulled into Scott’s car with Jeff and two other teammates he can’t bother to remember the names of. 

Jeff quietly thanks him and Scott gives him a nod of approval. He suddenly doesn’t feel so good though. Kids die from this sort of thing. It’s happened before, it could happen now. What if the ice bath would have been better? They didn’t all have to go, someone could have ahead to get it ready, someone stay to guide the EMTs when they got there to Zach. Maybe he actually just killed Zach instead of saving him. He almost throws up.

Jeff seems to get that because he rubs Justin’s back soothingly and promises him Zach will be alright. 

How does he know?

They get to the hospital and are shuffled into a waiting room while Zach is taken upstairs. Coach Rick joins them sliding his phone back into his pocket.

A few minutes later the Dempsey’s arrive.

Mr. Dempsey directs May over to him while he goes up to the desk. Mrs. Dempsey walks right over to Coach Rick and she looks angry for the first time since he’s known her. May crawls up on his lap and he wraps his arms around her and rocks her a little. She’s shaking and presses her face against his chest. He tries combing his fingers through her hair like he’s seen Zach do and whisper’s quietly in her ear, promising her that Zach is going to be fine and they’ll hang out together soon, the three of them. She can pick the movie and the games and he’ll make popcorn and they’ll annoy Zach and it’ll be a great time. She’s still shaking and crying and he almost wishes he could do the same because right now he feels an icy dread curling in his stomach and spreading to the rest of his body. 

He tries listening to what’s going on around him in hopes of taking his mind off of these thoughts but he can only stand listening to Mrs. Dempsey berate Coach Rick for so long. In another circumstance it might be funny cause the man has a look on his face that should be hilarious. Stupid actually, eye wide, mouth sort of hanging open and any attempt he makes at speaking is cut off by the furious woman. It isn’t helping though, he still feels this awful panic in him that nothing is going to get better and he can’t really hear what Mr. Dempsey is saying to the doctor. The team has gone silent not wanting to potentially incur the wrath of Zach’s mom and not at all feeling the need to help their coach.

Eventually Mr. Dempsey comes over and offers to take May but she firmly hold onto him and the man relents, settling for a seat next to them.

“I heard what you did for Zach. The doctors are pretty confident that because of you he’s going to be fine. It seems I owe you more than I can ever repay for saving my son Justin.” 

He says it so conversationally that it takes Justin by surprise. First he’s relieved because Zach should be fine. Then he realizes that he said the doctors were ‘pretty confident’ and what the fuck does that even mean? Then he catches up to the saving life part and that’s just wrong. He hasn’t done that yet, Zach may still- nothing is certain yet. Besides he didn’t do any of this for any reason other than Zach needed him. He realizes Mr. Dempsey is still talking.

“-press conference you can talk to the cameras and share the story with the whole county and everyone will know-”

“I’d rather not.” He knows it’s rude to interrupt people, Percy taught him that about three days into inviting himself into his mom’s place, but he really doesn’t want all that attention. 

Apparently that’s weird or at least not what Mr. Dempsey was expecting because he looks startled. “Really? It seems we should. You saved Zach and this story could help save others and let the world know what you did for my boy.”

Justin blushes and he hates it because he usually doesn’t unless he’s really, really drunk and he thinks he’s more sober than he’s ever been. “I just-” he knows he needs to phrase this right to convince the man, “I’ve like seen these sorts of things and they always sound so shallow. I did what I did for Zach but if I say that on TV it won’t like sound right. It’ll sound as cheap and self centered as everyone else who says things like that and it’s-I don’t want that.” 

He holds his breath waiting for Mr. Dempsey to reply. The man frowns and Justin thinks he can see the man working through everything he’s said.

“You’re sure?” He sounds uncertain still but like he’s willing to go along with it.

“Yes.” Definitive or whatever. That’s how he sounds and it seems enough to convince Mr. Dempsey because the man nods.

“Alright then. Still I am grateful, without you I-”

His voice breaks off and Justin can hear all the emotion behind it. He gets it too, he wouldn’t want to be in a world without Zach either, he can only imagine what it must be like for for Zach’s dad, how much more intense those emotions must be for the man who has know Zach all his life. He rests his hand lightly on the man’s arm for a moment but then pulls it away. It feels wrong somehow, like he’s overstepping. He has no real connection to the man other than through Zach and sort of May and he’s not even sure the man likes him. He gets a weak smile for his efforts though and thinks maybe it was an alright thing to do.

He might even consider putting his hand back but decides against it. Besides, Mrs. Dempsey is finally done berating Coach Rick and comes to stand in front of him. He hasn’t really interacted with her, they don’t like each other and she banned him from the house. A few weeks ago Zach said the ban was over but they’ve been careful to avoid being there when she is for long periods of time.

She approaches him and his heart somehow goes colder. She doesn’t look angry anymore, instead she’s back to her default cold and in control which isn’t any more comforting. 

“I heard that you might be the reason my son is alive.” She says it suddenly and he can only nod, not sure where she’s going with this and not sure he exactly wants to but not having a choice.

“Thank you.” Cold a collected as ever but he thinks he sees something in her dark eyes, for a moment they don’t look as unapproachable as they always have before and he can believe that for a second he saw fear in them, fear at the thought of losing Zach he hopes and that makes him more sympathetic.

“I’ll do it again if I have to.” He means it every terrible word of it because he hopes to never have to do this again. It was, and still is stressful and he’s second guessed every decision he’s made so far and hated the responsibility, he’s have given it over to anyone else but he didn’t trust Coach Rick. Still if the choice is do it or lose Zach he knows what he’ll choose.

She nods and for just a moment he thinks they have an understanding and a mutual acceptance of each other. They don’t like each other but Zach is a part of both of their lives and for him they can play civil if they have to.

Then it’s gone and she returns to being the impassible ice sculpture he knows as she takes her seat next to her husband.

Not too much later a doctor comes out and announces that Zach woke up briefly and was lucid before going back to sleep. He adds that this means he’ll make a full recovery. That seems to be enough for most of the team to head home shortly after. They come over and offer words of sympathy to the Dempseys and ask them to pass messages on to Zach for them, Coach Rick slips out and Justin can see not wanting to face Mrs. Dempsey for a second time.

It’s just him and the Dempsey’s after Jeff and Scott leave. May’s fallen asleep on his lap and that’s fine because it gives him time to think. It’s also bad for the same reason because his thoughts are less than pleasant. Death is still somehow shocking to him. He’s always known everyone dies, it’s living 101, but the thought of anyone other than him dying is shocking.

He’s always assumed he’s live free and die young, like the songs. It’s never really bothered him because he’s seen what happens when people like him live too long, poverty and drugs make up a good deal of his neighborhood and he doesn’t want to be like them, he’s always thought he’d rather go out young and on his terms somehow. Actually he’s always assumed in a stupid way, getting hit by a car or something, and always hoped to go out doing something good, like saving a kid or something so at least even though he was a waste in life, he did something good in death.

But Zach somehow actually seems like Superman to him. Not only the brave and selfless but also invincible and immortal. Sure it sounds stupid when he thinks it but Zach’s always seemed too strong to topple. He’s gotten sick once or twice but they’ve been pretty minor and he hasn’t ever really been hurt that Justin’s seen and he’s always seemed like even if everything went to hell, Zach would still be there.

This is a sobering wake up call.

Zach, his Zach, his friend who should be his best friend but isn’t, the guy who makes him laugh when the world seems at it’s worse, who has given him two of his most important presents, who he can have the most unimportant conversations with or name the stars with, who when he calls brother or bro means so much more than almost anyone else. That Zach almost died today. It’s chilling to think about and he feels numb.

He moves away from the thoughts as best he can but they remain, lingering just below the surface and it isn’t until the hospital staff kicks him out, apparently he doesn’t count as family and really that’s almost insulting, that he moves from his seat. He goes home because they make him and turns down the offer for a ride because he isn’t exactly eager to get there. He figures the walk might help him sort out everything he’s thinking and he can only hope it does because the idea of doing it at night in his bed is far scarier than during the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another chapter and the end of the boys' summer which goes out with a bang. I have to be honest, I preferred ending it with the chapter before but then these events would have colored it and I wanted a lighter chapter rather than Zach reflecting on Justin saving his life so I changed the order. In any case, this chapter is hopefully believable or at least in the realm of possibility. The idea struck me one day to write a story where Zach ended up needing an ambulance and Justin is able to tell the paramedics that he's allergic to some pain medication but that seemed really absurd for many reasons and eventually it morphed into this which I think is more believable and I hope you all agree.
> 
> Next chapter we start sophomore year and I'm actually really excited for it, not only for them to be back in school but because the first chapter is leading up to an idea I got from squanchy_56, a huge thank you to you Squanchy, whose idea I liked so much I turned into a three part arc that will happen over the course of the year. 
> 
> It's also important to note that sophomore year is the beginning of the tapes but I probably won't focus on them exactly since the show already covers them, just know that by my reckoning, Justin and Zach's tapes both happen during this school year at some point. Justin's is probably within the first week and Zach's sometime after Valentines Day
> 
> As always, happy reading and I hope you enjoy the chapter. If you do, or have anything you want to say, leave a comment and I'll get back to you and if you have chapter ideas feel free to leave them as well!


	31. Another Day One (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day back is a strange one for Justin but he thinks it usually is for most people. Still school gives him a lot of time to think when he doesn’t have to try to pay attention, too bad it isn’t always to his benefit. At least he has Zach.

Somehow he did really think he could prevent this day from coming and he’s not sure how because that’s impossible but he thought maybe if he kept pushing it further and further away in his mind, it would prevent the day from actually happening.

It’s strange too, just like the end of the year is always a strange day for him, the beginning is too. Usually there’s some level of relief in coming back, in getting a place that has all the comforts of home that he doesn’t actually always have there but his mom didn’t date anyone for the first part of the summer so they kept electricity and water for most of it. He also usually enjoys the relief of having at least six hours a day where he has no reason to be home or even think of being there with whatever bum she might be dating but the new guy, Jose, doesn’t seem that bad. He’s a happy drunk and gets sleepy when he’s high so the past week hasn’t actually been that miserable despite a new boyfriend.

He’s also been eating. It’s strange but between all the hanging out he did with people, Bryce and Willem fed him a lot and he and Zach ended up eating out several times a week, almost always to Zach’s treat. He won’t pretend he didn’t shed a few pounds but he could afford those like five and it’s the least weight he’s ever lost. Now he’s got nine months of easy access to food five days a week but he doesn’t remember too many days in the summer of being really hungry so it kind of breaks even.

He guesses he is looking forward somewhat to getting back to basketball practice but it seems like a lame bonus after he played almost everyday over the summer. Sure now he’ll be back to playing with the team and Coach will be around...and he can admit he’s looking forward to seeing the man as much as anyone else he’s missed seeing over the summer, but still almost every day means he didn’t exactly miss playing as much as he worried he might.

He feels a little guilty about it too. He thinks maybe he spent more time with Zach than Bryce but Bryce hates basketball and was also gone for an entire week, like usual, and Zach actually hits him up as often as he does. With Bryce he always has to initiate, unless it’s a party which is different anyway. It’s always been like this, _hasn’t actually but since Bryce got to highschool, he tells himself always because it makes it easier and sometimes he almost believes it_ , feels like maybe he’s overstepping with Bryce. Like maybe the other boy is tired of him, _the thought always hurts him deep inside but sometimes he can’t help but make it a thought no matter how much he fights it_ and that’s why it’s always Justin inviting himself over. It isn’t exactly fair since Bryce invites him over when he’s having small groups of people over but it’s not like he’s asking just Justin to come over and it hurts a little, and makes him worry, a lot.

Zach isn’t like that. Zach’s asked him to come over, to go out, to play ball, and all sorts of things in between. They went to the movies a lot over the summer together on their own, hung out more than he had any right since he technically wasn’t supposed to see Zach at all until like the last month. It was fucking great. Sure there were some less than amazing days but they tended to fade into the haze of bliss that was the rest of the break.

The worst part is, he can’t even fully regret it. He loves Bryce, he always will. Bryce is his brother, his best friend, his protector, and the first person to ever give a fuck about him. Bryce...he can still see that smile for all those years ago and still remembers exactly how he smelled from a time before that. He loves Bryce, he’d do anything for him, and yet no matter how true that is...he has to wonder why everything feels so much more right with Zach.

It isn’t a new question for him but it’s been nagging him more often lately. Maybe it’s a side effect of the break and having needed Bryce’s pool house less. Mom was kind of good this summer and he’d be impressed except it really isn’t an accomplishment for any normal person and she’s been too good for too long that he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop soon.

In any case, this summer he didn’t need Bryce as much, well he’ll always need Bryce for something, even if it’s something he’s not sure he’ll ever get again, but he didn’t need that safe space as often. Instead he was able to visit Bryce on his terms to hang out, and really hang out, not just as a cover for hiding out. Those times were great, Bryce invited the guys over and they did whatever for however long they felt like and there was usually beer and weed and it was almost always a good time but…

But it was only with the guys and only when Bryce started it. Justin can’t help but miss the days when Bryce would invite just him over. He’d hoped high school would like, make him cool enough for Bryce and he guesses that happened since he is one of the guys and he told himself that would be enough but maybe it just wasn’t. Maybe he’s greedy because he wants Bryce to himself once in a while and his brother never delivers.

Zach is the opposite. It seems the other boy prefers when it’s just the two of them or maybe with Willem, Jeff, Scott, or May, but always small groups if anyone else is around. Justin can’t help but compare them, Zach and Bryce, and his time with both of them and time with Bryce just isn’t as good. Bryce loves him, he’s sure of it. After all the boy does let him bum in his pool house whenever he wants and pays for him to live, and takes care of him and that has to be love because he wouldn’t do it otherwise. And there’s more too. Bryce and him have more inside jokes than anyone else, his bro can make him laugh whenever he feels like and they can talk about girls and sex and other things too.

But with Zach...everything just feels so much more right. Zach’s the one he can hit up anytime because Zach does the same and it doesn’t feel so one sided. There will always be an element of that one sidedness because it is, he can never really repay Bryce or Zach but Zach lets him pretend like he doesn’t owe as much. They ball together and Justin never feels as alive as when he’s on the court...except maybe during sex depending on how good it is. Zach also got him through over the summer one of his attacks and hasn’t brought it up since, and they can talk for hours and hours and say absolutely nothing or whatever they want.

Actually that might be the heart of the matter. With Bryce he feels like he can’t always say what he means or wants. Bryce, well Monty, makes it impossible sometimes to do so. He can’t do a lot when the moron is around, can’t give any indication that he cares about how his girlfriend feels, especially during sex, or even that he cares about how his friends feel beyond a passing and usually pointless ‘okay’ or ‘fine’. If he asks any more, he’s a fag or a girl for talking about emotions. He also can’t say that sometimes he wants things. That’s the biggest one, there are days he wants physical affection, he craves it. He wants more than a fist bump as a greeting and to be able to sit on the couch touching someone else and not have to pretend it’s because there isn’t space. He wants to have those arms wrapped around him, smell that mix of shampoo and bodywash and cologne and to be told things are going to be alright even if the person saying so has no idea if they will or what even the ‘things’ are.

When Monty is around Bryce can’t do that because the fucking loudmouth is an asshole. He hates Monty, pities him a little too, but hates him a lot more. If Monty wasn’t around the pressure would be off and these things could happen. Too bad Monty is on the team and he’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

Zach though isn’t like that. Since most of their time together is away from Monty, they don’t have that problem. They can talk more freely and sure he doesn't tell Zach everything, can’t bring himself to say everything he thinks but it’s still a huge improvement because usually what he doesn’t say is because he doesn’t want to say it and not because he can’t say it. Zach also maybe indulges his needs a little more than most people, he’s never commented when Justin sits a little closer than necessary and when Justin really needs it, Zach’s arms are usually there to comfort him. His time with Zach, it’s like perfect or whatever and his time with Bryce sometimes leaves him wanting a lot more. 

If he could get rid of Monty then-

“Justin Foley, it may be the first day of the year but I assure you I will not tolerate wandering minds in my class.”

He’s pulled from his thoughts by Mrs. Burns.

He pulls a winning smile and replies, “I’m sorry.” He thinks about the statement for a moment and then adds, “Aren’t our minds supposed to wander? Isn’t that like good for us to have active minds and think about our classes?”

A few chuckles come from the class but he watches the woman’s brows become straight ass lines over her eyes and he thinks maybe he shouldn’t have spoken.

“I am glad some of you think Justin is funny because in a few years that is all he will have going for him. Take a good look now the rest of you because I have seen this type of student a hundred times. Pretty boys, or girls, who think with a smile and a few dull jokes the world will open to them. Go on take a look, they never go anywhere. Never. The world does not open to them and they can not adapt to this and flounder and fail. It happens every time and it will happen to Justin. Hopefully he will have the decency to sit quietly and not disturb this class for the rest of you.” 

Justin just looks at her and opens his mouth but she continues.

“I know your type, Desmond gave you high remarks but that is only because you are on his team. You probably coasted in his class and plan to do the same in mine. I do not intend to allow it.”

“Hey I-”

“If you talk back again you will go to the office.”

He glares. Fuck her, he did great in Coach’s class last year and that’s cause he’s good at history and Coach made it interesting. He even studied a little. He doesn’t ‘coast’ by at all, he earned that A- and he was damn proud of it.

He almost opens his mouth but he catches Zach’s eye and the other boy gives him a subtle shake of his head. Justin might want to keep arguing but detention day one doesn’t sound like fun. He usually stays out of trouble since its a pain for him and he guesses he can hold it in now. The bell rings anyway and that gives him an out.

Zach catches him on the way out and nudges his shoulder.

“She’s wrong. She thinks she knows you but she doesn’t. I do, and you’re not what she’s describing.”

“Doesn’t stop her from being a bitch.” He grumbles it because it’s true but the anger is already going away and being replaced with an amazing feeling. Zach said with what he said but he said it with such emotion and surety in his voice that Justin can’t help but feel great after hearing him say it.

“Just wait, I’m going to show her she’s wrong!”

Zach claps him on the back and the grin making its way to his face breaks out fully. What does she know? He’s not a good guy and she might be right that in a few years he probably won’t be anywhere but he’s going to show her it isn’t because he’s lazy or anything like that. He’s going to do better in her class than any other and let her know he isn’t like anyone else she’s encountered!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another chapter! In case any of you are wondering, I write all of these in a google doc and when as I post them, copy and paste them to another to keep the doc from getting to cluttered. Well that doc now has over 200 pages and takes about three minutes to load fully when I open it so I've started a new one. That does mean this story is over 200 pages and fast approaching 250!
> 
> In any case, this chapter was a bit complicated for me to write and left me conflicted. As I mentioned in the note for last chapter the idea for this chapter came from an idea from squanchy_56 that will be a three story arc spanning the year. The reason I feel conflicted is because my mom is a teacher and so are many of my aunts and friends of the family. I hear a lot of their stories and have nothing but the highest respect for them and to write a teacher as a villain did sort of rub me the wrong way but they are people and some people are just bad.
> 
> That's the part that was complicated. I feel like Mrs. Burns came out too cartoony evil as opposed to a believable kind of evil but I don't really have any ideas for how to make her seem more real so I'm going to role with her like this. It'll be a while before she shows up again so that will hopefully help me.
> 
> As for what's to come I am a little stuck. I have about nine chapters planned or thought up for the school year but my problem is that none of them feel right here or are tied to something dealing with the calendar that can't happen in September. For this reason I'm not sure the next chapter will be on time but if you have an idea you think will work, or any idea at all, I'm all ears.
> 
> As always happy reading and if you feel the need, leave a comment and let me know what you're thinking.


	32. Death and Life (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach wonders if everyone thinks about death in the fall. He supposes it might cross their mind a little more but he still thinks he’s probably weird since he thinks about it a lot more. At least Justin is a great distraction even when he isn’t trying to be.

Zach watches as Justin purposefully steps on every brown leaf he can. He’s trying to be subtle about it but the way he keeps changing his stride length isn’t subtle at all. It gives him a moment of pause though because it’s fall again and everything is dying. He supposes that’s an exaggeration because it’s really not much yet, most of the trees are still green and so is the grass but in another few weeks they’ll be bare and the grass will yellow.

Some people like fall, May likes watching the trees change color and Mom likes the coolness of the wind after the heat of the summer but he’s never liked it. For him it’s always upsetting to see the world get more and more bare as summer turns to winter. Fall for him is just the process of everything dying and he’s never really liked the season because of it.

He once mentioned this at the dinner table and May was appalled while his mother simply said that it was the natural order and they couldn’t change it. It was hardly the most inspiring speech she’s ever made...though he supposes it was far from her worse either, but it didn’t really make him think differently. Actually it added to the crushing sense of hopelessness in the season because she was right, there was nothing he could do about it. The seasons would change each year as they always did and every year the world, or at least Crestmont, would spend it’s dreary fall and winter months getting more and more gray.

That fall everything had seemed to last longer too and he’s wondered some days if the sun was ever going to shine again. He remembered hearing on the news it was the darkest winter they’d had in a while, the sun shone fewer days between November and March than it had for years. He’d struggled to get up most days and finding the motivation to do anything was nearly impossible except that May made him practice dancing with her that year. It had been a pain at the time but looking backs he wonders just how much bleaker the months would have been without it.

As Justin makes another crunch, his mind wanders to the now crushed leaf. He knows that it didn’t have human thoughts but if it did..how would it feel? Did it enjoy it’s life on the Earth? Did it live each day to its fullest _and what would that be for a leaf_ or did it have many regrets when it died? Did it know that changing colors was the beginning of the end or did it relish the beautiful colors it became before the sad brown?

He wonders then about the animals and Crestmont isn’t exactly the redwood forests or anything like that but deer aren’t unheard of and neither are skunks, possums or even a bear once in a while. Do they know change is coming? He supposes they do because bears hibernate and need to get ready for that and deer are less common between November and March so they go somewhere too right? If that’s true he thinks they must know something is changing and he wonders then if they feel sad about it.

Inevitably he ends up think about people dying. He always does but this year it’s stronger than usual and he thinks it’s cause he almost died. He doesn’t remember much from that day only that it was hot and he really didn’t want to go to practice. He does remember ending up there and hating putting all of the equipment on and wondering if this is how a turkey feels on Thanksgiving...thinking about a hot turkey, mashed potatoes, and gravy usually made his mouth water but that day it had been disgusting, even nauseating, to even think about in the heat. And then he remembers running the drills but it’s weird, it’s like memories he thinks happened but can’t exactly be too sure about since they could have happened at any football practice. He remembers the heat too, and being sweaty and gross and wanting practice to end but he doesn’t remember much else.

He does remember waking up in the hospital and being terrified.

He actually thinks it’s the most scared he’s ever been and he was thankful that Dad had been there because otherwise he thinks he would have torn the IVs out in his struggling. His dad called for a nurse and then he remembers everything being explained to him but all he really takes away is that he almost died. When Dad said so, he saw the man’s face screwed up with pain and sadness and he felt awful that he caused it. His guilt quickly faded to sleep though.

Actually most of the day had been consumed by sleeping but he remembers a few faces from when he wakes up. Mom and May of course but also some of his teammates, Jeff, Scott, Justin. He couldn’t really be sure they were there though because when he really wakes up it’s just his parents. It’s also awkward. Neither of them seem to know what to do and Dad eventually retells the whole story.

Justin saved him. That’s the big take away this time.

He listened to it but he had still been shocked. Not that Justin knew how to do it or even did it but somehow it’s just startling to hear that someone actually saved his life. It’s hard to wrap his head around because he almost died. He realizes he was shaking and a moment later his father is hugging him and whispering to him.

“Shh hǔ, you’re here and that’s what matters.”

He can’t help but think about how close he was to not being here and wonders if that doesn’t count too but he hugs Dad back fiercely and doesn’t care that Mom is probably judging them.

After that things had calmed down. Dad eventually let go of him and he had been alright with it. People cycled in throughout the day including May, and teammates, classmates, and well wishers. Justin had visited too, late, right before hours ended and after he’d given up hope of seeing his best friend, the boy snuck in looking like a character out of a bad spy movie. He glanced over his shoulder, eased the door open and closed in almost perfect silence and held a finger up to his lip when he turned to face Zach. He made his way over to the bed in a less over the top way and plopped his backpack down in front of Zach, making a gesture for him to open it. 

Any lingering malfeelings at Justin not visiting early had evaporated then because the bag was stuffed with Mike & Ikes and somehow still cold chocolate pudding. Underneath these are a few comic books they read and Tigger. Justin’s sitting on the chair next to the bed looking pretty pleased with himself as he explains. 

“I wanted to come earlier but I figured you mom probably wouldn’t you to have junk food or anything and she definitely wouldn’t want you to have company.” He taps Tigger’s head here before continuing. “You also mentioned she didn’t know you still read comic books so I figured I should keep them a secret too. I was just hoping not to get seen coming in here.” He’d had a goofy grin on his face, not the Foley smile but Justin’s smile and Zach had responded in kind because it was infectious. 

“Zach, if you think any louder I’ll hear it.”

He’s pulled from his thoughts by Justin, who’s just stepped on another leaf and seems pleased with the crunch it’s made.

“Whatcha thinkin’ bout?”

“Fall.” It sounds better than dying which is more truthful and it isn’t completely untrue either, that was how this started. 

Justin crunches another leaf and probes deeper, “What about fall?” His voice has an innocent, curious tone to it and Zach finds himself replying without think as much as he probably should.

“About how everything dies and the world always seems cold and empty.” 

Justin stops walking for a moment and it’s only then he realizes that he’s said more than he means to. His friend looks at him with wide eyes and he feels himself stiffen a little under them even though they aren’t particularly menacing. “Yeah I guess I’d never really thought of it that way but doesn’t everything old dying make way for the new?” 

His dad said the same thing and it didn’t really make him feel any better then, coming from Justin it doesn’t either but his friend is trying at least. A frown comes over Justin’s face when Zach doesn’t reply and he tries again.

“Falls not all bad, it brings Thanksgiving and eventually Christmas, and my birthday, c’mon anything celebrating me coming into the world must be good right?”

Zach gets a chuckle out of this because of Justin would say that. “I guess that’s true.” Christmas is amazing even at his age and Thanksgiving is good too, he still doesn’t want to think about turkey though. Justin’s birthday, well his best friends needs to have one so he guesses he can overlook that it happens to be in a bad season.

“And basketball season starts in fall and lasts till spring too.” Justin seems intent on pushing this but Zach lets him because his points are true.

“I guess, ball is great but it’s not like we need it to be the season to play.”

Justin looks aghast. “Umm we need to like win states this year so yeah we need the season and the season’s in fall so we need fall!” 

Justin’s spirit gets another chuckle out of him and he replies, “Alright, alright, we need fall and winter to play ball.”

“Zach,” Justin’s voice is an exaggerated disappointed, “at least try to sound like you mean it. Get pumped! We’re going all the way this year and nothing is going to stop us!” 

He laughs openly this time and makes his reply, “Totally! Tigers are taking home gold this year! Just wait, they can’t stop us!”

Justin claps him on the back, “That’s the spirit, they won’t know what hit ‘em!”

They continue like this for a while and Zach’s distracted from his original problem. Justin tends to do that, make all problems smaller than he is and more easy to manage. They’re only together alone for about thirty minutes and then they’re at Bryce’s but for those minutes, he’s free. The only problem is that the melancholy sets back in almost immediately when they arrive and Bryce whisks Justin away from something or other.

He tries to contain his disappointment but it’s hard. Without Justin being Justin everything comes crashing back. He convinces himself he can wait until Bryce lets him go but he gets a call from his Mom before then asking him to come home.

The rest of the night is terrible and he tries to contain the sense of hopelessness in him. It doesn’t work, and thinking about Justin’s arguments only help a little. He has a feeling this fall and winter is going to be a long one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is super late but at least it's posted. Unfortunately life got the better of me with other things I needed to do and this had to take a back seat. I can't promise there won't be a long wait before the next chapter either but I figured I'd get this one out for you all. I also wish it was a happier chapter but it isn't, poor Zach. 
> 
> I don't really have an idea for the next chapter which is part of the reason it may take a while to come out. I have ideas and ones already written but they need time to pass before they can be posted into the story. In the meantime I need like one or two ideas for chapters that can happen before hand so if any of you have something let me know!
> 
> As always happy reading and hopefully I'll be posting again soon!


	33. At First Sight (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Practice combines with growing pains and Justin’s reminded of some of his other times in pain, luckily a new, and pretty, face distracts him from it.

Justin flops down on the metal bench. It isn’t especially comfortable but it’s cool against his sweaty back which feels fucking amazing. Most of his body feels like it did after a fight with Albert, the rest of it feels like it would a few days after a fight with Albert. What doesn’t outright hurt, aches and the worst by far are his feet. Sure he’s stubbed a toe before or been standing for too long but this is ridiculous. They feel like they’re on fire and he pops his heels out of his shoes.

Zach joins him a moment later with a groan.

“I thought playing basketball all summer would make this hurt less.”

“I didn’t realize returning would hurt so much, I wouldn’t have joined in the first place.” It’s totally a lie because he would have joined a team for Bryce and it would have been basketball but fuck his muscles ache everywhere, the thought of lifting his bag up to put it on his shoulder makes him wince and he doesn’t want to imagine lifting in a gym anytime soon he doesn’t want to walk ever again.

Zach snorts next to him and replies, “You’d think I’d be in better shape since football is going on right now but no, this still sucks. My fingers hurt.”

“My toes hurt.”

“Elbows.”

“Feet.”

“Wrists.”

“Ankles”

“Dude what the hell what’s wrong with your feet?”

“I don’t know but I don’t think they’ve ever hurt so much, Everything else hurts too but my feet are killing me.”

“If your sneakers came off any more they’d be killing us too.” The comment doesn’t have any bite to it as Willem takes a seat between them, freshly showered and smelling like old spice.

“C’mon you two, Coach wants to leave and get home so get in the showers and let’s leave.”

Justin groans and he hears Zach do the same. 

“Can’t we just stay here?” Zach asks it but honestly he could get on board with that idea. 

“Yeah, like can’t Coach just leave us here? We’ll be good, pick up after ourselves and not make a big mess. We probably won’t even leave this bench.”

“We’ll need all night to recover anyway.

“Exactly we’ll be like vegetables or something.”

Willem rolls his eyes above him and replies, “How did you two get so weak over the summer when I played with you multiple times a week? The first practice may be rough but come one, cut the drama and get in the shower.”

They grumble a little more but Willem promises to take them out for pizza just as Justin stomach rumbles. That’s incentive enough for him to haul himself up and offer a hand to Zach.

Ten minutes later they’re showered and squeezed into Willem’s old buick with Manuel. Justin’s only half following the conversation, the rest of him is enjoying the pleasant feeling of everything not hurting, the hot shower did wonders for that.

Another five minutes later he has a steaming slice of pizza in front of him, cheese pleasantly liquid and pepperoni half floating, half sliding across it. It’s only one slice since Willem is feeding both sophomores and himself but it’s a big slice and anyway there might be food in the house.

Al’s new, his mom started dating him two days ago after she left Jose. He sort of liked Jose too since the man was easy enough to live with and didn’t cause any problems but Mom hadn’t liked him, apparently he was boring, either that or she didn’t like that the two of them got along. He tries not to think too many bitter things about his mom’s love life but she makes it hard when she always dumps the guys he can live with really fast.

Al...well he hasn’t made up his mind on the man yet. He hasn’t been around for too long and Justin can’t seem to get a read on him but that makes him weary.

Actually between Jose and Al there was Pete and he was an ass but Justin wants to forget about him. He only lasted three days but those three days...well he’d had to leave the house and he ended up with the new girl, _thinking of her by name is far too painful_ , and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get over that, or her, so he’s going to try to forget any of it happened.

He sees Manuel sit up a little straighter and watches him stop mid-chewing, hs jaw drop open and a half eaten bite of pizza fall out of his mouth as he stares straight ahead at something.

“Eww.”

“Gross!”

Justin just turns around to see what Manuel’s looking at and all he sees is the opposite wall and an old couple between. He turns back around to see Manuel’s gaze has shifted and he follows it now to the counter where he sees long, dark, curly hair and a pair of jeans housing what might be the nicest ass he’s seen in awhile. His jaw doesn’t drop, he’s far too cool for that, but he can’t bring himself not to stare and hopes for the girl to turn around.

She does a moment later and it’s even better than anything he could have imagined. Dark skin, not black, but not white either, a warm cocoa color. Her nose is cute, lips full and soft looking and her eyes make him think maybe he’s died because they are by far the most beautiful things he’s ever seen. Dark brown like melted chocolate, and deep, like looking into them is looking into the future itself.

Thankfully she doesn’t notice his checking her out, which could be mistaken for staring, but they’re like totally different. He turns back around as she exits and tunes back into the conversation.

“Damn, who is she?” Manuel seems to have found his voice and for once he isn’t saying something fucking stupid.

“All of that over her?” Willem chuckles as he returns his attention to his pizza. 

“I think her name is Jessica something.” He and Manuel both looks at Zach whose voice startles both of them. He realizes Zach’s also looking at him not Manuel.

Damn, found out already.

“She’s new, just moved to Crestmont for this year. We’re in chem together.”

“You knew a beautiful woman like that was walking around and you didn’t tell me?” Manuel sounds betrayed somehow and all three of the other people at the table roll their eyes at the senior.

“How was I supposed to know you were interested?”

“Um because I like pretty girls?”

“Your idea of ‘pretty’ is pretty whack. Anne isn’t and neither is Vanessa. I’d have skipped mentioning it too.” Willem’s dry comment diffuses the beginnings of Manuel trying to start a fight. Zach’s spends the whole time looking at him with amusement and Justin’s still trying to play it cool but Manuel finally seems to catch on anyway.

His eyes light up and he looks from Zach to Justin and back again before saying, “On no, no way, she’s mine. I saw her first!”

Justin and Willem laugh while Zach rolls his eyes.

“Dude, what is this like middle school? Seeing her first doesn’t mean dating her first.”

“Maybe I want to ask her out.” Willem says it with a cheeky smile. Justin knows the older boy has no intention of it, he’s said before if he goes out with someone who isn’t Ecuadorian, his mother will flip out and after meeting her, Justin gets why anyone would want to avoid that. The way Manuel sputters to try to come up with a reply is amazing.

“Sorry to break it to all of you but rumor is she’s interested in the new guy; Alex I think.” Zach’s voice cuts in and Willem laughs as Manuel freaks out even more. Justin laughs along too but it isn’t as funny. He feels a pang of something but he doesn’t know why. It’s not like he knows this girl or anything so why should he feel...disappointed maybe is what he thinks this is. 

“What the fuck, isn’t he gay or something?” Manuel breaks into his thoughts and he sort of thought the same thing actually. Not that he’s seen much of Alex but they do have gym together and the hair and lack of interest in sports made him think so.

Even if that’s true he’s going out with Julie right now and not in a hurry to end it anyway...or he wasn’t before today. He still isn’t, he can wait and see more of this Jessica girl and maybe she’ll be a total bitch or something. He can’t even hope for that though because right now he thinks even if he could just be friends with her he could die a happy man because that would be enough and everything after would be bonus.

“Hey Romeo, anything going on there besides visions of sex?” Willem sounds more amused than judgemental but even still he almost jumps to say he wasn’t daydreaming about sex. It doesn’t matter what he’s thinking about though, he should just try to forget her for now since he can’t make a move.

“So what if I am?” He tries to sound charming like he usually would answering a questioning like that.

“Nothing I guess. If you’re done I’ll give you a life to your place.”

He nods but he spends the whole trip, and the rest of the night thinking about the girl at the pizzeria. Zach texts him later and teases him about it and he responds like he’s annoyed but he isn’t at all. When he goes to bed that night all he can think of are those eyes, that hair, the lips, and the ass of course but strangely that’s a passing thought. Falling asleep takes forever but he isn’t even mad because the time is spent thinking about Jessica.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another chapter! This one was almost really dark and really not fun but then I decided on this idea instead of the other one I was working with. This is partly for Sarahly_Serious who's really excited for Jess to come into the story. However, she and Alex have to go out first so that can't happen just yet. That doesn't mean Justin can't fall for her though.
> 
> As for the next chapter, it'll probably be delayed. My thesis is due Monday and apparently needs a lot of work and this weekend is Easter so between those two things I'm no sure I'll get a chance to start a chapter much less finish it. I do have an idea for the next one so hopefully that helps speed this along.
> 
> As always happy reading and let me know what you're thinking and if you have anything you want to see in a chapter!


	34. Looking In 4: Clay Jensen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay likes to think he’s a pretty patient and tolerant guy but when he has a bad day, he sort of wants everyone to be miserable with him. The golden twins Justin Foley and Zach Dempsey seem like good targets for his ire from afar, too bad Jeff is there to make him almost think they could be people under all the jock-ness.

Clay is waiting at the table when he feels a hand ruffle his hair. He swats at it trying to get the person to stop and hears a laugh, Jeff’s.

“Cut it out.” Not like that’s going to stop Jeff from being annoying.

“Relax bro, girls love the ruffled hair look and you wear it well.”

He turns around to give the older boy a dirty look and snaps, “Is that all you think about?”

Another laugh and as Jeff circles around to take the seat across from Clay. “Well maybe baseball once in a while.”

“Well you’re here so right now so you’re going to think about English and Shakespeare and your going to do it right which means doing it without girls and sports.” It comes out meaner than he wanted but all well, today’s a rotten day. Hannah’s being weird and Bryce was an ass and maybe he just wants someone to be as miserable as he is.

“Relax Clay, I pay attention when you do this, you know that.” Or maybe he just wants someone to make him feel better. He can’t really be angry with Jeff when the other boy uses the calm, sincere voice with him. Over Jeff’s shoulder he finds a more suitable target for his anger. Justin Foley and Zach Dempsey, looking like freaking royalty jostling each other’s shoulders and grinning like morons, which they are but it still bothers him.

“Clay?”

His eyes flick back to Jeff who’s looking at him curiously.

“Whatcha thinkin?”

He knows Jeff isn’t prying but he still shrugs he doesn’t want to talk it but then thinks otherwise and nods in their direction. “Those two walk around like they own the school and everything's great and screw them because life must be so easy at the top.”

Jeff sighs heavily and that annoys Clay because Jeff can’t seriously defend _those two_ can he? “Well it has to be! I bet they’ve never had a bad day or a worry any bigger than the next girl they’re going to have sex with.” His voice is heated and all of the pent up anger in him seems to have found a suitable outlet.

“I don’t know Clay, we can’t really know a person until we’ve walked a mile in their shoes, that’s what my old man says.”

“I’m sure it would be a hard mile in those expensive shoes.” He might be a little bitter and unreasonable going after how expensive their sneakers are but so what? They’re not really people, just everything that’s wrong with this school wrapped up in two pretty faces every girl falls for at some point.

“Take a good look at Justin, Clay.” Jeff is still facing Clay with his back to the duo but if Clay wasn’t seeing Jeff he wouldn’t know from how perfectly he describes the other boy. “Justin is wearing his varsity jacket, a gift from Zach, has his initials on the collar. Under that is a T-shirt, a really cheap one that he wore yesterday. His jeans are hand-me-downs from Bryce you can tell because they’re just a little too short on him in the legs and too wide in the waist. His sneakers are expensive, also gifts probably from Bryce this time.”

Clay is about to jump in because so what. Jeff and Tony and a lot of the people at the school aren’t rich like the Walkers or the Dempseys. Justin is just white trash with rich friends who let him act like he’s hot shit. Jeff isn’t done though and before Clay can say all of this he continues.

“Today he’s walking with a limp, you can see him favoring his right leg like he’s trying very hard not to show he’s in pain or hurt it again. He says it’s cause of an accident on one of the machines in the gym but the muscles the machine he claims he was using would have hurt are not the ones that would cause that kind limp.”

Clay jumps in before he can continue. “What’s your point? He has rich friends who give him fancy gifts and is a bad liar? Must be a hard life.”

Jeff gives him a patient look, almost like an indulgent parent and it’s infuriating because Clay isn’t wrong here. Justin Foley is a lot of things but as far as Clay is concerned, a human isn’t one of them. The other boy helped spread the rumor he was gay last year and caused him a lot of misery. If someone else is giving him hell then good, he deserves everything he gets.

Jeff must be reading his thoughts and not agree because he asks, “Do your parents love you? Do you know that they do?”

Clay can’t reply because he can’t find a connection but Jeff continues like he expected it.

“I can say yes to both of those questions. Everyday before school Mamma makes me bend down so she can kiss my cheek or forehead and says, ‘I love you Jeffrey. I always knew I would love my child but I never knew I could love someone so much. Remember, no matter what happens today this is true and I’m praying for you and nothing you do can ever change these things,’ and every night before he goes to bed my dad comes into my room and lays a hand on my head or shoulder and tells me that I’ve made him proud and he loves me. I don’t mind telling you because I’m sure your parents are like this.”

Clay feels his face heat up a bit because something that ritualistic is beyond his dad for sure,and he doesn't remember the last time his mom told him she loved him, much less kissed him. He almost speaks up to tell Jeff he’s wrong but he can’t because he realizes the older boy isn’t. His dad might not wish him a good night every night and the man is more distant than Clay sometimes wants but he remembers being younger and talking excitedly at the man about space and stars and planets and all kinds of things while they watched _Star Wars_ and how last summer they took the car to a hill outside of town in the middle of the night to watch a meteor shower and he realizes that he plans to ask the man to view the upcoming lunar eclipse with him too. His mom loves him too, she goes through lengths to make sure he knows without actually saying it. Instead it’s little things she does like keeping a bag of kit-kats hidden from his dad as a little secret between them since he has a terrible sweet tooth and always eats them all. Or the way she makes sure that when they have to visit her sister, she lines up an excuse for him to slip away ahead of time because Aunt Dorothy is kinda the worst.

_  
_

There’s also the way she hides an old blanket anytime his dad goes on one of his spring cleaning missions and attempts to throw out everything he thinks is junk or clutter. The blanket is an old rag at this point, a pale blue quilt with a large teddy bear stitched into the front but Clay has had it since he was a baby and when he grew out of using it regularly and moved onto more age appropriate bedding, it became relegated to the top shelf of the linens closet until he was sick. When that happened the blanket was usually the first thing he asked for and even now it brings a certain level of comfort he craves when he feels awful. Dad doesn’t really understand and has almost thrown it out before but Mom always rescues it. Last year when he was feeling his lowest, she even remade his bed with it safely out of sight under the comforter and he never found the words to thank her properly for it because the only nights he slept through were the ones when that blanket was on his bed.

So yeah he can understand and nods. He still has no idea where this is going but he knows his parents love him.

Jeff explains though. “Somehow I doubt Justin has ever had one parent tell him that. I’ve never seen Mrs. Foley but there are a lot of rumors about her and if any of them are even slightly true...she doesn’t seem like the person who would love her son. I’ve never heard a mention of Mr. Foley but given what I hear about the missus that’s probably for the best.”

“So what. I’m supposed to feel bad for him because his mom’s probably a loser like he is and his dad isn’t in the picture?”

Jeff looks at him sadly like he’s missing something obvious but doesn’t offer an explanation and instead switches subjects. “Zach’s in sort of similar position with his mom. That woman is incredible and not always in a bad way but I would not want to live with her as my mom. She’s about as soft as glass.” Suddenly he stops and looks at Clay excitedly and asks, “Didja hear that? I used one of those metaphor thingies we talked about last time.”

Clay doesn't have the heart to tell him it was a simile because Jeff sounds really proud of himself and he’s pretty close.

“Anyway Mrs. Dempsey is kind of horrifying. I’ve heard her talk about Zach going to college for medicine or law, Harvard, Yale, UC Davis and I can tell Zach isn’t as sold on it as she is. In fact it’s like she, I dunno, it’s like she doesn’t see Zach ever, just her ideal child and doesn’t allow for any of his flaws or wants and almost doesn’t see him as a person. She’s cold and Zach may not look it but he’s pretty sensitive, they aren’t a great match.”

Clay snorts again. “Boo-hoo Zach’s mommy thinks he’s smarter than he is and doesn’t love and support him. My heart is bleeding for him it really is.”

Jeff isn’t done yet...of course he isn’t. “She never has anything nice to say to him. I’ve seen her after games; football, baseball, basketball, it doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter if it’s a win or a lose either she only ever tells him what he did wrong. He should have thrown a curve ball instead of a splitter or a splitter instead of a fastball; should have covered the guy closer or not have been so close to him when clearly he should have been more in front of him to try for an interception; not passed to Justin or Willem and taken the shot himself, or passed to Willem and not taken the shot himself, Actually the sport does make a difference, she hates basketball so she tends to be meaner there, but it doesn’t matter what he does it’s never good enough for her.”

Clay still doesn’t care, like with Justin, anyone who gives Zach hell is fine in his book.

Jeff must see this and shakes his head. “Listen Clay, you’re a smart guy, a lot smarter than me but people, we need each other like we need food and water. We need to be loved and to be told we’re doing good or at least can do good and parents are supposed to do that for us, make us feel safe and loved and teach us right and wrong but if that never happens...can you real blame the kid? I don’t think so, not entirely at least. And when the parent fails to do that, I think the kid looks for another way to get that approval and friends seem like the easiest place. You don’t have to like them but Zach and Justin are alright and they make each other better. I know you look at them and see bullies and assholes and they can be but I think they’re a lot more. At the least they’re better than Monty.”

Clay shakes his head, “The jocks at this school, present company excluded, are assholes, morons, and unfit to be called humans first to last. If ‘being better than Monty’ is their claim to fame they’ll have to do better cause that just means I don’t think they’ve killed cats in their backyards for fun.”

Jeff sighs and it bothers Clay that the older boy looks disappointed because he isn’t wrong. Justin is a bully, a lowlife, and an ass and Zach is too by proximity, even if everyone else thinks he’s a nice guy.

“I can see you aren’t changing your mind. Just do me a favor? Someday if either of them ever give you a reason to think maybe you were wrong about them, remember this conversation and give them the benefit of the doubt for me, won’t you?”

“If I ever have a reason to think either of them are better than how I think of them, I’ll have to do some serious soul searching to see where I went wrong in life.”

Jeff rolls his eyes but lets it drop. They move on to English lit and Clay starts his tutoring but glances at Zach and Justin a few times. Something doesn’t seem as gilded about them anymore but he can’t tell if it’s because the shit the gold covers is exposed or because maybe they look a little more human. Justin’s walk does look painful and Zach’s eyes do look sad.

He shakes his head. Jeff is getting to him, one good jock does not mean that there can be others, it just means that one of them gets to be considered a real person and the others are barely worth thinking about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I didn't think I'd be posting a chapter so soon but I've had this one written for a while and decided why not. Clay was going to get a chapter of course (he may get two eventually) and since he doesn't like the jocks, and Justin in particular, it makes sense he's meaner to them than the other three so far. Of course Jeff is there to give a different perspective on this but Clay's stubborn.
> 
> I've started the next chapter so hopefully it'll be on time. It'll feature our boys and May and maybe Jess too, from a distance though.
> 
> As always happy reading and if you want to talk or have suggestions or chapter ideas, let me know in the comments!


	35. Bumper Cars, Bunnies, and Basketball (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach gets roped into taking May to the Harvest Festival, so naturally he ropes Justin into coming with him. Turns out the day isn’t a total wash either.

Being at the Harvest Festival hadn’t figured into his plans at all but now that he’s here, Zach can’t say he’s having an awful time. May’s taking him from booth to booth and exhibit to exhibit. She’s wanted to come since the beginning of school when she learned about it. For her, a petting zoo, cheap rides, and various shows still hold excitement and wonder. Zach’s not bored which is better than he expected but that’s because he’s busy watching May and Justin’s faces.

Justin’s walking a little behind them, arms behind his head as he lazily looks around at the colorful exhibits. Zach had to beg him to come, actually he had to ask once and then bribe with greasy food, and Justin kind of caved immediately. He’d like to think the thought of spending time with Zach himself, or May, drew Justin out but he also had the sneaking suspicion it had something to do with Jess mentioning she might be there.

He doesn’t mind either way, at least he has voice of reason if May wants to do anything really annoying.

“Look, bumper cars.”

Speaking of which.

May tugs on his arm and points in the direction of a rickety looking set of bumper cars.

“I dunno May, they don’t look safe to me.” He doesn’t need to look at her to know she’s giving him the eyes.

“Pppppppllllleeeeeeaaaaaaassssseeeee.” It never ceases to amaze him how she can draw out words and make them annoying and even harder to refuse.

“Dude they look cool we should totally ride them.” Justin comes up next to him and Zach feels completely betrayed.

“Justin, you were supposed to help me contain May, not join her.”

The duo look at each other and burst out laughing and he thinks he hears something about hating sand from Justin while May says ‘do it’ in a strange voice between giggles. He’s totally lost but at least they’ve distracted themselves for a little bit.

Not long enough though because May, once she’s caught her breath, looks him dead in the eye and repeats her plea. He looks over her head and tries to find something else to distract her but then Justin chimes in.

“C’mon Zach, it’ll totally be fine. The ride’s been open for hours and no one’s been hurt yet.” 

He can’t handle two sets of big, pleading eyes looking at him, not when he can he see May’s lower lip quiver slightly and can see the line where Justin’s concealer starts and the edge of a faint purple mark that he missed while applying it. This really isn’t fair.

That doesn’t mean ten minutes later he isn’t in a rickety red bumper car that doesn’t accommodate his legs at all, with his nose in the corner because he’s pretty sure the steering’s out. He won’t admit May and Justin’s laughter floating over to him makes it better because they sound like they’re having the times of their lives. The should since they pushed him into this deathtrap together. They definitely have some kind of conspiracy against him. 

“Turn your wheel all the way to the left and then press the pedal!”

Justin, in a bright blue car, pulls up sort of next to him and yells over the loud, classic rock songs playing for the ride.

“I did!” He tries to keep the frustration out of his voice but it doesn’t totally work.

“Nope, you keep pressing the pedal and then turning, you need to turn and then press!”

He’s doing that as he goes to snap at Justin but it works. He rolls his eyes at the smug look on other boy’s face.

May comes in and rams him before he can tell Justin to not look so proud of himself. He chases after her but she’s better at this than him and manages to ram him a few times instead which just isn't fair. He’s given up on getting her back when Justin corners her and motions Zach.

Maybe it’s bullying for them to gang up on her but Zach’ll take it and drives his car right into her bright green one. The power goes out almost immediately after and he can’t be too upset as he leads May and Justin to the exit. They bicker lightly about who did better the whole way and he knows both are enjoying themselves just from the way their conversation gets harder and harder to follow and the giggling that frequently interrupts what one or the other is saying.

He drags them to the food stalls knowing May will be hungry soon and that Justin is always hungry, hoping to avoid a rollercoaster that doesn’t look like it should be standing much less running. They eat the overly greasy carnival food while May and Justin half carry on their conversation and the trio sort of plan what else they’re going to do. He’s relieved neither mention the rollercoaster but May says something about the petting zoo.

It’s a large tent set up towards the back of the fair close enough to obviously be a part of it but far enough removed forit to be quieter . Zach remembers going when he was little with Dad but it stank and the llama spat at him. He isn’t too excited to go back but May is already giving him the eyes.

Justin laughs and adds, “It can’t turn out worse for you than the bumper cars.” 

“I buy you lunch and this is the thanks I get?” His grumbles are only half hearted and he supposes after the stink of the locker room he can live with the smell of animals and he’ll just stay out of range of the llama. Still he can’t look like he’s giving in that easy.

“If we go in you have to pet everything.”

“Deal.” She doesn’t hesitate but he wonders if she knows all the things in the tent. 

Still he figures it’ll more fun to make her pet some of the things than in scaring her out of going and this should at least put off the roller coaster for a while. He takes their garbage to the trash and joins them for the short walk to the petting zoo.

They step into the large tent and Zach’s shocked by the smell of manure and animal. He thought he’d be more prepared for the stench but that doesn’t seem to be the case. May is unbothered by it though as she looks around in wonder and he tries to nudge Justin to show him only to find his best friend has disappeared. He looks around in the crowd but the area is packed and he can’t find him. May’s already spotted something though and drags him in the direction of some of the animals.

He spends the next forty minutes walking around with May listening to her as she marvels at the textures of some of the animals. To be fair some of them did feel very interesting, the wool was itchy and the pony’s hair was courser than he expected but not unpleasant at all. He has a picture of May looking absolutely disgusted with the idea of petting a hog. She wasn’t too happy when she saw him taking it and less so when he reminded about the promise but she reluctantly gives it a long pet from the back of the head down its back. When the great thing snorted in delight and reared its back up, he almost died of laughter because of how high she jumped and he’s sure if there had been anything gross to throw at him in easy reach, she would have.

There was a llama and it did spit but he stayed out of range. May of course got lucky as always and it missed her but as funny as it would have been if she got covered in llama spit, he’s glad she doesn’t because he’d have had to take her to the bathroom.

He knows he can’t tell Mom he let her touch half of them...actually probably none of them, but definitely not the pigs, calf, or sheep...his mother would be disgusted. The chicks maybe and he does have a great photo of May holding one of them, a little golden-brown fluff that had no time to be held by some girl and tried its hardest to run out of her hands while she tried her hardest to keep it there. She’s his sister so me might be bias but he thinks it’s just about the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

He does get a little concerned as they near the end and Justin still hasn’t reappeared. His phone has no messages from the younger boy either and he looks around again to try to find him when May tugs on his sleeve and points. In the back corner, removed from everything and their last destination, is Justin. He’s sitting _in_ one of the pens on the floor in the straw but that doesn’t really surprise Zach too much, Justin tends to find strange places and positions to sit when he wants to. What shocks him is that on Justin’s lap and looking as content as Justin looks pleased with himself is a giant rabbit. Light brown and gray, it almost resembles a cat except for the long ears laying against its head and the way it’s practically boneless, just a sea of fur and skin supported completely by his best friend’s thighs.

May tugs him over to the enclosure talking excitedly to Justin. His friend is clearly daydreaming as his hand moves from the top of the rabbit’s head down its back and back again. The only thing that betrays what he’s thinking is the self satisfied smirk on his face as his fingers slide through the fur. He doesn’t seem to notice them until they’re standing just outside the pen with May talking so fast Zach has no idea what she’s even saying.

“OhmyGodthat’ssocutehowdidyougethertoholdstillandcanItrytoowhyareyoueveninhereareyouallowedtobeintherecanIcomeintoo?”

Somehow Justin makes sense of enough of it to reply...or he’s just taking a guess in how to reply to her.

“This is Honey Baby and his handler let me sit in here as long as the rabbit approved, and he like, totally does.” His hand is still moving through the fur and Zach isn’t even surprised Justin managed this because it’s just like his best friend to ask something as bold as this and then get it. 

He isn’t upset either, actually he’s happy for Justin because the other boy looks content and Zach can only assume he’s happy. The same can’t be said for the rabbit anymore who doesn’t look happy to be the center of attention now and is trying to shrink down into Justin's lap. 

The rabbit is saved by the reappearance of his handler who politely tells Justin he should probably leave now. The woman then picks the rabbit up despite his attempts to stay in place which leaves May giggling, Justin pretending he isn’t and Zach trying not to because the animal is really the size of a small dog but he almost looks like a water balloon with fur as he tries to slide away from the hands.

The rest of the day passes in a pleasant haze of fatty, greasy food, and laughter. He even survives the roller coaster after being dragged on it by another unfair tag teaming, it’s like they know he can’t refuse them together. All in all by the time Dad comes to pick them up he can say it’s been a day well spent and he assumes May would agree from the smile plastered on her face judging by the giant unicorn she’s carrying. Turns out Justin is just as good at carnival basketball as he is at the real game. He was banned from the booth right after winning five games in a row.

Dad only raises an eyebrow at the toy and offers to drive Justin home. For the first time all day Justin’s smile falters but he recovers quickly by saying he’s headed over to Bryce’s.

He can’t say the comment brings his mood down too much even though Bryce in general leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. Still, he got a day with May and Justin and that’s enough. They update Dad on everything during the drive home and the three of them are laughing hard when they get home. He spends the rest of the day riding that high and it’s a good change from the mood he’s been in lately. Maybe he’ll get them to do this again next year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another chapter and a pointlessly fluffy one at that. This one was a ton of fun to write and I owe the idea for it to a friend who isn't on here. The day I started the chapter i was an even that had a bunny like the one I described, the breed is called giant Flemish and she was bigger than both of my cats and not at all amused by the stupid humans gawking at her...but she was super soft. 
> 
> Next chapter will be a Justin one but not light like this one unfortunately. After that we should meet Alex which is a precursor to Jess so that should get a few of you excited.
> 
> Happy reading and if you have suggestions for chapters, have something t say, or want to chat, let me know in the comments!


	36. As, Js, and Zs (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin gets closer to Jess under the guise of preparing for a test, too bad only one of those things works out well for him.

Justin tries not to roll his eyes as Mrs. Burns goes on about something or other about puritans and quakers in colonial America. He’s heard most of this before at least twice before. At least after this he can hang out with Jess in study hall after this...alone. That thought alone is enough to make him excited and restless. Too bad that draws her attention.

“Justin Foley are you paying attention? I don’t need to remind you that we have our first test tomorrow though I have no doubt you’ll perform as I expect.”

He almost does roll his eyes this time because this woman is so annoying. Colonial history is totally boring and being taught it more than once should be a crime.

“I’m sure I will.” It slips out before he can think about why saying anything would be a bad idea.

She glares at him and replies coolly, “As long as we agree.”

He almost opens his mouth to reply but he feels Zach’s knee bump against his under the desk and he can see the look on the other boy’s face out of the corner of his eye. He bites his tongue instead and lets the woman go back to talking but he promises himself he’s going to get B on this stupid test. It shouldn’t be hard either there isn’t a lot and most of it will just be reviewing it again. He spends the rest of the class thinking about how as soon as he gets let out, he can find Jess in the library. The thought counteracts some of the anger.

Class ends and he makes it to study hall and to the table he agreed to meet her at. She comes sweeping in gracefully and he smiles when he sees her; she smiles back and he feels his heart soar.

“This seat taken handsome?” She takes it without waiting for his reply and now they’re across from each other and he thinks he could be happy to just look at her face for like the rest of his life. He thinks that’s probably creepy though so he doesn’t say it out loud.

“So, what’s got you all angry?”

He blinks and then replies, “I’m not.”

Usually he’d give a cooler answer but the question surprises him because he’s really not angry.

“Really? You were frowning when I came in so I just assumed you were angry. You just look angry even when you’re not?” Her voice has a teasing tone to it and he feels his grin widen at it but gives her an honest reply.

“I just came from history.” Maybe it isn’t a totally honest response because he likes history, he just doesn’t like Mrs. Burns and she obviously feels the same way.

Jess makes a face and he can’t help but think the way her her nose scrunches is adorable. “I hate history, I have a test tomorrow for it and I’m not going to pass.”

He can sympathise with the feeling. He’ll pass this one but with every other subject he’s knows that feeling at one point or another.

“So do I, want to study together?”

She looks surprised and then seems to realize and says, “Mrs. Burns too?” He nods his head while she shakes hers in sympathy. “She’s terrible and sure that sounds great maybe one of us will pass.”

He grins and adds, “Three of us, Zach and I were already planning to study together.” He realizes as soon as he says it that studying alone with Jess might have gotten him somewhere with her since she’s now single and Zach being there means making a move on her would be awkward. He’s a little less pleased with himself now but Jess doesn’t seem disappointed.

“Sounds great, where are we doing it?”

Shit, they were going to do it at Zach’s but he can’t have girls over. Then again, his mom is supposed to be gone anyway. “Probably at his house but I need to talk with him though to make sure that’s still the plan.” He passes her his phone and says, “If you give me your number I’ll text you where when I know.”

He pulls his smile and says it like real cool and she taps away at his phone looking pleased, embarrassed, and happy. He can agree with all of those. He hasn’t felt this excited about getting a girl’s number since...since Hannah probably. The thought almost kills his good mood but he pushes thoughts of her aside to focus on Jess.

They spend the rest of the period just talking. It starts out complaining about Mrs. Burns but then moves onto school more generally. Eventually they end up on silly, meaningless things, good places in town to get ice cream, the strangest shopping experience they’ve ever had, stupid things that have both of them giggling and trying not get shushed by the Miller chick. She gives them pretty dirty looks regardless which only makes them giggle harder.

They end up meeting and studying as planned and they get through most of the material easily enough but he makes sure they take a while because Jess has to leave after they finish and he’s putting that off. Still, the material isn’t hard after he skims it again and he wonders why Mrs. Burns even has a job because he could have read the book, he probably wouldn’t have but still, and gotten the the same grade with or without her. Sure Coach technically has the same job but it’s like incredible how different they are at doing it. Coach made sitting through class almost enjoyable and explained things in ways that made sense and he managed to get the class involved and engaged. She just talks at them for an hour while he wants to die.

Eventually he can’t draw it out anymore and Jess has to leave. They walk her to the door together and once she’s gone, Zach just smiles at him, big and stupid and Justin rolls his eyes.

They head back up stairs and the entire way Zach is humming some annoying tune but he can’t figure out what it is until they sit down and Zach adds the words.

“Justin and Jess sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G”

Justin punches his shoulder lightly and says at the same time, “Wow Dempsey what are we middle schoolers?”

Zach rolls back on his bed laughing and Justin feels his face heat up a little bit. This is new for them, Zach rarely seems to care about his girlfriends enough to tease him about it but it isn’t altogether unpleasant like when Bryce or Monty do it. 

They get around to playing video games for a while but Justin can’t stay over so eventually he has to leave.

Everything goes downhill from there.

When he gets home his mom and Jack are already well into a case of beer and it isn’t hard to tell they’re on other stuff too. They’re already fighting. Jack’s angry and Mom isn’t helping matters and that’s what Justin walks into.

Needless to say the night doesn’t go well for him but it isn’t the worst beating he ever got...that award still goes to Albert.

Of course he he finds out the next morning that he’s out of concealer and needs to hide his fucked up face and the bump on his head so he digs up and old baseball cap Bryce gave him years ago, pulls it low to cover his face, and woes to school. He’s determined to pass Mrs. Burns’s test even if it was a pain in the ass to do.

The test is fine to. He finishes it pretty quickly and besides three or four questions, he thinks he does pretty good. Actually the day in general is fine. Jess buys that he got into a fight, though lying to her makes him sick to his stomach for some reason, Zach’s bro hugs linger longer than usual, Willem takes him out for food after practice, and Bryce lets him stay over and feeds him dinner. He manages to pick up another thing of concealer somewhere in between and all in all, he’s willing to call it a successful day, even a good one for the most part.

The next day though is far worse. He gets called to the office during homeroom and enters Bolan’s office to find him and Mrs. Burns. The man look unimpressed and bored, she looks angry.

“I assume you know why you’re here?” Bolan speaks first and his voice reflects his expression.

Justin just looks at him since he’s been trying to figure that out the whole walk here but he’s come up with nothing. Mrs. Burns’s presence doesn't help either since all they did yesterday was take the test.

“He doesn’t even feel guilty about it. I’m telling you suspend him.” 

Justin rolls his eyes. “I haven’t done anything to feel guilty about.” 

Her face goes purple and anytime he’s ever seen that color on a person before it’s always meant trouble for him...but he’s pretty sure they outlawed teachers beating kids up in schools, right? In his experience it’s one of the highlights of spending six or more hours a day here, he’s relatively safe.

She doesn’t seem capable of replying beyond enraged sputters so Bolan takes over and slides something towards Justin. “Can you tell me what’s wrong here?”

Boredom is replaced by condescending, it’s like natural for him or something but Justin leans forward, mindful of Mrs. Burns...he doesn’t really trust her, and looks at it. 

His test, with an A-. He smiles because he was expecting a B but he likes this. Scanning it though he doesn’t find anything wrong.

“I forgot to cross the “t”. Here let me fix that.”

He pulls out a pen and draws a line across the letter in his name and slides it back to Bolan. The man looks a mixture of unimpressed and maybe a little angry.

“Mr. Foley, if you are going to cheat in my school at least try to be subtle about it.”

“And don’t do it in my class.” Mrs. Burns grinds out her addition through clenched teeth. He enjoyed her being able to talk too bad she’s found her voice.

“I didn’t cheat.” He’s just confused now and angry. 

Bolan raises his eyebrow and the new expression looks very punchable.

“Students like you do not get A’s.” It’s Burns who speaks now sounding more arrogant and stupid than ever.

“What do you mean students like me! I studied and I earned that A!” He doesn’t try to pretend he isn’t pissed now as he yells at the pair of old bastards in front of him.

“Justin, where is your hat?” Bolan is the only one not red faced now.

“Home, why does it matter?” Technically at Bryce’s but that’s basically the same thing at this point.

“Mrs. Burns seems to think you wrote the answers in the brim and used it to cheat. Given that you’ve never done so well on a test before, and that according to other students you don’t wear hats, and since you aren’t wearing it today, I’m inclined to believe her.”

“What the fuck! That’s your reasoning! I had a bad hair day!” These people are fucking stupid! He wasn’t having a bad hair day but there were like a thousand explanations as to why he could have worn a hat besides cheating.

“Watch your language, if that’s true then why did you look up at it constantly?”

“What do you mean?! I look up when I think! So do lots of people!”

“You aren’t looking up now.”

“You didn’t think about any of this so why should I be!”

“That’s enough Mr. Foley. Since this is the first time we’ve caught you cheating we’ve decided to let you off easy. You’re suspended for the rest of the day and tomorrow Mrs. Burns has decided to let you retake the test. We expect you’ll get what you deserve this time.”

“Fuck this! Ask Coach, he’ll tell you I can get an A in history, or ask Jessica Davis or Zach Dempsey, I studied with them!”

“Coach Patrick has been at this school for years and is a trusted member of the faculty but it is well know the students on his team do better in his class. Any more out of you and it’ll be two days suspension.”

“And I’m _only_ offering the make up once.”

She sounds proud about it too, like she’s done something good. She wouldn’t know good if it bit her in the ass.

“Fine. I’ll be here for it and get the grade I deserve. It’ll be another A like the last one.”

He doesn’t wait for a reply as he turns around and storms out, slamming the door behind him. Mrs. Rhen, the secretary, gives him a dirty look and says, “We’ve tried calling your mother but she hasn’t picked up. We can’t dismiss you unless it’s to a parent.”

He knows she’s judging him but he has no idea why she hates him. All well, Mom is high as a kite right now and not coming and he isn’t spending the day in the office where he’s unwanted and where he doesn’t deserve to be.

He leaves the office and then the building and heads to the park to blow off steam. Fuck them if they try to do more because he left what are they going to do suspend him more?

The rest of the morning and afternoon pass in an angry haze that doesn’t go away. He can’t believe all of the shit that happened and can’t wait to go in tomorrow and prove those two assholes wrong. Maybe he’ll strip down naked and take the exam in front of them so they can’t accuse him of cheating with any more clothes. The thought of them freaking out brings him some amusement in between the pure anger.”

By the time he goes home, long after sunset, he’s still pissed but a little calmer, that lasts until he walks in the door and Jack starts yelling at him for skipping school and sending the cops to the house while he was busy working. For him that meant pumping himself full of more drugs then are in a pharmacy and usually none of them legal. He yells back, too angry not to.

The fist fight that follows is more even than usual until the man breaks a beer bottle on his head. He doesn’t remember anything after that other than pain and a lot of insults.

He doesn’t go to school the next day or the one after and doesn’t remember either which is more concerning. When he does go back on Friday, it’s only because he can’t stay home. After the fight Jack left to who the fuck cares where which is why Justin stayed. He came back late Thursday night and Justin, still concussed or not, knew staying was a bad idea. He’ll have to stay at Bryce’s until his mom ditches the man or be very careful to sneak in and out of his room. It’s not like it’s an unfamiliar situation for him.

So he goes in and gets called to the office. Mrs. Burns smugly asks him if he was too afraid to fail after all his talk and decided to skip instead. She hands him back a test with his name written by her on the top and a giant F on it. Bolan looks on bored. Another day he would fight, tell her to let him take the damn thing then and there to prove both of them wrong, but he honestly doesn't think he can from a sentence much less take a test.

Humiliation and shame burn in him but all well. Pride’s never gotten him anywhere before even if it’s been the one thing he can say he owns that’s totally his, for better or worse. It’ll recover but he guess it’s C’s for this class for the rest of the year. He can’t risk a repeat of this again.

The thought leaves him more bitter than usual and he mops most of the day. Zach’s concerned, so is Jess, but he doesn’t really give either of them answers. He can’t admit to Zach what happened, can’t stand the thought of someone else knowing and explaining to Jess would be impossible without telling her a lot of things he isn’t ready for her to know, he wants her to like him before she learns he's broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well later than I wanted but here it is, the next chapter. Darker that the previous one like I said it would be but I hope you still enjoy. This is part 2 of an idea from squanchy_56 who you can thank for this chapter. I really enjoyed writing this, even though it took longer than I thought, and although I have nothing but the greatest respect for teachers (my mom and aunts and several cousins are), I know there are some bad ones and Mrs Burns is definitely one of the bad ones. Principal Bolan is bad too but we know that from the show.
> 
> As for the following chapter I'm not sure what it's going to be or when it's going to come out but hopefully this weekend.
> 
> As always, happy reading and let me know what you think in the comments!


	37. Haunted Mazes (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach hates horror, haunting, and basically anything that’s supposed to make him scared. He actively avoids it too because he knows that all that awaits him is ridicule and mocking. Unfortunately he get forced to go into a haunted corn maze with the boys. At least Justin is with him and not any happier about it.

Zach knew he was in for a miserable time when he bought the ticket but he had already admitted to being free that day so he couldn’t get out of it. The ‘it’ was Crestmont’s annual haunted corn maze, run by student senate, something he’d made a point to always avoided for as long as he can remember. It isn’t much, calling it a ‘corn maze’ might be giving it too much credit since it’s more like a haunted path set up on the outskirts of town but that didn’t matter, it was supposed to be scary, so he avoided it.

He bought that ticket two days ago and he’s been dreading it the whole time, that sense of dread has only increased and this morning it was almost enough to try to fake being sick so he could avoid going to school and then this afterwards but his mom has never fallen for a sick act before, if he stays home it’s because he’s truly sick.

“Why’re you so pale Zachy? We haven’t seen any ghosts yet.”

And of course he’s in Bryce’s car so he has to endure _him_ on top of everything else going on. The drive there isn’t long but any amount of time with Bryce is too long as far as he’s concerned and it’s only going to get worse since he assumes they’re meeting Monty there. That leaves a bitter taste in his mouth because he’s never going to get through this without them mocking him, probably for weeks too.

“He’s Asian, they’re pale.” Thank’s Scott, great defense.

“He’s usually got more color than he does now.” Bryce is watching him in the rearview mirror and his annoyance is rising because Scott bends around in the front seat to look at him and he feels like he’s under a microscope.

“I’m fine.” It comes out sharper than he wants and he regrets it immediately because Bryce breaks into a grin. Scott at least, only shrugs and turns back around but he knows Bryce smells weakness and fear so his night is only going to get worse.

They get there, not fast enough as far as Zach is concerned, and he finds Monty, Jeff, and to his surprise, Justin who he hasn’t seen in a few days. His heart does a bit of a summersault seeing his best friend leaning against a car, must be Jeff’s, and looking tired and worse for the wear. He looks happy too though, smiles a waves at them. Zach can’t even find it in himself to feel bitter than his eyes seem to linger on Bryce for longer because Justin is _here_ and that’s more important.

He wants to hug him for longer when he tosses his arm around the shorter boy, actually he wants to really hug him and then hold that forever but Bryce and Monty and everyone else are around so he doesn’t. He doesn’t squeeze too hard either since he has no idea what’s under Justin’s clothes but it isn’t cold enough for him to be wearing as much as he is so he’s not confident in the smaller boy not being a mess underneath. The overall air of frailty around reminds Zach of why he’ll never forgive Amber Foley for as long as either of them are alive. He doesn’t really need reminders of course but she gives them anyway, more often than Zach wants.

“C’mon Zach if they leave us behind we’ll look like chickens.”

“I am a chicken I don’t want to be here at all.” He gives Justin a rueful smile but he had to admit that being able to be honest about how he felt about this was a relief.

Justin laughs, a musical sound, brief but honest, and his heart swells a little more hearing it again. “Me neither but all well. Maybe if we stick a bit behind them all the people who jump out and try to scare us will get them and leave us alone.”

He sort of doubts it but before he can reply someone else joins in. “Aww are the little babies scared of a little haunted walk? What a pair the two of you make, I’m not sure how either of you are on any teams, I doubt you even have a pair of balls between you-”

“Shut up Monty. You know Justin's a girl at heart, he hasn’t seen Zach in a few days, they’re probably just catching up.”

Bryce to the rescue though Zach can’t really say he feels saved at all. He had the nerve to look at Zach like he expected some kind of thanks for making fun of Justin. 

Of course Justin just laughs it off easily, “Haha, yeah well you not see a friend for a few days and have nothing to talk about.”

He’s bothered by all of it but he doesn’t have time to think about it because the group starts moving and he has to follow.

He catched up to Justin who’s in the back trailing behind Jeff who’s cheerfully regaling him and Scott with a story about something or other. Further ahead Monty is pointing out all the not scary elements of the thing while Bryce leads the group up to a wooden ticket booth in what’s supposed to be a cemetery if the fake tombstones are anything to go by.

They hand in their tickets to Clay, in white face paint to look like a ghost, who looks distinctly unhappy to see them and then enter the dark, dirt pathway flanked by trees on either side. It looked eerie and Zach can admit he was creeped out. He thinks Justin is too because the smaller boy slides closer to him...Monty keeps running his mouth pointing out how obviously fake the spider webs are. Zach may not like him, but at least he’s noise to detract from the creepiness of the environment.

They continue down the path, lit poorly by eclectic touches whose batteries seem to be going. Monty makes fun of these too and he continues to until they get too a sign half lit by one of the fake torches. It’s written on a broken piece of wood in red letters. It looks like a finger did it and reads, “ _We weren’t fast enou_ ” the word cuts off abruptly and several red streaks cover what might have been another letter as if the hand writing it was dragged away while still writing.

He shivers, Monty laughs, Jeff whistles, and Bryce shrugs.

“Does this actually have some sort of story to it this year? If it does I’ll be impressed.” Despite what he’s saying Scott still sounds bored but then again, he and Zach love horror, Zach remembers last year being invited over to Jeff’s house to join them Halloween and they marthoned scary movies for almost twelve hours. Zach had been scared shitless the whole time to Scott’s amusement but the other boy hadn’t been cruel in his teasing.

Despite both loving horror, the pair approach it differently. Jeff loves being scared. He watches movies and sits on the edge of his seat most of the time regardless of how good or bad the movie is. He also jumps, yelps, and occasionally yells when the movie does scare him. The thing is he somehow enjoys it. He says it’s an adrenaline trip and he lets himself get scared by things that may not be all that scary just because he enjoys it. Scott loves good horror for the same reason but he loves bad horror because he thinks it’s funny. He dissected the movies piece by piece to make fun of the nonsensical parts of the bad ones but gets more into the good ones.

Zach had been scared shitless throughout all of them and had request _It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown_. Really what other Halloween movies do you need? They had indulged him thankfully, it had been his only break until his mom had called him to come home.

From what Zach gathers, the story the signs are implying is some kind of monster on the loose chasing people down. He thinks it’s creepy, the implications of the horror, and Justin sticks pretty close to him so he assumes the other boy agrees, Monty’s still running his mouth, Scott seems impressed, Jeff is enjoying himself and Bryce hasn’t really given any indication what he thinks.

They continue farther down the path and pass a few more signs until they’re forced into wooden shack in the middle of the path. Zach doesn’t have to think too hard to hear his mother tell him avoid buildings in disrepair. Actually calling this a building at first seems like too much credit, it’s barely more than a room with a hole in the ceiling. The walls have more messages written on them, some in regular black paint, others in red to look like blood again.

One message in particular catches his eye, _It wants to be human too_. Unlike the others it’s faded, gray paint and barely visible. He has to give the whole thing credit, he’s terrified and from what Jeff has said this is their most immersive walk so far. Monty’s complaining no-one has tried scaring them but Zach’s alright with that.

“I hope he screams like a girl when they do try.” Justin tugs on his sleeve and whispers it into his ear. He stifles a chuckle not wanting to remind Monty they’re even here since the moron is too busy being a pain to other people.

They leave the shack and continue down the road to more signs and eventually come to a maze, a mirror one. Outside are more signs waring the beast can look like people you know. It’s too narrow and small for them to move around as a group and Zach thinks the red paint on some of the mirrors make it more confusing. A creepy soundtrack plays over worn out speakers and he wonders if the static is from the equipment or by design. Bryce and Jeff lead but can’t seem to find their way out. Eventually Justin slips past them and finds his way out much faster. Apparently he wanted out and Zach can sympathise, he keeps hitting his head in every doorway. Unfortunately he gets lost despite trying to follow Justin as closely as he can.

“Hey Zach!”

A girls voice pulls him from his thoughts as he tries to decide if he should go left or right and if he’s seen this particular mirror before.

He frowns and then replies hesitantly, “Sherri? That you?”

“Yep, hold still I think I can reach you.”

That’s good cause he doesn’t think he can even find her, he spins around a few times trying to see her but only has himself looking back, now with a slightly sick expression.

A small, warm hand touches the back of his arm and turns around to find the girl smiling back at him.

“I’m so happy to see you, I feel like I’ve been lost in here forever!”

“Same!” 

They get a laugh out of it before trying again to get out. It turns out they both came in groups and both got lost in the maze. He’s here with the guys and she came with a group of cheerleaders and now they’re stuck here together.

“Well at least if we starve to death we have good company. If I’d been stuck with Monty I might have to cry.”

He laughs too because it’s so true.

“Zach? Sherri? Stay where you are and keep talking I’m going to come get you out.” 

“Seems our help is on the way.” Sherri nudges him in the side before putting her hands up to her mouth and calling, “We’re over here Justin, right by the mirrors.”

That gets him laughing and Sherri giggling which turns to laughter when Justin replied with a very sarcastic, “Thanks for the help.”

He reaches them pretty quickly though and they get out in under two minutes after that and join a group now twice their size.

Jess comes up and kisses Justin on the cheek, proclaiming loudly, “Isn’t he a hero going back for his friends like that despite the danger.” She’s teasing and everyone knows it but that doesn’t stop the stupid smile on Justin’s face from being kind of cute. Sherri nudges him and motions to it discreetly and they share a chuckle while everyone else laugh at Justin talking big about being a hero and saving his friends from imminent danger.

The rest of the walk is surprisingly short or maybe it’s because he spends it with Sherri, Jess, and Justin. It’s been awhile since he properly hung out with Sherri and he enjoys her company but the two of them watch and nod at the other pair as they end up holding hands wich Justin vowing to protect Jess. She doesn’t really seem to need it cause she definitely isn’t scared at all, actually she’s pretending to be but laughing to hard to make it convincing while she thanks Justin for his service.

They just getting off the path with Monty loudly complaining about the lack of scares and Scott trying to defend the vision but not the execution. 

“It was lame, boring, a waste of time.”

“They tried...they just sort of failed.

“BORING!”

“He’s right, a total failure.”

“I kind of liked it.”

“Yeah, I had fun.”

“What did you think Justy? Too scary for you, or boring?” Bryce has a tone in his voice that Zach doesn’t like at all but Justin’s still holding Jess’s hand and not paying much attention at all.

“It was fine-WHAT THE FUCK!”

All Zach hears is some kind of moaning shriek in the middle of Justin talking and a bunch of other people yelling and screaming.

A moment later someone in half a mask is on the ground who Jeff is helping up, Justin is standing fist raised looking shocked, Monty, some of the cheerleaders and Sherri look white as a ghosts, and the rest of the people are laughing their asses off.

Jeff is laughing too as he hoists the person to their feet.

“Ugh, what the hell Justin!”

The person pulls the mask off and Marcus Cole is rubbing his jaw. 

Most of the people who previously looked scared start laughing now at Marcus’s expense who also starts chuckling along.

“They said this would be easy as long as I didn’t scare the wrong person. I guess you were the wrong person.”

Courtney, dressed as Frankenstein's bride, comes out from a booth not far away with an ice pack and hands it to Marcus looking not all amused with the antics. In her defense, Zach knows from experience a punch to the face isn’t that funny but once he has the ice pack on his face, Marcus laughs more fully like everyone else except Justin who’s apologized at least twice and looks embarrassed. After Marcus assures him a few times it’s fine he smiles and Jess gives him another kiss on the cheek as thanks for protecting her and that seems to remove any lingering doubt.

They head out for pizza afterwords with the girls and it’s nice. He sits with Justin, Sherri, and Jess in a booth separate from from the larger group and it works out perfect since Justin and Jess get to spend more time together and he and Sherri get to catch up. All in all by the time he gets dropped off at home he can call it a good day, a great one even, despite how it started out. Not only was the maze not that scary but he got to spend some time with Justin, Sherri, and Jess. He’s also sort of happy that Justin’s next girlfriend in the making is someone he likes too, he could get used to hanging out with Jess more regularly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to anew chapter, sorry for how late it is. I graduated Friday from college and before and after have been busy and this sort of feel to the side with everything else going on. It didn't help that I knew how I wanted this chapter to go and it just sort of didn't so writing it has taken a longer time than I wanted. The good news about that was Jess and Sherri made it in along with a startling amount of other main characters from the series, more than any other chapter so far I think.
> 
> As for what comes next, for the first time in along time, I have a list of chapters, 6 actually, where I have at least the idea down for thems o hopefully that speeds up writing them for a while.
> 
> As always happy reading and I hope this temporary hiatus hasn't killed the readership of this, I really look forward to hearing what any of you think on this chapter so let me know in the comments!


	38. Easy Afternoons (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach, Justin, and Willem spend an afternoon at Rosie’s, they hang out, have fun, and Zach learns the latest reason Justin is walking funny.

Practice closes and Zach is on his way out with Justin after showering. His best friend is walking pretty slow, has been all day, but he knows it isn’t bruises, he saw him shirtless today and he looked better than he has in a while, plus he was totally fine on the court. After going through every reason Justin might be moving funny Zach realizes they all come back to his mom’s boyfriend of the week and Justin hadn’t mentioned anything about one, though his mom has been going through boy friends` at a disturbing pace lately so Zach could have missed it. Actually, Zach remembers Monty and Josh, a freshman who in many ways is like a mini-Monty, saying something about her being washed up and it happening to all...people like her eventually. They had used a different word but well, same idea.

So his mom isn’t seeing anyone and he’s fine on the court so what’s the problem? He opens his mouth to ask, or make some off handed remark that would probably get Justin to answer when he feels a hand land heavily on his shoulder from behind. Judging from the look on Justin’s face, the same happened to him but the flash of panic Zach thinks he sees is gone when a voice behind them starts speaking.

“You two are coming with me and we’re going to get greasy, disgusting food and you’re going to mourn with me that the party coming up with weekend is going to be amazing but I’m stuck on babysitting duty.”

They turn around to face Willem who looks at them a little pleadingly, a little jokingly, and a lot like he actually wants them to come do this.

Zach looks at Justin who shugs; they turn back to Willem, “As long as milkshakes are on you.”

He looks at them with false hurt. “This is extortion.” He pauses to think for a second and then replies, “Fine, but you two clowns are getting only the basic flavors, vanilla or chocolate, I don’t need to go spending $20 on caramel, peanut butter, blah-blah.” He looks pointedly at Justin who looks back at him as the picture of innocents.

“Deal.” Zach laughs because Justin looks a little too eager for this but all well, it involves food and he’s never known Justin to turn an offer to get fed down, _there are a lot of reasons that could be and the only one that isn’t really awful is that Justin is a glutton_. He’s fine with the offer though, Willem is one of the easier people to hang out with and Zach likes his company enough. No, more than that, he actually likes Willem. The older boy isn’t involved in Bryce’s group, doesn’t seem to know about the clubhouse even, and he’s usually pretty funny and Zach can admit that the way he plays favorites with him and Justin does make him feel pretty good inside. Willem would have told anyone else to fuck off if they said the same thing but he always indulges the two sophomores when he can and Zach appreciated his help over the summer, whether he knew exactly what he was doing or not.

So, fifteen minutes later they’re at Rosie’s in a booth, burgers and fries settled in front of them. A vanilla shake is in front of Zach while Justin smugly sips a mint chocolate chip, looking over his straw at Willem and Zach opposite of him like he’s won a great prize. He doesn’t say anything but he doesn’t need to, the little shit got exactly what he wanted.

“Eh, _mocoso_ , don’t look so pleased with yourself.”

Zach snorts, someday Willem will be a terrible parent. He gave in to Justin immediately when the youngest member of their group said he wanted a specialty shake. Really it was pathetic, but it’s not like he has any right to talk since he give in to Justin pretty much all the time.

Knowing enough Spanish to understand what he’s being called and like the mature young man he is, Justin sticks his tongue, slightly green from his ill-gotten shake, out and blows. 

“Gross!”

“Eww! Justin!”

He laughs and Willem makes a show of rolling his eyes and muttering threats in broken Spanish while trying to contain his smile.

“Don’t look so smug about this _pendejo_ or I’ll kick your ass you _madre folladora_. He continues grumbling while Justin takes a loud sip of his milkshake.

“You can’t complain about this, if you didn’t spoil him rotten he wouldn’t know he could get away with whatever he wants!” Zach knows he’s right but he also knows he isn’t angry or even annoyed, he thinks this is funny, but Willem needs to know he’s the blame for the monster he’s created. “I’ll bet from the beginning, as soon as you made the deal, he knew he was getting this!”

Willem stops mid-probably-curse-in-Spanish and gives him a dirty look. Well not really a dirty look, Zach can see the humor in the expression and knows Willem isn’t mad at either of them, just making a scene for fun, and it is fun, he can see Justin also trying to contain his smirk and maintain the smug look he’s been giving them.

Keeping this in mind he continues, “Oh come on, you know it’s true, if Justin asks for something more than once you’re pretty likely to give in. Just say no to him once in a while.”

Willem looks at him and then across the table at Justin whose eyes are big and sad and pathetic in ways he never looks when he actually needs the doting, _he always looks so much worse then, invisible so people won’t notice how much he needs them then_ , and Willem gives up.

Zach snorts, “Done already?”

Willem shrugs and gestures back to Justin who, knowing he’s won, has already gone back to eating and drinking.

Zach shakes his head, keeping up the appearance of disappointment but the smile tugging at his lips makes it hard. “Why do you let him get away with so much?”

Willem grins, “Well he’s the baby, how could I not?”

Zach almost chokes on the bite of his burger. Justin bursts out laughing and Willem looks amused too. He manages to swallow before replying, “He’s the baby? He’s not even the youngest on the team anymore!”

Willem and Justin both laugh and he fights not to join in. There isn’t a reason this is so funny but somehow it is and he’s thankful for it. It’s been a while since he’s laughed so freely he thinks but he doesn’t know why exactly.

“Look at that face how can you not call him the baby?”

He just shakes his head and pretends to be annoyed.

“Don’t worry Zach I know I’m the favorite but I won’t forget the little people like you who I stepped on to get here.” That stupid, and wonderful shit eating grin is on full display.

He goes to kick Justin under the table but can’t find his legs. With a frown he glances under. Justin’s sneakers are there without his feet in them...he looks over the table into Justin’s part of the booth and he’s sitting cross legged in his socks.

“Something wrong?” Willem sounds amused as he asks.

“What happened to your sneakers Justin?”

The other boy laughs and replies, “I need a new pair, they don’t fit anymore.”

His earlier problem makes sense now and he could almost sigh in relief cause it’s just growing pains.

Willem frowns and says, “Are you going to be fine for the game on Tuesday?”

“I have a pair of sneakers for basketball that fit fine.” He doesn’t explain farther but Zach knows by now that if he adds two and two together he’ll always get Bryce. The taste isn’t as bitter this time, at least Bryce is not being a total dick for the first time probably since he was born. 

They pass the rest of the afternoon in the booth. Justin has them laugh for most of it as he regales them with stories about nothing. They stay long after the fries, milkshakes, and burgers are gone since Willem is generally putting off going home and Justin is always doing that. His parents are out with his sister so he has free reign which is nice, he can stay out as long as he wants and today that’s only a benefit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well late again but not too bad this time, I think I'll tentatively say not to expect posts Tuesdays or Thursdays anymore for a while. In any case, welcome to a new chapter. Another happier one and feature Willem along with the boys. I had fun writing this one and the boys had fun in it so it all works out!
> 
> Unfortunately the next two are going to be a lot less happy and I intend for them to be a two parts of a whole. My hope is to get a lot of writing done on them over the weekend and have the first part out Mondayish but I haven't been great with deadlines lately so we'll see.
> 
> As always hope you enjoy and let me know what you think in the comments, if you liked or didn't like the chapter or parts of it and let me know if there's anything you want to see!


	39. Not Home but still Alone part 1 (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin comes home and finds he’s locked out. All well, this isn’t the first time. He just has to kill time and wait for his mom to come how, right?

Monday starts with a fight with his mom but he doesn’t think much of it it since he’s been fighting with her a lot. Moe finally dumped her and thank God because he didn’t think he could handle another round with the man. It had been a hell of a run before that, his mom had gotten rid of Jack a while ago and since then the revolving door had started again in earnest. It had been...alright he guessed. Most of the guys had just been losers, empty men so weak his mom had almost dominated them personality wise but she must have found them boring and they never lasted long. In almost two weeks she saw a dozen men like this and it hadn’t exactly affected him negatively...Monty’s jeers were easily ignored..sort of, Bryce teasing him about catching up to her less so and everyone on the block kept giving him looks...but really it wasn’t that hard. He’s used to wishing people didn’t know he was his mother’s son and used to wearing a hood to hide more than bruises.

Oh yeah, there had been Dan around Halloween, he was an ass but he had made two mistakes, he had been an ass to Mom too and hadn’t provided anything she wanted in return. That meant that at least him time in the house had been short but fuck had he been mean.

In any case, Moe had come at the end of all of them and he had been the worst in a while, nothing like Albert, or even Dan, but strong, and cruel, and prone to mood swings without taking anything...and also took _a lot_ of stuff some of it Justin’s never even seen been before. Naturally Justin did everything he could to make the man’s life hell and return the favor and eventually Justin won out because the man dumped his mom three days ago and since then there hadn’t been more than a minute of peace at his house while they were both home.

It isn’t new, doesn’t even hurt anymore really just stings a little but he’s used to it by now. So he heads to school and makes the most of it, laughs with the guys, flirts with Jess, enjoys practice, everything he would usually do and doesn't think much of it. The day is alright too and that’s all it needs to be.

At least it’s alright until he gets home and goes to open the door. His key doesn’t work. He tries again and nothing still. After about a dozen tries he gives up and takes a seat in front of the door figuring his mom will eventually be home and let him in. She’s changed the locks before after a bad breakup and not always remembered to give him the new key. It sucks that she has the late shift and probably won’t be back until ten or eleven but he can deal.

It starts to get cold though and he regrets forgetting his jacket in his locker. The convenience store down the street is open and he bums a few hours of warmth in there, the owner is an old lady who always gives him dirty looks and makes rude comments about his mom but has never thrown him out as long as he’s eventually buys something. So he makes a show of slowly going through the small shop a few times and even reads the trashy magazines and when she seems to be tired of him being there, he cuts his loses and gets a sandwich before leaving. It’s almost eight and he eats fast before heading down the street and into and out of almost every store that’s open. It’s an old trick he’s used since the second or third time his mom forgot to pay the electric bill and it always keeps him warm when home is cold or unavailable, putting up with the jeers it a necessary evil. As long as he doesn’t spend more than ten minutes in any place, he’s free to pretend shop in them and keep warm.

He kills most of the evening doing that and heads back at a quarter to ten when most places are closing anyway. He hopes she isn’t closing because that makes an hour difference. 

Ten rolls around and leaves though and she isn’t back so he guesses she is. All well. He hangs around though too tired to move despite the chill.

Eleven comes and goes and that’s fine, maybe she got held up or she’s picked up some new guy.

Midnight and it isn’t uncommon for her to be out this late either, it’s sparked several nasty rumors about her he’s had to deal with.

Twelve fifteen and he calls her for the first time but she doesn't pick up. He calls her every fifteen minutes after that but never gets her.

One and he tries his key again hoping maybe he misremembered. He could have sworn she came home several times already and that was wrong so maybe he was about this too. 

Two and he’s cold and hopes she’ll be back soon.

Six and he wakes up cold, damp, and still outside the house. He tries the door again to see if maybe she came home during the night but no, it’s still locked.

School is miserable since he feels a cold coming and he’s cold all day, the damp feeling never leaves him even after he changes out of the damp clothes for gym and never changes back. He enjoys lunch, not because he has any which is sad cause he’s starving but because he sits between Bryce and Zach and gets to feel warm for an hour. He spends longer than necessary under the heat of the shower after practice too, hoping to chase out the chill. It works too and he’s plenty happy to join the boys out to a pizzeria for a slice.

He spends the last of the money in his wallet on two steaming, molten slices of pepperoni but his mom should be back when he gets home and he’s got some spare cash saved up there for emergencies. They end up staying out late too which is fine, he gets to talk and laugh with Bryce and Zach and the rest of the guys and completely forget how miserable yesterday was for him. In fact he feels so good that by the time they basically get kicked out of the pizzeria, he’s no longer dreading the walk home. Mom will be home, and probably with some bum but that isn’t new, but he’ll be able to get in, sleep in a bed tonight and change into something clean.

When he gets home through the door is still locked. He tries his key again, and then just looks at the door dumbly for a few minutes. It takes several of them to realize it’s getting colder and his varsity jacket isn’t warm enough to spend the night sleeping on the stoop again. He debates his options and then pulls his phone out. His plan is to call Bryce and ask if he can stay over...or it is until he remembers his charger is locked in his room and his phone died earlier that day.

He hates just showing up at Bryce’s without letting him know he plans to be over but he knows he can’t stay over Zach’s and anyone else would ask too many questions, including Jess who he’d happily go over to see otherwise.

Still he makes the trek to Bryce’s house and curses it for being so cold and such a long trip. It doesn’t rain though so he’ll count that as a win and when he arrives at the house he’s cold but not wet and it isn’t too late either. He rings the bell and Bryce answers which is good, but it’s awkward because his shirt is open in the front and he smells heavily of cologne and Justin has been at enough parties to know Bryce is getting ready to have sex, well he’s getting ready to spend time with a girl but for him that means sex is somewhere on the horizon.

He looks surprised to see Justin and well Justin is sort of surprised to see him like this so it’s sort of mutual. He opens his mouth to say something after several moments of them just looking at each other he manages, “Can I stay the night?”

Bryce clears his throat and manages an awkward smile and says, “Yeah you know my house is always open to you. The pool house is open just- well I’m expecting company really soon so keep quiet okay?”

“Yeah, yeah sure I’ll just head back there.” He smiles but he wonders if it looks as awkward as it feels. Bryce doesn’t comment though so he thinks he’s probably fine.

He heads around the side of the house and into the familiar building that’s like his second, more comfortable home and flops down on the couch. He toes his sneakers off and considers just lying there for the rest of the night. He could, the poolhouse doesn’t have a shower and he’d like one but it isn’t an option so besides wasting time with a video game, sleeping might be his only option. He is tired anyway.

He wants to talk to Bryce though. Needs to talk to him actually. Right now he desperately needs another person, no he needs Bryce or Zach, because he thinks maybe he actually did it and drove his mom away. She’s threatened to leave before, maybe he’s finally done it and made her?

Thinking about it like that is too painful because yeah his mom isn’t great but she’s his mom and he loves her and never wanted to drive her away, never thought she was serious all those years. He desperately needs to not think about that and in the absence of Bryce or Zach or anyone else, he flick on the PS4 and starts a mind-numbing shooter game trying to lose himself in the motions of the game. He’s awful at them and he quickly realizes that the cold he felt last night but not during the day is still there. All well, he can deal with it while waiting for Bryce to be done, his best friend may have notorious stamina but...well he’ll come down when he done. Even if he has to wait a few hours. 

So he waits a few hours, and then a few more, and then a few more after that but Bryce never comes. 

The pool house seems colder than usual.

He shuts the game and TV off around three in the morning feeling more alone than he has in a long time. He stretches out on the couch but the light blanket he has doesn’t seem to do the trick and despite how tired he is, can’t seem to sleep. All well, tomorrow will be better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another chapter! This one is a 2 parter like I said. The chapter doesn't have much to do with Zach but he'll come in next part don't worry. In the meantime at least we have Bryce to keep us company, yea.
> 
> Next chapter is started but I think it may take a while so I can't promise when you'll get it but I don't intend to keep you waiting longer than necessary since it's supposed to be one chapter it would just be massive if I did it like that. After that I may take a week, week and a half hiatus to write without feeling I have pressing deadlines. I'm not totally sure if I will yet but I'll decide when I post the next part.
> 
> As always happy reading and leave comments if you feel inspired to.


	40. Not Home but still Alone Part 2 (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin comes home and finds he’s locked out. All well, this isn’t the first time. He just has to kill time and wait for his mom to come how, right?

The next day isn’t too much better. He doesn’t see Bryce until the older boy offers to drive him to school. Nina Jones is in the car with them so he sits in the back. The interactions between them are sort of tense and Justin doesn’t really know Nina so he can’t say anything he wants to say to Bryce. As they’re nearing the school, Bryce is apparently tired of the really awkward silence and decides to start up some conversation.

“Damn Justin, are you what smells so bad?”

He hasn’t changed clothes in three days now cause he doesn’t have anything clean to wear and despite the showers, his clothes still smell a little, to the point where he isn’t wearing his jacket because he can’t afford to get it washed if it starts smelling. That leaves him in a thin T-shirt and the same jeans he was wearing Monday which got damp.and didn’t dry right.

“Listen it’s your body do whatever you want with it but if you’re going to get in my car, I’m going to need you to clean up first.” Justin can see Bryce watching him in the rearview mirror but he also knows that even if it doesn’t look that way, Bryce is also watching Nina very subtly. Apparently there’s some kind of reaction he wants,...or no reaction, and he continues trying to get it

.

“C’mon brother, you’re fifteen you know hygiene and all that.” 

He thinks quick, he wants to give Bryce what he wants and help him entertain Nina or break up the tension between them so he plays along, “It’s not my fault you don’t like how I smell, some girls find it sexy.”

He knows if he says something stupid it’ll be easy for Bryce to turn it into a joke and maybe that’ll help him with Nina.

“Yeah if it’s allergy season they might, you can clear out sinuses with that stench.”

He smiles a bit because Bryce’s voice has a light, teasing quality to it and replies, “Well if you don’t like it you didn’t have to let me stay last night.” He wags his eyebrows but midway through he knows he’s said something wrong. Bryce stiffens and Nina snorts. Any lightness in the air is gone and Justin knows he’s said something wrong but can’t apologize for it cause he doesn’t really know what it is. Well he thinks he might know but he hopes he’s wrong cause he doesn’t like it at all.

It’s sort of fine though because they’re already pulling into the school’s lot and Nina wastes no time getting her bag and leaving once the car is parked. Justin sort of hangs back with Bryce waiting for an explanation. He doesn’t get one though until they bump into Scott, Monty, and a few of the other jocks.

“Is everything okay Bryce, Nina just came through here and she looked pissed, you hooked up with her last night didn’t you?”

Bryce laughs easily but Justin thinks he can hear something else behind it that he doesn’t like. “Hell yeah and it was amazing, she was tight as hell and moaned the whole time. She wasn’t happy to find Justin stayed the night though. Actually, she was livid I told her this morning, didn’t say anything the whole ride.”

Scott frowns and looks between them for a moment and asks, “Why?”

Bryce shugs, “Either she thinks our Justy is a voyeur and was creeping on us,” he shakes his head furiously at the thought, it was just gross, “Or she thought another person being on the property cheapened it. I know I’m a catch but it’s just selfish of her to think she can have me all to herself.”

Chuckles go up from most of the crowd and Bryce continues. “It’s alright, I’ll have her over tonight, just us, and make it up to her if she needs it that badly.” 

That doesn’t sound good for him but as he catches Bryce’s eye he has a feeling maybe he shouldn’t push it. He’s sure his mom will be back today...or at least he’s sure if he repeats it enough he may eventually believe it. Too bad it doesn’t improve his day, he gets detention from Mrs. Burns for not paying attention, got back a test he failed from a while ago, and had to play soccer in gym instead of getting to at least play basketball. The rest of the day passes in a blur and so does the evening when he finds the door still closed. 

He spends the night in the part on a bench. It’s warmer out than the past two nights and he breaks down and uses his jacket as a blanket. He’s disappointed to find he’s grown so much it no longer covers all of him because he can remember a time when it did. It does enough though and somehow not even having the hope of someone coming for him makes the night less awful. He does wish anyone was around cause he hasn’t really been talking to Zach, doesn’t want the other boy to worry and knows he will since he’ll be able to see though any of his excuses. The older boy would let him stay over but his parents have started enforcing a rule about people staying over on school nights, apparently they like think it negatively affects his grades or something. 

He’s also been avoiding Jess which at least is a little easier since they don’t share classes or a lunch period or play on the same team. Actually his saving grace in avoiding Zach is Coach’s sick and practices are cancelled until he’s better so he had an excuse to slip out yesterday.

The next day though Zach corners him and Justin is almost embarrassed by how easy it is for the taller boy who just waits for him at his locker between periods when he usually wouldn’t visit but apparently trying to be unpredictable with Zach is still predictable to him. When he sees the taller boy standing there he almost considers heading the other way until Zach spots him.

“Are you mad at me?”

The questions cuts right through him because he could never be angry with Zach. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out for a moment because he hasn’t really thought of anything. He shakes his head furiously and manages, “No.” Maybe not as like poetic as he would have like but Zach’ll get it. 

The other boy closes the distance between them in the crowded hall and looks at him intently. If anyone else looked at him like that he thinks he’d flinch but not Zach, he’s too ashamed to look at his friend though and instead of looking back at him, finds a very interesting water stain on the ceiling to focus on.

“My parents are out tonight with May, come over?” He can hear a bit of desperation in Zach’s voice and he could almost cry from happiness at the invitation. He nods and almost replies verbally when Mr. Myette yells at everyone still lingering in the hallways to get where they belong. Clearly he doesn’t know they like, belong together, not together, together but still.

The rest of the day is easier after that and he heads home with Zach, he can’t even bring himself to check his house. They don’t really talk much, comments about class or basketball but they aren’t really talking and Justin can feel the tension. He isn’t too upset though, it’s only a little awkward but they’ll patch things up and everything’ll be fine.

They get back and Zach lets him use the shower, even places clean clothes out for him and sometimes it amazes him how good Zach is to him...the thought makes him dirtier cause he’s hurt Zach by avoiding him and he shouldn’t be hurting the people who put up with him but now he’s done it to both Zach and Bryce and who is there besides them?

It’s much later, after showers, some homework they both need to do, and dinner, that Zach finally broaches the subject. They’re sitting on the couch in the living room watching TV and maybe sitting closer than normal for two teenage boys.

“You’ve seemed a little out of it lately Justin, everything alright?”

He knows Zach left it open for him to deny or explain because Zach always does and he knows the older boy won’t push. That isn’t the whole issue though because Zach think’s he’s done something wrong so if Justin doesn’t explain, Zach’ll keep thinking so and he doesn't want that. If he says too much though, Zach’ll feel worse thinking he failed to notice something Justin intentionally hid from him to avoid all this in the first place.

“I-I umm my mom and I have been fighting.” He begins shakily and Zach interrupts. 

“About her ex dumping her, Didn’t that happen like a week ago? Shouldn’t she be over it?”

He could almost chuckle cause Zach’s never had a breakup, much less a bad one so he would think that. 

“I-I dunno, I umm, I haven’t exactly seen her in a few days.” 

He figures this is better than admitting he can’t get into the house but looking at Zach’s face he thinks maybe he should have said something else.

“You haven’t seen her for a few days?” It’s almost alarming how similar the expression he’s wearing now is to the ones his mother wears when she’s feeling particularly judgemental.

He trips over himself trying to explain hoping to appease Zach, “It’s not like she-well she just needed a break I think, from me. She left the house Tuesday and I haven’t seen her since but it’s okay, I’m fine. She’s probably on her way back from-from where wherever she went and when she gets ba-.”

He’s been watching Zach’s face and tracks how it progressively gets more horrified and that spurs him to try to convince Zach more but in the end Zach cuts him off.

“She just left? Has she called you? Told you where she was or asked if you were okay? Did she leave anything to tell you when she would be back?” 

He sounds horrified and Justin can’t fully blame him. Usually Justin would remind Zach that his mom loves him...even if she isn’t perfect but right now he isn’t too sure she really loves him...she would have come back if she did, right? He shakes his head mutely, not able to reply beyond that.

He feels a cool breeze on his cheeks and realizes he’s crying. He realizes not long after that he’s leaning against Zach’s chest heavily and he can’t remember if he leaned first or Zach pulled but he feels bodies shifting and Zach now has his back against the armrest with Justin leaning against his chest. Zach’s mumbling Chinese and English and Justin lets the now semi-familiar babel wash over him. 

He suddenly comes to two conclusions, the first is how tired he is and the second is how much he misses his mom and how happy he is that Zach’s here now. He figures whatever he had wasn’t too bad since he only feels a little sick but the past week hasn’t had much sleep and it’s taken its toll. His mom...well she isn’t perfect and there are days he wishes he had been born to anyone else, _sometimes that anyone else is the Walkers or the Dempseys but not always_ , but there are plenty of days he doesn’t and right now he just misses her. But he has Zach, and right now Zach is being and doing everything he needs the other boy to do including combing his hair lightly and promising everything will work out somehow. He’s glad he has Zach right now because if he didn’t, he has a feeling he’d be doing this but totally alone somewhere. He can’t verbalize any of it though, he’s too busy sniffling and sobbing and wonders when he became so pathetic.

That wonder intensifies some time later when he’s calmed down and has nodded off against Zach’s chest. Zach must think he’s fallen asleep completely because he feels shifting again and when he stops moving though, his body is resting against Zach’s back who piggybacks him up the stairs groaning on the way up.

“Damn Justin, you’ve gotten heavier since the last time we did this.”

He thinks maybe he should protest but it doesn’t seem worth it, especially not when Zach lays him down on the boy’s own bed and pulling the covers over him. A minute later he hears the sink run briefly and then hears Zach rummaging through drawers and finally feels the mattress sink down next to him. 

Zach must have tossed an arm over him lazily because he feels it pull him a little closer to the other boy and with a sign of contentment, he moves from mostly asleep to asleep hearing Zach whisper they’d figure things out in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally I wouldn't post this early in the day but I'm not sure I'll get the chance to do it later tonight and I want to get this part out. Unfortunately it isn't the conclusion of this little arc, that's the already written part 3. Somehow I thought I could get this all done in two parts, boy was I wrong. In any case, I hope to post it Sunday but I don't know if I'll be able to so it may have to wait until Monday, shouldn't be any longer than that since it's already written. As for this chapter, we finally have Zach and not a moment too soon, Justin was not in a good place at all! Better late than never as the saying goes and in this case absolutely true.
> 
> Happy reading to you and if something strikes you, leave a comment, I love reading them!


	41. Not Home but still Alone Part 3 (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin comes home and finds he’s locked out. All well, this isn’t the first time. He just has to kill time and wait for his mom to come how, right?

“Justin, c’mon you need to get up we have to go to school.” 

He groans and rolls over, he’s comfortable and sleepy and where he’s lying is warm and smells good. 

The covers are pulled away uncermomely and the cold air has him sitting straight up. He gives Zach a dirty look who replies, “I let you sleep as long as possible but you need to get up, eat breakfast, and then we need to go. He glances at the clock on the nightstand and has to agree but he’s too drowsy and lazy to do it verbally. Instead he follows Zach downstairs where the other boy makes him eat a bowl of cereal. Zach keeps looking at him worried but he doesn’t say anything, he still feel emotionally drained after last night and doesn't really want to deal with this again right before school. Thankfully it’s Friday night and Zach thinks he can get his parents to let Justin stay over in case he can’t stand being alone in the house. Justin says he’ll think about it cause he’s hoping she’ll be home.

The day is wonderfully uneventful except overhearing Bryce brag about his night with Amanda. He tries not to let it sting that he didn’t get with Nina since that was the point of him not going over. All well...it worked out anyway, he needed to apologize to Zach and set things between them right, _he needed Zach too but he wasn’t about to admit that even to himself_.

He heads home after school and tries the door wearily, it opens and he’s not sure what to think. He should be happy, but somehow is more nervous. He could be angry at her too but he isn’t that either. Actually he’s mostly just afraid of what she’ll say. He slides into the house and can’t shake the feeling that he’s hiding like a coward in his own home. 

He doesn’t call out either, just checks each room but doesn’t find his mom, she must be out. That’s...fine actually. He heads to his room and plugs his phone in to let it charge. As soon as it has enough battery he turns it on and finds a lot of missed calls and messages including three from his mom. Nearly three painfully aggravating minutes go towards figuring out how to access his voicemail in his which his heart thumps in his chest almost painfully and his palms get sweaty but eventually he gets in and plays the first one from Wednesday.

 _“Justin? It’s Mom. Listen baby I needed some time and I’m sorry. I wanted to be home this morning but I met a wonderful man. His name is Louis and you’ll love him. We’re having a wonderful time here and we’re not ready to leave yet. I’m sorry I changed the locks on you and then up and left but I figured you’d stay with one of your friends anyway._ He can hear someone in the background, probably ‘Louis’ and when his mom speaks again it’s in a rushed voice but still happy sounding _Listen baby, I’ll call tonight and talk to you then hopefully. I plan to bring Lu back with me maybe tomorrow if we’re ready. Bye baby!_

He plays the next one not sure what to think and hoping this will make it clearer.

_Hi baby guess you didn’t get my earlier message. Lu and I are having the times of our lives and can you believe it? I’m sober! It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed myself this much without taking anything, I think I might try quitting everything again and get this, Lu’s willing to help! He says he thinks drugs are awful like you’ve been telling me for so long and now I think I believe you! Anyway I’m excited for the two of you to meet. Love you baby, I’ll call again tomorrow!”_

It sounds too good to be true and he hates himself for thinking it but Mom doesn't have a good track record so he feels a little less guilty about it. He moves on to the last one which is from yesterday night.

_Hi baby, just checking in again. Louis and I are planning to head back tonight and should be home early tomorrow morning. He can’t wait to meet you and get this, he plans to help me make an appointment with one of those rehab places. He has money too, enough to do it at least. Oh baby, I’m so happy, you making Moe leave me is probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m just so happy. I’ll see you tomorrow baby, looking forward to it. Love you!”_

He sets his phone back down for a moment to take it all in. He doesn’t remember the last time his mom sounded that happy...actually yes he does it that was wonderful, awful summer she was pregnant so long ago. Of course his mom’s moods are unpredictable and usually when she’s happy like this, it’s followed by something really bad. Then again...a guy who was willing to help her get sober, and one with the money to do it? He sounded like a dream come true and Justin wants to like him but he can’t just let himself believe it. It would be too easy, plain and simple, and nothing with his mom is ever simple. He checks his messages and finds his mom texted him a lot too. 

He opens it and finds over two dozen photos taken on his mom’s phone’s camera. Grainy and bad but in them she’s always posed next to a startlingly normal looking guy, dark hair gray eyes, and no signs of addiction from just his face alone. They looked happy too and he’s not sure what to make of it. He decides to wait until he meets this man. He considers texting Zach to let him know his mom is home but then he hears the door open and puts his phone down to go out. He’s nervous but also maybe a little hopeful and that spurs him not to wait in his room until she comes for him.

He finds her in the kitchen, a bottle of something already open and she’s sucking it down like it’s water to someone in a desert. She doesn’t seem to see him even though she’s looking right at him.

“Mom?”

Nothing.

“Mom?” 

A little louder but still no reply

“Mom!”

She blinks and finally seems to notice him. He knows something is wrong then, the way she looks at him is like how she looked when she learned she lost Peppermint Patty...all nine times because she was too high on morphine to remember the first eight. 

“Oh baby.” 

It amazes him how different the words sound now then when she said them over the phone. Now they sounds as broken as she looks and she comes over and hugs him.

That startles him because she hasn’t done it for years, since before he met Bryce he thinks. Still he hugs back carefully and she smells like booze, weed, cigarettes, and cheap perfume, just like when he was little and didn’t have a name for all of those things.

She’s sobbing too he realizes and making horrible, sad sounds that they tear at his heart. He brings them into the living room and settles her on the couch. It takes several hours of her crying, and drinking, to finally get an answer.

“He’s gone baby.”

Justin doesn’t need to ask who ‘he’ is. He gulps and stands up to go into the kitchen. She protests but he comes back with a fresh bottle and two shot glasses. He pours for both of them and hands her one.

“To Louis.”

She echoes him and they knock back the liquid. 

“Tell me about him?” Suddenly he really wants to know the man he’ll never be able to meet who made his mom so much happier than he ever has. It isn’t jealousy either, he wishes Louis was here, he may not have known what to make of the man from the messages but knowing he’ll never meet him hurts for some reason.

“He was handsome, pretty eyes, good jaw, his arms were muscular, his legs too.” She breaks off and he pours them more. The toast the man again and she continues.

“He was kind too, found me in a bar and told me I was too pretty to be there by myself. We went back to his place and he cooked me a real dinner and let me sleep in his guest room.”

They repeat with the drinks and she goes on. “The next day I called you and then sent you all those photos, did you get them?” She looks at him with urgency and he nods.

“You looked beautiful, the both of you.” It’s what she needs to hear right now so he says it and maybe some part of him means it.

She nods her agreement and continues while he refills them. “We went everywhere, he showed me all the sights, took me out to eat, bought me flowers. Oh Justin, it was wonderful.” She raises her glass and he does too.

“We sat at the pier and looked out on the water for hours and talked. He was a doctor, lost his wife and their girl in an accident, terrible thing accidents are.” He refills them again and senses something more behind the statement.

“Anyway he’d spent all that time waiting for love to find him but was tired of waiting and when he walked into the bar that night, he planned to drink himself numb and then blow his brains out but he saw me sitting there like an angel, his words not mine baby.”

“He was right Mom.” Angelic isn’t a word he thinks has ever described his mom but maybe it did that night, to that man.

“Yeah he was.” Her smile is bittersweet and her voice wistful as she remembers it and the raises her cup again, downs it and then returns to the story as he refills. “Anyway he said it was like God had sent me to him to keep him alive and then brought me home.”

They take their shots and he refills.

“If I could relive that day over and over I could be the happiest woman in the world. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much, smiled so much even, and I didn’t need anything to do it, it was like I was high off of him! I told him and that’s when he asked if I usually took stuff. I was so scared Justin, I didn’t want to mess it up with this man so I said no but I felt so dirty and told him the truth, all of it and do you know what he said to me?”

Justin shakes his head while she downs her shot.

“‘E told me that ‘e was gunna get me into one of those places I mentioned to ya ov’r the phone. Rehab or whatever. Didn’t say nothing else about it, just promised we’d get through it tagether, all three of us.” 

He knows she’s feeling it cause of how messed up her speech is but then again he’s feeling it too, he usually paces himself a little when he drinks.

“And then the day was over.” 

He thinks as long as he lives he’ll remember that sentence, her tone, the way she looked. There’s something about it, totally absolute and final that he tears up too.

“An the next one broke my heart.”

He doesn’t need to ask and she doesn’t seem like she wants to tell. He pours the last two shots wondering when they reached the bottom of the bottle and they down them together. He gets her to her room and into bed and that’s when he hears her say something he doesn't know if he was supposed to hear.

“He was just like your father, probably would have left anyway.”

He closes the door and returns to his room and cries. He isn’t sure why exactly, maybe because of how broken his mom sounded, maybe because of the comment she made, maybe even for the man he’d never meet who could have saved them.

In the end he reaches for his phone and calls Zach.

It rings twice before he picks up and suddenly he finds himself comparing his interactions between his own mother to his ones with Zach. Was it normal for a teen to go to another boy for comfort after interactions with his own mother? 

He doubts it but he can’t deny that’s exactly why he’s calling Zach, he needs the comfort. He’d like to go over and hope Zach’d let him share again tonight but he needs to be here with her.

“Justin, hello?”

“Hey.”

“Hey brother...you, you alright?”

“My mom’s home.”

“Is she?”

“Yeah she uh, she fell in love with this guy, he was going to help her get sober and she really liked him.”

“That’s great, is he...is he alright?”

“I think he’s dead.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you-is she?”

“She’s a mess.”

“And you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you need to come over?”

Yes,yes he does, somehow more than he needed to last night. But he can’t, he can’t leave her.

“I’ll be fine. 

“You don’t have to be.”

“I think I do today...I’m tired Zach I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Of course bro, or whenever you need me, even if it’s before then.”

“Yeah, yeah thanks Zach, I’ll, I’m going to go to bed now.”

“Alight Justin, sleep with the angels.”

“Yeah, you too.”

He hangs up before he can keep the conversation going. He wants to, even just hearing Zach helps him but he can't. His friend needs to sleep and so does he. At least that’s what he tells himself as he lies down and pulls the covers over his head and tries to convince himself the past week has been a nightmare, which it has, and isn’t real, which it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are at the end of this little series, shout out to Sarah_Serious who made me rethink this ending a dozen times and bring you this flavor of heartbreak. I was originally going to have Amber do this just to be cruel but it seemed so counter to her nature and she said she was worried for Amber and that got me thinking and brought me here. 
> 
> Next chapters should be lighter for the most part and take a step back from some of the heaviness but I probably won't update for a week. My plan is to get several chapters done that are planned out or in the works and then have a bit of a buffer in case I fall behind again.
> 
> As always happy reading and please leave comments and let me know what you think!


	42. By Blood and by Fire (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach is reminded by his father to say a special prayer for the family since it’s Thanksgiving. He does, but after recalling some of the more memorable scenes with Justin, adds the other boy in too.

Zach’s father catches him early, amid the turmoil of the morning instead of the utter chaos of the afternoon, stress of the evening, or exhaustive slog to the end in the early hours of the morning, to give him the annual reminder.

“Remember hǔ, today is a day for family, pray for us as we do you, even if only today.”

The man buries his nose in Zach’s hair and kisses the top of his head and then disappears to finish whatever Mom sent him to do. Zach should be doing that too. It’s Thanksgiving and his mom always gathers a bunch of her friends and their families over for a big party. He and May think that the people who come aren’t invited anywhere else but Dad tells them that they are like the Dempseys and don’t have a big extended family to gather with and although he would prefer to have a small evening with just them, he’s willing to do the party for their mom.

That means they scrub an already spotless house from hospital levels of steril to crime scene levels. He’s had to dust, wash, bleach, and scrub places no one will ever look...like the tops of the archways or under the sink...all the while his mother worries that the house won’t look right while also cleaning everything and recleaning everything the rest of them have cleaned.

And they do it every year. It amazes him because they start earlier each year and somehow the day of is always the same mess. No matter what they try to do ahead of time it’s never good enough and what they do the day of also isn’t good enough either. She won’t hire professionals either because _they_ aren’t to her satisfaction. All in all he sort of dreads Thanksgiving and if it wasn’t for his dad’s reminders once a year as to what the holiday is supposed to be about, he thinks he’d outright hate it.

So this year he focuses on doing what his dad tells him and he isn’t super religious like Marcus but once in a while he tries praying and Thanksgiving is one of those times. He starts with his dad who has even more reason to dislike this party than him and May since Mom is particularly hard on the man but he bears it with a smile and ease that Zach hopes to have someday. Then he does the same for May and Mom and for about an hour he thinks he’s done and is annoyed that it only occupies a half hour when he has something to focus on something besides his own irritation.

Then he starts thinking about Justin and that’s always a dangerous thing because Justin makes him think, do, and say strange things. But he does it anyway.

A week ago he was in Justin’s house for the first time. It was following the awful week his mom had left him and had been, ironically, because Justin needed help taking care of her. He hates Amber, not as much as Bryce or Monty but she’s pretty high on the list for being so unbelievable blind to how wonderful Justin is and being called over to help _her_ left a bad taste in his mouth. He went for Justin though and didn’t think about it for a second after hearing the other boy’s request, barely holding back some sniffling but sounding brave.

Their house is a single floor, probably breaks a few sanitation codes, hasn’t been updated in decades, and generally reminded Zach of how privileged he is just because of the parents he was born to.

Amber reinforced that idea more than anything else ever could. He was over there the whole weekend and never saw her sober...and she desperately needed a bath she never took. She wasn’t exactly cruel per say, or maybe a better way of saying it is intentionally cruel. All she could talk about was Louis who Zach assumes is the man Justin mentioned. He heard the story too, multiple times and each time he couldn’t help but think that Amber always saying she’d love to relive over and over was wrong because Justin _needed_ her that day and she would be happy to constantly redo a day when she wasn’t there for him. Another part of him thought she’d had Justin all his life and he’s better than this Louis but she has never said anything like this about him.

It made him sick because each time she said it...and she said it a lot, Justin looked maybe a little hurt, like part of him wished maybe he could make her feel that way? He couldn’t ask Justin either because his best friend...his brother... was a mess too. There was a certain frailty about him that pervaded everything he did that day and Zach still isn’t sure why exactly but he knows that Amber was the cause. It made him incredibly bitter at her for being her, especially when Justin spent all day taking care of her, making sure she ate, drank, had weed to smoke, _he wouldn’t get her anything stronger thankfully_ , and listened to her recount the same day a hundred times.

The bitterness only grew as he watched Amber throughout the day. She was drinking when he got there at nine and already had a collection of empty beer cans in front of her; by eleven she was out of booze and on to smoking.

Thankfully most of the time she drank or smoked in relative silence only breaking it to repeat some short snatch of conversation between her and a man she only knew for a day but other times she was much more vocal about her anguish. In total, he counted at least a dozen break downs, some came with ear splitting shrieking until Justin calmed her with weed. These were hard to listen too but preferable to the rest which involved sobbing for Louis and wallowing in her sorrow. These lasted longer and came with more tearful stories about the man and only ended when Justin sat with her and rocked both of them for several minutes, making her promises and combing her hair with his fingers.

He sang once for her too, Zach’s heard him sing before, to the radio in a car or at parties when a song he liked came on but this time was different. It was during a particularly violent episode when her screaming mixed with agonizing stories and wailing in what Zach could only describe as over the top. She started throwing things too which was when Justin grabbed her tight and Zach was ready to call the police for a mentally disturbed person but Justin’s voice came over the clamor. Low and slow and sweet, and nothing like Zach had ever heard before.

_Que será, será,_

_Whatever will be, will be_

_The future's not ours to see_

_Que será, será_

_When I was young and fell in love_

_I asked my sweetheart, what lies ahead_

_Will there be rainbows_

_Day after day_

_Here's what my sweetheart said_

_Que será, será,_

_Whatever will be, will be_

_The future's not ours to see_

_Que será, será_

By the time the last verse ended Amber had been reduced to a sniveling lump in Justin’s arms. Not long after he convinced her to settle down for a nap because apparently the whole experience had been emotionally draining for _her_. After she had fallen asleep, Justin took several puffs on a blunt and doesn’t say anything about what happened.

The thing that made him hate her though, more than he ever thought he could, was that while she continually put on her performances, she was blind to Justin’s obvious pain. Zach watched him fight his own break down all day, holding back his own tears as he made sure his mother was as comfortable as possible and never being too far from her for more than five minutes when he would take a hit himself out on the fire escape and gulp in air like drowning man. Zach thought maybe he was and no matter how he tried to comfort Justin, the other boy gently pushed him away to go back to Amber. During the worst of these moments when he thought Justin would totally crack, he started a wrestling match with Zach. They rolled around on the floor and Zach very carefully cradled the boy’s head during their mock fight. Amber told them they were being too loud. 

That night after putting Amber to sleep they moved to Justin’s room and shared Justin’s bed which was tiny and uncomfortable but when the younger boy collapsed into it Zach slid in next to him knowing something was wrong. Justin shifted, and didn’t stop until as much of him was pressed against as much of Zach as humanly possible and he sobbed.

He’d seen Justin cry a lot in the past...well not a lot a lot, it wasn’t like Justin cried that often but he could remember at least six or seven times over the course of a year and a half and this one was different from all of them, terrifyingly so because he didn’t know the other boy was crying until he put together why the bed was shaking. The other boy was totally silent and he repressed his crying until he made himself sick and had to run to the bathroom and they spent far too long on the floor of the tiny room until Justin had emptied his stomach and cried himself to sleep over the bowl. 

The next day had been similar from Amber’s end but Justin had been perfectly stoic and Zach had been prepared to spend another night but Amber kicked him out and Justin had let him go thanking him for his help the day and night before and telling him they’d see each other in school the next day, which they had.

It’s not just these though, he also remembers the good times too, the moments when the world around him fades until it’s just them, sometimes May, or Willem, or one of the other guys he can stand, but always Justin. His best friend has a way of getting past his gloom and making him feel alive and sure it doesn’t always work but knowing that something can work is important.

Then again he almost appreciates Justin more when he’s not in one of his moods, it’s like the difference between water in the desert or on a hot day, you need one to live but you love the other. When he’s bored and Justin starts being Justin it’s amazing. A few days ago in class he thought he was going to go mad from boredom, Mrs. Burns is the worst, Justin started miming her as she talked to the white board and wrote notes no one wasted time taking because after three of her tests, they knew none of it would be on the next exam. There wasn’t much to mime though because in addition to boring she was also ridged in every sense of the word but especially physically. 

Justin worked with it though, fake writing on a board, his notebook first, while bobbing his head in the same rhythm she did, her only movement besides writing. Then something lit up in his eyes and he turned to scratching on his notebook. He looks very serious and very bored, her only expressions, and continues the head bob and eventually holds it up for Zach to see:

**I’M AN OLD BAG OF HOT AIR**

And then he flipped the page and on the other:

**AND MY JOB IN LIFE IS TO RUIN KIDS DAYS**

By then Zach had been biting his fist to keep from breaking into laughter which would have gotten them both in trouble. It's the only day he’s ever been sad to see history end in his life.

So he adds Justin to his list and says a prayer for him because if he’s doing them for family, well Justin fits that category as much as the other people he’s done it for. He hopes the other boy is doing alright on this day and wonders if it’s a sad time for him since it’s just him and his mom. Amber isn’t the sort of person he can picture taking any time to tell Justin all the things he deserves to hear from her, he can’t imagine they’re having any grand feast, or gathering with people close to them because he doubts Amber has any. He wants to invite Justin to the party just to have someone other than May or his dad to talk to but the kind of people at these events are way too shallow to see Justin beyond his social standing. So he hopes wherever his brother is, he’s alright and enjoying himself.

He spends the rest of the terribly long day thinking about his best friend and can’t deny it passes the time, especially when guests start arriving and imagining what Justin would say to or about them is more than enough to keep him entertained, especially when he gets May in on it. Apparently he’s done something right because after the party Mom thanks him for looking so upbeat and he has to fight not to laugh because if she could tell what he’d been thinking oh boy would he be in trouble!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after a week off I'm back and have a few chapters ready and I'm excited to post them. This one finishes Home and not Alone but from Zach's perspective and then a little more past that. It was fun to write and Justin singing was fun. The song is 'Que Sera Sera' originally (or most famously) by Doris Day but the version he's singing is actually from an anti-smoking add called the Last Dance.
> 
> Next chapter is the next Looking In and It'll probably come out Thursday or Friday for those interested.
> 
> As always happy reading and let me know what you think in the comments!


	43. Looking In 5: Alex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex knows he had it too good with Jess and he didn’t deserve her and should have done better by her. Instead he traded her for this new group of friends and he doesn’t even like them. They’re assholes, Bryce, Monty, Scott, all of them. Well Jeff is great but Jeff isn’t really one of them. Actually...Justin and Zach are alright. Actually when they aren’t with the rest of the assholes they’re pretty good friends.

The thing is, Alex knows he’s messed up. Monet’s with Hannah and Jess was always amazing but he gave all of that up for what? A new group of friends he doesn’t even like. And the thing is, he did give it up. Not for them exactly, more so his dad would think he had guy friends but he choose to end those relationships and he hates himself for it because these guys are assholes, all of them. He guess on a good day Scott might be less so and if he doesn’t pay too much attention to Marcus he can laugh at the funny things the guy says and tune out the rest but it’s really a waste compared to what he had with the girls.

Well, maybe not all of the guys are awful, Jeff is cool but he is somehow a jock and not a jock at the same time. Zach and Justin are pretty alright too. Rather, the farther they are from the other guys the better they are. He’s always sort of liked them, something about them makes him think maybe they aren’t all that bad. Zach isn’t cruel like most of the guys, he just stands passively along when they’re being assholes. Justin participates, and yet any time Alex has interacted with him away from the rest of the group, he’s been funny, and kind, and fiercely loyal to anyone he calls his friend and Alex is sort of relieved to be counted among them because Justin is outright vicious when it comes to dealing with Monty and anyone else he thinks of as an enemy. He can also only hate Justin so much when the guy’s come to his house in the past looking like a hurt puppy and asking if he can hang around for a few hours.

Of course right now he might be in a little over his head because both are currently hiding out in his room...in the house of a police officer who thankfully is on duty right now. It started because the three of them were all at the same party and all came to the same conclusion, the party sucked. It wasn’t someone who usually threw them and Alex thinks it shows. On his way out he met first Justin, and then Zach, slipping out and once together the pair invited themselves over to his house. He tries to tell them he can’t have friends over, his parents are gone and Peter is supposed to be in charge which means his brother will be gone. He doesn’t really like having people over when he isn’t supposed to just because the chance that one of his parents does something surprising and catches him is pretty high. They’re both suspicious by nature, being a cop and a nurse tends to do that, and they’re not above trying to catch him in the act of breaking rules when the mood strikes them.

Still, Justin apparently is “like a master of not getting caught” and Zach is pretty confident he can hide too. Neither are particularly drunk, in fact he doesn’t even think Zach’s had anything, so maybe this will be alright. His dad has a certain fondness for Justin too, when he’s at his most bitter he thinks it’s cause Justin is the son his dad wanted, but the rest of the time he’s happy the man approves of one his friends for once so maybe if they do get it caught it’ll work out.

That’s how they ended up here, in his house on a Friday night, in his room. 

“What do you two want to do.” He can’t help feeling painfully awkward because this isn’t the first time Justin has seen it but it is the first time for Zach and the first time together. It makes him squirm a little especially cause they’re looking around at posters and knick-knacks and other stuff. 

Justin stops at his desk and for a moment he thinks he forgot to put away his lube and that would be _really_ bad but when he picks something up it’s obviously a dvd case which he holds up. 

“Isn’t this movie like famous or something?”

It’s _The Dead Poets Society_ and he isn’t exactly sure famous is the right word, it not like the _The Sound of Music_ or _Gone with the Wind_ but it is well know. He sort of shrugs and replies, “Something like that I guess. Why?”

Justin looks over the box and says, “I heard it was like really good but I’ve never seen it.”

Alex looks over at Zach who shugs, “I haven’t seen it either, that alright with you Alex?”

“Oh now you want my input.” After they ignored it when he told them coming was a bad idea, seven times, and now suddenly they care about his opinion. Both look a little sheepish but not really sorry and for some reason that doesn’t really annoy him, actually it’s almost endearing. He sighs dramatically, “Fine, if it’s really what you two want.”

They could pretend to have some dignity and not look too much like eager school boys as Justin disappears downstairs to get snacks, dragging Zach with him while Alex sets up. He’s a little worried about Justin in his kitchen without his supervision because the kid eats like it’s going out of style but hopefully Zach will keep an eye on him.

They return just as the opening credits start with two bags of popcorn and sodas. He rolls his eyes but it’s better than he thought it might be. However they decide to join him...on his bed...with him squished between them.

“What are you two doing?” Zach takes the left side, placing the bags of popcorn on Alex’s lap while Justin moves in on the right, dumping the armful of sodas on the bed.

“Sitting.” 

“Watching.” 

They reply at the same time and Alex rolls his eyes and clarifies, “What are you doing on my bed.”

This time he gets matching grins followed by, “sitting” and “watching” again.

“Sit and watch on the floor.” He gives a weak shove at Zach who’s literally pressed against him while leveling an incredulous look at Justin. Zach replies to by looping an arm over his shoulder and Justin pressing a can of soda into his hand.

“Nope.” Zach pops the ‘p’ for an extra level of annoying.

“But Aaallleeexxx, it’s more comfortable up here, and your the host, you want us to comfortable right?” Justin looks at him with big pleading eyes.

“No, I didn’t invite you remember?” He wants to make sure that’s clear because these two seem dumb enough to forget.

Both give mock gasps and he rolls his eyes before reaffirming, “I didn’t, now sit on the floor.”

Then Justin does just about the most unbelievable thing short of actually listening to him, he juts out his lower lip and makes it quiver a little and says, “I can’t, if I sit on the floor, I’ll catch a cold because of my delicate constitution.” He gives a cough so fake Alex doesn’t need to be a nurse’s son to know that it is.

Still it’s so absurd and strangely saddening that he rolls his eyes and sighs, “Fine stay.” He also might be a little impressed by Justin’s vocabulary even if he’s probably parotting something someone else said and turns to look at Zach asking, “What’s your excuse?” 

The tall boy grins and replies, “We’re a package deal.”

That sounds about what he expects from these two so he heaves a heavy sigh and resigns himself to being squished between these two giant idiots for the duration of the movie. At least he controls the popcorn, he intends to make them pay for this by denying access to it.

He remembers why he isn’t so fond of the movie part way through. Too much of it reminds him of himself...all of the boys at the school seem to be hopelessly adrift in the the world and it doesn’t take much watching the movie to know why. Their parents are painfully absent and it hurts because he can see his own in them Then there’s the older brother thing and Peter is _not_ perfect at everything but sometimes Dad seems to forget that.

During the course of it he thinks Zach and Justin both shift closer and he’d call them out on it except the window is open and it’s cold. At least that’s what he tells himself. He says he got something in his eye when Justin asks if he’s crying.

When the credits roll Zach looks uncomfortable and Justin has a tear in his eye.

“That was fucked up.” The boy’s voice comes out sort of hoarse and he clears his throat halfway through the sentence.

Zach nods mutley and Alex can’t believe they’re so affected by a stupid movie, _and tells himself he isn’t_. To his surprise Justin goes to town on it, how it was all avoidable if the school had just let the boys be themselves instead of trying to decide their lives for them. Zach chimes in a few times about the fault of the parents and how they made Niel feel he couldn’t be himself and how Todd implies the same thing. 

It surprises him they’re making a lot of sense and he feels like maybe they understand how he feels about all the crap they’re expected to live with and not question. Then again they conform to it like everyone else, he knows Justin is a shockingly touchy-feely person, in general and especially when the mood strikes him, but he rarely acts on it, at least as far as he an tell. In fact the only times he’s openly physical with another dude is when he and Zach wrestle with each other like morons. The rest of the time is surprisingly subtle, Justin slowly sliding towards someone else, brushing against people in the hallway, the way his bro hugs tend to linger longer than necessary, are all indicators of what’s beneath. There was also another time the other boy proved it when ti was just them but he never does it in the open.

And it pisses him off because they could break the rules society had for boys. Justin is a king at Liberty, no doubt about it and Bryce may be the other but Zach is pretty high up on the social pecking order and together they could defy some of the stupid social constructs! Instead they bow down to it like everyone else and stick to what’s safe and he can’t help but resent them for it a little but only because he isn’t brave enough to do it either.

Pushing that all aside he gets in on the conversation too and adds what he thinks of the whole thing, how society forces people to act certain ways. Justin and Zach though take to the new line and they continue for hours on it too...well two hours but still that’s a pretty long time and at some point they stop pretending it’s about the movie and complain about things in real life.

He’s sad when he has to kick them out but his parents gets off work soon and he doesn’t need these two clowns sleeping over which is what will happen if he doesn’t kick them out now.

“Alright time for you two to go, my parents will be home soon and I can’t have you here when they get back.” He frowns for a moment and then mutters to himself, “I need to be in bed when they do actually.” It’s almost two in the morning and he hadn’t realized it was even so late until just now.

“Really?”

“Yeah, you need to go li-” He suddenly realizes that the question sounded more mischievous than actually questioning. He looks up to see the pair sharing a look and he suddenly has a feeling something very bad is about to happen, for him at least.

He’s proven right when Zach crosses the distance between them in one giant step and his world starts spinning. 

“What the fuck are you two doing? Hey put me down! Zachary!”

He looks ahead to see the blankets on his bed pulled back by Justin and the boy grinning at him madly.

And then he’s falling for a brief but honestly terrifying moment before he lands on his bed. Justin and Zach now flank the bed on either side and Zach is holding the edge of the comforter while Justin’s holding his shoulders down.

“Time to go beddy-bye Alex.” Despite the slightly manic light in Zach’s eyes, he can also see a certain tenderness behind it.

“Yep, you need to sleep if you like, want to grow up big and strong like us.” He punctuates this by ruffling his hair but it isn’t too rough, actually it’s surprisingly gentle

The covers are pulled up to chin as he replies dryly, “You mean all bodily growing and nothing between the ears? No thanks.” It’s harsh but he thinks they know he’s only joking...well mostly. “You obviously didn’t think this through because I need to get up and lock the door behind you.”

Justin laughs, a free, happy sound and he can see why girls fall for it as much as his smile. “Who said we were going out the door?”

“Wait, we’re not?” From Zach mixes with his, “What?” and both seem to fuel Justin’s energy as he walks over to the window and glances out.

“Yeah this is easy c’mon Zach all we need is get to the lower part of the roof and jump off.”

Zach doesn't look too sure but now that Alex thinks about it, his window has a roof only a few feet below it and from there the jump down to ground level isn’t that bad as long as they go around and got onto the porch in the back and then down...the question is, are they smart enough.

Justin’s already gotten both of them out the window though with one last goodnight from the duo and he doesn't hear any cries of pain or bones breaking so maybe one of them is smarter than he thinks.

That leaves him alone in bed and he would have liked to change into shorts and a T-shirt and take his socks off but he can’t deny that despite still wearing all of those things he’s pretty comfortable. He’s warm, the breeze through the window is cold and Zach’s tucked the blanket around him tight enough to be snug and loose enough to not trap him. He doesn’t know if it was intentional or not but damn is he comfortable right now. 

He rolls over and slides a little further beneath them and marvels for a moment. While watching the movie, they were closer than he had been with anyone in a long time, physically. Zach’s arm had stayed over his shoulders most of the movie and Justin had been pressed against his side so he could feel their body heats and he can’t help but let the bitter thought of what his dad or Peter would say. Then again, Dad and Peter had been awkward anytime he gave them a hug past turning ten and that hurt. He knows neither of them object to it from his mom, or Grandma, or Aunt Lucy, who Peter doesn’t even like, or any woman for that matter but from him, brother to one and son to the other, they’re awkward about it to the point where he’d given up years ago.

Even if it was a joke from these two...well he’s kind of happy because if he’s being honest with himself, it felt good. The closeness of the past few hours in general has been something he’s been craving for a long time. He settles in and lets the warm feeling wash over him. He’s asleep not too much later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another chapter and this time Alex gets to narrate. I've had this one planned for months at this point but it didn't seem to fit until now since I needed Alex and Jess to break up and give it tome for Alex to not lump Zach and Justin in with the other jocks. This was a ton fun to write, Alex is so dry and sarcastic and I get a feeling most of his quips would easily go over their heads.
> 
> In any case the next chapter should be posted Monday probably and will feature Jess heavily. 
> 
> As always, happy reading and let me know what you think in the comments below!


	44. I Hope We Dance (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin wants to go to ask Jess to dance at the winter dance but he can’t slow dance...naturally he convinces Zach to learn with him.

“Please?” 

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No!”

“Why not?”

“Because it’d be too weird.”

“Why?”

“Because two guys don’t dance with each other unless they’re gay! Not like this at least.”

“They can if they’re friends and one of them needs the other too. Besides it’s just learning and no one is going to see us, May has a piano recital tomorrow, you’re parents are going but they didn’t have a ticket for you so we can do it at your place and there won’t be anyone around to see us!” 

He hopes Zach’ll say ‘yes’ this time because the winter formal is coming up and he really wants to ask Jess to dance at it and more than that, he plans to ask her out during the dance but he can’t actually slow dance. He’s danced at these things loads of times but never for the slow songs and he’s never really wanted to, until now at least. So He needs to learn in less than a week and Zach is the only person he can think of to ask...well no, he asked Bryce already but...well it’s embarrassing even thinking about that interaction.

So he’s pinned all his hopes on convincing Zach to learn with him or else he can’t ask her to dance and the whole plan falls apart. He’s got a plan though, for convincing Zach at least, and makes his eyes go really big and repeats his plea, he’s recently come to the conclusion that as long as he makes the face at the other boy, Zach’ll give in. 

“Fine, but if you tell anyone I swear-”

“I won’t tell anyone! So your house tomorrow?” Yep totally worked.

Zach makes a face and then groans, “Ugh, fine.”

The next day he heads over after Zach texts him that everyone else is gone and by the time he’s let in, the other boy has already moved some furniture and set up speakers on the table and his cheeks sport an interesting shade of red. Justin decides not to comment on it though cause he doesn’t want Zach to back out. 

“Let’s get this over with. What do we need to do?”

He blinks because he hadn’t thought about that. “Umm we can just watch a youtube video right?”

“What do you mean! I thought you knew what you needed to do already!”

He winces slightly but pulls a smile and replies, “Nah, I thought it would be more fun if we watched together!”

Zach grumbles a bit but fetches his tablet and they sit down on the couch and watch a few videos on slow dancing.

After the third one ends Justin has to do something with the nervousness he feels building up. “Think we should try it now?”

“I-I guess?” Zach sounds as unsure as he feels but the curtains are closed and they’re alone so both stand up and put their hands on each other’s waists and freeze up.

“Umm you’re hand should be on my shoulder.”

“No, yours should be!”

They pause for a moment and then Justin says nervously, “I guess we can take turns? One of us leads and then the other? That way we both know how to do it?”

Zach thinks about it for a moment and then shifts his hand up to Justin's shoulder and they give it a try.

Now that he knows what to do it isn’t too hard, he can follow a rhythm pretty easy so it’s just a matter of the very basic steps and not stepping on Zach’s giant feet but the steps are easy after going them a few times and he gets better and anticipating where Zach’ll be and avoiding stepping on him. After the song played for a few minutes they switch and Zach takes a bit more time to pick it up but the mashed toes are totally worth the look Zach gives when he finally gets it. His eyes light up as they get through a whole verse of a song without any missteps and he looks at Justin in shock and delight.

He chuckles and says, “Congrats Zach you’re doi-Ouch!”

His best friend looks sheepish and he takes his foot of Justin’s. “Sorry I was too busy celebrating.”

He laughs, “Hey, you deserve to, lets see if we can do it again without incident and then I think we can say we’ve like, totally mastered this.”

They end up getting through it and spend the rest of the night hanging out until Justin has to slip out and head home when the rest of the Dempsey’s return.

A few days later he’s standing in the gym, flanked by his boys and looking suave as fuck, at least he thinks so, and feeling a giddiness he hasn’t felt in a long time. Jess looks stunning too, long, pale pink dress, matching heels, her hair curled so that her face is framed by them and they surround her neck, her lips have dark red lipstick on and he’s mesmerized by how soft they look. She’s come with friends, cheerleaders and boyfriends of and a couple other people. He has to wait to make a move though and that sort of kills him but the slow songs won’t play until the end of the night.

Instead he hangs around with the guys and their girls, he dances with them as a group and later with Waneta when some Spanish music comes on but for the most part he just chills and has a good time. Bryce smuggled some vodka in and they pass it around, having a good time. Justin only sips enough for a pleasant buzz and that’s all he needs to actually enjoy the dance which otherwise would be pretty lame.

It’s about an hour after that the food’s served when the slow songs start and he makes a point to keep on the lookout for Jess after they begin. He catches sight of her off the floor a few songs in and approaches.

She sees him coming and smiles and he returns it, his usual smile coming out, the one that drives girls mad but as his heart races faster and faster, he finds that smile take on a life of it’s own and widen, showing more teeth even though one of them is chipped from a ‘fight’ he got into and he probably needed braces in the back but as his widens he thinks her’s does too.

He stops in front of her seat and offers a little bow, holding his hand out to her, “Want to dance, milady?” For the past few nights he’s been rehearsing lines from some old black and white movie to use when he asked her but it doesn’t come out right and he kicks himself until he feels a small, warm, soft hand slip into his. 

“I would love to.”

He blinks, only for a moment and then recovers himself and they head out to the dance floor.

For almost four wonderful minutes it’s just him and Jess and the world around them doesn’t mean anything as they move in time with the song. 

She giggles part way through.

“What?” Suddenly he wonders if maybe he’s doing something wrong and he feels his eyes go wide at the possibility.

“Nothing, I just didn’t expect this from you.”

“Didn’t-expect what?” He still can’t tell if he’s done something wrong, she looks happy, the smile on her face doesn’t make him think so but smiles can lie.

“You to be so sweet. The first time I saw you I thought you’d be just another pretty face to hide a jerk underneath but you aren’t are you? A jerk wouldn’t have gone through all the ceremony you did. Thank you.”

He thinks maybe some part of him dies right there because Jess says it so earnestly and with such a smile on her face and for the first time in his life, he can’t think of anything to say because of a girl he has a crush on. He thinks he probably looks like a fool and he stumbles over his own feet for a moment which earns a giggle from Jess and his smile returns in full force.

“If you let me, I’ll show you just how sweet I can be.”

The song is coming to an end and everything seems perfect leading up to those words but the second he utters them Jess’s eyes get misty and she whispers, “Oh Justin, I’m so sorry.”

He feels himself grind to a stop despite willing himself into taking more steps and continuing the moment, the magic, they had seconds before, but it’s gone and he just looks at her not understanding.

“Two weeks ago Chris Osman asked me out on a date. We started dating not long after. I didn’t know you- I’ve been waiting for you but I thought you just wanted to be friends- I’m so sorry.”

Her voice by the end is ragged and rough and he feels each word break his heart a little more. His breath hitches as he forces himself to speak again. “Don’t be, you didn’t know what I wanted to and I did. And Chris is a great guy, he’s funny and kind and you’ll be-be happy with him.”

Every word of it hurts more than anything he thinks he’s every felt. Why is he so stupid? He should have asked her out when he had the chance, way back in October when he first thought he liked her, or sooner because girls like Jess don’t have to wait for anyone. They’re perfect and deserve the best and he isn’t that anyway so maybe this works out. And Chris is a great guy. He’s funny and kind and always offers Justin his chem homework when Justin looks really rough after a ‘fight’ and doesn’t ask him a thousand pointless questions about why his face looks like a raw steak. He’ll treat Jess like the princess she is and deserves to be.

Even as he thinks them though, the thoughts feel bitter and he hopes she can’t see how crushed he is at the rejection.

Instead she reaches her hands up to the back of his head and gently pulls his head down to her and kisses his cheek, whispering in his ear, “Thank you.” It sounds like there should have been more but she can’t get it out. It doesn’t matter though smell of her perfume, the softness of her touch, the feeling of her lips...he could die right there weather from happiness or misery he isn’t sure.

He manages a weak smile back and a shaky breath and says, “Yeah-yeah umm-” It suddenly occurs to him that this is the first time he’s ever been rejected by a girl outright. It hurts and he has no idea how to handle it.

“We can be friends?” She sounds unsure and honestly, he is too. Being friends means not forfeiting all the time he spends with her, the study hall talks, occasional pizza outings, hanging out at parties every second he can get. In the past they’ve all been wonderful experiences but imagining them in a situation where she’s going out with someone else sounds like agony. 

Imagining them not happening at all sounds so much worse so he manages a slight smile, he’s sure it’s a far cry from his usual smile and his voice sounds too much like he’s _trying_ to be cocky but failing miserably. “Only as long as this friend gets one more dance, milady.”

She laughs, there’s a slightly awkward strain on it but she seems happy. She even curtsies as she replies, “Certainly, milord.”

It’s...complicated? Obviously it doesn’t come anywhere near the magic of the first dance. He doesn’t feel like the world around them is gone, rather he’s painfully aware of it but after a few minutes of silence that’s only slightly awkward they manage a conversation about the awful dress one girl is wearing and by the end of the song they’re both laughing like old friends instead of almost lovers.

That doesn’t mean everything is alright and he leads her off the floor but Chris come to join them immediately and he barely remembers the conversation the three of them have but he quickly finds a reason to excuse himself and slips out one of the open doors into a hallway.

He only makes it to the lockers before plopping down on the floor and for a while it’s just him sitting there looking up at the ceiling and wondering if he’s more bitter, disappointed, or relieved. Sure, he wanted Jess, still wants her with everything in him. He can’t put it into words but he’s been with a lot of girls, dating or in bed, but none of them have made him feel like this and it’s eating him up inside. He should have asked her out months ago but he thought he could make it perfect, romantic and all that shit and...and maybe he wanted to do it for himself as much as for her. He should have known someone as amazing as Jess wouldn’t stay available for long, any guy with eyes would be all over her, should be even because she’s the best there is. And it’s for that same reason he might be a little relieved because Jess is far too good for him and he’s never thought like that before but right now it’s painfully obvious because she deserves the best and that isn’t him.

The music from the dance filters over to him almost mockingly and he sort of wants to leave and just be alone but he can’t because it would go noticed and he doesn’t want to deal with Monty or the guys if they figure out why. He also doesn’t want Jess to think she ruined his night and feel bad because it’s ruined but it’s his fault.

He hears someone behind him and desperately hopes it’s just someone going to the bathroom until he hears, “Needed to get out of there for a few minutes too?”

He looks up to find Zach standing there, looking a little red faced, probably from drinking more than dancing. Then again it could also as easily be from the fact that Zach doesn’t really like huge groups of people and this like, totally qualifies as one of those.

“Yeah, something like that.” His voice comes out rougher than he wants and he clears his throat to try to get it back to normal.

His friend looks over him critically and offers, “You and Jess looked good dancing together, for the first song at least. After that...well you still looked good but not as good.”

He can deny it, tell Zach just about anything and get rid of him, he’s done it before and the other boy won’t push.

“Jess is going out with Chris Osman.”

But he doesn’t because this-this hurts and he wants company, or maybe just Zach’s because he suddenly can’t stand being alone but also can’t stand the thought of Bryce’s reassurances that he’ll rebound and find another girl because that isn’t the point or one of the guys calling Jess a ho or a slut because she’s _not_. 

“Oh.” Zach looks surprised by the statement and he doesn't follow it up, clearly trying to figure out what to say.

“Yeah.” Not much for continuing the conversation but it’s something.

“I’m sorry Justin.” He sounds it too. 

Forcing a smile even though saying the words out loud make him want to cry more than smile he manages, “It’s alright...they’ll be other girls.” Funny how he didn’t want to hear that from Bryce but says it himself...it doesn’t make it any less empty though.

Zach holds his hand out awkwardly and manages, “Would you like to dance?”

He looks at the hand surprised and then back at Zach. “I didn’t think it was normal for two guys to dance with each other.” He kicks himself cause Zach is trying to be nice and he kind of just threw it back in his face but it is the same thing Zach said a few days ago.

Zach’s other hand goes to rub the back of his neck but he keeps the other one out there. “It is when one of them needs it.” It’s awkward and Zach’s uncomfortable and Justin appreciates the sentiment but he can’t ask Zach to do something he clearly doesn’t want to and is about to tell him when the other boy continues, “Besides I learned how to do it but haven’t had a chance to use it today, it’ll be a waste if I don’t.

It’s a poor excuse and they both know it but he looks so earnest that Justin ends up taking the hand despite his brain telling him not to and the music is just clear enough for them to follow along. 

The rhythm is soothing somehow and they don’t talk for the first song at all but as the second starts up Zach offers, “May would be furious if she could see us right now, she’s developed a bit of a crush on you.”

“Wait! What?” He bursts out laughing and Zach joins in too.

“Yeah, she hasn’t told me but she keeps asking when you’ll come next and she’s always bright red when she asks.”

They laugh harder and Justin manages, “Maybe the next time I’m over there I can show her how to dance.”

Zach’s laughing too hard to fully understand so he could either be saying “don’t try if Foley” or commenting on how she can dance better than either of them but in any case they dissolve into another round of laughter.

They finish that song and do another and by the end he feels...still crushingly broken but no longer so alone and that’s enough. 

“We should probably head back in before anyone wonders where we are.” Zach pulls him from his thoughts and he nods in agreement.

“Yeah we should go back, besides they might still have food out, I’m hungry.” 

Zach rolls his eyes and comments drily that he’s always hungry and they start back towards the door and he decides he can wait on Jess, and will wait on her and spend as much time with her as he can while waiting. And meanwhile he’ll have Zach who always reminds him that he isn’t alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow..when I started I never thought I'd get to 45 chapters lol, thanks to everyone who's still reading and commenting and leaving kudos! In any case, sorry this is a day late, I sat down for a final proof read of it last night and life happened so I watched it sit there as my phone blew up, such is life. In any case I'm sorry in advance to Sarah_Serious because I'm sure this chapter was painful to read but I fact checked and Jess and Justin don't get together until later...so the end of school or at least the end of winter. Don't worry though, for anyone who loves Jess, she'll still be showing up.
> 
> As for the next chapter...it's Christmas time...in June. I'm not sure when the chapter will be ready, my hope is Friday but it may be more like Saturday or Sunday, but it'll be a fluff chapter, a break for you and me and our tissue boxes! 
> 
> As always I hope you enjoy reading and if the mood strikes you, I love comments so please leave them!


	45. Trimming a Tree (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach learns something about Justin and he has to fix it, even if it’s snowing for the first time in three years!

It’s not like being at Justin’s house once means suddenly he goes over all the time, actually, if anything, it means Justin’s more insecure about everything related to where he’s from now that Zach’s seen it from the inside. He's still this way despite Zach doing everything he can to convince Justin he doesn't care. Which is a massive lie; Zach cares a whole lot about Justin’s life at home but only because it’s a source of constant stress for him. He worries a lot about it and can’t understand why Bryce, who knows about all the shit Justin has to deal with, is so okay when he misses a day of school or comes in but is obviously hurting. He doesn't understand how everyone is blind enough to miss when he’s in pain nor how Justin just accepts everything as normal when he knows it isn’t. So when the other boy occasionally accuses him of overreacting...well Zach can’t feel sorry for it because he thinks they’re underreacting.

So that subject is a bit of a sore spot between them for a while as they learn how to act around each other in the weeks following Zach being over. He really doesn't think it has to be a big deal but Justin apparently thinks it is, or at least he seems hyper aware of every reference to his house, social standing, he nearly blew up when Bryce jokingly mentioned he’d bought Justin his third pair of sneakers for the season. Of course Amber’s the most obvious insecurity since she sort of started all this. 

They find a compromise eventually in that if Zach thinks he needs it, Justin lets him dote more after practice and in exchange Zach bites his tongue when Amber comes up in a conversation. It isn’t perfect but once they settle into it, the tension between them decreases.

That might have something to do with the fact that they also go on Christmas break then and generally see a little less of each other for a week. In fact it takes until the day before Christmas Eve for him to hear from Justin, a Monday after the Saturday and Sunday that started the break. He gets a text asking to hang out cause he says he’s bored. Zach can’t help but feel suspicious since he knows there’s a new boyfriend and he’s not very nice...according to Justin which could mean just about anything.

He’d love to hang out regardless of the reason but Dad has some associates over and he can’t just bring Justin in and distract his dad. He tells Justin as much and to his surprise, the other boy asks if they can meet at his place and then head over to a sandwich shop nearby. It isn’t in the best neighborhood but the old lady who owns it, ‘a typical abuelita’ according to Justin, has a soft spot for his friend and makes amazing Cuban sandwich. She usually doesn’t charge Justin full price since he always makes a point to tell her how good her cooking is and how pretty she looks when he’s there. It was a shock to Zach the first time they were there and she only spoke Spanish but Justin speaks enough to get through ordering. It wasn’t until they went with Willem that he figured out all the stuff Justin says is shameless flattery and the Granny’s replies are as dry and sarcastic as they sound.

In any case they agree to meet in twenty minutes at Justin’s and he’s on time but when he gets there Justin isn’t waiting outside like he would be usually. He knocks on the door and Amber lets him in, looking at him in disdain; he feels the same way so they’re even. She directs him to Justin’s room where he finds the younger boy pulling on some clothes hurriedly. He has a few bruises on his lower back and stomach but nothing particularly bad thankfully. 

“Knock knock.” He taps on the door and announce his appearance and hears a muffled curse from inside a shirt. “I didn’t think you’d actually get here on time!”

He laughs, “You’ve been spending too much time with Willem, I’m always on time.” Maybe a bit of exaggeration but a laugh come from in the shirt somewhere and Justin seems to be having trouble pulling it on but finally gets his head through the hole.

“Oh good I was starting to think I’d need to send a rescue party in after you.” He grins and Justin rolls his eyes and grabs his comb heading into the bathroom.

Zach knows from experience that Justin combing his hair can take a long time no matter where they’re going. His philosophy is pretty simple, ‘I never know when I need to look good’ and he’s kind of vain about his hair, more so than the rest of him.

He moves back out to the living room and suddenly becomes aware of the total lack of Christmas anything in the house. No tree, no lights, not even a stocking hung by anything. Something must reflect on his face because Amber gives him a dirty look but he ignores her and Justin comes out ready not long after. 

They’re at the sandwich shop later when he brings it up casually and like he expects, Justin doesn’t take it well to it. 

“We umm, Christmas isn’t a big thing for us.”

Zach thinks he should probably drop it but he doesn’t. “You don’t even have a tree?”

Justin shrugs but looks at his sandwich intensely and won’t meet his eye, “It’s, Mom doesn’t really like Christmas, she says it’s too much noise from spoiled people, besides it’s not like I really need anything. We usually give each other something small and spend it together.”

A stable home, no asshole boyfriend of the week, clothes to keep up with his growth spurts, food in the fridge, Zach could keep going but it seems pointless. Justin isn’t done yet anyway.

“Besides, what’s so great about a tree with a bunch of shit on it.” He says it like he needs to convince himself but Zach has a sinking feeling in him that Justin’s never actually decorated a tree before and the thought makes him sad. He makes up his mind right then.

“When you’re done we’re leaving and meeting up at the old school field at 2.”

Justin looks at him blankly and then says, “We’re not going to decorate a tree.”

He grins widely, “Hell yeah we are!”

Justin rolls his eyes but doesn’t fight it.

They leave and Zach spends the next few hours getting what he needs together. He must look nuts to his family but Dad is preoccupied and Mom along with him so he doesn't have to explain his long trip up to the attic. He goes through old decorations Mom’s banished because she doesn’t like them, including a very old star that she thinks sits crooked but May and his Dad still love. He also gets some lights and digs up an old industrial battery from who knows what but it’ll work for what he needs. 

Everything goes into a bag and he heads out and picks up the last things he needs, fitting it all into the now stuffed bag and heading to his meet up with Justin. On the way it starts snowing and he hasn’t seen snow since his family went to the Colorado a few years ago but it’s just as beautiful as it was then. There’s significantly less though and it’s not even sticking to the ground. That doesn’t matter as he finds himself humming carols quietly on his way to the old fields.

Upon arriving he finds Justin, huddled in his jacket looking red faced and slightly annoyed.

He wishes he’s brought another hat for him but he didn't, so they’ll just work kind of quick. Luckily they find a tree small enough for it to work even if it isn’t a pine tree it’s one they can reach the branches of and Zach sets down his bag, pulls the battery out, and gets out the first of a couple strings of lights and an extension cord. 

Justin rolls his eyes, “You’re serious?”

He gives a stupid smile. “C’mon Justin, it’s even snowing this is literally perfect for decorating a tree!”

“Yea, if we were about fifty years in the past on a black and white TV and _inside_!”

Zach sticks his tongue out, “You’re no fun. Now help me cause I’m not letting you go home until it’s done!”

Justin grumbles but goes about untangling the cords like Zach tells him too while he gets out his phone and starts a playlist of Christmas songs, they’re necessary to set the mood. Once they really start working it only takes about thirty minutes to get the lights and star on and Zach has to admit that he was disappointed to only find red lights in their attic but it up against the slowly fading light with the soft gold of the star, it looks pretty good. Justin must think so too because about halfway through he stopped complaining about the whole thing and seemed to really invest himself in it.

They’re backed up a little bit from the tree admiring it when Zach reaches into the bag and pulls out the garland. He passes it to Justin who looks at it and then at Zach and then at is and asks, “Why’d you give it to me?”

“Cause you’re going to put it on while I get the ornaments ready.”

The look he gets makes him feel a little bit bad...but it’s also really funny. Justin looks like he’s been assigned to do open heart surgery instead of drap colorful, fuzzy rope around a tree. He tries not to laugh outright as he gives a little more instruction.

“It’s not hard, you walk around the tree and starting from the top you drape it along the branches. It isn’t like the lights where you have to get them deep in the tree around the branches, this just sits on the outer part and gives color.” 

Jusitn still looks unsure but he starts while Zach grabs a package of hooks and starts attaching them to the ornaments. They don’t really have enough to cover the tree, not like his at home where, by the end, fitting one more on is a struggle but somehow the next year they manage to fit three more after that. This one will be a bit bare but that’s fine. 

Justin meanwhile is walking around the tree with the garland and the first rope of it ...isn’t great but by the second he’s better at draping the stuff so it looks more natural. By the third he’s humming along to the songs and Zach counts that as a win.

“What now?”

Justin’s finished the garland and is waiting to continue, eager even if the way he’s rocking on his heels is any indication, so Zach knows he’s enjoying this. Zach passes him two cheap balls, a blue and a gold, and picks up two of his own. “Now is the best part.”

Zach approaches the tree with Justin trailing behind him and Zach places the balls on in no particular place. Justin looks at the tree carefully and seems to think about this much more than is probably necessary and then carefully places the first and then the second on the tree before rejoining Zach with the rest of the balls.

It’s getting darker now but the red light of the tree is enough to work by and the snow’s started to stick to the branches giving the scene a very Christmasie feel. They work mostly in silence for a while, a comfortable silence between friends. The whole time he enjoys watching Justin hold each ornament with care, like it’s worth more than gold. He stands in front of the tree and carefully contemplates where each one belongs before carefully hooking it onto the branch he thinks it belongs on.

About halfway through they’re both quietly singing along to the Christmas songs and the snow crunches pleasantly beneath their feet.

When he reaches the bottom of the bag he’s more disappointed than he thinks he’s ever been and he wishes he had more but to his surprise Justin doesn’t seem heartbroken, only disappointed but he steps back to look at the tree and Zach does too. 

By all accounts it isn’t anything special, it isn’t the right kind of tree, they probably need another strand of lights and probably half a strand less of garland, the star is totally crooked and the tree is rather bare but it’s theirs. Standing back he has to admit Justin did a good job too, the ornaments he placed catch the light and reflect it much better than Zach’s and the whole tree glows a happy red. The cheap balls break up the red lights and change them slightly with their own colors and he wonders if he had some of the fancy glass ones how they’d look because as it is the snow is a mosaic of red and other colors. 

“Merry Christmas Zach, thank you.”

Justin says it so quietly, and earnestly, Zach almost misses it in the silence but it seems right. The music is playing really low and is the only noise now they aren’t moving and speaking louder would somehow break the moment. 

“Merry Christmas brother.”

He doesn’t need to look to see the smile, he can practically feel the happiness coming from him. 

They stand there for a while longer basking in the peace of the atmosphere, the light of their little creation, and the company of each other. They don’t start singing, but other than that Zach thinks maybe this could be a movie scene or something.

Justin sneezes and he remembers his friend with the bad immune system has been standing out in the snow for at least an hour. Turning to look, Justin’s nose and cheeks already look a little red and as much as he doesn’t want to, it’s time to head back.

They’re closer to Zach’s so he sneaks Justin in they have to be careful about showering and not getting caught but Justin needs to warm up so they manage it without incident and he even gets the boy to choke some medicine down before Justin sort of passes out on the pullout bed. He tucks the younger boy in and locks the door just in case before going to bed himself. All in all, he’ll consider the day almost perfect as he slides under the covers and drifts off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another chapter! I had trouble writing this one since it isn't Christmas and I can't really get in the mood but here it is none the less. I think it came out well but it's shameless fluff for the most part, I feel after the gauntlet I put them through lately they deserved something lighter. A quick note though...I know nothing about California weather so if this is inaccurate...all well.
> 
> As for what comes next, I don't know. I have a chapter written and ideas for 5 more but none fit here. I think I might do something involving Amber but I feel like it's too soon after I did a huge 3 parter on her. I think it'll be an installment of Bruised Boy or Lonely boy though since it's been a while.
> 
> As always happy reading and if you have time, please leave a comment I love reading them and if you have an idea for a chapter please let me know!


	46. Bruised Boy 4: part 4 (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleepovers are a part of life for Justin but that doesn't stop them from being great, too bad a nightmare almost spoils one.

As far as he’s concerned, sleep overs are a basic necessity of life, right up there food, clothes, and the other stuff. Depending on the current boyfriend or his mom’s mood they sort of are because he needs places to get away from all that shit and sometimes it doesn’t matter if it’s Bryce’s, Zach’s, Alex’s, or anywhere, being able to sleep and not have to worry that the two inches of wood separating him from the rest of the house won’t be enough to keep someone out, is wonderful. 

Of course he’d never say that outloud, Alex doesn’t really know so it would just be awkward with him and Bryce knows all of it so there isn’t any point in saying it. Zach is sort of in between because he knows but not as much as Bryce and saying that to him would make him worry more and he doesn’t need an extra thing to worry about.

There’s more than that though, more than the safety part, being with whoever it is helps too, he loves hanging out with Bryce and Zach who hemost often stays over with and Alex is pretty awesome too...his dad is a great cook to when the man’s home to do it. Sometimes he just needs the company to keep darker thoughts away so he no longer cares what they do, video games, movie night, board games with May, as long as he gets to spend time with the person, or people, it’s fine with him. The nights when Bryce sends him to the pool house alone or Zach just wants to go to sleep are disappointing but he gets it, they can’t babysit his sorry ass all the time, he’s usually over Zach at least once every two weeks and depending on how bad it is at home, over at Bryce’s three or four times a week and they have more important things to do than hold his hand and shit.

Of course there’s a double edged sword to sleep overs, his nightmares sometimes act up. He’s had them for like, years now, and they suck. About the only good thing is that he never remembers them when he wakes up but even that’s not so great cause they always leave him with the crushing sense of loneliness, that and usually more exhausted and miserable than when he went to sleep. Actually he dreads waking up because even though he never remembers the dreams themselves, waking up after one is a nightmare all its own. Despite being tired he’s never able to go back to sleep because he’s afraid of _something_. He doesn’t know what but its a gripping fear that sort of sinks into him and stays, it leaves him feeling cold and looking at his door like something evil will come in. Most of the time the sensation lasts until morning when he gets up and sees people again but until then it really fucking sucks.

He sort of knows tricks to avoiding them after years of dealing with them, being high or drunk when he goes to bed usually prevents them and being like, super tired helps too; high stress or being sick usually bring them on. Other than that it’s sort of crap shoot. Sleep overs usually lower his stress though and that’s pretty good but not perfect, he used to get them a lot at Bryce’s when they were younger and Bryce would comfort him but that ended when he had to start staying in the pool house.

He’s never had them when at Alex’s but he thinks that’s more so cause he’s stayed there the least, like five times maybe but he’s glad for it. Alex can be brutal when he wants and Justin enjoys not being on the receiving end of that. He isn’t exactly sure if the other boy would mock him for it but Bryce does now so he assumes Alex would and he doesn’t really want to find that out anytime soon.

They happen at Zach’s once in a while but that’s cause he stays over there so often. It’s not a big problem, Zach sleeps through them most of the time but before tonight it was all of them. He woke up about three minutes ago to a soft shaking on his side and as soon as he did, he knew it was from a nightmare. He felt sweaty and tired. Well tired is only part of it, he felt that his body was made of metal or something because any movement at all was exhausting. 

Still he had managed to roll over since Zach was talking, asking if he was alright and he said yes, or he thought he did at least but the covers were pulled away and he started shivering because it was freezing but Zach had hauled him to his feet gently and nudging him towards the bathroom. Neither were really awake so they didn’t talk but Zach sat him down on the toilet where he is now. The taller boy leaves and his mind is too blank from being tired and afraid that he doesn’t question what’s going on and a moment later Zac is back anyway with pajamas, a clean pair of his, and sort of looks at the shower. 

He gets the point, he’s probably pretty gross so Zach leaves and he gets in. It’s a short one but mostly because standing is exhausting and he doesn’t really do anything beyond stand under the water for two minutes because trying to move his arms is too much trouble. He dimly wonders why he had one tonight but he guesses it probably has to do a bit with Bob, and a bit with basketball and maybe a bit to do with the Jess situation. Apparently someone heard what happened at the dance and spread the rumor that he got rejected...he guesses he did but now he has Monty and a bunch of the other guys ripping on him for being a cuck and making school very unpleasant. 

Bryce sometimes stops the guys and he can get away from the house and Bob but the bruises still make playing hard and their season is real difficult this year. They’re still on their way to making it into the postseason but not by as many wins as last year. Coach has pulled him aside a few times and remarked that he needed Justin to be more in the game and asked repeatedly if he was alright and Justin thinks he put Willem up to asking about it too because the other boy has a few times...at least Willem is easier to brush off and feeds him pretty often.

All three things on their own are, well not easy but they can be dealt with. Together they’ve made the past few weeks back from Christmas break pretty rough..especially a lack of girlfriend to offer other options for getting away, day or night, but he’s not going to get together with someone unless it’s Jess...that’s also led mocking but at least he can hold Monty never having a girlfriend over his head. He’s hooked up but never dated and apparently it’s a pretty sore spot.

When he’s done thinking, he scrubs himself down with soap and washes his hair but it takes so much effort that even standing isn’t worth it by the end and he shuts the water off and towels himself dry sitting on the edge of the tub. Pulling Zach’s pajamas on is a bit of a challenge because they’re big on him and take some extra work to pull on, honestly it seems unreasonably hard, but once he does he’s eager to go back to bed and hope for sleep. Unfortunately the pant legs are so long that despite his growth spurt, he still has to work twice as hard to not trip over them. He could roll them up a few times but that’s _so much_ extra work. He opens the bathroom door and crosses into Zach’s room to find his friend sitting on his bed looking tired. Tomorrow, Justin will feel guilty for waking him up and keeping him awake but tonight that’s beyond him. It isn’t until he sits on the hard floor that he realizes that the futon is gone and Zach offers his hand to pull him up.

He’s more than a little embarrassed when his mind catches up with what’s going on but honestly he’s spent more nights in Zach’s bed than anywhere besides his own and the pool house couch so when the older boy lays him down on the matress he doesn’t even try to protest because this isn’t new to either of them and pretending it is would just push getting to sleep back and he really wants to sleep even though he’s afraid he won’t. The heaviness of his limbs seems greater than usual but probably because he actually did something and it’s the thing that makes him even want to try sleeping again. Unfortunately, the fear is still there too, his muscles are still on edge and the only thing that’s helping is that there’s another person here but it’s still eating at him. Still if there’s a chance he gets any sleep tonight he thinks it’ll be up here rather than on the mattress on the floor.

Zach hasn’t said anything the whole time but he’s alright with that because it would be awkward and he also doesn’t really want to talk at all. Instead, when Zach settles in next to him, he leans against the boy who probably should be his best friend but isn’t and enjoys the warmth and comfort he provides, the arm wrapped around him, the familiar smell that’s always soothing, and everything that means he’s with Zach and safe and that helps numb the fear.

Zach shifts a little and rests his chin on Justin’s head and a moment later his breathing evens out and Justin can tell he’s asleep. That seems like a pretty good idea so Justin closes his eyes and tries to do the same. It actually works too and for the first night in a long time he falls asleep after a nightmare and when he wakes up the next morning he’s warm and content and barely remembers the stinging fear that woke him up during the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another chapter and sorry it took so long. This is another bruised boy that deals with the physiological damage Justin has in addition to the physical and was harder to write than I expected. I wrote what I had to say and then realized it was 3 pages and went back several times to add as ideas come to me but it started feeling like an essay I was padding to reach a page number and I didn't enjoy that feeling. I think it came out pretty well though even if it's maybe a bit cheesy and overdone.
> 
> The reason it took so long to get this out was because while it was difficult, several other chapters proved very easy so I have the next two mostly done and will be posting one Friday or Saturday.
> 
> Happy reading and if the mood strikes you, leave a comment and if you have an idea for a chapter you'd like to see written, go ahead and let me know and I'll see what I can do!


	47. Sick Day 2 (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach hears Justin is in the nurse’s office and sneaks in, he can’t help his friend too much but he can be there for a little but right?

Zach makes a break for it halfway through the period. The heat has come on in the library and Mr. Dobbs is nodding off. Actually, so are most people which is good for him. It’s one of those cold, gray days that doesn’t inspire much activity and right now he’s happy for that because it makes this easier. Clay Jensen and Courtney might be the only two who see him duck out and he’s pretty confident neither will tell, although Clay gives him a dirty look for what reason he doesn’t know why since it’s not like he has much contact with the guy. Going through the empty halls is easy but leaves him paranoid that he’s going to get caught and there’s nowhere to hide at all. It isn’t until he slips into the nurse’s office that he feels safe and lets out the breath he thinks he’s been holding since he left class.

This is the first time he’s in the nurse’s office and it takes him a moment to find the cot against the wall where Justin is lying down, arm over his eyes and even seeing only the half his face not covered by arm, Zach can tell it’s twisted in pain. He approaches the bed and becomes aware of the soft whimpers and groans that escape from his friend and he knows Justin feel awful because his friend’s pride would never let him make these noises if he could stop them...and after seeing what Justin will play basketball though, he must feel pretty miserable right now to be letting them out.

He closes the space between him and the bed quietly and takes Justin’s other hand in his and rubs his thumb over the knuckles. That gets Justin to move his other arm and open his eyes. They’re too bright and somewhat glazed over and he can see the redness of Justin’s nose, cheeks, and ears.

“Zach?” He sounds tired too, and unsure. “What’re you doin here?”

“Yeah it’s me. Jess said you were here. How are you feeling bro?” It’s obvious but he thinks Justin will appreciate the opportunity to deny it if he wants to. Instead Justin give a cough and slides closer to Zach and grabs Zach’s hands with his other one and squeezes.

“Bad, but you’re here so better.” Zach blushes a little because Justin rarely says anything like this out loud. It also makes him feel pretty good though, knowing that Justin thinks so highly of him.

“That’s-that’s good buddy I’m going to stay here for a while with you. Are you tired? Maybe you should close your eyes and try to sleep.”

“I’ve been trying to get Mr. Foley to sleep since he got here an hour ago, Mr. Dempsey but he hasn’t yet so I’m not holding my breath.”

Zach looks over his shoulder quickly and finds Ms. Tymes standing in the doorway. The nurse is a small, dark-skinned lady with a slow drawl and sarcastic wit. She’s usually around for sports games so Zach knows her enough to know that getting caught by her is bad news. She isn’t especially cruel or vindictive, but she’s about as soft as rock. Efficient in her work, but he thinks he heard Coach Rick mention one time that her bedside manners were lacking. He also thinks he heard that she came from some uptight Catholic school and that’s why she calls everyone mister and missus. Then again, he heard she worked as a nurse in the army and that’s why she doesn’t have patience for fake patients. He gulps.

“Have you come to visit me with a made-up malady or are you here with a real one?”

He could lie and fake something but it won’t hold up; Ms. Tymes can spot a sick act a mile away and she doesn’t humor them at all. “No Ma’am, I came to visit Justin. I heard he was sick and wanted to make sure he was okay.” Might as well tell the truth.

“Do you think I can’t do my job?”

Uh-oh...he doesn’t think there’s a right response to this and her voice sounds like a challenge, daring him to say he doesn’t think she can.

“No Ma’am, I just thought Justin might want some company since he isn’t feeling good.” Well, he’s started with the truth, might as well continue with it.

“Not feeling good is an understatement, his fever is over one hundred and his mother isn’t coming to get him...you cut class to come see him?” She doesn’t sound impressed but that seems to be her normal and she sounds maybe a little curious at the end, so he nods and swallows the words he’s about to say about Amber because he doubts Ms. Tymes cares what he thinks about Justin’s mom.

“Yes, I just wanted to see how he’s doing.” He tries to control the shaking in his voice and hopes for a miracle but expects a detention, and worse, being sent back to class before really getting a chance to talk to Justin.

Her eyes travel over him appraisingly and he wonders if maybe she might be looking right through him for a moment, he can believe the army nurse rumor right about now just based off the intensity.

“Mr. Dempsey, it is a well known fact among my colleagues that everyday between twelve forty-five and one I enjoy the company of only my peanut butter and jelly sandwich and low salt potato chips in the back room with the door closed; unless someone is bleeding profusely or in imminent danger of death, I am unavailable for those wonderful fifteen minutes. Today is an exception, I required use of the facilities and that’s why I’m late but I was unseen when I left the room. If you happened to sneak into my office during this time and were gone by the time I came back out, I would never know you were here when you shouldn’t have been.”

She looks at him meaningfully and it takes him a minute to realize what she’s offering. “Oh-oh of course yeah you never saw me.” He flashes his best smile and wishes he had Justin’s talent for charming people only for a moment.

She looks him over critically and ‘mhms’ before moving to her desk and taking out a paper bag from the drawer. She doesn’t look at him again while going through a door in the back, closing it behind her.

He turns back to Justin who looks a little confused as if the whole exchange went too fast for him but after a moment he realizes Zach is staying and that seems to be enough for him to relax a little. Some tension leaves his body but he’s still holding Zach’s hands as tight as he can...it just isn’t tight enough. Zach glances at the clock, they have ten minutes left until one and he has to leave, he opens his mouth to ask Justin if he wants or needs anything but the boy shifts over and motions for him to lie down next to him.

Zach does, he can’t refuse those eyes even when they’re well, the fever glaze makes them even more impossible to say no to. It isn’t pleasant though, the cot itself isn’t comfortable and they’re far to big for this. It would have been tight before Justin’s growth spurts and now this thing is both too short for him and also too narrow for both of them together. He doesn’t complain though, it’s only for ten minutes and he can see the clock to make sure he doesn’t run over.

They sort of work it out so Zach is the person on most of the cot lying on his back, feet and lower legs hanging off the end. Justin is on his side next to Zach and probably only staying on the narrow thing because he’s braced against the wall. It can’t be comfortable for Justin and Zach’s body is already protesting the ridiculous position but Justin lets out the most content sigh Zach’s ever heard and presses against him, somehow getting even closer and he can feel the fever heat radiating off Justin's skin against his side. His hand goes and tentatively at first plays with Justin’s hair, sort of smoothing it over and over. It’s damp with sweat and usually Zach would be grossed out...he still sort of is, but Justin makes another happy noise and he’s willing to suck it up.

He hates this...not being here which he would do again anytime, but that Justin gets sick like he does. In the winter months he’ll always come down with something at least three times. Well he did last year and it’s only January now and he’s already gotten sick twice so maybe three is a good number for him. It’s worse because when he does get sick, Zach doubts anything changes for him. He either has to be sick at home with his mom and her trash boyfriend of the week or at Bryce’s and that doesn’t make him feel any better...he doubts Bryce would be willing to share a single person cot, made for half a person, with Justin and let the other boy basically cuddle with him all for Justin’s own comfort.

Actually Bryce is an asshole so he wouldn’t want him too...Zach doesn’t trust him to be anywhere near Justin...too bad Justin has other feelings on the matter and well...Zach can’t do all the things for him that Bryce can. His parents would ask too many questions...well his mom still sort of hates Justin even after everything that’s happened but his dad would ask too many questions he can’t answer.

They stay like that for nine minutes and Zach thinks Justin falls asleep at some point. Either he’s snoring or he’s just congested and one seems far more fair to Justin than the other, he doesn’t need to be congested on top of the fever but sleep will help. It pains him to untangle himself from his friend who has made the process harder, getting closer and using his legs to hold onto Zach’s like a clamp, a weak one but still. He does though and leans over Justin to smooth his hair one last time. He reaches into his backpack and pulls out Justin’s varsity jacket which he retrieved from Justin’s locker before going to study hall. It’s his old one and he can fondly remember Justin wearing it last year and it being huge on him, now finally it fits its new owner, mostly. He tucks it around said owner tightly and his hands linger there for a moment.

The doorknob rattles and he knows he needs to leave but its still so hard. Justin makes it a little easier though when he whispers, “Thanks for comin’ Zach.” His voice is full of gratitude, even though it’s exhausted and he can hear the congestion now, and Zach’s able to pull his hand off Justin’s head and slip away.

The rest of the day is torture and he texts Dad to ask him if he can pick Justin up too. He agrees and that’s the only relief Zach gets until it’s three and he hurries to his locker to get his things and then to the main office to find Justin sitting uncomfortably in the chairs. He knew he couldn’t trust Amber to come to get him but that doesn’t stop him from being pissed off. That woman is the worst especially since Ms. Tymes left an hour ago and Justin’s had to sit in the office until now. He can imagine the slow process of getting Justin here and the dirty looks he’s gotten from Mrs. Rhen in the meantime.

He’s able to negotiate custody of him from her fairly easily though since Justin isn’t in trouble and she hates him and probably wants to stop looking at him.

They get out to his dad’s car but it’s slow because Justin refuses his help and he can’t exactly manhandle the other boy as well as he used to. His dad doesn’t ask too many questions and they drop him off in front of his house...Zach doesn’t want him to go, he wants to take Justin home with him where he’ll be able to look after him and make sure he gets better but his dad wouldn’t allow that without an explanation Zach can’t give so he has to watch Justin slowly make his way into the dirty house.

He’s out the next few days but back on Thursday, Zach knows before he sees him because he finds packs of Mike & Ikes and Hot Tamales in his locker...Justin knows his favorites. They don’t speak about it but that’s fine, he’s just happy to have his friend back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've had this chapter written for months but it hasn't fit the time frame I needed to post it until now. I figure Justin probably does get sick a lot since he can't always get what he needs to take care of himself or stuck outside in the cold or rain because he can't go home or some other reason and I really wanted to write this chapter lol. It's pretty shameless fluff but the next three are going to be a bad time for the boys.
> 
> Speaking of next ones, I changed the post order I had planned to have all the bad stuff come and then have a funny softer piece at the end so I know need to write the two upcoming ones and then I have the following two written. That means I can't promise when the next update comes but my hope is Tuesday or Wednesday.
> 
> Happy reading to all of you and thank you to all my commenters, I love reading what you guys have to say and if you have any ideas for chapters just let me know and I'll see if I can use them!


	48. War of Words (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin and Zach are paired for a project and what should be a night of work ends in a fist fight between them a lot of lingering anger.

Being paired with Zach for a project should be like...fucking great except it isn’t because it’s for history. Burns is the worst. She put them together to fail because she’s petty and a bitch and couldn’t handle that they weren’t paying attention in her class. It’s not their fault that dollar valentines are more interesting and that nothing she was saying is going to be on the test. She lectured them about it and probably would have sent them to the office but the bell rang mid lecture and they were able to escape.

Or they were able to until two days ago when she paired them together for the project with a look that made sure they knew she didn’t expect them to pass. He knows the look because since her first test and that mess, he’s pulled straight Cs in the class because anything lower and he’ll have to do summer school and anything higher and she’ll get her panties in a knot and he doesn’t need that again. Next year he hopes to have _anyone_ but her for history, even if it’s old man Andrews who could put a class to sleep by walking into the room.

That doesn't help him with his current problem, namely it being Sunday and the project being due tomorrow. He and Zach are sitting up in Zach’s room trying to work on it...well it’s more like Zach is trying to work on it and he’s working off some good weed from Bryce in a would be pleasant high...would be except Zach’s growing frustration and most of it being directed at him.

“How are we even supposed to answer this question!”

It’s about the fourth time Zach’s asked in five minutes and so far the loudest. He’s been on edge all week and prone to snapping at people. He made May cry, yelled at Jess, Scott, and Monty on different occasions and has generally been anything but pleasant. Justin’s tried to help, really he has. He’s left candy and notes in Zach’s locker, made sure Coach paired them for two v twos during practice, and tried to get Zach to talk about it several times, and been brushed of, snapped at, or ignored for his troubles. His patience is wearing out because he loves Zach, he’s a better friend, better brother, than any Jusitn’s ever had, _just not his best friend or best brother because well...Bryce_ , but he’s been an absolute ass all week. So now instead of trying to be helpful, he flops back on Zach’s bed and answers the same way he has the last three times. “We don’t. She doesn’t want us to pass so we shouldn’t even bother trying.Just type something up and give it to her.”

He knows Zach is giving him a dirty look without looking and the other boy snaps, “That might be fine for you but if I don’t get at least a B on this, I fail this class.”

“Nope,” They’ve been over this three times already too so he and Zach both know what he’s going to say, and what Zach’ll reply, “If you don’t pass this project then you get a D+ for the marking period but you pulled a B- last one so you average to a C between them and have two more to do.”

“I can’t get a D!”

“I don’t think you have a choice, we can’t pass.”

“We can if you get off your ass and help!”

“Why? I told you it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t want us to pass so we won’t.” He’s tired of repeating this but Zach still doesn’t seem to be getting it.

“What are you so scared of?”

“I’m not scared.”

“Doesn’t looks that way to me.”

“Guess your seeing things wrong.” It comes out too harshly and he knows it as soon as he says it but Zach jumps in before he can say anything else.

“I think I’m seeing things right! Your just lazy and trying to skate by like in a class like you mom-” As soon as the last word leaves his mouth, his eyes widen.

“Like my mom what Zach? Skates by in life? Oh sure, all the sex and drugs are clearly coasting, and you think I’m just like her? That’s low I thought you knew better but maybe there’s more of your mom in you than you want to admit.”

Zach’s face morphs and Justin knows he’s hit a nerve, well Zach did too so whatever. “Well, at least I don’t have to get high to deal with my problems like you do, you’re not even sober now are you!”

They’re in dangerous water now, even more so than before because he knows that while the other boy enjoys getting drunk once in a while at parties, he never smokes or does anything else. He also knows Zach isn’t usually very happy that Justin does and they don’t really talk about it because Zach’s made his opinion known and Justin isn’t giving up weed anytime soon. Usually they leave all of it unsaid but Zach bringing it up now makes it seem like Justin is using the weed to avoid his problems, which he is, but not this one.

“So what if I am and what if I do, it isn’t any of your business!”

“It is when we’re supposed to be working on a project _together_ and can’t even bother to be sober to help!”

“You aren’t fucking listening! I told you we can’t pass this, Burns doesn’t give a shit about our grades and she _won’t_ let us get a B so it doesn’t matter what we do for it. We’ll get the same grade handing in shit that we will some fucking amazing project. She put us together as punishment for talking in class the other day because she’s a bitch and even if we do it and work really hard we’ll still get a fucking C at best so we shouldn’t even bother and I’ve already said this and you aren’t listening!”

“Well that may be fine for you and _her_ but I’m expected to do better and make something of myself.”

“That’s great for you, glad you hit the fucking jackpot being born and have rich parents who love you and can afford to help you succeed in life. Must be difficult living up to their expectations!” It comes pouring out of him, bitter and hateful and ugly, and he doesn’t really know where it comes from, except that Zach keeps bringing his mom into it and two can play that game.

“You wish you could have my parents! At least they aren’t as much a piece of gossip it school as the cheerleaders!”

Justin feels his face heat up with shame because it’s true. Mom comes up as much as a lot of the highschoolers and he’s the center of mocking because of her antics. Monty, Scott, and Sam all live in the same neighborhood and his mom is a legend in the worst possible way. Her sexual encounters, drug use, and occasional nights in holding are sometimes known to everyone else before he finds out and between Bryce and Monty there have been days he’s regretted everything from being related to her, to being born at all. Smiling off the mocking only works for so long.

“Well at least she doesn’t think of me as some piece of gossip for her cackling friends either!”

“Yea, cause she’d be embarrassed of you!”

“At least I’m not lying to her about everything, she knows what she gets with me and loves me!”

“Oh sure, that’s why she lets her men do what they want!” If it had been anyone else, Jeff, Willem, Bryce, anyone but Zach, Justin would have broken their nose but he has just enough presence of mind not to and instead grabs his bag.

“Bye Zach, have fun with the project, see if you can keep from making May cry again.” 

“That’s it! Running away from your problems? C’mon Justin I thought there was more to you than this, guess you are as pathetic everyone says, just an attack dog for Bryce.”

“Better than you’ll be, a dog for Bryce is still better than a worm. Have fun in the big empty house all by yourself I’m sure you haven’t driven everyone away-”

Suddenly he doubled over and can’t breath and then being pushed and pulled to the door. He throws the arms off him and manages to put together that Zach punched him and was trying to throw him out.

“What’s wrong? Couldn’t handle a little jab?” It’s painful to gasp out but he can't help but smirk at the look on Zach’s face. Serves him right for starting shit.

Zach lunges at him again and they’re actually fighting. He’s too angry to remember most of it but he knows he landed a few good punches and got a few in return. He does eventually end up outside after another round of yelling. He doesn’t remember much from the rest of the night, only that he picked a fight with whatever bum his mom is dating this week and he thinks he might have won, the guy looks like trash the next morning but he probably did too though he doesn’t know what came from Zach and what from the boy friend.

That Monday is practically legendary for shitty Mondays because not only does he feel like he’s fought with a cement truck but he and Zach don’t speak with each other at all. They ignore each other, find different places to eat at lunch, and practice is a nightmare because they can’t play with each other. Never in his life has he had so much trouble getting into a game and being where he needs to be on the court but he’s so unmotivated that honestly he barely bothers to play at all.

He comes back and finds the piece of shit his mom is dating waiting for a rematch and Justin knows he wins this one too because he leaves the bastard a lump on the porch and kicks him one last time on his way on his way to Bryce’s where he’s perfectly miserable in the lapse of luxury. He and Bryce talk but it’s so meaningless and he’s so angry that he’s only barely paying attention and eventually Bryce coolly tells him that his time is important and if he can’t be invested in a conversation, to not even bother.

He’s so angry that it keeps him awake for hours but eventually he passes out in the dark silence of the pool house alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was a request from a long time ago by squanchy_56 and I'd love to hear their thoughts on the chapter if their still reading, I'd love to know if I did it justice. It was absolutely miserable to write and I'm sure a lot of you didn't enjoy reading it but I felt this sort of thing needed to happen because all friends have problems and I figure with how well they know each other, a fight between them would involve a lot of low blows. If it's any consolation, this is one of the shortest chapters.
> 
> Maybe better consolation is that next chapter we hear from Zach and see the boys reconciled. I haven't started it because this one was so difficult to write but hopefully it comes easier to me and is more pleasant for you all. My hope is to get it done Saturday or Sunday but we'll see.
> 
> As always, happy reading and let me know what you think in the comments!


	49. Lonely Boy: part 4 (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach thinks this past week has been the worst of his life, he may even need to redefine loneliness even though he’s always thought of himself as an expert in it. At least something happens to turn it around tonight.

Zach lies in bed Friday night wishing he were dead. In one week, he thinks he’s ruined everything he has to live for. Well maybe two weeks because two weeks ago he just...couldn’t break out of his slump and nothing helped. The feeling clawed at him constantly and it made him irritable and cranky and more and more so as time went on. It started last Monday with saying some mean things to Jess, then continued throughout the week with fights with several of the guys, his parents, and just about all of his friends in school. 

Just about meaning the only exception was Justin who the whole week acted as his personal peacemaker, apologizing to everyone for his shitty behavior and smoothing it over as best he could while trying his hardest to help Zach who all week he found pick me ups in his locker, had numerous offers to not be alone, playing ball after school even though it was technically too cold, hanging out, or whatever Justin could think of. He denied every offer to talk, sometimes meanly, and even when they did hang out, he was still miserable and moody but Justin bore the brunt of his temper surprisingly well. At least until the end of that week. 

Justin came Sunday in the middle of him fighting with May and despite his friend’s best efforts, the fight ended with May crying and going to stay with a friend. Mom was already out for business and his Dad took May on his way to do the same, leaving him and Justin alone in the house which usually would be great except that they had work to do and Zach’s shit mood was still present. After that had been about an hour of work which grew increasingly frustrating followed by his fight with Justin. 

That had been a week ago and they hadn’t spoken since. Zach had thought the week prior had been the worst of his life with the unending feeling clawing at him at all times. This week had been infinitely worse.

Last week Justin had made sure he wasn’t alone, the other boy had purposely gone out of his way to do so with the little things in his locker, getting them paired for basketball, and inviting him to do just about everything they’ve ever done in the past. He hadn’t wanted to then and had cruelly brushed Justin off every time but the other boy had stayed with him anyway up until that fight.

And that fight had ruined everything because Zach said everything he _knew_ would hurt Justin and the other boy had hit a few nerves too maybe more on accident than Zach but it had hurt anyway. There had been a fist fight too and his anger with the boy lasted through Monday but after that the soul crushing sense of loneliness overcame everything including the anger.

It had taken the anger had gone but once it was, he realized several things, he did all of this to himself, he deserves it all for being an awful person and he doesn't think he’ll ever forgive himself for hurting Justin. Shortly after comeing to the last one, he was left with the realization that he was even worse than Amber because she did nothing while Justin was getting hurt, he hurt his best friend.

He also realizes that apparently all of Justin’s attempts the week before had done something even if he hadn’t known it then, they had kept him from falling deeper. Without Justin this week, he had been in an endless cycle of absolute misery with his only brief hope being Hannah Baker.

Oh God, and what he did to her after she rejected him-

He’ll never understand why he did it except that he had been angry and lonely and thought he had condemned himself in a life of it by pushing everyone away, even Justin, his baby brother, who stuck with him so fiercely even though he was a complete ass. At least until Hannah came along and he thought he had a chance because she did at Rosy’s what Justin couldn’t and actually _helped_. For the first time in over a week he had somehow...not felt like the whole world was slowly grinding to a halt and she was at the center of everything he could have. For a few moments across the table, he could believe in a future where he wasn’t sad and alone and she was at the center of it. That whole night he dreamed about her and him and them and it had been perfect until she rejected him and he had wanted her to feel as miserable as he did.

That had worked too because he found the note and after reading it...well obviously he had caused a lot of pain and it didn’t make him any less lonely knowing that he had caused someone else to feel all that pain.

He thinks this might be his life now too and it’s sort of ironic, sort of fitting too he thinks. For as long as he can remember, he’s worried somehow he would end up alone forever but he never thought he’d be such an active participant in making that reality. He’d always thought everyone would eventually figure out he’s a sad sack of shit, like Monty has accused him of being more than one, and they’d leave him for brighter, happier people but he never really thought he would actively be the cause until he already did.

He doesn’t know how to fix it either, he can’t think of a way to say sorry that comes even close to making anything better after all he’s done and the only person in the world who might help him figure it out is one of the people he most needs to apologize too!

He came to that realization on Wednesday when he almost called out to Justin in the hall because everything was so suffocating that he hadn’t thought he could deal with it alone but then he remembered they were supposed to be fighting and what’s more, Justin had other friends. Zach pushed everyone away, but Justin hadn’t and could just avoid his company and had dozens of other friends who wouldn’t tell him he was a disappointment or that his mom didn’t love him or that-

Something taps on his window and he looks over to find the curtains drawn and remembers it’s because the moon is bright and kind of cheerful looking and it annoyed him so he didn’t want to see it. Now he gets up and opens them.

Shock is an understatement but he isn’t smart enough to know how to describe what he’s feeling.

Crouched on the small roof outside his window is Justin, varsity jacket wrapped as tight as it can and looking...not awful, just cold. 

For a moment his brain goes completely blank and maybe he fell asleep at some point, this is just too good to be true. The boy on the other side of the glass doesn’t share his sense of wonder because he taps on the glass again and points inside. Zach’s body and brain finally catch up and he unlocks the window and opens it letting in the cold air and colder boy.

He closes the window and turns to face Justin. It’s awkward; they just sort of stand there looking at each other and the only noise is the sound of Justin’s teeth chattering until they both seem to come to some silent agreement and moments later they’re both sitting on the bed, Justin with two spare blankets wrapped around him and his shivers finally showing signs of slowing down.

Zach wants to say or do something but he has no idea what or how. Justin hasn’t said anything at all but he came on his own so that means something right? He opens his mouth, intent on saying the first thing that comes to mind but he can’t make himself talk so he closes it again.

Finally Justin speaks, “I’m sorry, I just- this week was-”

“This week was awful.” Maybe he shouldn’t have cut the other boy off but he can’t help himself, this week was the worst he thinks he’s ever had and maybe it wasn’t just him who felt like that? Maybe it was bad for Justin too.

“Yeah-yeah it was and I’m just really sorry I-”

“No, no I’m sorry, this wasn’t your fault. I started it, I shouldn’t have said what I said or punched you or any of that.”

Justin snorts, “I didn’t stop it so I’m guilty too or whatever.”

“Yea but I-I punched you, and I said all that stuff about your mom and the whole week you had been so patient with me even though I was an ass and instead of saying thanks I-”

“I’ve been punched worse, nothing you said about her was untrue, and I just did what you’d do for me. What I said about you was all lies. You’re nothing like your mom, I do wish I could have your parents, I’m a coward who runs away from my problems and uses weed and booze to deal with them, and you sure as hell don’t need my dumb ass to keep you company, you’ve got a lot of other friends.”

It all hurt to hear because Justin had been startlingly accurate with his shots even if they had been sort of in the dark, he was more like his mom than he wanted and there was only a very small group of people he would ever consider friends. Even so he couldn’t tell Jusitn this now for some reason. It would be easy to say the words, he just can’t. Instead he settles on something else.

“I may have a lot of friends, but I only have one brother, and he’s no coward.” 

It may be the first time he’s made Justin blush when the boy wasn’t on something or sick but he sees the red creeping up his friends neck and his ears and cheeks while he looks over Zach’s shoulder instead of at him. “That’s-that’s-fuck man what am I like, supposed to say to that?” His voice is hoarse like he’s in awe of the statement

He doesn’t really know how to reply though because he wants Jusitn to say “Me too” but he knows he can’t expect him to say that until he can do all Bryce does and he can’t hold it against Justin for not. Instead he reaches out and pulls Justin into a hug because he can’t really contain himself anymore. He’s a little worried the other boy won’t return it but he feels arms work their way out of the blankets and around him too.

“I missed you.” Justin mumbles it against his chest but he’s thinking the same thing and squeezes the boy tighter in reply. 

They stay like that for a while until Zach finally says, “We should never fight like that again.” Well more accurately he mumbles it into Justin’s hair but the other boy agrees so he thinks the point got across.

Zach takes Justin yawning for the third time as a sign to break away because as much as he loves Justin, he really doesn't want to sleep, sitting up, supporting Justin’s weight against him. That doesn’t mean the disappointed-and-trying-hard-to-pretend-he-isn’t look Justin gives him isn’t heartbreaking and painful. When he pulls the blanket back though the look leaves and they settle down moments later. It isn’t long before Justin is asleep and very content if the look on his face is anything to go by and Zach even tolerates the other boy pressing his cold feet against his legs to warm them up because he’s just so happy to have the younger boy back.

He’s not sure if everything between them will get back to where it was before, they may need to talk more in the morning but this is a start and an important one. He finally relaxes for the first time in what seems like forever and nods off himself. Tomorrow he and Justin will finish fixing things between them and maybe the other boy will have some insight in how he should apologize to May and all of the other people he’s been an ass to the past two weeks.

It’s intimidating to think about but he’ll have Justin’s help and knowing what it’s like to not, he’s confident it;ll make all the difference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...late again but it was harder than I thought it would be. The boys are reconciled after their fight, Zach's side of the story comes out and the events of his tape happen, I covered a lot in 7 pages! I hope it satisfies all of you and don't worry, the next 2 chapters are written and I have no plans to change the order they're in so the first will go up this weekend and the second I'll let you know about when I post the next one.
> 
> Speaking of the next chapter we get everyone's favorite character back, Amber! She'll be her usual unpleasant self with a special twist from another unlikable character! 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy and if you do let me know in the comments and happy reading to you all!


	50. Parent (and the ones we wish we had) Teacher Conferences (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amber drags Justin to parent teacher conferences. It goes badly for him.

Justin thinks it’s been a long time since he’s wanted to die this much but having Mrs. Burns in the same room as Mom has that effect. Parent teacher conferences is a unique form of torture he’s never really had to deal with before but for some reason Mom decided she wanted to go to this one...drunk and high...and it’s gone as badly as he expected. 

It started with a fight with the secretary that already didn’t like him and now is ending here...with the two women staring each other down in the middle of what could be an argument but Mom seems so...weak despite having started it.

“I think your son is a liar and good for nothing, seems the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

“I’m sorry we can’t all be the _privileged people_ your kind likes; guess you’ll just have to deal with us poor people in your perfect town.”

“I have no problem with class, I just know a bad student when I see one and it seems there’s a reason for all of his shortcomings.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? All of his failings are from his father, if he was more like me he might be good for something.”

He knew it was coming because anytime someone compares him to her, she’s quick to say he’s like Dad..whoever Dad is...and remind him he’s only ever brought her pain. Usually it only hurts a little, somehow her saying it to Burns makes it worse.

“Mhm, and I see no Mr. Foley with you.”

That does it for Mom, who in her drunk rage screams and sweeps everything on the desk in front of her onto the floor, it might have been impressive since it’s the most proactive she’s ever been in a fight with someone besides him but it’s all the stuff she’s on and not her at all. People have started to gather now and Justin wishes he could not exist at the moment.

“Mom-Mom let’s just-”

“You cunt! You stuck up, slimy, no good, worthless hussy. You think you can meet me and assume everything about me just because _he’s_ my son. He’s the worst thing that ever happened to me! Before him I was young and pretty and free and now I’m tied down forever and you think I’m less than you cause I don’t have no fancy ring on my finger, or nice clothes to cover what a shit person I am or expensive surgery to make my boobs bigger that I’m less of a person than you are!

“Well you are giving me no reason to believe you aren’t.”

The two women devolve into what might be a shouting match if either talked louder but Mom’s voice as loud as it usually gets which is just above normal volume and it already sounds strained, like any louder would be beyond her, and Burns sounds as bored and condesinging as ever.

People are taking videos now and he’s trying to bring Mom out of the room and he just wants to go and not come back because he can hear the snickers behind him and then the schools security guard comes in, a morbidly obese man who gets paid to sit at the main enterence during the morning and dismissal, to escort his mom out and the man has to physically move her as she countinues to shout curses and slurs at the other woman who has apparently decided it’s beneath her to reply anoymore while everyone in the background laughs.

He makes eye contact with Burns and feels so much _shame_ burn up in because the looking her eyes says it all...she’s seen everything she needs to confirm everything she’s ever thought about him and more and looks so sickeningly smug about it that he flees. Pushes past the the mass of shifting, laughing people and practically runs until the laughter and his mom’s screams fade.

He ducks into an empty classroom and resolves to wait until everyone’s gone to leave...he feels his face wet and curses himself for actually _crying_ over all this bullshit but he can’t stop it as the tears flow. 

He hears the doors open and his heart skips a few beats.

Someone sits down next to him and passes a handkerchief...and honest to God handkerchief. He looks at the cloth in his hand and sees a _G D_ stitched into it and looks up to see Mr. Dempsey through blurry eyes. 

The man is looking straight ahead and Justin thinks it must be intentional, he’s not watching the teen in front of him cry and somehow it almost makes him cry harder.

When the man speaks his voice is somehow both calming and light, as if he isn’t watching his son’s friend crying in a classroom, “I’ve found after forty some years that the best way to avoid crying is to always carry a hanky with me, it’s like bringing an umbrella when it’s cloudy.”

He opens his mouth and then closes it and repeats a few times not sure of what to say. It isn’t necessary though, the man keeps talking in a conversational tone.

“Zach and I saw you rush past and you looked upset. He wanted to come but I thought maybe I should wait outside, I always hated when my friends saw me cry growing up.”

He still can’t form any words as the man continues.

“We haven’t visited Coach Patrick yet. I’m sure he’ll have plenty to say about you and he’ll need to tell someone, if you’d to come.”

Now he really can’t talk because he’s also confused. Why would Mr. Dempsey want to listen to Coach talk about _him_? He’s already got the best son in the world and Coach’ll have a ton of good shit to say about Zach.

Still, when the man offers him a hand and Justin accepts and is pulled up to his feet. He wipes his face on the piece of cloth and takes a few deep breaths and then they head out the door. Zach joins them in the hall and they walk to their next destination.

Coach is in his classroom instead of the gym but he meets with both the parents of his students as well as his players. Manuel complained last year Coach was his worst meeting because the man suggested he needed to practice more while Willem said the man offered to take an extra few hours with him to work on some things. Justin isn’t sure what the man will say about him and Zach and honestly he’s a little nervous...a happy nervous maybe because he doubts Coach’ll say anything too bad about him or Zach, but still nervous because if the man does...he honestly doesn’t know what he’ll do.

When the large man sees them come in he doesn’t seem surprised at all that the trio is together and offers for them to seats after shaking their hands.

“Well George, you must be proud to have both stars of the Tigers with you today. Without these two we would have been done for the season games ago but they’ve not only kept up the same energy from last year but also have filled in the holes left by those who graduated quite nicely.”

Justin feels his face warms a little and Zach rubs the back of his neck. Coach seems pleased if the smirk is anything to go by.

“I hadn’t realized they were so important to the team.” Mr. Dempsey looks a little too surprised...like maybe he did know but Justin can’t prove anything.

“Really? It seems to me you must have, you’re at most of the games and cheering for the pair of them, the only louder voice is a certain little sister.” He gives Zach an amused look and it’s true...May is very loud when they play. “But I suppose you don’t see all of the behind the scenes things they do. Zach here is a font of encouragement for the team, I’ve never seen a player work so hard to let each and every person on the team know what they’re doing right. I never have to worry that one of my players may be feeling neglected because Mr. Dempsey here is always ready to congratulate them on any minor achievement. He can make some of the younger boys smile like I’ve never seen with just a few words.”

“Mr. Foley is quite the team player himself. Because of him, I barely even have to teach my players anything. Whether it’s very basic like dribbling or passing or more advanced techniques for some of the older players, Justin is always willing to show and practice with them. Seems under that harst exterior is a big softie”

Justin glances at Zach who’s a little red and looking up at the ceiling like it’s the most interesting thing since sliced bread or some shit and he has a feeling his cheeks are about that color too.

Looking past Zach, Mr. Dempsey looks both a little surprised and a little amused as he looks over the pair sitting next to him, Justin’s eyes slide away contact can be made. “I didn’t realize how valuable they were to you. Maybe they should start getting a commission from your salary.”

The large man bursts out laughing, deep belly laughs and Mr. Dempsey joins in. From there the two men shift to talking about boys’ work ethics, their skill as players and the potential for college scouts to start looking next year.

By the time they leave, Coach has a substantial line waiting for him, who are none too happy at a fifteen minute meeting instead of the usual five and Justin can’t deny the warm feeling in him.

The feeling lasts until the next day when he gets to school because as soon as he gets there he has the feeling that everyone is watching him and snickering behind his back. He shrugs it off and tells himself he’s being paranoid, self conscious, and a sissy.

He still tells himself this until he finds the guys who take one look at him and burst out laughing. He’s stunned into silence until Bryce finally collects himself enough to speak.

“Man Justy, I knew your mom was nuts but calling Burns a cunt? That’s hardcore.”

“The look on your face was priceless too.” Monty’s smile says it all...the bastard.

He tries to keep up his smile as he asks, “What are you talking about?” Innocently, maybe...maybe they just heard rumors and he can deny it.

Another kid pulls out his phone and shows him the video though...almost all of the interaction on tape and with Justin in the middle of the two women looking close to tears.

“Man, how does it feel to know your mom is the biggest fuck up?” Monty’s still smiling madly. “Then again, she seems to think you’re a worse one than her! I guess we would need your dad to really know but man, it must suck that everyone’s seen her in all her glory, well not _all_ her glory.” The smile goes a little lude and a couple people look grossed out.

Bryce claps him on his back and says, “Don’t worry, I’m sure in a few days some people will have forgotten about this.”

Monty bursts out laughing again at this and Justin has a feeling he won’t be one of them. Homeroom can’t come fast enough because they spend the ten minutes leading up to it talking about his mom’s ‘performance’. He doesn't think the day can get any worse until he goes into homeroom and hears the veiled snickers. Hannah gives him a sympathetic smile and that makes him feel a hundred times worse because he put her through this same thing did he?

Getting called to the office is just the next step in this disaster and he barely listens as Bolan and Burns talk about responsibility and manners and etiquette and shit like that while he wonders when he became responsible for his mom’s actions. 

By the time they let him out, he sneaks out to the football fields and smokes a joint.

Somehow he’s found though despite that being the last thing he wants. A heavy shadow falls across him and he almost snaps reflexively for the person to fuck off but when he realizes it’s Zach, he’s glad he doesn’t. 

The other boy doesn’t say anything and neither does he while he finishes. Even after they sit there in silence for a while until Zach asks, “Want to ditch school, go to my place and play video games until we go pick up May?”

“You’re going to skip school?” Zach may not get great grades but he is a decent student in terms of showing up and trying, Justin figures it comes with his mom being who she is.

“Some things are more important that school.” 

He can’t deny the words make him feel better, like somehow a weight is gone from him.

They do just that, spend the day hiding out in Zach room, eating greasy pizza and playing video games and it feels so much better than he could have imagined. He’ll have to deal with all the shit when he goes back tomorrow but...he has time before that happens. When they go and pick up May it changes a little, they go to playing board games instead of video games and they keep things cleaner, more PG, but it’s still a good time.

He’s glad Zach’s around, the thought of going through school that day, even with the weed to take the edge off, was not a good one. But here...everything’s better, he’s with a friend who won’t make fun of him like the rest will and he’s happy, that’s enough for today at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another chapter! Hope you all enjoyed, we had a lot of guest characters but they were all necessary to making the story work. I figure Amber has caused no small amount of humiliation to Justin with her antics and I wanted a chapter to do that and well...who better to witness than Burns and then everyone else! Apologize to Daisy, I actually had this written when we talked about Mrs. Burns coming back but she isn't a major character in this chapter so I sort of forgot and I may be thinking of plans to bring her back after this.
> 
> Next chapter will come out sometime this week and it features Jess, story time with Zach, and whole lot of laughter, hope you're all as excited as I am!
> 
> As always happy reading and let me know what you think in the comment below!


	51. Who’s Your Brother? (J)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin, Zach, and Jess are hanging out at Rosy’s Jess is telling stories about her brother and asks if they have any brothers. Zach says yes and begins to regale her with stories that are embarrassingly familiar.

Justin might just be the happiest person in the world sitting next to Zach and across from Jess at Rosy’s. They have a basket of fries between them, their third, Jess and Zach are on their second milkshake and he’s on his third burger. Jess is in the middle of a story about her brothers being little shits and he and Zach are hold their sides from laughing so hard and everything’s good.

He worried things between them might be too weird after the winter dance and he still isn’t happy, still kicks himself for not asking sooner but they’re still friends and he loves being around her anyway. Who knows, maybe he’s like building points with her or something like that. Having her and Zach here is like paradise or something because he can’t remember the last time he laughed so much or so freely and he’s really happy they get along so well and this is possible.

Jess finishes her story and looks at them, “So either of you have brothers who do things like that?”

“Nope.”

Justin replies the same time he hears Zach say “Yeah.”

But Zach doesn’t have a brother, unless he’s been holding out big time.

“Oh?”

Jess looks interested and he’s look at Zach too confused as hell.

“Yeah, you know him pretty well actually.”

They both raise their eyebrows and Zach’s smile is huge as he continues.

“Yea, he’s kind of dumb like your brothers too, once he ran up to a woman driving and stopped her to tell ehr that the tires were turning.”

Jess bursts out giggling while Justin just looks at Zach and then says, “You dared me too!”

“How did that go down?”

“Oh it was great, class A performance, he runs into the street as a car passes and flags the driver down, she isn’t amused at all and starts asking what’s wrong with him and is pissed. Instead of answering, my brother told her that her wheels are turning. She hit the gas and sped away complaining about the state of American youth.” Zach finishes the story with a sage like tone of wisdom and Justin can’t believe the betrayal as he frantically looks at Jess...who’s smiling.

With a sly smile and a glance at him, she asks Zach, “What else has this brother done?”

Zach’s smile widens somehow and Justin does a quick check of everything he’s ever said in front of his friend...and gulps. If Zach remembers even half the stuff he does they could be here for hours and Jess is going to think he’s a moron.

“Well it would take way too long to go through all of them but I can give you the highlights.”

“Jess whatever he says are lies.”

“Oh please, go on.”

The pair are looking at him and if he wasn’t stuck in the booth he’d consider leaving...still Jess does have a nice laugh and he doesn’t really want to go out in the rain right now anyway.

“Let’s see, there was the time he managed to blow up a balloon filled with baby oil on himself.”

“How did that happen?”

Justin recovers from his shock and defends himself saying, “Lies! Deception! You threw it at me cause you thought I was some robber!”

“Well,” Zach has a hand over his mouth, very clearly trying to keep some kind of straight face and failing pretty hard, “he was sick and like the good brother I am, I was there to check on him-”

“He’s lying through his teeth, he was sick, I was there to help.”

“-And he hears me come in and isn’t expecting me so he thinks I’m some kind of robber-”

“He’s turning this all around-”

“-so he thinks he needs to defend the house and grabs a baseball bat but finds some balloons and fills one with baby oil planning to throw it at me before hitting me, can you believe the nerve?”

“-and changing which of us did what-”

“But he over filled the balloon so when he went to throw it, it popped on him and he was coated in baby oil.”

Jess is laughing and doubled over, her laughter coming out between almost painful sounding wheezes as she tries to breath in between the laughter and not succeeding well. 

“No, he threw it at me and got me soaked in the stuff! Can you believe the nerve of him? I was there to keep him from dying of boredom or whatever plague shit he had and that’s how he repays me.”

Somehow through her laughter she manages to say “More”. That’s all the invitation Zach needs.

“He and our sister plot against me all the time.” Justin’s surprised to hear how naturally it sounds for Zach to refer to May as their sister...he kinda likes it too. “Especially in summer, they’re just the worst.

Jess has composed herself enough to nod sagely and agrees, “Little brothers are the worst during summer, we need a summer camp for them to go to and stay at until school starts again.”

Zach nod and Justin can’t help but feel he’s watching some fucking bobble heads or some shit like that, he almost comments until he hears what Zach says, “A tickling summer camp.” He snorts the water he’s drinking and looks frantically at Jess...she looks _way too_ interested for his liking.

“Is that effective on this brother?”

“Very, especially his feet, can’t stand it, giggles, squirms, begs, laughs, and can’t get away for the life of him.”

“I do not beg! And it’s a lie I’m not even tickl-”

He sits up straighter and a giggle escapes him when he feels a poke at his side. He gives Zach a dirty look and mutters, “He is too.”

He tries to poke Zach back but the taller boy holds his hands away while regaling Jess with another mostly made up story. “So summer time they like to try to soak me with pool water or the hose or whatever is easiest for them. Well of course I got smart and starting carrying an umbrella with me-”

“He means he got boring-”

“So he and May tried to be clever and she makes a big splash, which my umbrella stops, and she sits there sulking. She was only a distraction.”

“Sneaky aren’t they?”

“Very, and bad at it because my brother isn’t in the pool anymore and has gone around and filled up a bucket with water. He thinks he’s being smart and plans to bump it on me but I already know and when he tries it, I just use the umbrella again.”

“Lies! I totally soaked him, he looked like a drowned rat!”

Jess’s smile is infectious though and despite the complete nonsense Zach is saying, he smiles back.

“What else?” She looks so eager that Justin resigns himself to being the brunt of the jokes for a while, he’ll get Zach back later.

“I convinced him he was a unicorn once.”

“Zach don’t you dare!” That’s crossing the line.

“How did you do that?”

“Oh it was pretty easy, he’s very gullible.”

“I was drunk you ass.”

“I need to hear this from the beginning.”

“Well he started asking if I thought the unicorns had all drowned.”

“What?”

“Yea there’s a song about them all dying during Noah’s flood because they don’t get in the ark. Anyway, he blows up my inbox asking if I think the unicorns represent people, and trying to reason out why they can’t be-”

“He’s not saying the full story.”

“And then he starts thinking it’s a conspiracy. That the song and the story are faked for a government cover up of unicorns being hunted.”

“You said that not me!”

“So naturally at this point I decided to roll with it and told him he was a unicorn and he believed it.”

Jess is trying to collect herself again and not doing a very good job because every time she tries, she ends up dissolving into giggles again. Justin sits with his arms crossed giving Zach a dirty look and that’s when the taller boy loops an arm over his shoulders, pulls him against his side, and starts speaking again.

“He also does some stuff right, not just funny. Got into a fist fight for me and beat the shit out of Monty.”

Jess looks impressed. “I thought he was tough?”

Justin grumbles a little and says, “He is, I was just tougher.”

“On bad days I usually find candy in my locker and only one other person has my combo.”

“It’s the candy fairy.” It’s his standard deflection on this one. It’s not that he has a problem with Zach knowing, it’s just that it’s easier not to acknowledge it out loud.

Jess looks interested now and Zach continues. “He’s good at pulling me out of some pretty bad moods too.” There’s more left unsaid that he can hear and Jess must too because she looks at him strangely. Not bad, but strange. Like somehow he’s great or something. 

“Sounds to me like you have a very sweet brother.”

Zach gives him a small, but honest smile, “Yea he’s pretty great. I’m pretty proud of him when I don’t wish I had a leash.”

Justin grumbles, his ears a little red from the stories and then the comments as he replies, “He’d be better with an apology milkshake.”

The duo laugh and he joins in while Zach gets him the milkshake.

They spend another few hours in the diner, talking and laughing and honestly, Justin can say it’s pretty close to perfect. He wishes he was with Jess but at least he has her as a friend and he’s always glad to have Zach around. If they could stay like this forever, young and free, above all the shit that life makes them deal with, he could be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been written for what feels like forever at this point because I kept changing where it fell in the order and I finally put it in here where it's the light at the end of a very long, very dark tunnel. I feel like lately I've been hammering the boys and all of you since it's been like five chapters about five chapters since any any good times and this may be one of the lightest hearted chapters I've ever written.
> 
> The next chapter is going to be a Looking In chapter but unfortunately I'm only a page in and I don't have a clear direction for it, my hope is Monday or Tuesday but I'm not making any promises.
> 
> Happy reading to all of you and let me know what you think in the comments below and if you have any ideas for chapters let me know! I need to fill out their last months of sophomore year, hopefully with some fun stuff cause the summer is going to be pretty miserable for the pair, but if you have ideas for less than nice chapters let me know about them too!


	52. Looking In Part 6: Willem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willem spends a lot of time with the golden pair, it’s hard not to be drawn to them especially when they play together but during a game he finds himself thinking about them a bit more.

Willem watches as Justin sort of appears on the court where Zach needs him, when he needs him, and marvels once again at how the team’s youngest player always seems to do it. They made it to states this year like they said they would but everything was harder than last year. They’re missing Jackson, his leadership, and talent for the game in general and the hole his absence leaves is noticeable. Willem has a sinking suspicion that a lot of the slack falls to the sophomore pair to pick up rather than him or Manuel stepping up. He shakes the thought off as he intercepts a pass and sends it Manuel’s way. 

  


They’re fifth man, isn’t great either, Manuel passes him the ball and he goes for a three pointer but misses. Willem can’t help but think Zach would have made it. The fifth is a senior this year like Manuel but Willem has a feeling that Coach picked him because he was the best of what they had and would buy time for them to build talent in another player. There are a couple freshman who seem promising but need a lot of practice...something that also seems to fall to Zach and Justin more than anyone else on the team.

  


He moves into position for the rebound and gets it, sending it to Justin who then passes it to Zach for points. He can’t help but think some of the strain is starting to show on the golden pair, maybe not this game but in general. Justin moves slower some games, some practices even, and Zach stresses a lot. He tries to pick up some of the slack and take some of the responsibility off them but that involves having a lot more talent than he has, the best he can usually do is take them out often to eat and making sure they have space to relax after games and Bryce does a much better job than him at that.

  


He didn’t realize how little he could help them on the court until a conversation with Coach. It was a shitty realization to come to, that no amount of loving basketball would make him talented enough at it to do a lot of things, including help the pair. The meeting he and Coach had the end of last year to discuss his future after high school had been rough. He had told Coach he wanted to play for the NBA and Coach had asked about college. He didn’t have much interest in going to college, never cared much for academics and he was alright at some things but pretty bad most others. Coach had let him down gently at least, told him college was something he needed to look at seriously because he simply wasn’t a strong enough player for the NBA. 

  


Willem had fought him of course, told him he could play, and would play, professionally. The man had looked at him with sharp eyes and he was pretty sure they were looking right into his soul. They had made a deal that day, a hard one. Coach would take extra time with him, help him improve his game so he could try for a college team as a stepping stone for the NBA but only if he worked harder in his classes. They set a goal, B’s across the board with the understanding that physics would be hard and Coach would find him a tutor if he needed, and he did.

  


The conversation had been after their first loss of the regular season. It had been a mess, Justin was not playing like he usually did, Zach was distracted too and they got whipped. It wasn’t hard to understand why but being so dependant on two players wasn’t healthy for a team. Coach had asked him if he knew what was up after and that had started their conversation. 

  


The ball is in his hands and he’s driving down the court. Some gorilla is covering him, huge, muscular, and hairy. He’s faster though and Coach has been working with him on not being intimidated by larger players and he’s determined to show the man he’s improving. Zach is to his left and Manuel is up the court. Justin is missing right now but he isn’t concerned, he’ll show up if he’s needed.

  


He knew Justin’s mom had a new boyfriend, Monty had described in detail their sexual encounters until Justin had offered to invite him to a bedroom next party to continue his voyeurism there. New boyfriends could sometimes be distracting for Justin but no matter how Willem offered to help with that, Justin always smiled him off and didn’t explain, but also always took any invitation to hang out. As for Zach, the taller boy seemed to reflect Justin’s mood sometimes, and other times had his own moods, and he suspected, sometimes they overlapped. Between Mrs. Foley and Mrs. Dempsey he knows which one he’d choose but he’s happy his own is nothing like either.

  


He passes to Zach who passes to Manuel who sends it back to Zach who sends it to Justin who takes the shot. More points for them.

  


He told Coach as much then, he didn’t know. He did keep his speculation to himself because Coach already new about Mrs. Foley and her parade of boyfriends, and about how...opinionated Mrs. Dempsey could be well it didn’t seem fair to possibly embarrass the pair. Naturally the man had been worried, still is actually. That’s when he mentioned he would help them and Coach had looked at him sadly.

  


About two months ago that would have been impossible because the pair was in the middle of a fight. It was painfully obvious because they didn’t speak to each other, look at each other, even stand near each other and those practices were infuriating because Zach was not in the game at all Justin was never where he needed to be doing what he needed to do. They worked it out but that week was miserable all around. He still isn’t sure what caused it but it was a relief when Monday rolled around and they were speaking again.

  


Gorilla has possession, driving up the court and not being bothered by Manuel or Justin who are both hounding him. He knows from basically two years of playing with them that even though the pair don’t like each other, they have a routine set up for this sort of thing. When the person Manuel is assigned to cover has the ball, he’ll hound them relentlessly like he’s supposed to. Any chance he gets he goes for a steal he’ll take and any chance he has to be annoying he’ll do that too. Justin lurks, usually covering his man but only until the person with the ball is least expecting it, then boom, Justin will appear and steal it away from him.

  


They’re very good at it usually but Gorilla doesn’t seem to care much as he pushes past them and almost knocks Justin flat and goes for the shot. They get points.

  


Maybe Justin is moving slower today, he’s dealt with guys like Gorilla before and usually gotten the ball away from them but this is still winnable. Zach is waiting for the rebound and they’re on the offensive now. Zach brings the ball up the court, he’s moving slow and Willem can’t figure out why, they need to be fast here, the fourth quarter is almost over and they need to score there’s only five seconds left and they’re-

  


OH

  


Four seconds and Zach knows _exactly_ what he’s doing, they’re up by two points he just has to be careful and they can win this. Gorilla apparently has the same realization because he comes barreling up the court and Willem flinches for Zach because that’s a lot of boy coming at him fast.

  


Three seconds and something happens and a whistle is being blown. Play stops and he sees Zach haul Justin of the floor while Gorilla looks slightly confused as a penalty is called. Coach goes over to talk to Justin briefly and they get in position for Justin to make a penalty shot. 

  


Play resumes, two seconds. Justin dribbles and glances at the clock. Willem doesn’t think he remembers how to breathe and from the looks of it, his teammates are in the same position, except Justin and Zach, the one looks totally at ease with the ball in his command and the other content that his best friend won’t fail the team.

  


One second, Justin takes the shot.

  


Half a second and it goes in.

  


The buzzer rings and they’ve won. 

  


He still doesn’t remember how to breathe but that’s fine cause the hug Manuel is giving him would crush the breath out of him anyway. Zach, Justin, and their fifth man join them in the celebration which lasts long through showering and the team going out to eat with some of the other jocks from other teams and a few cheerleaders. He treats Zach and Justin to their first slices but the pair is very deeply involved in some conversation with Jess so he sticks to talking with Bryce, Monty, Manuel, and Jeff.  


With the high they’re all riding it seems impossible for them to fail, but he knows better. It’ll only take Justin or Zach not performing at their best for them to lose and the cynical part of him thinks it’s only a matter of time before that happens because it really is unreasonable to expect two sophomores to carry a whole team through states. If it happens though he won’t be too mad, they’ve gotten farther than they should have already and for now he’ll try to live in the moment like they are, laughing over everyone else from they’re part of the table with Jess and looking more alive than everyone else here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for how long this took but it might be one of the most difficult chapters I've ever written since I know very little about basketball and honestly don't care much for it. It may also be a bit confusing because of how I wrote it and I apologize but I would have felt cheap giving another chapter of someone remembering back to something so I set it in a game and that caused me no small amount of problems.
> 
> I can't promise when the next chapter will come out since I'll be busy for a while but and my weekend will be gone so I'm going to set the date for next Tuesday and hopefully get something out sooner.
> 
> Happy reading and if you have something to say, let me know in the comments. Special thank you Daisy for leaving me a chapter idea and if you have anything you think will make for a good chapter, let me know!


	53. Money Makes the World Go Round (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A car wash to raise money for the basketball team isn’t his idea of a great way to spend a Saturday but it becomes less so when he has to play a game of covering for a beat up Justin. He’s going to have gray hairs before he’s thirty for sure.

Zach’s pretty sure there is a law somewhere that getting up before noon on a Saturday for any reason other than a game or hanging out is illegal and if not he’ll convince Marcus to get his dad to make one because it really is just wrong. He stumbles into the school’s parking lot at seven thirty and already knows this is going to be a long day. The basketball team needs money to pay for their away games because apparently the school decided that was somewhere they could save money for teams that haven’t ‘proven’ themselves yet. 

It’s a load of shit and everyone knows it, including Coach, Coach Rick’s Uncle is director of extra-curriculars which is ‘proven teams’ are spared, but there isn’t a whole lot they can do about the unfairness of the situation. Of course Bryce and Monty shaking their heads and trying to look sympathetic while reminding him he did it to himself by playing basketball, doesn’t help. Those two assholes have made it a point to tease the basketball team about it because the baseball team has proven itself and how football is covered by the Walkers. He hates how much Bryce gets his way because his parents stupid rich.

The parking lot is empty for a moment until doors to a maintenance shed open and Manuel, Willem, and Coach come out carrying buckets, sponges, rags, and a coiled hose. He joins them over by a connecter for the hose and Coach directs him to set up a banner over the parking lot entrance advertising their event and prices. The man seems cheerful but he’s the only one, Manuel looks mostly asleep but as the captain he had to be here even earlier than the rest of them and Willem looks a little grouchy but attempts a smile when he sees Zach and calls a greeting.

Justin should be here too, the regulars are supposed to report now for set up while the rest of the team has until eight when they open. It feels like a punishment for playing but he knows it’s because they’re Coach’s favorites… that doesn’t mean he isn’t still annoyed. Even more so because Al, their fifth man, is out of town this weekend and not coming and because Justin isn’t here yet. 

By the time he’s done hanging the stupid thing, they’re fifteen to opening and Justin is here, Coach is giving him an earful for being late, and then immediately tasks him and Zach with collecting the rest of the supplies in the shed. 

He ignores all of Justin’s attempts at conversation because he’s grumpy but once they’re inside Justin starts talking in a different tone.

“Zach I-have a problem and I need your help.”

He’s all ears, Justin’s tone means something is up.

The boy licks his lips and now that Zach is looks at him he looks...not great. Finally he pulls his shirt up and it’s bad. Mottled purple and sickly yellow are the two main colors of his stomach and probably a bit of his chest too and he as a feeling Justin’s face looks as good as it does because in the past year, he’s gotten pretty good with concealer.

“I can’t get wet and my shirt can’t come off.”

That is a problem...it’s going to get hot and shirts will come off and he has no doubt that these clowns will play with the hoses and spray each other and they won’t tolerate anyone being dry. 

“Why’d you come?” He sounds horrified as he asks, even to himself.

“I wasn’t planning on it...I texted you.” Justin gives him a look and he realizes he hasn’t checked his phone since he woke up. Apparently the other boy assumes as much and explains. “I planned to go to Bryce’s...this new guy is a fucking asshole. I was on my way there and fucking Andy sees me. I couldn’t not go without getting kicked off the team.”

Andy is a sophomore and probably the biggest pain in the ass on the team. He’s not only whiney, annoying, and generally a brat, he’s also a tattletale and tells Coach just about anything he thinks might get someone in trouble. Naturally the team hates him and Coach isn’t fond of him either but any time Manuel has suggested they kick him, Coach reminds him that getting rid of someone because they don’t like him was not the right thing to do. One of those times, Justin had offered a surprisingly well thought out argument on why they should get rid of him. He lowered moral, damaged team unity, and killed any amount of trust they had in him as a person, making it hard for them to trust him on the court.

It was all true, literally all of it and Zach knew Justin put a lot of thought into it because he only said “like” once or twice in almost five minutes of laying out the argument and the points. He had the benefit of knowing Justin saw Andy as a threat, which was completely fair. If the other boy ever found out about Justin’s secret...murder would actually be the only way of keeping him quiet. The argument seemed to work too because Coach had thought about it a lot before ultimately maintaining his original stance.

If Andy saw him on his way to Bryce’s there really was no way Justin could skip out on going since the little rat would report him to Coach and Coach would demand an explanation and Justin’s usual lies wouldn’t fly with the man already suspicious of him.

“Zach?”

He realizes he must have been deep in thought because he blinks a few times and Justin is looking at him and it hurts him to see the boy actually looking scared. Worse because the expression is warranted, they’re in a bad position.

“Alright ...I've got a plan but it isn’t a great one.”

Justin says nothing and he takes that as permission to continue.

“Coach plans on us working hour shifts and we are off the first one since we set up. That gives us an hour to set up you stomach bug. When our shift starts I’ll claim the hose and you’ll work the first shift, we need to make sure it doesn't look like you’re dodging work, we’ll play it by ear exactly how long we wait. Then I’ll hose Manuel and Willem down and that’ll distract them long enough for you to throw up on the car.”

“I’m going to throw up on the car?”

“Yea stick your finger down your throat and it should work. Everyone will think your stomach bug is acting up and you’ll be off the hook.”

“Coach’ll call my mom though and I can’t go home.”

That’s assuming she even picks up and she probably won’t which means Justin will be stuck ‘sick’ at the event all day and that comes with its own set of problems. Unless…that might work to their advantage.

“Give me your phone.”

Justin looks confused but does and Zach goes in and changes Justin’s contacts around so his number is Justin’s home.

“When Coach asks she isn’t working today and you have no idea where she is.” Amber doesn’t have a cell phone and Coach knows that, he has her work number and the Foley’s landline and that’s it.

“My number is set as you’re home phone and I deleted myself as a contact and all of our messages. He’ll call my phone and I’ll turn it off so he can’t reach me. Then I’ll offer for my dad to come and get you. Pretend to go in the back and then leave as soon as you think you can. Oh, and maybe go to Alex’s to make sure you don’t run into my dad on your way to Bryce’s?” 

Justin shakes his head. “It’s good except I _can’t_ go home, at all. Maybe I can just fake being sick the whole time?”

“No that doesn’t work, Coach’ll drive you home if no one else does, and if it isn’t him, it’ll be my dad when he comes to get me and we’re back to the same problem.”

They’ve started gathering the supplies because they can’t stay in here much longer with drawing suspicion.

“What about Bryce?”

What about him?” Zach hates the thought of him being in on this.

“What if he ‘happened’ to show up after I got sick and offered to take me home?”

“I don’t know if Coach’ll go for it.”

“Me neither but if he thinks I’m sick enough he might.”

“That’s a big ‘if’.”

“I’ll just have to be Meryl Streep or whatever and really sell it. And maybe let him get desperate before Bryce comes.”

It’s almost eight now, so they’ll open soon. The hour off will bring them to nine. They’ll have to wait at least until eleven to even try Bryce and if it fails that’s it.

“Alright. We’ll give it a try.”

“Hey Zach?”

“Hmm?” 

“Thanks, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Don’t-” He almost says ‘don’t thank me till this has worked’ but Justin needs something positive so he changes it quickly to, “mention it.” He offers what he hopes is a convincing smile and Justin returns a weak one so maybe it worked.

They head out with Justin walking noticeably slow and sort of shuffling his step. They deposit the new supplies with the first crew who are getting ready to work and he can’t help but notice a few shirts are already wet or missing, and hair already dripping. It isn’t a good sign for the future.

They settle down with Willem and Manuel in a patch of grass in the shade, Coach is sitting under a pop up tent at a table with the money, and the other players are standing around manning one of the stations. It’s going to suck going through this but Justin is already cradling his stomach and convincing Manuel and Willem he isn’t feeling good. Manuel makes fun of him for eating too much...not an unfair assumption except he doesn’t think there is a ‘too much’ for Justin while Willem is going through a checklist of what could be causing it, he even presses a hand to Justin’s forehead which Justin bats away pretending to be annoyed. He decides to do his part and volunteers to get Justin water when Willem mentions he should drink a lot of fluids.

The first cars have arrived so the groups get to work while he talks briefly with Coach, making sure to mention casually Justin isn’t feeling good. The man frowns and glances over, Zach does too hoping Justin is playing his part and true to his promise in the shed, he’s laying out on the grass, eyes closed, looking miserable. They don’t say much, just polite conversation, and the Coach nudges him to hurry and deliver the water.

When he gets back, he hands the water off to Justin who feigns disinterest, claiming he really doesn’t feel good until Willem ‘convinces’ him to with a combination of mothering, uniquely Willem reserved only for him and Justin, reasoning, and annoying. Eventually Justin ‘gives in’ and sips at it. 

Zach mostly watches it go down, siding with Willem but letting the older boy run his routine while he pretends to be listening and actually keeps a decently close eye on the people washing the cars.

A stupid amount of people are out getting stuff done already and they do pretty decent business for the first half hour which is good because it keeps people busy but around eight thirty they hit a slow spot. Justin has stumbled off to the bathroom claiming to need a few minutes which is good because one of the freshman has a glint in his eye as he looks over at the regulars and Zach knows that means only bad things.

He assumes he’s right when the freshman calls over, “Getting hot isn’t it?” 

Willem replies, “And it’s only getting worse.”

“Don’t worry I heard we had a chance of rain, that should cool things down.”

Zach doesn’t watch the weather and he has a feeling the only here who does is Coach but somehow he doubts that it’s supposed to rain and without thinking he kicks back and hears a help of pain as his foot connects with someone’s shin. He isn’t surprised to find another freshman hopping around on one leg while a bucket of water spills out on the ground. 

Coach comes over in response to the commotion and after hearing what happens dryly informs the freshman that he would have kicked someone trying to dump water on him when he had a phone on him. He then reminds the whole team that unless they can pay to replace damaged phones, they should choose their targets carefully. 

Justin comes back on the tail end and somehow looks as sick as he’s supposed to be and Zach has to hand it to him for expertly seeming sick and yet vocally expressing his determination to do his part for the team and, a few minutes later, they switch on. He takes hose duty and Justin looks relieved to see as much. Unfortunately it’s still slow and now they’re prime targets,their phones abandoned safely off to the side. Worse, Manuel is clearly getting bored and seems to be scouting for a person to douse in water. The only thing going right for them is that Justin’s still playing his part really well, acting sick and looking sick and even though he knows better, he’s worried because Justin is selling it.

A car pulls in and after Willem does some talking to the driver, a senior on the football team, they start washing. He hoses the car down and then the other three set about scrubbing it with soapy water and sponges. It seems to be going well until Manuel gets the bright idea to ‘accidentally’ dump a bucket of water of Willem in a very unconvincing act. Zach has to fill his bucket up again and they get through the rest of that car no problem but by then, several more cars have pulled in and a lot of them are connected to the teams including Coach Rick’s car. He exchanges words with Coach Patrick and they don’t seem very friendly, Zach has a feeling Coach Rick is acting similar to the way the baseball team acted about the whole paying thing but what matters is the men’s attention are diverted and Manuel is sneaking up on Justin about to have another accident. 

Zach hoses him and catches Willem for good measure. He intended to start fight but gets a war instead and for a few moments it’s mass pandemonium as water goes everywhere. A sudden chorus of disgusted voices ends causes enough of a distraction for him to slip away before Willem and Manuel can drown him and they find Coach Rick’s Mustang coated in vomit and Justin obviously the cause.

Their plan actually goes pretty well after that, Amber doesn't pick up because she never gets the call and as the hours tick by, Justin maintains a spot on the sidelines feigning sickness so well no one bothers him and Coach grows increasingly agitated at Amber’s lack of answering.

By the time Bryce rolls in around one Coach is as likely as he ever is to cave. Bryce gets out and makes a show of talking a big game about coming down to support ‘his boys’ and a bunch of other shit but then seems to ‘notice’ Justin’s condition. He makes another big show of checking on him asking if he’s feeling okay, and after hearing the story from the boys around, offering to take him home.

Zach holds his breath as Coach seems to debate with himself and just as seems ready to say no, Justin throws up again. 

The man relents and less than three minutes later, Bryce is driving off with Justin.

The rest of the event Zach spends getting drenched over and over for ‘starting it’. It’s worth it, he thinks. Justin’s back at Bryce’s and away from whatever is going on at home, at least for now, and Zach now has to be worried about that but all in all, the misery of the day is lessened a little knowing Justin’s safe and he helped get him so. After he gets out of this he’ll stop by and make sure Justin is feeling alright but the other boy will spend the night with Bryce and that means Zach won’t have to worry about him going home for tonight at least and he has a feeling Jusitn will be at Bryce’s for a few nights too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a bit but that's cause I was out of town like I said I would be. I sat down and wrote a lot of it one night before I left but I couldn't finish it before I left. In any case, I planned for this to be a black comedy sort of chapter with Zach being a gag man to help cover for Justin, sort of slap stick comedy but I just couldn't get it to work so instead this happened. Hopefully you all like it anyway.
> 
> As for what's ahead I planning on introducing a character from the show next chapter who we all hate, then a chapter centered around Jess but probably not involving her directly, sorry about that, and then I have a few more ideas floating around (and written down so i won't forget).
> 
> As always happy reading and hope you all enjoy!


	54. Bruised Boy Part 5:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin’s mom has had a lot of a lot of terrible boyfriends, but even among them, Seth is something special and for all the wrong reasons.

Justin knew as soon as he met Seth the man was bad news, something about him screamed dangerous and even though it wasn’t an unfamiliar situation for Justin, it wasn’t something he really wanted to deal with. The season was going to be ending soon since there weren’t many games left to play, and the school year too felt like it should be over soon even though they had another three-ish months left to it and things seemed really good.  
So good that for the first time in his life he was looking forward to summer because the last one had been amazing and he planned to spend every moment of it with Jess, Zach, Bryce, the guys, anyone really. Swimming, basketball, late nights out and killer parties, all things that seemed so close before a week ago when Mom brought Seth home. Now it just seems impossibly far away because in between now and then he is going to deal this this asshole.  
A pair of fingers snapping in front of his face pull him from his thoughts and back to the thing that caused them in the first pace, overwhelming pain. Everything is on fire right now and he only barely manages a smile to thank Bryce for the beer being offered and is thankful the music is loud enough to cover the voice break in his thanks.  
He cracks the tab open and downs about half of it knowing he’s going to be very wasted by the time this is over, he needs to be if he plans on getting through this party which he’s only at because he can’t be home. Usually no matter how fucked up he is, he loves parties. This time is different, nothing doesn’t arch from his head to his toes, but Jess, Alex, Willem, and Zach are all here at Bryce’s who’s hosting which means he has to be here too, home is out of the question. He also has to pretend to have a good time since it’s one of Bryce’s rules but he’s not very good at that act.   
It further sours his mood to watch Jess upset after a fight between her and Chris but Sherri and some of the other cheerleaders are quick to take her away to cheer her up. He should be glad they did because he’d look really shitty trying to comfort Jess about relationship troubles when he wants to get with her and it sort of makes him happy that the relationship she’s in isn’t perfect but he knows that makes him a bad person.  
“Smile lover boy, Osman fighting with Jess makes her more likely to rebound to you.”  
He can hear the disgust in Bryce’s voice but whatever, the older boy hasn’t bothered to make it a secret that he thinks Justin is being stupid and fawning over just some girl. He’s been smart enough not to try to argue with Bryce since that can only end badly for him.   
Bryce isn’t done yet though, “I would have thought you of all people would be smiling over a display like that, it’s bad enough your acting like this over a girl, but you could at least look happy when things are going your way. Now smile, I hate frowns at my parties.”  
Instead of replying to the comments about Jess he mumbles, “Everything hurts.”  
“Then why’d you come?”  
Bryce turns to look at him, his gaze traveling from head to foot and he rests a hand on his shoulder. Justin can’t help but wince and the hand pulls back quickly. He wished it hadn’t, even though it hurt...it had felt nice.  
“You never actually gave me the full story about that fund raiser a few weeks ago, I mean I saw the damage but you basically went to sleep as soon we got here.”  
His heart soars with the warmth and concern in Bryce’s voice. It’s been so long since Bryce directed that tone at him but it still feels right.   
“My mom’s got a new boyfriend and Seth kind of sucks.”  
Bryce frowns, “More than usual?”  
He nods and then explains a little more. “I was on my way to your place when I ran into Andy.”  
A groan comes for Bryce’s mouth. “Man fuck that kid. Patrick should just get rid of him and be done with it.”  
Justin chuckles, “I’ve told him as much but it won’t make a difference now, maybe next year.”  
Bryce hums and they settle into a comfortable silence for the moment until Bryce asks, “Why’d he do it? Did you provoke him or something?”  
“I caught the bastard making meth in our bathroom.”  
Bryce looks at him in utter shock, mouth gaping and he sputters the word back. Weed, tainted with just about everything under the sun, booze, crack, his mom’s boyfriends dealt a lot of shit but meth is a new, at least to Bryce.   
“Mhm, got all pissed at me cause he thought I might report him to the police and well you saw what happened.”  
“That’s rough brother, sorry she picked this guy.”  
“It sucks but they’ll break up eventually.”  
“True, if you need to hide from Meth Seth anytime just come over.” They both burst out laughing at the ridiculous name but when it’s over, Bryce manages to salvage some of the serious tone of the conversation by adding, “I mean it, what’s mine is yours, anytime.”  
His heart swells again, Bryce’s has always said that but just now he says it in the tone he used to take when they were younger, full of warmth and concern, not the bored one it’s had for the past few years.  
“Thanks.” He hopes Bryce can hear the sincerity in his voice because it means it so much more than he can put into words.  
“Any time bro.”  
They lapse into silence again but he starts to feel dizzy and the pain suddenly seems much more intense. Luckily Bryce seems to catch on and he’s able to get him to a bedroom, kick out the couple about to use it, and check the bed for cleanliness before Justin sort of flops into it. He’s suddenly exhausted as well as in pain but he doesn’t want to sleep, not yet. He hasn’t had Bryce’s attention like this for a long time.  
It’s short lived though. Bryce makes sure he gets settled before getting up to leave.   
Justin grabs his hand and when Bryce raises an eyebrow he blushes and lets go before stammering, “Sorry I was just-do you think you could stay a bit longer?”  
Bryce’s face softens and he pats Justin’s head and says, “Sorry brother, Monty and Scott are about twelve shots of tequila in and a couple other people are going to be blackout drunk soon. I need to be down there to watch them. Don’t worry, I’ll put a sock on the door so no one disturbs you and come back in a bit with aspirin and some water.”  
The rejected plea stings but he can’t really blame Bryce and just attempts a smile as the older boy leaves.  
He spends some time drifting in and out and he doesn’t remember Bryce coming back which might explain the pain but it could also be that he just needed a lot more of what he took to actually put a dent in what he’s feeling.  
He hears the door open at some point and hopes it’s Bryce returned with the promised painkillers and not a couple looking for a place to get some action. He forces himself to rise from his bed and look over despite his body’s protest. It’s sort of in between because it isn't a couple thankfully but instead of being Bryce, it’s Zach, holding a glass of water and a bottle of something. He wears a sympathetic smile as he closes the door and crosses the room.  
At Justin’s questioning look he offers, “Bryce sent me.” At the same time, he sets everything down on the nightstand and helps Justin into a sitting position which hurts like hell but not because Zach is rough. In fact it’s the opposite since from experience he knows Zach has a gentler touch than almost anyone else and the big hands are warm and soothing. He’s disappointed it isn’t Bryce after the tenderness the other boy showed him, but he isn’t unhappy to see Zach.  
The other boy passes him some pills and he downs them and swallows a lot of the water.   
“Sorry I took so long, I couldn’t find the stupid bottle, six bathrooms and there was only one bottle and it was in the last one.”  
Justin doesn’t reply because that’s far too much effort and Zach is busy helping him lie back down and knows why he isn’t replying. The other boy continues.  
“It took longer to find you too, ‘the guest room with the sock on the door’ describes half the rooms here.”   
He cracks a smile because Bryce’s house is big but not that big.  
When he doesn't respond silence takes over for a bit and the pills are sort of working but only to take the edge off, he still hurts but now it’s the same sort of a dull, throbbing ache but without the flashes of intense pain flaring up.  
“Jess was looking for you, she seemed upset but Bryce said you weren’t feeling good, she asked me to tell you she hoped you feel better, well she kissed me on the cheek and wanted me to pass that on too but that’s not happening.”  
Just the thought of Jess looking for him made heart soar and he almost tried to get out of bed to find her, but got as far as trying to sit up before blinding pain drove him back down, well Zach more so stops him from trying to sit up more.   
“Hold it there cowboy, you don’t want her seeing you like this, she’ll worry, more than me since she won’t have any answers.”  
That’s true and he never really wants to have to tell her, wants his relationship with her to be about them and not them and the shit he brings to it.  
He settles back down after the pain passes, not happy but not able to fault Zach who’s just looking out for him. The other boy’s hand combing through his hair helps the lingering bad feelings to go away and unlike Bryce, Zach stays until he’s asleep with him even asking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rushed chapter, I'm going to stay with my grandparents for a week and am leaving very soon but wanted to get this out to you all.
> 
> I should be back Saturday but I won't have anything ready to post again until maybe Sunday and more like after that.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy, let me know what you think and I may get back to you before I return since I'm bringing my computer with me but I don't know how much time I'll have to be on.


	55. Together Forever (Z)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting with Coach about their futures have the boys feeling uncomfortable and they end up in the old middle school’s football field to talk about it. Coach’s questions bring to light the darker futures both boys imagine for themselves but Zach’s happy when Justin has a better future to offer both of them.

The meeting in the old field is sort of an unspoken agreement between them this time and Zach’s thankful Justin is clearly as messed up over this as he is. Coach called both of them to talk one on one about their futures and it was a lot to handle. Naturally the only thing they can think of to cope is getting drunk in the fields and stay out all night doing so. He comes with an overnight bag and vodka, Justin with his bag and whiskey. They bring a lot and down the first bottle mostly in silence.

The week leading up had been amazing, which made the end all the more confusing. They had won another game and it had been hard but they had pulled it off and damn had it felt good. Willem and Manuel had taken the team out to eat in order to celebrate and the cheerleaders had been invited, including Jess. Justin had been the star of the small party, leading the team on the court and then the conversation in the pizzeria and Zach had laughed as hard as everyone else besides Jess who, seated right next to him, laughed even more than the rest of them. Justin had been in heaven if the way he kept looking at the top of Jess’s head and at Zach and Bryce had anything to do with it and he was just as happy to watch that.

“So what did he say to you?” Justin breaks the silence and his thoughts just before he opens his mouth to do the same, with the same question too.

“He asked about college, where I planned to go, what I planned to study, where I saw myself working, that sort of shit. Well he phrased it as where I wanted and what I wanted.”

“What did you say?”

“All the usual shit.”

“So what your mom wants?”

“Yeah.”

“And he knew?”

“Of course, he gave me that look. It felt like he was seeing right through me, like he knew everything I said was a lie.”

“Did he say anything?”

“Not directly, he said that there was a lot of time for me to think it over and find what I really wanted, like it matters.”

Justin looks like he might say something stupid and wonderful and sweet like his opinion does matter but Zach doesn’t think he can stand hearing those words right now so he turns the tables.

“What’d he say to you?”

He watches Justin play with the grass under his hands and takes a moment before replying. “Well he asked the same questions he asked you.” 

“And you said?”

Justin shrugs and then reluctantly adds, “I said I didn’t have much of a reason to think I was going to college.” He sounded awkward about it but Zack thinks he gets it, people don’t expect Justin to go to college. They never say it outloud but teachers, Bolan, not even Mrs. Antilly seem to think he has it in him but that’s because they don’t know him like they pretend to. 

“And he said?” Coach does so he has little doubt the man doesn’t share that opinion.

“He asked if I ever considered an athletic scholarship, said I had the talent to get a full ride if I applied myself and he would be willing to help.” 

That’s good, what did you say?”

“That I’d look into it and think about it.”

They lapse into silence again, lost in their own thoughts, passing the bottle between them and eventually starting another. Could he really get away from her? Could he really be his own person and live his life like he wants to and not how she tells him too and even if he can...will he actually know what that means? The same questions have been plaguing him since the meeting and he hasn’t found a suitable answer to any of them yet.

“Did he ask you where you saw yourself in six years?”

Justin’s question startles him out of his thoughts. 

“Yea, he asked you too?”

“Mhm. What’d you say?”

“I didn’t reply...well I laughed. I-I couldn’t think of an answer.” 

“Nothing?”

“Well I had one but not something I could tell him.”

Justin looks at him questioningly and he continues unhappily, “I almost told him in six years I’d be graduating UCLA or Harvard or some shit with a degree in law or marine science or something stupid like that and that I planned to marry a nice Chinese girl of some money that my mother picks out and start a perfect, nuclear family but I couldn’t because I want to get married and start a family but I want to choose who I spend the rest of my life with and I don’t know what I do want other than it isn’t everything Mom has ever said. And then I wondered what right I even had to question her plans because maybe they are for the best and I’m just being unreasonable and thinking I know better than her even though I know she means well and just wants what’s best for me even if I don’t think it is. And then I wonder if I’m just selfish and unappreciative for questioning her plans because she actually thinks I can do them and I know that a mom that is interested or even cares a little isn’t something everyone has and I should just be grateful but somehow I’m not because she’s suffocating and sometimes awful and she’s still better than what you have even though you’re so much better than I am and you should go places because you deserve to get out of that place.”

He pauses to breathe and Justin takes the time to speak up, “You’re a hell of a lot better than me Zach and that’s fine because I always figured I’d be dead before I’m thirty, sort of hope I will be.”

The bitterness in his voice shocks Zach as much as the sheer untruthfulness of the statement.

“Maybe I sort of hope for it too cause I only see two ways I live to thirty, one is happy, married to Jess. We’ll have a little girl who’ll look just like her and I’ll-I’ll be better man in that future but not cause I’m any good, cause they’re good, and so are you, and you’ll make me better. But I won’t get that future, I’ll get the other one where I’m a druggie just like Mom, miserable and trying to make everyone else miserable and I hope I don’t have kids in that future because I’ll be as bad to them as all of Mom’s boyfriends are. Violent and hateful and all that shit. So I’d rather be dead than let that happen because at least I don’t make another kid who has to suffer like I did.”

“Justin-” He can’t get anything else out because Justin...Justin doesn’t know how special he is and how he’s so much better than everyone else because somewhere, someone forgot to tell him all this. He should now but instead Justin speaks up. 

“Why should we just assume the future has to be fucked up?”

Zach opens his mouth to reply but can’t find a good answer until he says, “We don’t have a reason to think it won’t be.”

“But we don’t have a reason to think it will be either.” His voice is surprisingly fierce about this for some reason but Zach can’t actually argue with his logic.

“That’s true.” And yet between his mom and the feeling and all the expectations he has riding on him-

“Give me your hand.”

He does without question because he has a feeling Jusitn is about to say something he needs to listen to.

Justin takes it in both of his and squeezes as he looks him dead in the eyes. “You and me, we’re going to college, together. We’ll go to one with a good basketball program. We’ll play for their team like we do now and I’ll get in on an athletic scholarship and so will you and we’ll room together and all that and it’ll be great. I’ll be going out with Jess and you’ll find a girl you love and after college we’ll play professional together and start our own families and raise our kids right by not being like our parents-well maybe like your dad but not mine and not like either of our mothers. We’ll be happy and life will be great. You’ll see.”

It’s silly, impossible, childish, and if he closes his eyes, he can see it all. The pair of them, running up and down the court performing their magic together. On the sidelines are Jess, May, his dad, and even his mom and they all look happy. They’re playing in a college gymnasium, maybe just them, maybe Jess is at the same one too but it doesn't matter cause she’s there cheering them on regardless. Amber isn’t there and Justin can finally be safe from her and the men she brings home, he knows that will probably hurt Justin a bit but she hurts him a lot more so it’s for the best. Bryce isn’t there. Everything is amazing, they’re away from all the shit at Crestmont and it’ll be worth all of this.

“I’m looking forward to it.”

He is too, maybe it won’t happen, maybe it’s just a silly dream between two drunk boys to avoid the world around them but in this moment now, it’s more than enough to just contemplate it and share it with Justin. They shift to happier thoughts after that, neither willing to spoil the dream with reality, at least that’s what Zach assumes. He hopes he’s wrong but somehow he doesn’t really see this happening. He pushes that thought aside and concentrates on how great it could be. At dawn he’ll probably be forced to wake up to reality but until then, he’s going to try to live in this dream with Justin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another sort of short chapter but here it is. I've been tossing this chapter around in my head for a month or so on and off and it's taken different forms and been set in different places but this is how it came out and I'm pretty pleased with it for what it is and I hope you all enjoy it too.
> 
> I have a couple ideas for what comes next so it just depends on which ends up being easier to write. So far the options are a new looking in, a chapter centered around Jess but probably not with her actually appearing, and one dealing with Amber but which of these it ends up being I'm not sure of yet. Also not sure about when the next one will be out.
> 
> In any case, happy reading and watching of the new season which I have only barely started and am still apprehensive. Let me know if you enjoyed and and thank you to Daisy for weighing in already!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello readers! This story is going to be a series of drabbles centered around the friendship between Zach and Justin. I got inspired to write it after reading "In Your Sorrow (I am Here) by Bitterblue33. It made me wonder what they relationship was like before the events of the show and how it might have changed as a result. This first chapter is their initial meeting and I've already got a few others written. This story is set in the same universe as my other fic but it isn't necessary to read that one first. This story will also bring in other characters as main ones at some point, Jess, most likely and maybe others. Also I'm sorry for the awful title and summary, it turns out I'm bad at both.


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